My brother and his wife don't "do" Santa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo, not everyone believes in Santa. Many people who don't celebrate Christmas (like Jews or Muslims) do not believe. Santa Claus only visits those houses where families believe in him. So he'll visit our house, but he won't visit your cousin's house because we believe, but they don't.

+1 Such a simple solution/explanation!

And really, you think Santa is more important than family bonds?? #priorities

This what we said, we have tons of friends that are Jewish. I did not think to discuss it at 4 and my son was beside himself when he came home from preschool and told us that we forgot to celebrate Hanukkah.

OP is talking about spending the night in the same home on Christmas Eve with both families having similar aged kids...one who Santa visits and one who Santa does not visit.

This is not at all similar to having a Jewish or muslim friend who does different holidays, or even cousins in a different home/town/state who celebrate differently.

You bringing up hannukah is like comparing apples and chocolate bars.

Chillax lady! I know what she is dealing with... the point is a 4 year old understand that everybody has different belief systems and it's not a big deal. Everybody is different, it's time for it to be the norm and not a big deal.

It's actually funny... OMG we forgot hanukkah... i laughed, so what, my son was not traumatized.

So what ... some kids get presents from parents, Santa and g-parents. Other get presents from parent and g-parents. It's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't spend Christmas together and not have this be a problem. Santa's a big part of the Christmas celebration (as opposed to the religious background of the holiday, obviously).

So, for you, Santa is more important than the fact that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christ? That just seems so backwards to me.

Um no it is not backward if you don't believe in Christ. And yes, non Christ believers still get to celebrate Christmas.

Of course they have the right to celebrate it. We've managed to drain religious holidays of any non-commercial meaning in this country, and people celebrate them all sorts of ways. But I still think it's messed up that an imaginary person giving stuff to your kids is so much more important than the actual basis for the holiday that people are actually suggesting that OP not spend Christmas with her brother and his family because they don't participate in the Santa thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do Santa the morning you leave to see your brother. Tell your child that there are Santa people and there no Santa people and that your family are Santa people and that her Uncle's family are no Santa people. Tell her that you have arranged for Santa to come early to your family so that you can have Christmas together with her Uncle's family.

Does your Uncle's family do gifts under the tree or no presents at all?

I think they still do gifts, but it's low-key. They don't spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on gifts (which is totally fine...we don't spend a ton either!) They are frugal people, borne out of their own idealism, as well as necessity, because they do not have high-paying jobs. We have always been thoughtful of that when spending holidays together and try not to spend too much conspicuously on our own child so that our niece doesn't feel slighted. We also don't exchange gifts between adults.

When he first told me about it (this year I think is the first time they've taken such a hard line against Santa), I was so surprised I didn't really know how to react. I laughed uncomfortably when he said his in-laws were considering uninviting them. Fortunately this year, we won't be sleeping the same place until Christmas night. I think I'm worried about the "What did Santa get you for Christmas?" talk that inevitably happens when we're with extended family. Is he really going to call my 96 YO grandmother beforehand and tell her not to ask my niece about Santa, or be ready to swoop in when that conversation comes up? What about my dad who's nearly deaf? And all of the cousins and people you see once a year only at Christmas.

Honestly, I think he's just so very short-sighted. He and my SIL take stances on things that don't always make sense. Like when they decided that the only paper products they would buy would be toilet paper, and diapers, kitchen and hand towels and napkins and tissues would only be their reusable/washable version. Except they didn't have a washer or dryer and had to schlep their stuff outside and pay $0.75 a load to wash and them another $1 to dry, or string them out across their tiny and only bathroom to airdry. And their kitchen was so tiny that to have enough towels on hand they had to give up half of one of two small square workspaces to have them available when you needed them. I usually just say, "What a great idea, we should do that, too!" because it doesn't impact me.

This is not your problem. This is for your brother to figure out. Also, if my brother told me that his in-laws were considering uninviting them from Christmas, I wouldn't "laugh uncomfortably," I would tell him that was wrong-headed and he was welcome to celebrate with us.

