My brother and his wife don't "do" Santa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, if I had young kids and a relative who didn't "do" Santa, I wouldn't celebrate with those relatives. Because there is no way in hell you're getting out of there with your kids' belief in Santa intact.

Take it from those of us whose kids don't celebrate Christmas. Their belief system is strong enough to manage interacting with kids who don't share their beliefs-- and live in a culture that celebrates different holidays. It is sweet that you want to shield your kids from any contrasting views, but understand that that's a position of privilege.

How would your young kids have handled a similar aged cousin sleeping over at Christmas Eve and Santa leaving presents for the cousins but not for them?

Knowing how young kids operate, I imagine this woukd be exceptionally difficult for young kids, even from families with strong belief systems.

I think this is going to be even more pronounced since OP said this is the first year her brother is going all out on no Santa.

I'm guessing this is going to be a traditional Christmas where everyone will get multiple presents. Unless someone calls attention to it, no ones going to notice who got presents from whom. Really, you are overthinking it.

Are you saying these kids think that all kids get presents from Santa and celebrate Christmas? They've never met kids who don't believe in Santa? "Some kids believe in Santa and some kids don't." Done.

No.

Other kids not getting Santa presents is not an issue.

Similar aged young kids waking up in the same house on Christmas morning and only half of them getting Santa presents while the other kids do not get Santa presents is a big deal.

And so in this scenario, your concern lies with the kids who are getting *more* presents than having empathy for the kids who are getting fewer presents but aren't allowed to say that Santa isn't real for fear of destroying the "magic" of Christmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think your only solution is to not spend Christmas Eve/Christmas morning with your brother's family.

Sadly, I kind of agree. This is a very deal for both kids actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm right here with you. My sis in law and her husband and two small children don't do Santa AND to make matters worse/more complicated, they are staunch atheists. We are Christians and we do Santa.

We aren't quite sure what to do. I understand how religious people can choose to not do Santa and focus on Jesus part. I also understand, begrudgingly, how non believers can celebrate Christmas by doing Santa. But to not believe in Jesus or Santa but celebrate Christmas is just very odd to us. They very firmly and clearly tell their children that Jesus and Santa are fantasy stories that go along with Christmas.

As they are family, we love them. But, we've chosen to celebrate "Christmas" elsewhere. We do "Christmas" aka gift exchange on a separate weekend in December.

Our daughter is still a toddler so it hasn't really come up yet. I don't think my nieces will ruin Santa (or Jesus, for that matter) for her but it will be awkward.

She is going to encounter other kids who don't celebrate Christmas. If you are raising her with a strong belief in Jesus (and Santa?), she will be fine.

[Anonymous]

My SIL didn't teach her kids to believe in Santa. Our kids spent Christmas together without it being an issue, and two of them are only a month apart in age.

I told SIL to not ruin Santa for my ds. (My nieces went past the lineup of kids waiting to see Santa in the mall one day and yelled "he isn't real, you know!" SIL thought it was hilarious.)

OP if you think somehow it won't work, then can you get together a little later in the day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, if I had young kids and a relative who didn't "do" Santa, I wouldn't celebrate with those relatives. Because there is no way in hell you're getting out of there with your kids' belief in Santa intact.

Take it from those of us whose kids don't celebrate Christmas. Their belief system is strong enough to manage interacting with kids who don't share their beliefs-- and live in a culture that celebrates different holidays. It is sweet that you want to shield your kids from any contrasting views, but understand that that's a position of privilege.

How would your young kids have handled a similar aged cousin sleeping over at Christmas Eve and Santa leaving presents for the cousins but not for them?

Knowing how young kids operate, I imagine this woukd be exceptionally difficult for young kids, even from families with strong belief systems.

I think this is going to be even more pronounced since OP said this is the first year her brother is going all out on no Santa.

I'm guessing this is going to be a traditional Christmas where everyone will get multiple presents. Unless someone calls attention to it, no ones going to notice who got presents from whom. Really, you are overthinking it.

Are you saying these kids think that all kids get presents from Santa and celebrate Christmas? They've never met kids who don't believe in Santa? "Some kids believe in Santa and some kids don't." Done.

No.

Other kids not getting Santa presents is not an issue.

Similar aged young kids waking up in the same house on Christmas morning and only half of them getting Santa presents while the other kids do not get Santa presents is a big deal.

And so in this scenario, your concern lies with the kids who are getting *more* presents than having empathy for the kids who are getting fewer presents but aren't allowed to say that Santa isn't real for fear of destroying the "magic" of Christmas?

Not at all.

