8 year old sleepover party - 3 girls excluded. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom isn't your friend. If your daughter likes the two other girls, I'd invite them for a sleep over and make it really fun and go over the top making a big fuss.

This is a great idea. Even if you can't do a sleep over invite them over for pizza and a movie.

That would be good too, with an ice cream sundae or other big fun desert. Or, even fondue. You could also invite a few of the girls invited who you know aren't good friends. Give them something to talk about. I'd also get each girl a special gift (assuming you can afford it).

A special gift for a random sleepover? That is going waaaay overboard into weirdo, yet ring to buy friends territory. Why would you assume the three girls not invited are even good enough friends for a sleepover?

They may not be good friends but its one way to have your kid expand their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I don't think OP should plan something big for her daughter out of spite and to rub in the other girls' faces, I'm surprised to see some posters so against her child doing something else fun. Is she supposed to sit at home alone to learn a life lesson? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Why the heck does it need to be a blowout party?!

When I was a kid and I had my feeling hurt in this kind of way (and we all did), my mom explained the unfairness of life, gave me a hug, and took me out for ice cream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I don't think OP should plan something big for her daughter out of spite and to rub in the other girls' faces, I'm surprised to see some posters so against her child doing something else fun. Is she supposed to sit at home alone to learn a life lesson? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

I would suggest that you do what you would have otherwise done that night, because a party that someone else is having is irrelevant to you unless you're invited to it. If DD wanted a sleepover that weekend, fine, plan one. If the only reason anyone thought of it is as some sort of "revenge" for happening not to be a close enough friend to get invited to someone else's party... that's just weird and not the sort of thing I would support.

[Anonymous]

Mean girls get their traits from somewhere -- and this listserve shows that it is from their moms. Everyone who is a decent person agrees that you don't just let your kid leave out a small number of people from their class. If you don't want a lot of kids at your house, just tell your kid to invite fewer people: less than 50 percent of the class or the girls in their class.

Now, what do you do? How upset is your daughter about it? If she isn't bothered by it, don't be the one who gets her bothered about it.

Also, what are the dynamics of the class? Are your daughter and the other two kids being excluded a lot? Is this actually a mean girls situation? Especially if this is the case, then I really would do some sort of counter event for them -- whether the same day as that party or some other day. The one thing a mean girl never anticipates is that the excluded have their own lives and eventually become cooler than the mean girls. And I would also give that speech to your daughter about resiliance, but also do something to perk her up and help her improve her standing in the class. Also, if this truly is a chronic mean girls situation, talk to the teacher as well.

As for the other mom, obviously she is not friends with you even if she is "friendly." I think just don't say anything to her -- since if she were a decent person, she would have figured this out already. She isn't, and you're not going to make any headway with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I don't think OP should plan something big for her daughter out of spite and to rub in the other girls' faces, I'm surprised to see some posters so against her child doing something else fun. Is she supposed to sit at home alone to learn a life lesson? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

No, it's the suggestion to invite the other 3 excluded girls and have some bonanza sleepover complete with gifts (!!) to make the other girls feel left out too. The other leftout girls may not even be friends with OP's kid, but no matter, they were all excluded so now they're supposed to have a sleepover to bond in their rejection together or something. A normal response is "OH, Jenna had a sleepover and you weren't invited? Well, that's okay, there will be other sleepovers. We can get pizza and rent a movie on Saturday anyway." Not hosting a competing sleepover that's meant to stick up a middle finger at the original one.. that's just over the top and weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mean girls get their traits from somewhere -- and this listserve shows that it is from their moms. Everyone who is a decent person agrees that you don't just let your kid leave out a small number of people from their class. If you don't want a lot of kids at your house, just tell your kid to invite fewer people: less than 50 percent of the class or the girls in their class.

Now, what do you do? How upset is your daughter about it? If she isn't bothered by it, don't be the one who gets her bothered about it.

Also, what are the dynamics of the class? Are your daughter and the other two kids being excluded a lot? Is this actually a mean girls situation? Especially if this is the case, then I really would do some sort of counter event for them -- whether the same day as that party or some other day. The one thing a mean girl never anticipates is that the excluded have their own lives and eventually become cooler than the mean girls. And I would also give that speech to your daughter about resiliance, but also do something to perk her up and help her improve her standing in the class. Also, if this truly is a chronic mean girls situation, talk to the teacher as well.

