My brother and his wife don't "do" Santa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

Agree. I'm astounded by these other responses. Astounded. And lol- they do the Jesus thing but not the Santa thing, so this is the basis for no longer celebrating Christmas with them? I'm not even Christian and I think this is completely messed up. Rethink your priorities DCUM. The real magic is two cousins who are best buddies getting to spend Christmas together.

I'm kind of astounded that you all feel that celebrating Christmas morning together is required to love and bond with siblings and cousins. I never spend Christmas with any of my cousins and have a great and close relationship with them.

My parents were also divorced so I regularly spent 'Christmas' with my dad a week or so after the real Christmas. At the end of the day its getting together at the holidays to enjoy your family that is important for family bonding. Not getting together on Christmas morning. And I think its perfectly fine and feasible to prioritize both family relationships and bonding AND your own family's holiday traditions. I've never really understood people that put so much emphasis on a single day or needing to do EVERYTHING TOGETHER in order to have a good holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

This what we said, we have tons of friends that are Jewish. I did not think to discuss it at 4 and my son was beside himself when he came home from preschool and told us that we forgot to celebrate Hanukkah.

OP is talking about spending the night in the same home on Christmas Eve with both families having similar aged kids...one who Santa visits and one who Santa does not visit.

This is not at all similar to having a Jewish or muslim friend who does different holidays, or even cousins in a different home/town/state who celebrate differently.

You bringing up hannukah is like comparing apples and chocolate bars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We celebrate Christmas but don't do santa or elf on the shelf. We asked our kids not to say anything to other kids. It's pretty sad to me that you don't want to spend Christmas with family over this. Ask them to not say anything to your kids.

OP here, and for the record, PP's have suggested we don't spend Christmas with my brother's family. I haven't said that. Despite not always seeing eye-to-eye with my brother, I still love him, my SIL and my niece.

That is not what people are suggesting.

Spend Christmas with brother...just sleep in different house on Christmas Eve.

Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't spend Christmas together and not have this be a problem. Santa's a big part of the Christmas celebration (as opposed to the religious background of the holiday, obviously).

So, for you, Santa is more important than the fact that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christ? That just seems so backwards to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't spend Christmas together and not have this be a problem. Santa's a big part of the Christmas celebration (as opposed to the religious background of the holiday, obviously).

So, for you, Santa is more important than the fact that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christ? That just seems so backwards to me.

To not understand that for small children Santa is a larger part of Christmas than the Jesus part is kind of willfully naive. I grew up with them all intertwined but on Christmas morning I was a little more focused on my presents then on Church.

Also a LOT of people celebrate a secular Christmas that has nothing to do with the religious aspects. Its not that hard to grasp.

Another also, for a lot of families (mine included) Christmas was as much about spending time together and creating holiday traditions and 'magic' as it was about the religious aspect. That meant making sure Santa wasn't an afterthought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm right here with you. My sis in law and her husband and two small children don't do Santa AND to make matters worse/more complicated, they are staunch atheists. We are Christians and we do Santa.

We aren't quite sure what to do. I understand how religious people can choose to not do Santa and focus on Jesus part. I also understand, begrudgingly, how non believers can celebrate Christmas by doing Santa. But to not believe in Jesus or Santa but celebrate Christmas is just very odd to us. They very firmly and clearly tell their children that Jesus and Santa are fantasy stories that go along with Christmas.

As they are family, we love them. But, we've chosen to celebrate "Christmas" elsewhere. We do "Christmas" aka gift exchange on a separate weekend in December.

Our daughter is still a toddler so it hasn't really come up yet. I don't think my nieces will ruin Santa (or Jesus, for that matter) for her but it will be awkward.

Christmas is a day when people exchange gifts with family and friends and celebrate love and generosity. For many adults, that's what it is anyway, regardless of their professed religious beliefs, since adults generally know that Santa IS a fantasy story that goes along with Christmas and for many the religious aspect of the holiday is pretty minimal.

OP, why don't you just talk to your brother and see if you can't work something out? I truly cannot imagine anyone for whom Santa is more important than family. Surely you guys can come up with a solution that minimizes any awkwardness.