That poster said it would be no big deal for her kids not to have Santa visit, which makes perfect sense if everyone is waking in their own home Christmas morning.

I am asking if she thinks they would have been okay with it if they were young kids staying at the same house with cousins who are being visited by Santa.

Based on several turning this direct and simple question around into a bunch of spin off arguments, I bet you know that your preschool/early elementary kids would indeed be upsetby this scenario.

The simple solution is for the two families with very different Christmas traditions to sleep in different locations that night (hotel, grandma's, otyer sibling's house, or their own home.)

This does not diminish family love. It does not minimize Jesus' birth celebration or make OPs and her husband un-Christian heathens, it is not an argument for atheism or secularism and it does not destroy the meaning of Christmas.

It is the simplest and most thoughtful and respectful solution to honor both families' traditions.

The silly and not in the spirit of Christmas posts are the ones telling OP that any minute spent away from her extended family so she can practice her nuclear family's traditions means she is putting stuff before family.

[Anonymous]

I think this is something you need to get over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have a 4 year old DD, same as my DS. We don't go crazy with Santa gifts , don't talk about behavior to get presents, Santa's watching, etc., but we do play the game, go see Santa, put out cookies, read the stories, etc. They have said that Santa doesn't come to see them, or Santa isn't real, or something to that effect. We are spending Christmas with them and I don't want to ruin the Santa magic for our DS. They celebrate Christmas and the Jesus aspect of it (just like we do). I know at family gatherings, well-meaning adults will ask them what Santa brought them, and they are like glue when together because they're the same age.

Part of me is annoyed with my brother about this, I'll be honest. You don't have to buy out Toys R Us and obviously they can parent however they see fit, but I don't understand it. We grew up with Santa, didn't develop a complex over it, although we have both scaled down the amount of gifts involved in Christmas. I will politely (try to) keep my mouth shut about it.

Ugh, nothing annoys me more than families like this. I would have to think it his wife leading this. What they don't realize is their daughter will be the most hated kid in elementary school.

I would avoid them until age 8/9.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL didn't teach her kids to believe in Santa. Our kids spent Christmas together without it being an issue, and two of them are only a month apart in age.

I told SIL to not ruin Santa for my ds. (My nieces went past the lineup of kids waiting to see Santa in the mall one day and yelled "he isn't real, you know!" SIL thought it was hilarious.)

OP if you think somehow it won't work, then can you get together a little later in the day?

Why do you spend time with a human like that? Yuck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

Agree. I'm astounded by these other responses. Astounded. And lol- they do the Jesus thing but not the Santa thing, so this is the basis for no longer celebrating Christmas with them? I'm not even Christian and I think this is completely messed up. Rethink your priorities DCUM. The real magic is two cousins who are best buddies getting to spend Christmas together.

I'm kind of astounded that you all feel that celebrating Christmas morning together is required to love and bond with siblings and cousins. I never spend Christmas with any of my cousins and have a great and close relationship with them.

My parents were also divorced so I regularly spent 'Christmas' with my dad a week or so after the real Christmas. At the end of the day its getting together at the holidays to enjoy your family that is important for family bonding. Not getting together on Christmas morning. And I think its perfectly fine and feasible to prioritize both family relationships and bonding AND your own family's holiday traditions. I've never really understood people that put so much emphasis on a single day or needing to do EVERYTHING TOGETHER in order to have a good holiday.

I don't anyone that spends Christmas morning with extended family. Dinners later in the day, yes but Christmas morning is for immediate family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

Agree. I'm astounded by these other responses. Astounded. And lol- they do the Jesus thing but not the Santa thing, so this is the basis for no longer celebrating Christmas with them? I'm not even Christian and I think this is completely messed up. Rethink your priorities DCUM. The real magic is two cousins who are best buddies getting to spend Christmas together.

I'm kind of astounded that you all feel that celebrating Christmas morning together is required to love and bond with siblings and cousins. I never spend Christmas with any of my cousins and have a great and close relationship with them.

My parents were also divorced so I regularly spent 'Christmas' with my dad a week or so after the real Christmas. At the end of the day its getting together at the holidays to enjoy your family that is important for family bonding. Not getting together on Christmas morning. And I think its perfectly fine and feasible to prioritize both family relationships and bonding AND your own family's holiday traditions. I've never really understood people that put so much emphasis on a single day or needing to do EVERYTHING TOGETHER in order to have a good holiday.

I don't anyone that spends Christmas morning with extended family. Dinners later in the day, yes but Christmas morning is for immediate family.

