Help - gay brother

[Anonymous]

Wow OP, I feel for you and your brother. I had to think through this because my son began to show some gay-like behavioral tendencies which is also opposed to my Christian faith. He may be gay, i dont know. Also myself I'd struggled with same sex attraction since high school into my early thirties; at one point I feared I was gay but I'm not.

Here's the thing, you have to talk to him since he opened up to you. Tell him you love and care for him, but also how you feel about his homosexuality despite your love for him. Ask him for time to process it etc. I hope you'll find a balance in the end.

Since you say you're not religiously opposed I think your position is harder to discuss, since there are some healthy and less promiscuous gay people. But we all have the moral & natural law, and just common sense.....even the most liberal of us must admit, until recently and even now in the vast majority of the world it was/is universally considered unnatural or sinful or pathological.

[Anonymous]

Step one: stop picturing your brother having sex. What is that about? Is that normal for you? How did it make you feel when you pictured him having sex with women? Do you think he imagines you having sex?

A lot of this will work itself out once you come to terms with your own fixation on his actual sex life.

[Anonymous]

OP, gay is not contagious. Your children are not going to see your brother in a gay relationship and think, "hey, that looks cool, I think I'll try it out."

But, who knows. Your fears may all come true in another way, you never know what types of sexual fetishes your kids will grow up to enjoy, even if they are heterosexual.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am only three pages in and really wish I could meet your brother and give him a huge hug. It is heartbreaking to read how you have turned this all about you and your feelings. You are that much of a shrinking violet that you will collapse if you have to support your brother in talking to your parents? I never post mean replies to people on this board but I really cannot believe you are treating your brother this way!!! Just because he is gay? BFD, so are a lot of people. If he is lucky enough to have someone to make him happy, who are you to make him feel bad for that. Your poor brother is reaching out to you and you have to distance yourself because you can't stand the thought that he isn't having sex with women? And your kids can't be around him because he will expose them to homosexuality? Do you hear yourself? Do your straight friends tell your kids that this is John, and they just have straight sex an hour ago?? I need to stop cause my mind is literally blown.....

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. Give yourself time to mourn and process. Maybe if you think about it as some sort of a sexual disorder it will make it easier to cope? Bad things happen to good people type of thing. If you don't want your kids to meet his partner, it's OK.

[Anonymous]

You, and your parents, need to get over it or you need to stop having your brother in your life. There are only 2 options here.

You act like your brother has spent his whole life lying and deceiving you on purpose. Did you EVER think that maybe he was confused about his sexuality? Or maybe afraid of how your family would react?

The attitudes you have about sex are bizarre, if you're an RN thats shocking to me.

[Anonymous]

1. You should be through mourning by now so call him.
2. Gay Uncles are the BEST! Ask my kids! And that why you want to accept him and his partner.

[Anonymous]

So you've done likely what he feared. At least initially you have rejected who he really is.

He's still your brother. Why would you worry about having him around your kids now? What changed about him? Nothing. He's the same person he was before he told you.

I can understand needing some time to process but you post as if this is a tragedy. It isn't.

I totally agree. And, I can't imagine why you are so fixated on his sex life! That is seriously wrong! When you picture him with a 'nice girl' do you visualize the kind of sex they're having and how often? I doubt it. You need to stop looking at homosexuality as a choice/option and think of it as just one small aspect of a person you used to love and admire. On the whole, very little about your brother has changed and that part that did change really has no impact on you. The important thing, homosexual or heterosexual, is the quality of the relationship.

Full disclosure: I've got a gay brother. Took him a long time to figure it out and I never thought he was 'lying' to me when he presented as heterosexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs, OP. Give yourself time to mourn and process. Maybe if you think about it as some sort of a sexual disorder it will make it easier to cope? Bad things happen to good people type of thing. If you don't want your kids to meet his partner, it's OK.

+1. I don't know why there is so much pearl clutching going on here. This whole "gay is good" movement is not even a decade old. It's going to take a lot of people a lot of time to get used to Adam and Steve renting out wombs to make a "family" and other variations on what is the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
NP. I don't care how many degrees you have. You are actually lying if you say it is not a verifiable fact that homosexual patients have higher rates of STDs (including drug resistant forms), intestinal parasites, and even some forms of cancer (if you need me to explain which types of cancer, then you are not up on your literature and should not be having this conversation). I have been a doctor for 19 years in 4 states and two countries. The phenomena I describe are true both domestically and internationally. In short, OP is right from a medical standpoint. Not justifying homophobia. It just is what it is.

This. You can all pick your political stances, but not your medical facts. Messing around with the colon is not good for your health however much gays want it to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
NP. I don't care how many degrees you have. You are actually lying if you say it is not a verifiable fact that homosexual patients have higher rates of STDs (including drug resistant forms), intestinal parasites, and even some forms of cancer (if you need me to explain which types of cancer, then you are not up on your literature and should not be having this conversation). I have been a doctor for 19 years in 4 states and two countries. The phenomena I describe are true both domestically and internationally. In short, OP is right from a medical standpoint. Not justifying homophobia. It just is what it is.

This. You can all pick your political stances, but not your medical facts. Messing around with the colon is not good for your health however much gays want it to be.

I'm sure op would be ready to disown her brother for eating a diet that puts him at risk for type 2 diabetes also. And think of the children! What if her son got the idea that it was okay to not eat a Mediterranean Diet?

[Anonymous]

You are deeply homophobic and ignorant. It's ugly. You should get into counseling to help you deal with your own prejudices and mistaken beliefs, before you lose your brother forever. I feel deeply sorry for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
NP. I don't care how many degrees you have. You are actually lying if you say it is not a verifiable fact that homosexual patients have higher rates of STDs (including drug resistant forms), intestinal parasites, and even some forms of cancer (if you need me to explain which types of cancer, then you are not up on your literature and should not be having this conversation). I have been a doctor for 19 years in 4 states and two countries. The phenomena I describe are true both domestically and internationally. In short, OP is right from a medical standpoint. Not justifying homophobia. It just is what it is.

This. You can all pick your political stances, but not your medical facts. Messing around with the colon is not good for your health however much gays want it to be.

I'm sure op would be ready to disown her brother for eating a diet that puts him at risk for type 2 diabetes also. And think of the children! What if her son got the idea that it was okay to not eat a Mediterranean Diet?

Don't be stupid. Diabetes and other "lifestyle" diseases are not communicable. Most of the stuff that the doc posted above is.

[Anonymous]

Jesus christ, you sound like a terrible sister that wants everything to be about her...And stop picturing you brother having sex, its freaking weird. Thankfully your kids were born in a generation where this is more accepted, so they probably won't be as bigoted as yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus christ, you sound like a terrible sister that wants everything to be about her...And stop picturing you brother having sex, its freaking weird. Thankfully your kids were born in a generation where this is more accepted, so they probably won't be as bigoted as yourself.

It takes two people to have a relationship, right? If her brother wants to be close, he'll have to accommodate her emotional needs as well. Sorry, it's not all about him.