As for the other mom, obviously she is not friends with you even if she is "friendly." I think just don't say anything to her -- since if she were a decent person, she would have figured this out already. She isn't, and you're not going to make any headway with her.

I hate to tell you, but the mean girls don't care what the girls they didn't invite are doing. At all. You think the popular girl in school who you never hung out with was concerned who you were hanging out with on Friday nights? She didn't. I'm reminded of the scene from Mad Men when one of the lower level dudes who thinks Don stole his idea gets in the elevator with Don and says "I feel sorry for you" and Don tells him "I don't think about you at all."

Encourage your kids to have their own friend groups, absolutely. But don't give them the impression it's hurting the mean girl or really getting her good. She does not even notice the kids she doesn't include.

[Anonymous]

It happens with boys too. A mom in my son's class invited most of the boys and not my son and another child. She then posted it on Facebook. It took me everything to invite her child to my son's party but I did because I am not taking out a parent's rude behavior on their kids. My daughter notices this sort of thing more than my son but both kids know that I will invite everyone from their class who identifies as a certain gender. We have good talks about inclusion and I know I am raising them to see the world beyond themselves. This makes me miss my mom so much because she used to teach me this herself. The irony is these selfish parents are missing a good chance to help their kids. Life is so much easier when you think of other people. What you think is difficult is actually a good tool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom isn't your friend. If your daughter likes the two other girls, I'd invite them for a sleep over and make it really fun and go over the top making a big fuss.

This is a great idea. Even if you can't do a sleep over invite them over for pizza and a movie.

That would be good too, with an ice cream sundae or other big fun desert. Or, even fondue. You could also invite a few of the girls invited who you know aren't good friends. Give them something to talk about. I'd also get each girl a special gift (assuming you can afford it).

A special gift for a random sleepover? That is going waaaay overboard into weirdo, yet ring to buy friends territory. Why would you assume the three girls not invited are even good enough friends for a sleepover?

They may not be good friends but its one way to have your kid expand their friends.

It is not YOUR job to initiate your child expanding their friends. She is 8 and she is in school, activities, and lives in a neighborhood. She can expands her friends if and when she wants. Stop the coddling and the scheduling. There is a difference between embracing your child and directing their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It happens with boys too. A mom in my son's class invited most of the boys and not my son and another child. She then posted it on Facebook. It took me everything to invite her child to my son's party but I did because I am not taking out a parent's rude behavior on their kids. My daughter notices this sort of thing more than my son but both kids know that I will invite everyone from their class who identifies as a certain gender. We have good talks about inclusion and I know I am raising them to see the world beyond themselves. This makes me miss my mom so much because she used to teach me this herself. The irony is these selfish parents are missing a good chance to help their kids. Life is so much easier when you think of other people. What you think is difficult is actually a good tool.

Actually you are teaching your kids to be sexist and only be friends with kids of the same sex. That is the opposite of inclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It happens with boys too. A mom in my son's class invited most of the boys and not my son and another child. She then posted it on Facebook. It took me everything to invite her child to my son's party but I did because I am not taking out a parent's rude behavior on their kids. My daughter notices this sort of thing more than my son but both kids know that I will invite everyone from their class who identifies as a certain gender. We have good talks about inclusion and I know I am raising them to see the world beyond themselves. This makes me miss my mom so much because she used to teach me this herself. The irony is these selfish parents are missing a good chance to help their kids. Life is so much easier when you think of other people. What you think is difficult is actually a good tool.

Actually you are teaching your kids to be sexist and only be friends with kids of the same sex. That is the opposite of inclusion.

Which why everyone should homeschool..j/k!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It happens with boys too. A mom in my son's class invited most of the boys and not my son and another child. She then posted it on Facebook. It took me everything to invite her child to my son's party but I did because I am not taking out a parent's rude behavior on their kids. My daughter notices this sort of thing more than my son but both kids know that I will invite everyone from their class who identifies as a certain gender. We have good talks about inclusion and I know I am raising them to see the world beyond themselves. This makes me miss my mom so much because she used to teach me this herself. The irony is these selfish parents are missing a good chance to help their kids. Life is so much easier when you think of other people. What you think is difficult is actually a good tool.

