I realized my marriage was over at the dinner table

[Anonymous]

You married him once for a reason. The fact that you did that and yet so easily and coldly walk away speaks more to your own journey in learning to have self esteem. It's actually less about him and more about your own growth. You likely in no way ready to marry when you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might be the oddball out of the PPs...

Don't you think your husband deserves the decency to at least know why you filed for divorce? I mean you married the guy, and I am sure you have talked with him about his disrespect in the past. But to just leave him at the dinner table, get in an uber, and file seems a little odd, and I would think he at least deserves an explanation.

+1 It sounds like a bit much. I'm kind of shocked at all of the PPs talking like OP's husband is abusive. He made fun of her cooking. Actually, he didn't even make fun of her cooking. He thought it was funny when BIL did. That's worth divorcing over?

I don't know. Maybe my personality is different. My husband and I make fun of each other all of the time. We both have healthy senses of humor and try not to take things like being bad at cooking too seriously.

OP at least could've explained to her husband why she wanted a divorce.

It's also funny because if OP had said that her husband got up from dinner, took an uber home, left, and then filed for divorce with no explanation, all of DCUM would be giving her sympathy and saying, "OMG, the least he could do is give you an explanation!"

Oh FFS. Of course OP is giving him an explanation. He won't get it, because in his mind she's just a crappy cook who doesn't deserve the respect he affords his barber.

This was not one incident, people. It was the straw.

Go in peace, OP. I wish you happiness and strength in the face of women like PPs, who can't imagine the freedom of making a choice just for themselves.

I know the freedom of making choices. I married later because of that freedom.

But it doesn't sound like OP gave him an explanation. She just left. And she posted on here because she was hoping for a bunch of cheers.

If OP wants to divorce her husband, that's her call. But in her post she acts like he's abusive because he laughed at a joke about her cooking. She doesn't say what else, but that she left without talking to him. I'm sorry, but if a man posted doing that to his wife, DCUM would go crazy acusing him of being overly sensitive and then abandoning his wife.

[Anonymous]

Goof for you OP, I am glad you are happy now. Must feel good to be away from someone who constantly put you down.
Please ignore the negativity from PPs and enjoy your new found freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way would I allow that if I was your husband. And I'm a girl. He owns you until the day you are legally divorced. You can't just leave unless he says you can.

I am a man and WTF? The only time a person "owns" an SO is when it is a consentual understanding of ownership. Clearly she no longer consents and that is her right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations, OP! I had a similar epiphany. Long story short is that my husband refused to seek treatment for his mental health issues and it was having a huge toll on me and the kids. I was spent, beat down and used up. I'll never forget him sitting at the table, surfing the 'net when I told him I really needed him to take the kids to school the next day and pick them up (he was unemployed at the time) The look he gave me was what finally broke me. It was so full of annoyance, so inconvenienced, so uncaring that I knew that it was never going to get better and there was no point in me struggling any more. It was, literally, a snap - probably a lot like yours!

I'll never, ever, forget what a relief it was! My struggle was over! My burden lifted! There was nothing more for me to withstand. It was an amazing feeling and I'm so glad you go to that point! Hugs!

I've had many such moments over the years of my dead marriage. Most recently, it was when he told me I desperately needed emotional regulation when I began crying during an argument. They were tears of hopelessness, b/c DH was not listening or understanding.

Pro-tip for husbands: try hugging your wife when she's crying, not lecturing her. Also don't get married if you are fine with twice a'year sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the typical starter marriage

Yet another reason to never get married, boys.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has a threshold that when reached, causes a reaction such as yours.

Good for you OP for leaving this disrespectful, inconsiderate leech.

Life can only get better for you now that you no longer reside w/him.

The reason this is barely affecting you on an emotional level is because like you stated, there is no love lost here.

I sincerely wish you all the best in your future endeavors moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let the haters hate, no one should have to endure misery indefinitely. Once you decide it's over, why drag it out another second?

I do wish the law reflected people's opinion now. It really should reflect that this is a temporary contract - the disposal of assets and dealing with kids should reflection of that. Get rid of the idea of for richer and poorer sickness and health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let the haters hate, no one should have to endure misery indefinitely. Once you decide it's over, why drag it out another second?

