My brother and his wife don't "do" Santa

[Anonymous]

Do Santa the morning you leave to see your brother. Tell your child that there are Santa people and there no Santa people and that your family are Santa people and that her Uncle's family are no Santa people. Tell her that you have arranged for Santa to come early to your family so that you can have Christmas together with her Uncle's family.

Does your Uncle's family do gifts under the tree or no presents at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NBD. Put out the cookies and read story at night. In the morning each kid gets a present labeled "From Santa" provided by you. Ask big kids to play along and if Santa debates pop up keep it agnostic and lighthearted (we will see if Santa is coming, have you checked the North Pole to see if Santa isn't real, etc).

Wow. This is a jerk thing to do, undermine a sibling's stated preference for parenting in this way. I'm another poster who was raised with Santa but now doesn't celebrate Christmas. If any family member pulled this crap on us, we'd be out of there so fast and it would be a long time before you heard from us again without an apology.

You don't get to pick whether other people's kids 'do' Santa. What's next? Secretly baptizing children whose parents haven't done it on their own?

Back. The. Hell. Off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do Santa the morning you leave to see your brother. Tell your child that there are Santa people and there no Santa people and that your family are Santa people and that her Uncle's family are no Santa people. Tell her that you have arranged for Santa to come early to your family so that you can have Christmas together with her Uncle's family.

Does your Uncle's family do gifts under the tree or no presents at all?

I think they still do gifts, but it's low-key. They don't spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on gifts (which is totally fine...we don't spend a ton either!) They are frugal people, borne out of their own idealism, as well as necessity, because they do not have high-paying jobs. We have always been thoughtful of that when spending holidays together and try not to spend too much conspicuously on our own child so that our niece doesn't feel slighted. We also don't exchange gifts between adults.

When he first told me about it (this year I think is the first time they've taken such a hard line against Santa), I was so surprised I didn't really know how to react. I laughed uncomfortably when he said his in-laws were considering uninviting them. Fortunately this year, we won't be sleeping the same place until Christmas night. I think I'm worried about the "What did Santa get you for Christmas?" talk that inevitably happens when we're with extended family. Is he really going to call my 96 YO grandmother beforehand and tell her not to ask my niece about Santa, or be ready to swoop in when that conversation comes up? What about my dad who's nearly deaf? And all of the cousins and people you see once a year only at Christmas.

Honestly, I think he's just so very short-sighted. He and my SIL take stances on things that don't always make sense. Like when they decided that the only paper products they would buy would be toilet paper, and diapers, kitchen and hand towels and napkins and tissues would only be their reusable/washable version. Except they didn't have a washer or dryer and had to schlep their stuff outside and pay $0.75 a load to wash and them another $1 to dry, or string them out across their tiny and only bathroom to airdry. And their kitchen was so tiny that to have enough towels on hand they had to give up half of one of two small square workspaces to have them available when you needed them. I usually just say, "What a great idea, we should do that, too!" because it doesn't impact me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally wouldn't spend Christmas with them until your kids aged out of the Santa thing.

Way to miss the spirit of Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NBD. Put out the cookies and read story at night. In the morning each kid gets a present labeled "From Santa" provided by you. Ask big kids to play along and if Santa debates pop up keep it agnostic and lighthearted (we will see if Santa is coming, have you checked the North Pole to see if Santa isn't real, etc).

Wow. This is a jerk thing to do, undermine a sibling's stated preference for parenting in this way. I'm another poster who was raised with Santa but now doesn't celebrate Christmas. If any family member pulled this crap on us, we'd be out of there so fast and it would be a long time before you heard from us again without an apology.

You don't get to pick whether other people's kids 'do' Santa. What's next? Secretly baptizing children whose parents haven't done it on their own?

Back. The. Hell. Off.

LOL, no I wouldn't do this! I mighty not agree, but I do respect, my brother and his wife's parenting choices.

Now my grandmother? I would not be surprised if she tried to pull this crap!

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you are annoyed with your brother for how he chooses to celebrate a holiday in his house. It's okay for people to not do Santa, if you don't want to be a part of that you should consider staying home.

[Anonymous]

I wish the holiday time did not have all these 'requirements' -- it has become so forced and materialistic. All about who does what, who gets what, who goes where. Really a shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't spend Christmas together and not have this be a problem. Santa's a big part of the Christmas celebration (as opposed to the religious background of the holiday, obviously).

So, for you, Santa is more important than the fact that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christ? That just seems so backwards to me.