It sounded like OP or brother were traveling and spending the night, not rushing over first thing in the morning to open gifts together. Anyway, agree with PP about the irony of not wanting to celebrate a religious holiday you share with immediate family because they don't have the same traditions with a fictional character. Does this mean Easter is out if they don't do the Easter bunny, no way can we celebrate Jesus rising from the dead?I think it's only an issue if you make it be an issue.

[Anonymous]

My kids are hangers on.

They are older but I found that some of their friends outlasted our generation re: believing.
One of my kids is clearly faking for the gifts, but he now says, "You come downstairs. There is stuff you didn't earn. Why stir things up?"

What we used to say in the face on non-Santa folks is "Santa comes to those who believe. Parents want a nice holiday. Santa will come to you. Santa will skip your stocking if you don't want him there. If you get skipped, parents often make up the difference, so your friends who say they get presents from their parents (and they saw them or whatever) probably did get stuff from their mom & dad. Thank you for not making me have to spend as much as your friend's parents have to spend! Santa is a big help!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are hangers on.

They are older but I found that some of their friends outlasted our generation re: believing.
One of my kids is clearly faking for the gifts, but he now says, "You come downstairs. There is stuff you didn't earn. Why stir things up?"

What we used to say in the face on non-Santa folks is "Santa comes to those who believe. Parents want a nice holiday. Santa will come to you. Santa will skip your stocking if you don't want him there. If you get skipped, parents often make up the difference, so your friends who say they get presents from their parents (and they saw them or whatever) probably did get stuff from their mom & dad. Thank you for not making me have to spend as much as your friend's parents have to spend! Santa is a big help!!"

Don't you feel weird spinning out such elaborate lies to your kids? Talking about Santa seems fairly harmless, but if they are old enough to question it and you have to come up with lies that involve insulting those who don't believe in Santa, that's when it seems like time to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are hangers on.

They are older but I found that some of their friends outlasted our generation re: believing.
One of my kids is clearly faking for the gifts, but he now says, "You come downstairs. There is stuff you didn't earn. Why stir things up?"

What we used to say in the face on non-Santa folks is "Santa comes to those who believe. Parents want a nice holiday. Santa will come to you. Santa will skip your stocking if you don't want him there. If you get skipped, parents often make up the difference, so your friends who say they get presents from their parents (and they saw them or whatever) probably did get stuff from their mom & dad. Thank you for not making me have to spend as much as your friend's parents have to spend! Santa is a big help!!"

Don't you feel weird spinning out such elaborate lies to your kids? Talking about Santa seems fairly harmless, but if they are old enough to question it and you have to come up with lies that involve insulting those who don't believe in Santa, that's when it seems like time to stop.

NP. I have nothing but extremely fond memories of believing in Santa as a kid. And I look back on the 'extra touches' my mom and dad did like leaving boot prints on the fireplace or my stepdad sneaking out on to the roof to make it sound like reindeer etc as ways they showed me they loved me and wanted it to be magical.

So no I do not feel weird replicating that in my own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are hangers on.

They are older but I found that some of their friends outlasted our generation re: believing.
One of my kids is clearly faking for the gifts, but he now says, "You come downstairs. There is stuff you didn't earn. Why stir things up?"

What we used to say in the face on non-Santa folks is "Santa comes to those who believe. Parents want a nice holiday. Santa will come to you. Santa will skip your stocking if you don't want him there. If you get skipped, parents often make up the difference, so your friends who say they get presents from their parents (and they saw them or whatever) probably did get stuff from their mom & dad. Thank you for not making me have to spend as much as your friend's parents have to spend! Santa is a big help!!"

Similar to what I do with my kids. Now teens. They know we are buying the presents, but I still say it! Santa might come if you believe, of course they know it is us, but they are also not so stupid to ruin getting extra presents and like the tradition of cookies and carrots, but it is becoming more of at afterthought for them, but I do it! They have many non Christmas friends, either of different religion or Christians who don't to it. Depends on the age, but really too much obsessing over this thing is just waste of energy. If they are young enough, it won't make any difference to have one Christmas without it, or to say, "I think Santa left the presents at our house" and then have them open them once you are back home.

[Anonymous]

Also- why do you think you're kids are more likely to believe some random kid skipping by the line saying "Santa isn't real" over the elaborate family tradition you have created? You can't "prove" the existence or non-existance of Santa to a 5YO. So why do you think your kids will give more weight to kids telling them Santa isn't real?

That's why I am so confused by all these "kids need to keep the Santa truth to themselves" posters. Do you think Muslim children who are constantly told that their religion is akin to terrorism believe the haters or believe their own family traditions?