I realized my marriage was over at the dinner table

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever had an epiphany about a relationship your in that its just over? I was having dinner with my disrespectful husband and his dysfunctional family. My BIL makes a crack about my cooking and my husband joins in and laughs. I know I can't cook but hey at least I tried. That has always been an issue with H allowing his family to disrespect me and even him going along with it. We have many other problems which I won't go into. I have put up with this for 3 years. I don't know what was different on Sunday but I was just sitting there and I'm like what am I doing here. I don't belong here. In a period of about 3 minutes I came to the conclusion my marriage is over and I no longer love my husband. There is absolutely no way I will have children with this man. This moment was life changing me for. I got up with no drama got my purse and uber took me home. I packed a bag with enough essentials and moved in with my sister. On Monday I saw my BFF who is a divorce attorney and filed for a divorce. My husband was just served today. I am going to be looking at a small house or condo to move into. I feel so happy and free. When I am done typing this I am changing my cell number. My stbx won't stop blasting my phone. I have absolutely nothing to say to him. I am not angry. I just don't want to bother with him. I have felt so damn happy since I left. There is really no point to my post but I wanted to write about it. TY

Drops mic.

Bye Felicia.

[Anonymous]

I would be willing to bet OP was an only child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let the haters hate, no one should have to endure misery indefinitely. Once you decide it's over, why drag it out another second?

I do wish the law reflected people's opinion now. It really should reflect that this is a temporary contract - the disposal of assets and dealing with kids should reflection of that. Get rid of the idea of for richer and poorer sickness and health.

Imo till death do us part rmeans until death do us part. If you choose to leave you should die. If you both choose to divorce, you both should die.

We (along with many people) wrote our own vows that did not include this line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, can't believe so many people are jumping on OP.

Good for you, OP for recognizing this marriage was done before you had kids. You made a mistake, you got out. Amazing how many people see marriage as a misery pact. The opposite of love is indifference, and you clearly hit that point.

FWIW, I am a man.

Guaranteed it's one or 2 trolls. Most definitely one of them is our resident scorned and bitter MRA.

OP sets an example of how someone with confidence and self worth should act.

Not in Gods eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, can't believe so many people are jumping on OP.

Good for you, OP for recognizing this marriage was done before you had kids. You made a mistake, you got out. Amazing how many people see marriage as a misery pact. The opposite of love is indifference, and you clearly hit that point.

FWIW, I am a man.

Guaranteed it's one or 2 trolls. Most definitely one of them is our resident scorned and bitter MRA.

OP sets an example of how someone with confidence and self worth should act.

Not in Gods eyes.

You are a spokesperson for "God"?

[Anonymous]

to everyone giving op a hard time: there comes a point where you just can't take the shit anymore. Man or woman, when it's been years of crap and no change for the better when you've been busting your ass to make it work, the straw really does break it.

It's not the big issues that kill a marriage. It's the small ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:to the one or two obsessive trolls giving op a hard time: there comes a point where you just can't take the shit anymore. Man or woman, when it's been years of crap and no change for the better when you've been busting your ass to make it work, the straw really does break it.

It's not the big issues that kill a marriage. It's the small ones.

Fixed that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Because she took a vow to stay with him until death, through sickness and health. Now, sure, that doesn't mean she shouldn't divorce him if she is unhappy or if he mistreats her. But divorce isn't like breaking up with someone you dated a little while. It's severing a vow. Doesn't that mean anything to anyone?

I'm not saying she shouldn't divorce him, but I believe that -- barring fear of physical reprisal and harm -- a spouse (female or male) owes their other spouse an explanation when filing for divorce. It's the adult way to be.

I am long married, but I did not say until death do we part. Nor did I say through sickness and in health. Do all marriage ceremonies say that? No. Stop imposing your experiences on others.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I'm glad OP is getting out of a bad marriage early and with no kids. You shouldn't have to live your life unhappily and it takes courage to move along. So I think that's good.

I do, however, think how she left is a bit extreme. I guess she must have just snapped. I think it is kind of cruel to not even tell her husband what happened. This is a person she loved enough to marry just a few short years ago. I guess I feel like two wrongs don't make a right: just because he was an ass doesn't mean she shouldn't tell him what happened, even if it's just a short "dear John" type note. Drastic actions like this could really haunt this guy forever, but an explanation could be the trigger to a positive change for him and others he has relationships with in the future. I'm not saying she needs to have some long heart to heart discussion. But there was once love, and he is a jerk but still a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let the haters hate, no one should have to endure misery indefinitely. Once you decide it's over, why drag it out another second?

I do wish the law reflected people's opinion now. It really should reflect that this is a temporary contract - the disposal of assets and dealing with kids should reflection of that. Get rid of the idea of for richer and poorer sickness and health.

Imo till death do us part rmeans until death do us part. If you choose to leave you should die. If you both choose to divorce, you both should die.

I agree, joint assets, kids etc change the game, but this appears to be a non-issue in OP's case.

As one who's been through the wringer with kids (possibly ugliest story you ever heard still ongoing). , my views changed radically. I lost access to my kids for years at a time. Never got to enjoy parenthood but living the nightmare.. I especially commend OP for leaving while she can... it's not the ideal but the reality you have to work with.

[Anonymous]

Holy cow there are some huge egos here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let the haters hate, no one should have to endure misery indefinitely. Once you decide it's over, why drag it out another second?

I do wish the law reflected people's opinion now. It really should reflect that this is a temporary contract - the disposal of assets and dealing with kids should reflection of that. Get rid of the idea of for richer and poorer sickness and health.

Imo till death do us part rmeans until death do us part. If you choose to leave you should die. If you both choose to divorce, you both should die.

I agree, joint assets, kids etc change the game, but this appears to be a non-issue in OP's case.

As one who's been through the wringer with kids (possibly ugliest story you ever heard still ongoing). , my views changed radically. I lost access to my kids for years at a time. Never got to enjoy parenthood but living the nightmare.. I especially commend OP for leaving while she can... it's not the ideal but the reality you have to work with.

Then why didn't you die if you agree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, can't believe so many people are jumping on OP.

Good for you, OP for recognizing this marriage was done before you had kids. You made a mistake, you got out. Amazing how many people see marriage as a misery pact. The opposite of love is indifference, and you clearly hit that point.

FWIW, I am a man.

Guaranteed it's one or 2 trolls. Most definitely one of them is our resident scorned and bitter MRA.

OP sets an example of how someone with confidence and self worth should act.

Not in Gods eyes.

I see ISIS had joined the discussion.

[Anonymous]

I get OP, I really do. But if you're still reading OP, I think what you're doing is trying to move on before you move on, if that makes sense.

You can certainly divorce if you want to, but you can't just pretend you were never married and move on. You have to deal with closing that chapter, emotionally and materially, in a thorough manner so that this shitty period doesn't color the rest of your life.

Hugs OP, good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get OP, I really do. But if you're still reading OP, I think what you're doing is trying to move on before you move on, if that makes sense.

You can certainly divorce if you want to, but you can't just pretend you were never married and move on. You have to deal with closing that chapter, emotionally and materially, in a thorough manner so that this shitty period doesn't color the rest of your life.

Hugs OP, good luck.

Sometimes people work things out long in their head before they act. I'm like that and appear very decisive, but really I roll things over in my head for a long time, often without discussion and when I'm ready to act, I do it without regret or reservation.