The irony of your bolded statement. Good talks about inclusion but you invite everyone only who identifies a certain gender?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mean girls get their traits from somewhere -- and this listserve shows that it is from their moms. Everyone who is a decent person agrees that you don't just let your kid leave out a small number of people from their class. If you don't want a lot of kids at your house, just tell your kid to invite fewer people: less than 50 percent of the class or the girls in their class.

Now, what do you do? How upset is your daughter about it? If she isn't bothered by it, don't be the one who gets her bothered about it.

Also, what are the dynamics of the class? Are your daughter and the other two kids being excluded a lot? Is this actually a mean girls situation? Especially if this is the case, then I really would do some sort of counter event for them -- whether the same day as that party or some other day. The one thing a mean girl never anticipates is that the excluded have their own lives and eventually become cooler than the mean girls. And I would also give that speech to your daughter about resiliance, but also do something to perk her up and help her improve her standing in the class. Also, if this truly is a chronic mean girls situation, talk to the teacher as well.

As for the other mom, obviously she is not friends with you even if she is "friendly." I think just don't say anything to her -- since if she were a decent person, she would have figured this out already. She isn't, and you're not going to make any headway with her.

I hate to tell you, but the mean girls don't care what the girls they didn't invite are doing. At all. You think the popular girl in school who you never hung out with was concerned who you were hanging out with on Friday nights? She didn't. I'm reminded of the scene from Mad Men when one of the lower level dudes who thinks Don stole his idea gets in the elevator with Don and says "I feel sorry for you" and Don tells him "I don't think about you at all."

Encourage your kids to have their own friend groups, absolutely. But don't give them the impression it's hurting the mean girl or really getting her good. She does not even notice the kids she doesn't include.

+ 1

good points in here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom isn't your friend. If your daughter likes the two other girls, I'd invite them for a sleep over and make it really fun and go over the top making a big fuss.

This is a great idea. Even if you can't do a sleep over invite them over for pizza and a movie.

That would be good too, with an ice cream sundae or other big fun desert. Or, even fondue. You could also invite a few of the girls invited who you know aren't good friends. Give them something to talk about. I'd also get each girl a special gift (assuming you can afford it).

A special gift for a random sleepover? That is going waaaay overboard into weirdo, yet ring to buy friends territory. Why would you assume the three girls not invited are even good enough friends for a sleepover?

They may not be good friends but its one way to have your kid expand their friends.

IF they're not already friends though, what a weird invitation! "Hey all us misfits should get together to show the popular girls what they're missing!" woo hoo. I mean, what?? Who does that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It happens with boys too. A mom in my son's class invited most of the boys and not my son and another child. She then posted it on Facebook. It took me everything to invite her child to my son's party but I did because I am not taking out a parent's rude behavior on their kids. My daughter notices this sort of thing more than my son but both kids know that I will invite everyone from their class who identifies as a certain gender. We have good talks about inclusion and I know I am raising them to see the world beyond themselves. This makes me miss my mom so much because she used to teach me this herself. The irony is these selfish parents are missing a good chance to help their kids. Life is so much easier when you think of other people. What you think is difficult is actually a good tool.

The irony of your bolded statement. Good talks about inclusion but you invite everyone only who identifies a certain gender?

Awkwardly worded, but I think PP just means her son invites all the boys & her daughter invites all the girls. My DS is 7 and really wanted just boys at his party. Totally normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It happens with boys too. A mom in my son's class invited most of the boys and not my son and another child. She then posted it on Facebook. It took me everything to invite her child to my son's party but I did because I am not taking out a parent's rude behavior on their kids. My daughter notices this sort of thing more than my son but both kids know that I will invite everyone from their class who identifies as a certain gender. We have good talks about inclusion and I know I am raising them to see the world beyond themselves. This makes me miss my mom so much because she used to teach me this herself. The irony is these selfish parents are missing a good chance to help their kids. Life is so much easier when you think of other people. What you think is difficult is actually a good tool.

The irony of your bolded statement. Good talks about inclusion but you invite everyone only who identifies a certain gender?

Awkwardly worded, but I think PP just means her son invites all the boys & her daughter invites all the girls. My DS is 7 and really wanted just boys at his party. Totally normal.

My kids never had one sex birthday parties. Some of their closest friends are the opposite sex. That is normal to us. Making a girl invite every girl in her class, even the ones she is not friendly with and leaving a few neighborhood boys she is friends with off the list? Not normal.