Help - gay brother

[Anonymous]

OP, so what if one of your children turns out to be gay? Will you disown them? It is not something a person can learn or unlearn, I dont thin you get it. I have a son and while i hope he marries a girl and has kids, i will not love him any less if he is gay. I would be much more upset if he turns into a druggie or a criminal or an asshole. Gay is so not the biggest of my concerns.

[Anonymous]

OP, stop thinking about your brother having sex. That isn't normal no matter who he's having sex with in your little mind.

Next, quit your job. No one needs a nurse who is judging them based on antiquated beliefs and prejudices.

Finally, go huddle with your bigoted parents in a corner and bemoan the fact that your brother isn't who you want him to be.

I hope his partner is holding him now, consoling him because you're not who he wanted you to be, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not Christian or even religious. I don't need to go to church to be depressed and astounded by such a radical change in what my brother has always presented himself to be.

He has spent a lifetime lying to me and our family. He wasted years of his ex-girlfriend's life and then cheated on her with a man. He is having a form of sex that I find repugnant and that is very high risk. There is not a lot to celebrate here.

And my parents are going to be devastated. Whether or not people here think my parents are justified in that feeling, that is the impact this will have on my elderly parents. He wants to just drop his boyfriend on us and have us all be one happy family and I just don't know how that will happen any time soon. People need time regardless of the politics that are popular nowadays.

I am an RN and I know that gays suffer from a lot of needless diseases that are a consequence of a profligate lifestyle. They have far more partners, high risk sexual practices, and the monogamy rate is very low. To accept my brother being part of that community is hard.

To those who asked if I want him in my life, I don't know any more. There is a lot that comes with him now, including a homosexual partner that will model a lifestyle that I don't want my kids looking up to. How can I say it's okay for Uncle ____, but not expect them to see it as an option?

What a weird coincidence. I'm a gay man who recently came out a long struggle (what with societal and familial condemnation and the fact that courts were still debating my sexuality should be punishable by law till about five minutes ago.) Anyway, I finally came out to my sister who for all these years led me to believe she wasn't a complete jerk but it turns out she is. How can I accept her when she's been living this charade of caring for me based on our bonds of affection rather than what I get up to after dark?

Ps. Go to pflag.

Maybe she is your sister? Who is a hypocrite. I am so sorry that you have to deal with such intolerance, but know that there are many people who live and let live and accept people for who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not Christian or even religious. I don't need to go to church to be depressed and astounded by such a radical change in what my brother has always presented himself to be.

He has spent a lifetime lying to me and our family. He wasted years of his ex-girlfriend's life and then cheated on her with a man. He is having a form of sex that I find repugnant and that is very high risk. There is not a lot to celebrate here.

And my parents are going to be devastated. Whether or not people here think my parents are justified in that feeling, that is the impact this will have on my elderly parents. He wants to just drop his boyfriend on us and have us all be one happy family and I just don't know how that will happen any time soon. People need time regardless of the politics that are popular nowadays.

I am an RN and I know that gays suffer from a lot of needless diseases that are a consequence of a profligate lifestyle. They have far more partners, high risk sexual practices, and the monogamy rate is very low. To accept my brother being part of that community is hard.

To those who asked if I want him in my life, I don't know any more. There is a lot that comes with him now, including a homosexual partner that will model a lifestyle that I don't want my kids looking up to. How can I say it's okay for Uncle ____, but not expect them to see it as an option?

I'm an RN too and know that some of your "facts" are complete bullshit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not Christian or even religious. I don't need to go to church to be depressed and astounded by such a radical change in what my brother has always presented himself to be.

He has spent a lifetime lying to me and our family. He wasted years of his ex-girlfriend's life and then cheated on her with a man. He is having a form of sex that I find repugnant and that is very high risk. There is not a lot to celebrate here.

And my parents are going to be devastated. Whether or not people here think my parents are justified in that feeling, that is the impact this will have on my elderly parents. He wants to just drop his boyfriend on us and have us all be one happy family and I just don't know how that will happen any time soon. People need time regardless of the politics that are popular nowadays.

I am an RN and I know that gays suffer from a lot of needless diseases that are a consequence of a profligate lifestyle. They have far more partners, high risk sexual practices, and the monogamy rate is very low. To accept my brother being part of that community is hard.

To those who asked if I want him in my life, I don't know any more. There is a lot that comes with him now, including a homosexual partner that will model a lifestyle that I don't want my kids looking up to. How can I say it's okay for Uncle ____, but not expect them to see it as an option?

