My brother and his wife don't "do" Santa

[Anonymous]

They have a 4 year old DD, same as my DS. We don't go crazy with Santa gifts , don't talk about behavior to get presents, Santa's watching, etc., but we do play the game, go see Santa, put out cookies, read the stories, etc. They have said that Santa doesn't come to see them, or Santa isn't real, or something to that effect. We are spending Christmas with them and I don't want to ruin the Santa magic for our DS. They celebrate Christmas and the Jesus aspect of it (just like we do). I know at family gatherings, well-meaning adults will ask them what Santa brought them, and they are like glue when together because they're the same age.

Part of me is annoyed with my brother about this, I'll be honest. You don't have to buy out Toys R Us and obviously they can parent however they see fit, but I don't understand it. We grew up with Santa, didn't develop a complex over it, although we have both scaled down the amount of gifts involved in Christmas. I will politely (try to) keep my mouth shut about it.

[Anonymous]

Call CPS. This is a serious problem.

[Anonymous]

This would bother me, too.
I tell my kids that Santa doesn't bring gifts that parents don't approve of, so maybe you could tell your DS that the parents requested Santa not bring gifts. Maybe ask your brother to tone down the Santa isn't real talk?

[Anonymous]

I personally wouldn't spend Christmas with them until your kids aged out of the Santa thing.

[Anonymous]

Humm... ok.

[Anonymous]

Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

[Anonymous]

You can't spend Christmas together and not have this be a problem. Santa's a big part of the Christmas celebration (as opposed to the religious background of the holiday, obviously).

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think your only solution is to not spend Christmas Eve/Christmas morning with your brother's family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call CPS. This is a serious problem.

It is quite clearly a first world problem. Just trying to figure out how to handle the discussion with my brother/SIL, niece, and my own children (youngest is too little to get Santa) without hurting feelings or ruining Santa. At least they will be at his in-laws Christmas morning, not at our house like in prior years. Can't imagine how that's going to go because Santa shows up BIG TIME at his in-laws'. I am actually kind of sad for my niece (though I would NEVER say anything...I can count on other family to make passive-aggressive statements).

[Anonymous]

We do santa but not that stupid Elf. My kid goes to a sitters house though that does an Elf and her kid really believes in it. Thankfully my kid hasnt asked me if its real or why we dont have one because I totally cannot lie about that stupid thing.
OP I agree with others that you dont spend Christmas morning with this side of the family until the magic of Santa is over.

[Anonymous]

You need to spend Christmas Eve/morning at a different house.

Do you have other siblings you can stay overnight with, even childless/single.siblings? Grandparents?

[Anonymous]

My aunt/uncle and cousins didn't do the Santa thing for religious reasons when we were all little and the cousins would try to get us to believe that Santa didn't exist every year. It didn't really bother us because we wanted to believe so we assumed they were wrong. My mom would also tell us that Santa doesn't go to their house because they don't believe in him but he came to ours because we did.

[Anonymous]

OP, my sister is big on Santa, and her kids are older. This is the first year my DD will possibly understand it (and that too barely). But we've spent Christmases at their house for years, and my sister insists we get DD (and now DS) enough Santa presents that her kids won't get suspicious.

I do it, because I know this is really important to her. When I was little, I know she kept trying to keep the magic of Santa alive for me once she knew and I had already figured it out. Our parents sucked at keeping it a secret. I pretended to believe to make her happy. If I didn't know it was so important to her, though, I probably would be annoyed at keeping up the charade (kind of am anyway). But for her, this is one of the thigns she does for her kids that we didn't really get during our not so great childhoods. Do you think you could appeal to your brother along these lines if it matters to you?

[Anonymous]

We celebrate Christmas but don't do santa or elf on the shelf. We asked our kids not to say anything to other kids. It's pretty sad to me that you don't want to spend Christmas with family over this. Ask them to not say anything to your kids.

[Anonymous]

I think I would stop staying at your brother's house for Christmas. There is such a small window of time when the kids believe and enjoy Santa Claus -- you have maybe 4 Christmases of this.

FWIW, when DC #1 was 5 that was the last Christmas morning we spent out of our own home. My brother and I have kids the same age and both agreed that was it. Last year we traveled on Christmas Day to see my family (6 hours away, but the kids were up at 5 am so we just left around lunch time and packed their favorite new toys to bring with us). This year we're going a few days before Christmas, but leaving on Christmas Eve to get back home.