Help - gay brother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the only question that matters:

Would you like to continue to have a relationship with your brother, or not?

Yes, I do. But I need time and I am not sure about when I will be okay with meeting his boyfriend and my brother bringing my children around his boyfriend. I am also not sure if I can help with my parents. I honestly shake at the thought of being part of that conversation. They will cry so hard and I will just want to disappear. I wish he had not chosen this lifestyle or that he had eased us into the news. I do not agree with this stance that gays can drop the news however and whenever they want and we all just have to immediately become cheerleaders. The approach matters.

You're adorable for thinking he chose this.

[Anonymous]

WTF do you need to cope with? How selfish you are OP. Your brother is the one who will constantly be confronted with idiots like his own sister and have to rise above it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the only question that matters:

Would you like to continue to have a relationship with your brother, or not?

Yes, I do. But I need time and I am not sure about when I will be okay with meeting his boyfriend and my brother bringing my children around his boyfriend. I am also not sure if I can help with my parents. I honestly shake at the thought of being part of that conversation. They will cry so hard and I will just want to disappear. I wish he had not chosen this lifestyle or that he had eased us into the news. I do not agree with this stance that gays can drop the news however and whenever they want and we all just have to immediately become cheerleaders. The approach matters.

Big stuff to unpack here.

1. He didn't "choose this lifestyle." He's gay. The only lifestyle he could have chosen is to live a lie and be unhappily in straight relationships. That would have been a choice. (If that's the choice you would have preferred, that says something about your relationship.)

2. From the way I understood the OP, he did ease into it in a way, just maybe not the way you would have liked. (And I'm not sure exactly how he could have "eased into it" in a way that would have made it easier for you.) He waited as long as he could, and probably spent a lot of that time thinking about the right way to tell you. His boyfriend was in a different location. A more abrupt coming-out might have involved bringing his boyfriend to your meeting and introducing him as such, out of the blue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe homosexual sex is a sin. No better or no worse than any other sin which all of us do probably on a daily schedule . The unique problem of homosexual sex is that it is public once out of the closet and practitioners are in the unfortunate position of having to defend sinful acts and lifestyle publicly. This is where homosexual sex is very dangerous to your immortal soul. I've always accepted, loved and cherished all my homosexual friends and extended family. But I have told them that I care about their eternal future and I would be frightened for them when they are on their deathbed. I tell them because I love them and don't want them to take chances with their soul. I advise them to take the matter seriously and get to know what they believe their real situation is before they die. Then I tell them we will never speak of it again and get on with living and loving each other.

You sound awful. I feel for your gay acquaintances (you no longer have gay friends).

If you love somebody and worry about their soul you don't let them suffer without telling them . I never bring it up again and they know I care about them more than most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe homosexual sex is a sin. No better or no worse than any other sin which all of us do probably on a daily schedule . The unique problem of homosexual sex is that it is public once out of the closet and practitioners are in the unfortunate position of having to defend sinful acts and lifestyle publicly. This is where homosexual sex is very dangerous to your immortal soul. I've always accepted, loved and cherished all my homosexual friends and extended family. But I have told them that I care about their eternal future and I would be frightened for them when they are on their deathbed. I tell them because I love them and don't want them to take chances with their soul. I advise them to take the matter seriously and get to know what they believe their real situation is before they die. Then I tell them we will never speak of it again and get on with living and loving each other.

You sound awful. I feel for your gay acquaintances (you no longer have gay friends).

If you love somebody and worry about their soul you don't let them suffer without telling them . I never bring it up again and they know I care about them more than most people.

But if you tell them you think they're going to hell if they don't change, how do you think they feel about you? And how would you suggest they change to "save their souls"? Live their lives unhappily as a lie? Who would want that for someone they love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe homosexual sex is a sin. No better or no worse than any other sin which all of us do probably on a daily schedule . The unique problem of homosexual sex is that it is public once out of the closet and practitioners are in the unfortunate position of having to defend sinful acts and lifestyle publically. This is where homosexual sex is very dangerous to your immortal soul. I've always accepted, loved and cherished all my homosexual friends and extended family. But I have told them that I care about their eternal future and I would be frightened for them when they are on their deathbed. I tell them because I love them and don't want them to take chances with their soul. I advise them to take the matter seriously and get to know what they believe their real situation is before they die. Then I tell them we will never speak of it again and get on with living and loving each other.