I'll see your RN and raise you by an MD, PhD. You're wrong about your beliefs. BTW, gay men don't have more sex because they are gay, they have more sex because they are both men.
Stop saying homosexual partner--it's not the partner's fault. There is no blame. Your brother hasn't been deceiving YOU for years, he's likely been deceiving himself, or wishing it weren't so. Especially considering what an awful and unsupportive family he clearly has. Can't wait for people like you to die out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not Christian or even religious. I don't need to go to church to be depressed and astounded by such a radical change in what my brother has always presented himself to be.

He has spent a lifetime lying to me and our family. He wasted years of his ex-girlfriend's life and then cheated on her with a man. He is having a form of sex that I find repugnant and that is very high risk. There is not a lot to celebrate here.

And my parents are going to be devastated. Whether or not people here think my parents are justified in that feeling, that is the impact this will have on my elderly parents. He wants to just drop his boyfriend on us and have us all be one happy family and I just don't know how that will happen any time soon. People need time regardless of the politics that are popular nowadays.

I am an RN and I know that gays suffer from a lot of needless diseases that are a consequence of a profligate lifestyle. They have far more partners, high risk sexual practices, and the monogamy rate is very low. To accept my brother being part of that community is hard.

To those who asked if I want him in my life, I don't know any more. There is a lot that comes with him now, including a homosexual partner that will model a lifestyle that I don't want my kids looking up to. How can I say it's okay for Uncle ____, but not expect them to see it as an option?

Do you have a shred of compassion or empathy? It frightens me to think of a nurse who is so lacking in these areas. Please, OP. Put away your prejudices and disgust, for just a minute. Put yourself in your brother's shoes without any of the, "but I..." or "but my parents..." types of thoughts to creep in. Take a moment to ponder why he did not come out until recently, and why he "lived a lie" with his ex-girlfriend. He may have been in deep denial due to shame and pressure from family and society. Try to consider this whole thing from his perspective, and you will begin to understand the enormous difficulties he has faced.

You can't condemn him for "living a lie" with his ex-gf on one hand, and then wish he would continue to live that lie on the other hand, in order to spare you and your parents. Which is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, stop thinking about your brother having sex. That isn't normal no matter who he's having sex with in your little mind.

Next, quit your job. No one needs a nurse who is judging them based on antiquated beliefs and prejudices.

Finally, go huddle with your bigoted parents in a corner and bemoan the fact that your brother isn't who you want him to be.

I hope his partner is holding him now, consoling him because you're not who he wanted you to be, either.

A million +

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not Christian or even religious. I don't need to go to church to be depressed and astounded by such a radical change in what my brother has always presented himself to be.

He has spent a lifetime lying to me and our family. He wasted years of his ex-girlfriend's life and then cheated on her with a man. He is having a form of sex that I find repugnant and that is very high risk. There is not a lot to celebrate here.

And my parents are going to be devastated. Whether or not people here think my parents are justified in that feeling, that is the impact this will have on my elderly parents. He wants to just drop his boyfriend on us and have us all be one happy family and I just don't know how that will happen any time soon. People need time regardless of the politics that are popular nowadays.

I am an RN and I know that gays suffer from a lot of needless diseases that are a consequence of a profligate lifestyle. They have far more partners, high risk sexual practices, and the monogamy rate is very low. To accept my brother being part of that community is hard.

To those who asked if I want him in my life, I don't know any more. There is a lot that comes with him now, including a homosexual partner that will model a lifestyle that I don't want my kids looking up to. How can I say it's okay for Uncle ____, but not expect them to see it as an option?

I'll see your RN and raise you by an MD, PhD. You're wrong about your beliefs. BTW, gay men don't have more sex because they are gay, they have more sex because they are both men.
Stop saying homosexual partner--it's not the partner's fault. There is no blame. Your brother hasn't been deceiving YOU for years, he's likely been deceiving himself, or wishing it weren't so. Especially considering what an awful and unsupportive family he clearly has. Can't wait for people like you to die out.

And BAM!

[Anonymous]

My BIL is gay. He comes from one of the most conservative and religious families. Like your brother, he'd struggled for many years trying to come to terms with his orientation and just couldn't hide it any more. When he came out, my uber religious ILs faced a choice: they could turn their backs on him and cast him out of the family, or they could continue to love him, however they disapproved of his lifestyle. They chose the latter. It hasn't always been easy, but they do not want to lose him and he them. That's what family is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not Christian or even religious. I don't need to go to church to be depressed and astounded by such a radical change in what my brother has always presented himself to be.

He has spent a lifetime lying to me and our family. He wasted years of his ex-girlfriend's life and then cheated on her with a man. He is having a form of sex that I find repugnant and that is very high risk. There is not a lot to celebrate here.