I do wish the law reflected people's opinion now. It really should reflect that this is a temporary contract - the disposal of assets and dealing with kids should reflection of that. Get rid of the idea of for richer and poorer sickness and health.

Imo till death do us part rmeans until death do us part. If you choose to leave you should die. If you both choose to divorce, you both should die.

[Anonymous]

Wow, can't believe so many people are jumping on OP.

Good for you, OP for recognizing this marriage was done before you had kids. You made a mistake, you got out. Amazing how many people see marriage as a misery pact. The opposite of love is indifference, and you clearly hit that point.

FWIW, I am a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way would I allow that if I was your husband. And I'm a girl. He owns you until the day you are legally divorced. You can't just leave unless he says you can.

Not OP, but NOBODY owns me! She is not a slave, her husband doesn't "own" her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has a threshold that when reached, causes a reaction such as yours.

Good for you OP for leaving this disrespectful, inconsiderate leech.

Life can only get better for you now that you no longer reside w/him.

The reason this is barely affecting you on an emotional level is because like you stated, there is no love lost here.

I sincerely wish you all the best in your future endeavors moving forward.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever had an epiphany about a relationship your in that its just over? I was having dinner with my disrespectful husband and his dysfunctional family. My BIL makes a crack about my cooking and my husband joins in and laughs. I know I can't cook but hey at least I tried. That has always been an issue with H allowing his family to disrespect me and even him going along with it. We have many other problems which I won't go into. I have put up with this for 3 years. I don't know what was different on Sunday but I was just sitting there and I'm like what am I doing here. I don't belong here. In a period of about 3 minutes I came to the conclusion my marriage is over and I no longer love my husband. There is absolutely no way I will have children with this man. This moment was life changing me for. I got up with no drama got my purse and uber took me home. I packed a bag with enough essentials and moved in with my sister. On Monday I saw my BFF who is a divorce attorney and filed for a divorce. My husband was just served today. I am going to be looking at a small house or condo to move into. I feel so happy and free. When I am done typing this I am changing my cell number. My stbx won't stop blasting my phone. I have absolutely nothing to say to him. I am not angry. I just don't want to bother with him. I have felt so damn happy since I left. There is really no point to my post but I wanted to write about it. TY

You are awesome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might be the oddball out of the PPs...

Don't you think your husband deserves the decency to at least know why you filed for divorce? I mean you married the guy, and I am sure you have talked with him about his disrespect in the past. But to just leave him at the dinner table, get in an uber, and file seems a little odd, and I would think he at least deserves an explanation.

+1 It sounds like a bit much. I'm kind of shocked at all of the PPs talking like OP's husband is abusive. He made fun of her cooking. Actually, he didn't even make fun of her cooking. He thought it was funny when BIL did. That's worth divorcing over?

I don't know. Maybe my personality is different. My husband and I make fun of each other all of the time. We both have healthy senses of humor and try not to take things like being bad at cooking too seriously.

OP at least could've explained to her husband why she wanted a divorce.

It's also funny because if OP had said that her husband got up from dinner, took an uber home, left, and then filed for divorce with no explanation, all of DCUM would be giving her sympathy and saying, "OMG, the least he could do is give you an explanation!"

If there's "other things" why not share them here? Right now it just seems "BIL made fun of me, my DH laughed, I'm divorcing that prick and will just ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist."

OP's not in danger of her life (or even her property) -- this isn't some guy you went on three dates with that started talking about the color of the wedding flowers on Date #3 or some girl that kept complaining about Mexicans apropos of nothing. This is a husband. If OP wants her STBX to be a complete jackass during the divorce proceedings/negotiations, this is one way to begin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, can't believe so many people are jumping on OP.

Good for you, OP for recognizing this marriage was done before you had kids. You made a mistake, you got out. Amazing how many people see marriage as a misery pact. The opposite of love is indifference, and you clearly hit that point.

FWIW, I am a man.

Guaranteed it's one or 2 trolls. Most definitely one of them is our resident scorned and bitter MRA.

OP sets an example of how someone with confidence and self worth should act.