Perhaps you should relax and let them worry about their own souls.

[Anonymous]

My brother is gay and I love everything about him. I'm happy I'm open minded and accept people for who they are and what they have to offer.

[Anonymous]

OMG you need to give him a huge apology. Just admit to him you were surprised and taken aback but you love the mustard out of him and yes, you want to meet his boyfriend.

Bring flowers. You have to bring your A game to this if you want your brother to trust you again.

[Anonymous]

OP, every word you write makes me feel worse and worse for your brother! Poor guy! What a ton of courage and love he must have for telling you at all and continuing to seek your support. I wish him the absolute best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe homosexual sex is a sin. No better or no worse than any other sin which all of us do probably on a daily schedule . The unique problem of homosexual sex is that it is public once out of the closet and practitioners are in the unfortunate position of having to defend sinful acts and lifestyle publically. This is where homosexual sex is very dangerous to your immortal soul. I've always accepted, loved and cherished all my homosexual friends and extended family. But I have told them that I care about their eternal future and I would be frightened for them when they are on their deathbed. I tell them because I love them and don't want them to take chances with their soul. I advise them to take the matter seriously and get to know what they believe their real situation is before they die. Then I tell them we will never speak of it again and get on with living and loving each other.

Perhaps you should relax and let them worry about their own souls.

That would be living a lie. You talk to people you love about the deepest most important things there are. I'm not telling anybody that they WILL go to hell. I'm telling them they might and they need to deeply consider it so that they aren't freaking out on their deathbed . Pithy popular opinion doesn't give you jack squat when you're leaving this earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe homosexual sex is a sin. No better or no worse than any other sin which all of us do probably on a daily schedule . The unique problem of homosexual sex is that it is public once out of the closet and practitioners are in the unfortunate position of having to defend sinful acts and lifestyle publically. This is where homosexual sex is very dangerous to your immortal soul. I've always accepted, loved and cherished all my homosexual friends and extended family. But I have told them that I care about their eternal future and I would be frightened for them when they are on their deathbed. I tell them because I love them and don't want them to take chances with their soul. I advise them to take the matter seriously and get to know what they believe their real situation is before they die. Then I tell them we will never speak of it again and get on with living and loving each other.

You sin on schedule? Like, scheduling your homosexual sex? meeting up with your AP after lunch every day? Stealing candy from babies exactly at 3:05 pm? Have impure thoughts from 6:45 to 7:00 am every morning? I like you, PP. I like you very much.

[Anonymous]

Please give me your brother's phone number and email address. I am an excellent little sister and come from a nonjudgmental family.

We will adopt him. It will be an open adoption - you can visit whenever you'd like as long as he's open to it. We will welcome him and his partner to all family gatherings. We will consider their children (if they chose to grow their family) nieces, nephews, cousins and grandchildren.

He will be loved and taken care of. My parents will treat his partner as their son-in-law, which for them, means treating him like another son.

We can take him today.

[Anonymous]

How did you want him to ease you into it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, what might have happened with my kids is important. I don't think it's appropriate for my brother to have introduced homosexuality to my kids before I had a chance to talk to them and before he told me. I do not know if this is what happened, but unless he shut the boyfriend away whenever my kids were over, how could they not have met him?

Second, the poster with the lesbian sister gets it. A lot has changed with this revelation. Clearly, we were not that close and he did not trust me as much as I did him. I had no secrets from him. I also have fears for him. The higher rate of STDs, the tougher road he has.

Third, he wants my help in coming out to our parents and I feel as if I am going to collapse at the thought. This is a visceral reaction I cannot help. He is turning my life upside down with his requests. This will tear my parents apart. And yes, maybe he is being himself and it is not his fault, but we didn't ask for this either.

I don't believe I am as crazy as some are suggesting. I know there are others out there who get my grief.

You're making this all about you. It's not about you. It's about him. He is coming out to his family and you are making it difficult.

It's very simple to explain homosexuality to kids. "Some boys like to marry boys, and some boys like to marry girls. Some girls like to marry girls and some girls like to marry boys. The important thing is that we all treat everyone kindly." The end. Don't worry about STD's - that's on him to worry about. The gay community does a TON of outreach regarding safety and gay relationships and all that goes with them.

[Anonymous]

Wow, this is 2016! Get over it.