And my parents are going to be devastated. Whether or not people here think my parents are justified in that feeling, that is the impact this will have on my elderly parents. He wants to just drop his boyfriend on us and have us all be one happy family and I just don't know how that will happen any time soon. People need time regardless of the politics that are popular nowadays.

I am an RN and I know that gays suffer from a lot of needless diseases that are a consequence of a profligate lifestyle. They have far more partners, high risk sexual practices, and the monogamy rate is very low. To accept my brother being part of that community is hard.

To those who asked if I want him in my life, I don't know any more. There is a lot that comes with him now, including a homosexual partner that will model a lifestyle that I don't want my kids looking up to. How can I say it's okay for Uncle ____, but not expect them to see it as an option?

I'll see your RN and raise you by an MD, PhD. You're wrong about your beliefs. BTW, gay men don't have more sex because they are gay, they have more sex because they are both men.
Stop saying homosexual partner--it's not the partner's fault. There is no blame. Your brother hasn't been deceiving YOU for years, he's likely been deceiving himself, or wishing it weren't so. Especially considering what an awful and unsupportive family he clearly has. Can't wait for people like you to die out.

And BAM!

Not sure what is so brilliant about this. The fact of the matter is that gay men have more sex and are much more promiscuous than straight men. Yes the reason is because they partner with other men vs women who up breaks on them, but the fact remains regardless.

[Anonymous]

I don't know OP. Did you never suspect? I have a sister and if she told me today that she's gay, I wouldn't be at all surprised. In fact, I'd feel relief because maybe now she'll meet someone and be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not Christian or even religious. I don't need to go to church to be depressed and astounded by such a radical change in what my brother has always presented himself to be.

He has spent a lifetime lying to me and our family. He wasted years of his ex-girlfriend's life and then cheated on her with a man. He is having a form of sex that I find repugnant and that is very high risk. There is not a lot to celebrate here.

And my parents are going to be devastated. Whether or not people here think my parents are justified in that feeling, that is the impact this will have on my elderly parents. He wants to just drop his boyfriend on us and have us all be one happy family and I just don't know how that will happen any time soon. People need time regardless of the politics that are popular nowadays.

I am an RN and I know that gays suffer from a lot of needless diseases that are a consequence of a profligate lifestyle. They have far more partners, high risk sexual practices, and the monogamy rate is very low. To accept my brother being part of that community is hard.

To those who asked if I want him in my life, I don't know any more. There is a lot that comes with him now, including a homosexual partner that will model a lifestyle that I don't want my kids looking up to. How can I say it's okay for Uncle ____, but not expect them to see it as an option?

I'll see your RN and raise you by an MD, PhD. You're wrong about your beliefs. BTW, gay men don't have more sex because they are gay, they have more sex because they are both men.
Stop saying homosexual partner--it's not the partner's fault. There is no blame. Your brother hasn't been deceiving YOU for years, he's likely been deceiving himself, or wishing it weren't so. Especially considering what an awful and unsupportive family he clearly has. Can't wait for people like you to die out.

NP. I don't care how many degrees you have. You are actually lying if you say it is not a verifiable fact that homosexual patients have higher rates of STDs (including drug resistant forms), intestinal parasites, and even some forms of cancer (if you need me to explain which types of cancer, then you are not up on your literature and should not be having this conversation). I have been a doctor for 19 years in 4 states and two countries. The phenomena I describe are true both domestically and internationally. In short, OP is right from a medical standpoint. Not justifying homophobia. It just is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

To those who asked if I want him in my life, I don't know any more. There is a lot that comes with him now, including a homosexual partner that will model a lifestyle that I don't want my kids looking up to. How can I say it's okay for Uncle ____, but not expect them to see it as an option?

For the love...just tell your brother you suck and let him go find a community who will love and accept him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

To those who asked if I want him in my life, I don't know any more. There is a lot that comes with him now, including a homosexual partner that will model a lifestyle that I don't want my kids looking up to. How can I say it's okay for Uncle ____, but not expect them to see it as an option?

For the love...just tell your brother you suck and let him go find a community who will love and accept him.

+1. Good riddance. What's so good about yourself anyway? Why should anyone beg to have you in their life? I think he is much better off without you.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read the thread so perhaps this has been suggested already, but OP - call PFLAG (Parents and friends of lesbians and gays).

They can direct you to resources that may be of help.

Try to remember that your brother is still the same person you have always loved.

Consider that he has likely spent a lifetime in pain and fear, and that it took tremendous courage for him to come out.

Consider that he is reeling from the pain of your reaction and fear of losing you.

Imagine if he had died, or committed a heinous crime, or struggled with mental illness or addiction in a way that made it impossible for your family to have a relationship with him.

Then see if you can find a context wherein being gay isn't the end of the world.

I hope you can find your way back to a loving relationship with him.