My brother and his wife don't "do" Santa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm right here with you. My sis in law and her husband and two small children don't do Santa AND to make matters worse/more complicated, they are staunch atheists. We are Christians and we do Santa.

We aren't quite sure what to do. I understand how religious people can choose to not do Santa and focus on Jesus part. I also understand, begrudgingly, how non believers can celebrate Christmas by doing Santa. But to not believe in Jesus or Santa but celebrate Christmas is just very odd to us. They very firmly and clearly tell their children that Jesus and Santa are fantasy stories that go along with Christmas.

As they are family, we love them. But, we've chosen to celebrate "Christmas" elsewhere. We do "Christmas" aka gift exchange on a separate weekend in December.

Our daughter is still a toddler so it hasn't really come up yet. I don't think my nieces will ruin Santa (or Jesus, for that matter) for her but it will be awkward.

[Anonymous]

^ PP here, that's to say we exchange gifts with my sis in law and her family on a separate weekend in December.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have a 4 year old DD, same as my DS. We don't go crazy with Santa gifts , don't talk about behavior to get presents, Santa's watching, etc., but we do play the game, go see Santa, put out cookies, read the stories, etc. They have said that Santa doesn't come to see them, or Santa isn't real, or something to that effect. We are spending Christmas with them and I don't want to ruin the Santa magic for our DS. They celebrate Christmas and the Jesus aspect of it (just like we do). I know at family gatherings, well-meaning adults will ask them what Santa brought them, and they are like glue when together because they're the same age.

Part of me is annoyed with my brother about this, I'll be honest. You don't have to buy out Toys R Us and obviously they can parent however they see fit, but I don't understand it. We grew up with Santa, didn't develop a complex over it, although we have both scaled down the amount of gifts involved in Christmas. I will politely (try to) keep my mouth shut about it.

Your brother has a right to have his own traditions just like you have a right to have your own. Why is talking about behavior and "santa is watching" something that I should not do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to spend Christmas Eve/morning at a different house.

Do you have other siblings you can stay overnight with, even childless/single.siblings? Grandparents?

OP. We always do Christmas Eve/morning at our home, with or without houseguests. Sometimes we'll head to other family members' homes after that, sometimes we stay at home, depending on what our other family members are doing that year. This is a year where we'll be at home by ourselves and then meeting up with family elsewhere later that day/week. My mother (who was HUGE into Christmas and would probably be heartbroken at her only granddaughter not getting the "magic" of Santa) is gone. It's just my brother and me.

I think it was actually a big sore spot with his in-laws, who clearly have the same feelings we do not wanting to spoil Santa for their three young kids. I'm curious how they'll handle that! At one point, I think they had actually asked them not to come for Christmas. I don't think I'd go that far, but it does bug me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

This what we said, we have tons of friends that are Jewish. I did not think to discuss it at 4 and my son was beside himself when he came home from preschool and told us that we forgot to celebrate Hanukkah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do santa but not that stupid Elf. My kid goes to a sitters house though that does an Elf and her kid really believes in it. Thankfully my kid hasnt asked me if its real or why we dont have one because I totally cannot lie about that stupid thing.
OP I agree with others that you dont spend Christmas morning with this side of the family until the magic of Santa is over.

Amen, Sister. I am NOT DOING THE ELF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We celebrate Christmas but don't do santa or elf on the shelf. We asked our kids not to say anything to other kids. It's pretty sad to me that you don't want to spend Christmas with family over this. Ask them to not say anything to your kids.

OP here, and for the record, PP's have suggested we don't spend Christmas with my brother's family. I haven't said that. Despite not always seeing eye-to-eye with my brother, I still love him, my SIL and my niece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We celebrate Christmas but don't do santa or elf on the shelf. We asked our kids not to say anything to other kids. It's pretty sad to me that you don't want to spend Christmas with family over this. Ask them to not say anything to your kids.

OP here, and for the record, PP's have suggested we don't spend Christmas with my brother's family. I haven't said that. Despite not always seeing eye-to-eye with my brother, I still love him, my SIL and my niece.

I don't spend Christmas with my brother, SIL and nieces and I still love them very much. You don't have to spend Christmas with someone to love them.

We'll be getting together on December 17th for our celebration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

Agree. I'm astounded by these other responses. Astounded. And lol- they do the Jesus thing but not the Santa thing, so this is the basis for no longer celebrating Christmas with them? I'm not even Christian and I think this is completely messed up. Rethink your priorities DCUM. The real magic is two cousins who are best buddies getting to spend Christmas together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally wouldn't spend Christmas with them until your kids aged out of the Santa thing.

+1. I feel like it will be hard to keep it up when a whole family is there saying Santa is fake.

[Anonymous]

We don't "do" Santa either. This is not a big deal in my family. I tell my kids lots of kids don't believe in Santa but a lot do - like your Cousins. They get told to be nice and don't ever say that Santa isn't real because it is real to your Cousins. Don't you think that your brother says something similar to his kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't "do" Santa either. This is not a big deal in my family. I tell my kids lots of kids don't believe in Santa but a lot do - like your Cousins. They get told to be nice and don't ever say that Santa isn't real because it is real to your Cousins. Don't you think that your brother says something similar to his kid?

We are like your brother about god and religion. We don't say or do anything to dissuade our other family from reciting their blessings over holiday dinner. OTOH, one of our kids was into Santa waaay longer than his cousins. No one cared.

[Anonymous]

NBD. Put out the cookies and read story at night. In the morning each kid gets a present labeled "From Santa" provided by you. Ask big kids to play along and if Santa debates pop up keep it agnostic and lighthearted (we will see if Santa is coming, have you checked the North Pole to see if Santa isn't real, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We celebrate Christmas but don't do santa or elf on the shelf. We asked our kids not to say anything to other kids. It's pretty sad to me that you don't want to spend Christmas with family over this. Ask them to not say anything to your kids.

OP here, and for the record, PP's have suggested we don't spend Christmas with my brother's family. I haven't said that. Despite not always seeing eye-to-eye with my brother, I still love him, my SIL and my niece.

My apologies. I misread. I like the suggestion that Santa only visits those who believe.