[Anonymous]

OP, I love my brother, SIL, niece and nephew. They are all in on Santa, and I totally get that, since that how I was raised. However, I married a Jewish man, and we are raising our kids Jewish. My kids get Christmas gifts from my side of the family, and we celebrate over the holidays. But we don't do Christmas Eve/Christmas morning with them, since we celebrate differently. It is so much easier to meet up and do the gift exchanges at another time - it keeps the Santa magic alive for those that believe, and for the others, they don't really care when they get the gifts, and cherish all the fun times together.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't spend Christmas morning with them abd I would tell my kids that Santa only comes to those who believe. If they're young enough to believe in Santa in general they will believe you when you say Santa doesn't come to people who don't want Santa to come.
Also, we have many friends who don't celebrate Christmas and Santa. But all of those people have enough empathy not to ruin it for other kids. They tell their own kids not to discuss santas true identity or they don't tell their children the secret. I really appreciate that and you could mention to your family, please don't reveal Santa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

Agree. I'm astounded by these other responses. Astounded. And lol- they do the Jesus thing but not the Santa thing, so this is the basis for no longer celebrating Christmas with them? I'm not even Christian and I think this is completely messed up. Rethink your priorities DCUM. The real magic is two cousins who are best buddies getting to spend Christmas together.

I'm kind of astounded that you all feel that celebrating Christmas morning together is required to love and bond with siblings and cousins. I never spend Christmas with any of my cousins and have a great and close relationship with them.

My parents were also divorced so I regularly spent 'Christmas' with my dad a week or so after the real Christmas. At the end of the day its getting together at the holidays to enjoy your family that is important for family bonding. Not getting together on Christmas morning. And I think its perfectly fine and feasible to prioritize both family relationships and bonding AND your own family's holiday traditions. I've never really understood people that put so much emphasis on a single day or needing to do EVERYTHING TOGETHER in order to have a good holiday.

No one is saying it is a prerequisite for love. I just think it's odd, sad, and pathetic that people are proposing that preserving the myth of Santa at all costs is more important than spending time with a family unit they obviously love and care about. Fortunately, OP isn't that stupid or superficial. She's just a bit annoyed at a slightly annoying situation. This "elf on a shelf" thing is really taking root now-can you imagine down the line someone suggesting that they are not going to visit family at Christmas this year because the family does not observe Elf on a Shelf and they want to keep the magic alive for their kids while the window is there? It is as stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

This what we said, we have tons of friends that are Jewish. I did not think to discuss it at 4 and my son was beside himself when he came home from preschool and told us that we forgot to celebrate Hanukkah.

OP is talking about spending the night in the same home on Christmas Eve with both families having similar aged kids...one who Santa visits and one who Santa does not visit.

This is not at all similar to having a Jewish or muslim friend who does different holidays, or even cousins in a different home/town/state who celebrate differently.

You bringing up hannukah is like comparing apples and chocolate bars.

I'm the PP that first suggested the "Santa vists those who believe...". My solution is then to stay in a nearby hotel or AirBnB this Christmas. Give the above explanation and have Santa drop off presents at your hotel. Then you all get dressed and go over to your brother's for Christmas morning/day with the cousins. You do what you need to do if you want to keep the fantasy going an extra year or two. For example, we are going to my parents for Christmas this year and the kids wrote letters to Santa Claus telling him we were not going to be home but at Grandma and Grandpa's home so that he would know where to deliver presents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

Agree. I'm astounded by these other responses. Astounded. And lol- they do the Jesus thing but not the Santa thing, so this is the basis for no longer celebrating Christmas with them? I'm not even Christian and I think this is completely messed up. Rethink your priorities DCUM. The real magic is two cousins who are best buddies getting to spend Christmas together.

I'm kind of astounded that you all feel that celebrating Christmas morning together is required to love and bond with siblings and cousins. I never spend Christmas with any of my cousins and have a great and close relationship with them.

My parents were also divorced so I regularly spent 'Christmas' with my dad a week or so after the real Christmas. At the end of the day its getting together at the holidays to enjoy your family that is important for family bonding. Not getting together on Christmas morning. And I think its perfectly fine and feasible to prioritize both family relationships and bonding AND your own family's holiday traditions. I've never really understood people that put so much emphasis on a single day or needing to do EVERYTHING TOGETHER in order to have a good holiday.

