8 year old sleepover party - 3 girls excluded. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I think it is fine to invite the other two girls over, but to make it over the top to spite the other girls really is teaching the wrong lesson.


It is not like just one girl was not invited, and maybe the mom was not keeping track of who is in whose class. Maybe they made the invite list before school started. I think you are making a bigger deal over it than it needs to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine to invite the other two girls over, but to make it over the top to spite the other girls really is teaching the wrong lesson.


It is not like just one girl was not invited, and maybe the mom was not keeping track of who is in whose class. Maybe they made the invite list before school started. I think you are making a bigger deal over it than it needs to be.

+1

I wouldn't even invite the other girls over. No one has the right to be invited to a party. It actually reeks of desparation, and sets a bad precedent.

Stop making this a "thing". She didn't get invited to a party. This will happen her whole life. Maybe I have a different perspective because I have two boys 17 months apart, so they learned VERY early that you can't go to all of the parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, its rude, but what can you possibly do about it?

Invite the other 2 girls to your house for something equally fun?

[Anonymous]

At least the mom didn't have two parties. My DD got invited to the day party and only a few select girls got to sleep over. My DD was hurt she didn't make the cut to sleep over but, I was secretly glad because I didn't think the parents would supervise very well. But, it still hurt.

If I were you I would either do something fun as a family or invite the other two girls who were not invited to do something fun and maybe sleep over.

[Anonymous]

I hate parents making children's invite certain children to the parties, just because... it shows at the party when no one plays or talks to them. It is ok to not have all friends in your class

[Anonymous]

Some of the responses in this thread explain how we end up with entitled adults. Nobody HAS to invite someone to their party/house. Sometimes your feelings get hurt. Sometimes you arent invited. You deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Someone is having eleven 8 year old girls sleep over? I would do nothing as that sounds like punishment enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least the mom didn't have two parties. My DD got invited to the day party and only a few select girls got to sleep over. My DD was hurt she didn't make the cut to sleep over but, I was secretly glad because I didn't think the parents would supervise very well. But, it still hurt.

If I were you I would either do something fun as a family or invite the other two girls who were not invited to do something fun and maybe sleep over.

Wow. That is the worst. I wouldn't have let me daughter go to the "b list" party. How terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone is having eleven 8 year old girls sleep over? I would do nothing as that sounds like punishment enough.

This. Sounds like a mom trying to relive her childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At DD's middle school, the rule was fewer than 50% of any gender in a single class, or the whole class. Very few people ignored this rule, it really was the culture of the school. Nice place.

Sorry about your DD. Can you do something fun with those three? Their own sleepover? Don't make a big deal about why, just offer to have some fun activities.

Screw that. The school doesn't get to dictate anything not on school grounds, paid for privately, during non school time.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the need/desire to make the day special for the uninvited child. A classmate is having a party and she wasn't invited, that shouldn't mean she has a private party to make up for it.

FWIW, there have been parties to which my child wasn't invited and since we (husband and I) didn't make a big deal about it, my child didn't see it as a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the need/desire to make the day special for the uninvited child. A classmate is having a party and she wasn't invited, that shouldn't mean she has a private party to make up for it.

FWIW, there have been parties to which my child wasn't invited and since we (husband and I) didn't make a big deal about it, my child didn't see it as a big deal.

Agreed. Why would anyone think that it's unusual or wrong for a kid not to be invited to a party hosted by someone they're clearly not that close friends with? Is anyone here equally as good friends with all of their coworkers, or do most of us have at least a few people from work who are closer friends than the rest? The 'nice to eat lunch or grab coffee with during the workday' crowd (hopefully most of the office) versus the 'would invite over for drinks sometime' group (likely fewer people in most cases). It's not rude to decide who you enjoy spending time with, and it's unreasonable to expect that just being in the same class at school will make everyone the sort of friends who want to hang out outside of class. Nobody gets invited to everything all the time. That's life.

The key is that kids need to learn basic etiquette -- you don't discuss a private social event in front of anyone who was not invited. I agree that it's wrong to be rude and make a point of excluding people, but no one is obligated to socialize with anyone on their own time outside of a mandated situation such as work/school/scouts/a team/etc.

[Anonymous]

Wow. That is the worst. I wouldn't have let me daughter go to the "b list" party. How terrible.

I agree with you had I'd known that this was the scene. We found out at the party when we were there. It worked out in the end but, it was hurtful at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the responses in this thread explain how we end up with entitled adults. Nobody HAS to invite someone to their party/house. Sometimes your feelings get hurt. Sometimes you arent invited. You deal with it.

You're missing the point.

[Anonymous]

When it was your child's birthday was this girl invited?
Has your child ever invited this girl to sleep over?
Does your child get along with this girl's closer friends?
Do you invite the whole class/all the girls to your child's parties?

I think you should try your best not to focus on it but if you answered yes to all the above questions, I can see how it would rankle a bit.