Also, WTF does their decision to reduce their use of paper products have to do with whether or not they do Santa? (Besides making it clear that you don't respect their decisions all that much.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally wouldn't spend Christmas with them until your kids aged out of the Santa thing.

+1. I feel like it will be hard to keep it up when a whole family is there saying Santa is fake.

Wow. way to keep the "magic" of Christmas alive.

Are you going to feel like assholes when your kids are older and you explain to them that you decided to estrange them from their families because they didn't celebrate Christmas the way YOU wanted to? I always wonder what went wrong with these adults that they think Santa is the most important thing in the world and are so invested in keeping up the charade that they'll alienate family over it.

Just stop with your craziness. They can easily celebrate Christmas on another day. They can get together earlier on Christmas eve or do a Christmas dinner on Dec. 26. I will be celebrating with my family the week before Christmas because my brother has to work on Christmas day. Not spending one day with family does not make you estranged. Get a grip.

You just suggested the OP have Christmas dinner with her extended family on the day after Christmas just so their kids don't get the Santa fantasy ruined for them. But pp is crazy. Yeah.
What if cousin says "Santa isn't real!l at this"Christmas" dinner on 26 Dec. Uh oh. Fantasy over. You can't tailor your whole life around these things! Good thing her REAL LIFE-ya know- her brother, nephew, actual family members...actually do exist and she can plan around them instead of a Santa fantasy.

[Anonymous]

We don't "do" Santa either (I don't want a made-up guy getting credit for everything, TBH). BUT. We have always said that some parents want their children to believe in Santa, so you should never, ever tell another child he isn't real.

Could you just ask your brother to make sure they don't spoil it for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Wow. I can't believe some people think believing in the "Santa magic" is more important than spending Christmas with your family.

Also, is their "belief" in Santa so delicate that they can't tolerate dissenting opinions? It's a good thing they belong to a majority religion so they don't need to worry about what would happen if they're surrounded by people who have different beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I can't believe some people think believing in the "Santa magic" is more important than spending Christmas with your family.

Also, is their "belief" in Santa so delicate that they can't tolerate dissenting opinions? It's a good thing they belong to a majority religion so they don't need to worry about what would happen if they're surrounded by people who have different beliefs.

These kids are 4. Tolerance of dissenting opinions is sort of not in their vocabulary yet.

[Anonymous]

Actually, if I had young kids and a relative who didn't "do" Santa, I wouldn't celebrate with those relatives. Because there is no way in hell you're getting out of there with your kids' belief in Santa intact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, if I had young kids and a relative who didn't "do" Santa, I wouldn't celebrate with those relatives. Because there is no way in hell you're getting out of there with your kids' belief in Santa intact.

Why is a few years (at most ... a four year old will presumably be in 1st grade in 2 years so all bets are off then because kids are jerks!) of belief in Santa more important than spending time with your family, who you presumably get along fine with otherwise? Jeez Louise. This thread is making me glad I'm not a huge Santa person. I would feel like a damn fool trying to keep up a charade to this level. People on here need to do some serious soul-searching about what's really important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I would feel like a damn fool trying to keep up a charade to this level.

People who do this ARE damn fools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do Santa the morning you leave to see your brother. Tell your child that there are Santa people and there no Santa people and that your family are Santa people and that her Uncle's family are no Santa people. Tell her that you have arranged for Santa to come early to your family so that you can have Christmas together with her Uncle's family.

Does your Uncle's family do gifts under the tree or no presents at all?

I think they still do gifts, but it's low-key. They don't spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on gifts (which is totally fine...we don't spend a ton either!) They are frugal people, borne out of their own idealism, as well as necessity, because they do not have high-paying jobs. We have always been thoughtful of that when spending holidays together and try not to spend too much conspicuously on our own child so that our niece doesn't feel slighted. We also don't exchange gifts between adults.