To not understand that for small children Santa is a larger part of Christmas than the Jesus part is kind of willfully naive. I grew up with them all intertwined but on Christmas morning I was a little more focused on my presents then on Church.

Also a LOT of people celebrate a secular Christmas that has nothing to do with the religious aspects. Its not that hard to grasp.

Another also, for a lot of families (mine included) Christmas was as much about spending time together and creating holiday traditions and 'magic' as it was about the religious aspect. That meant making sure Santa wasn't an afterthought.

What?! You can't have traditions or make memories without Santa??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally wouldn't spend Christmas with them until your kids aged out of the Santa thing.

+1. I feel like it will be hard to keep it up when a whole family is there saying Santa is fake.

Wow. way to keep the "magic" of Christmas alive.

Are you going to feel like assholes when your kids are older and you explain to them that you decided to estrange them from their families because they didn't celebrate Christmas the way YOU wanted to? I always wonder what went wrong with these adults that they think Santa is the most important thing in the world and are so invested in keeping up the charade that they'll alienate family over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally wouldn't spend Christmas with them until your kids aged out of the Santa thing.

+1. I feel like it will be hard to keep it up when a whole family is there saying Santa is fake.

Wow. way to keep the "magic" of Christmas alive.

Are you going to feel like assholes when your kids are older and you explain to them that you decided to estrange them from their families because they didn't celebrate Christmas the way YOU wanted to? I always wonder what went wrong with these adults that they think Santa is the most important thing in the world and are so invested in keeping up the charade that they'll alienate family over it.

Just stop with your craziness. They can easily celebrate Christmas on another day. They can get together earlier on Christmas eve or do a Christmas dinner on Dec. 26. I will be celebrating with my family the week before Christmas because my brother has to work on Christmas day. Not spending one day with family does not make you estranged. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't spend Christmas together and not have this be a problem. Santa's a big part of the Christmas celebration (as opposed to the religious background of the holiday, obviously).

So, for you, Santa is more important than the fact that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christ? That just seems so backwards to me.

Um no it is not backward if you don't believe in Christ. And yes, non Christ believers still get to celebrate Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't spend Christmas together and not have this be a problem. Santa's a big part of the Christmas celebration (as opposed to the religious background of the holiday, obviously).

So, for you, Santa is more important than the fact that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christ? That just seems so backwards to me.

To not understand that for small children Santa is a larger part of Christmas than the Jesus part is kind of willfully naive. I grew up with them all intertwined but on Christmas morning I was a little more focused on my presents then on Church.

Also a LOT of people celebrate a secular Christmas that has nothing to do with the religious aspects. Its not that hard to grasp.

Another also, for a lot of families (mine included) Christmas was as much about spending time together and creating holiday traditions and 'magic' as it was about the religious aspect. That meant making sure Santa wasn't an afterthought.

What?! You can't have traditions or make memories without Santa??

That's what it meant in our house. It could mean something different in other houses. My point was that people can focus on holiday traditions and magic that aren't directly related to the religious aspects of the holiday and that prioritizing them isn't like, snubbing Jesus.

[Anonymous]

OP - I don't get how this is hard. Celebrate Christmas morning at your own house your way and let brother do the same. Then get together and spend time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NBD. Put out the cookies and read story at night. In the morning each kid gets a present labeled "From Santa" provided by you. Ask big kids to play along and if Santa debates pop up keep it agnostic and lighthearted (we will see if Santa is coming, have you checked the North Pole to see if Santa isn't real, etc).

Wow. This is a jerk thing to do, undermine a sibling's stated preference for parenting in this way. I'm another poster who was raised with Santa but now doesn't celebrate Christmas. If any family member pulled this crap on us, we'd be out of there so fast and it would be a long time before you heard from us again without an apology.

You don't get to pick whether other people's kids 'do' Santa. What's next? Secretly baptizing children whose parents haven't done it on their own?

Back. The. Hell. Off.

PP is not suggesting that the other family 'does' Santa, just that they play along for a bit for one day, while everyone who doesn't want to believe in Santa is still fully aware Santa isn't real. If the idea of playing along for Santa for a day for some little kids is so painful you can't stomach it than you're just as much of a drama queen as some crazy relative and goes Santa crazy all over their anti Santa sibling's house.

If you were planning a surprise birthday party would you feel morally put out because someone asked you to keep the secret?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

This, plus I would have a frank discussion with my sibling in advance. You're not asking that he fake Santa, because that's unreasonable. But it isn't unreasonable to ask that he not ruin it for your child. You can't police all conversations, but if Santa comes up, I'd just steer it away quickly.