No one is saying it is a prerequisite for love. I just think it's odd, sad, and pathetic that people are proposing that preserving the myth of Santa at all costs is more important than spending time with a family unit they obviously love and care about. Fortunately, OP isn't that stupid or superficial. She's just a bit annoyed at a slightly annoying situation. This "elf on a shelf" thing is really taking root now-can you imagine down the line someone suggesting that they are not going to visit family at Christmas this year because the family does not observe Elf on a Shelf and they want to keep the magic alive for their kids while the window is there? It is as stupid.

They aren't prioritizing Santa over spending time with family. They are prioritizing Santa over spending a very specific four hours or so with family. That isn't 'at all costs'. This is your family, is the only time you have marked off for bonding on the 16 waking hours of Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter?

[Anonymous]

We don't do Santa either - it's not how I was raised at all. Picture my Grandma getting a birthday cake from her favorite Polish bakery every year for Christmas and having them write "Happy Birthday Jesus" on it, and not being allowed to listen to secular Christmas songs, and the Christmas tree had to stay up until after the Feast of the Epiphany no matter if the needles were as dry as a desert by that point and you've got my upbringing - LOL. I'm not nearly that observant but I do like focusing on the birth of Christ this time of year as opposed to all the secular stuff like the commercial representation of Santa and Elf on a Shelf. I'm sure you can think of a good explanation for a four year old as to why "Santa" visits your family and not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Get a life, OP. Santa is stupid. I was raised without Santa, and we're raising our kids without him, and guess what? Christmas is STILL magical. Imagine that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally wouldn't spend Christmas with them until your kids aged out of the Santa thing.

Neither would I. I honestly don't see how you can get through the day without confronting this and your kids finding out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

Agree. I'm astounded by these other responses. Astounded. And lol- they do the Jesus thing but not the Santa thing, so this is the basis for no longer celebrating Christmas with them? I'm not even Christian and I think this is completely messed up. Rethink your priorities DCUM. The real magic is two cousins who are best buddies getting to spend Christmas together.

I'm kind of astounded that you all feel that celebrating Christmas morning together is required to love and bond with siblings and cousins. I never spend Christmas with any of my cousins and have a great and close relationship with them.

My parents were also divorced so I regularly spent 'Christmas' with my dad a week or so after the real Christmas. At the end of the day its getting together at the holidays to enjoy your family that is important for family bonding. Not getting together on Christmas morning. And I think its perfectly fine and feasible to prioritize both family relationships and bonding AND your own family's holiday traditions. I've never really understood people that put so much emphasis on a single day or needing to do EVERYTHING TOGETHER in order to have a good holiday.

No one is saying it is a prerequisite for love. I just think it's odd, sad, and pathetic that people are proposing that preserving the myth of Santa at all costs is more important than spending time with a family unit they obviously love and care about. Fortunately, OP isn't that stupid or superficial. She's just a bit annoyed at a slightly annoying situation. This "elf on a shelf" thing is really taking root now-can you imagine down the line someone suggesting that they are not going to visit family at Christmas this year because the family does not observe Elf on a Shelf and they want to keep the magic alive for their kids while the window is there? It is as stupid.

Not one person is saying that (well, except for the person who says Santa is "obvously" more important than the religious part of Santa.

Not sleeping over on Christmas Eve is not diminishing a single family connection or relationship. It is just being practical.

OP and her family can get together Christmas evening, go to church, sleep in a separate location then get back together for brunch or lunch.

Or OP and her family can stay home Christmas Eve, sleep in their own beds, then hesd over to relatives Christmas morning after breakfast.

Staying in the same house on Christmas Eve with one four year old who Santa visits and one four year old who Santa does not visit is just cruel. So is staying in the same house and OP and her husband being pressured to not do any of their cherished family traditions because her brother has adopted new beliefs about Christmas. Both scenarios will result in more hurt feelings and damaged relationships than OP and her famioy simply sleeping in different locations on Christmas Eve and getting together before and/or after.