When he first told me about it (this year I think is the first time they've taken such a hard line against Santa), I was so surprised I didn't really know how to react. I laughed uncomfortably when he said his in-laws were considering uninviting them. Fortunately this year, we won't be sleeping the same place until Christmas night. I think I'm worried about the "What did Santa get you for Christmas?" talk that inevitably happens when we're with extended family. Is he really going to call my 96 YO grandmother beforehand and tell her not to ask my niece about Santa, or be ready to swoop in when that conversation comes up? What about my dad who's nearly deaf? And all of the cousins and people you see once a year only at Christmas.

Honestly, I think he's just so very short-sighted. He and my SIL take stances on things that don't always make sense. Like when they decided that the only paper products they would buy would be toilet paper, and diapers, kitchen and hand towels and napkins and tissues would only be their reusable/washable version. Except they didn't have a washer or dryer and had to schlep their stuff outside and pay $0.75 a load to wash and them another $1 to dry, or string them out across their tiny and only bathroom to airdry. And their kitchen was so tiny that to have enough towels on hand they had to give up half of one of two small square workspaces to have them available when you needed them. I usually just say, "What a great idea, we should do that, too!" because it doesn't impact me.

Wait a minute...OP are you saying that you don't actually spend Christmas morning with your brother? Then this is a non-issue. I thought this was a question of establishing your own traditions, etc. on Christmas morning. If he's not even around and you aren't being asked to modify your own traditions to fit in whatever stance he's taking, what's the problem exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I can't believe some people think believing in the "Santa magic" is more important than spending Christmas with your family.

Also, is their "belief" in Santa so delicate that they can't tolerate dissenting opinions? It's a good thing they belong to a majority religion so they don't need to worry about what would happen if they're surrounded by people who have different beliefs.

These kids are 4. Tolerance of dissenting opinions is sort of not in their vocabulary yet.

Spoken by a person who is either of a majority race or religion. Yes, we have talked to our 4 year old about how there are
other religions besides ours, and why the entire month of December is devoted to a holiday we don't celebrate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I can't believe some people think believing in the "Santa magic" is more important than spending Christmas with your family.

Also, is their "belief" in Santa so delicate that they can't tolerate dissenting opinions? It's a good thing they belong to a majority religion so they don't need to worry about what would happen if they're surrounded by people who have different beliefs.

These kids are 4. Tolerance of dissenting opinions is sort of not in their vocabulary yet.

Spoken by a person who is either of a majority race or religion. Yes, we have talked to our 4 year old about how there are
other religions besides ours, and why the entire month of December is devoted to a holiday we don't celebrate.

Christmas in the US is cultural, dearie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I can't believe some people think believing in the "Santa magic" is more important than spending Christmas with your family.

Also, is their "belief" in Santa so delicate that they can't tolerate dissenting opinions? It's a good thing they belong to a majority religion so they don't need to worry about what would happen if they're surrounded by people who have different beliefs.

These kids are 4. Tolerance of dissenting opinions is sort of not in their vocabulary yet.

4 year olds are actually pretty tolerant and accepting of differences until adult create problems

-preschool teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, if I had young kids and a relative who didn't "do" Santa, I wouldn't celebrate with those relatives. Because there is no way in hell you're getting out of there with your kids' belief in Santa intact.

Why is a few years (at most ... a four year old will presumably be in 1st grade in 2 years so all bets are off then because kids are jerks!) of belief in Santa more important than spending time with your family, who you presumably get along fine with otherwise? Jeez Louise. This thread is making me glad I'm not a huge Santa person. I would feel like a damn fool trying to keep up a charade to this level. People on here need to do some serious soul-searching about what's really important.

Do you people only spend time with your family on Christmas morning? I do not understand this thread. I'm happy my relationship with my family is based on more than the functioning hours of holidays so I don't have to worry about possibly being estranged for life just for having some alone time with my family.

I'm spending Christmas morning alone with my DH and kid this year just because we want to have Christmas morning together. Then getting together with all my siblings for dinner at my parents. According to you people I am apparently being selfish and crazy and estranging myself from my relatives! Holy hell people.