I realized my marriage was over at the dinner table

[Anonymous]

Congrats OP!

(No reason you need to walk away from money you put down on the house, though.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats OP!

(No reason you need to walk away from money you put down on the house, though.)

I agree

[Anonymous]

1) Good for you. Run, girl - like the wind. Be free!

2) Don't give that home equity up without a fight just because you want to be done. That's short-sighted. You will be done one day, don't just wish you had gone to the mat for your fair share. You're paying that lawyer. Make her/him negotiate for your half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats OP!

(No reason you need to walk away from money you put down on the house, though.)

Yes - runaway.

Marriage is for dinosaurs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a similar situation to OP. Wife was always nagging and was cold and wouldn't put out. It just wasn't a rewarding marriage. I just left one day, and let me lawyer take care of the divorce. That was that.

She "wouldn't put out"? I can't imagine why she was cold to a gem like you! Mazel tov to your wife and to OP for getting rid of their asshole husbands!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So glad that you figured this out before you had kids! I wish I had had some epithany when I was married to my ex.

Do you mean epiphany?

[Anonymous]

OP I'm proud - and jealous - of you. I too am counting the days - I'm staying with a husband who has anger and patience issues until our son goes to college. I have MS that is quite advanced and I know if we were to divorce, he'd get DS full time because he's physically and financially better off to be her caregiver whereas I can barely care for myself and it's only going to get worse.

So I stay because I fear how bad it could get if no one was there to intervene when DH loses his temper at DS, who is a wonderful but challenging kid. And I stay because I need someone to take care of me.

DH is not an evil guy - he's gone to therapy, parenting classes, he's even on medication, and he loves us both. There are just some people who don't have the talent or the wiring or whatever to be patient enough when suddenly they become a single father responsible for caring for a son with ADHD and a disabled wife. It's not what he signed up for, but he's doing it every day when some others might just bolt.

So sometimes he loses it and screams at his wife that she's an ungrateful fucking bitch (IFO DS). Or he yells at DS because he is "being a fucking asshole" when DS takes too long tying his shoes.

No family in town or really anywhere that could help me if I left. Don't have enough money to leave and hire enough caregivers for us both. (Already paying tons of $ for caregivers to help us part time now, and it's only a fraction of what full time help would cost - and yet the respite care and house cleaners and sitters don't seem to be relieving him enough so he could have the energy to manage his anger).

So what would you do - stay and be emotionally abused so that I can try to shield my son? Or leave my son behind just to save myself? I can't even write it because I could never leave DS to face it alone.

And yet it kills me - in college I used to volunteer at a domestic violence NGO, working with women to get them out of abusive situations. But still I stay

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

PP here - before any of the haters start to flame me, I am very appreciative and grateful, DS was not taking longer than any other pre-schooler, and these examples were just two of THOUSANDS of times that he has barked, growled or screamed disrespectful and hateful things 2 inches from our faces. Whatever you think of me (meaning whatever misogyny you project onto OP and other posters like myself - no child deserves to be treated that way.

BTW, while I'm still able to work, I make more money than him and I drag my breaking body to work every day to help support our family. Just not enough to afford full-time caregivers. And if you call me a martyr because I can't walk away - literally - because I want to protect my child, then you clearly don't understand what it means to be a parent. Or a human.

[Anonymous]

^you shiukd really start your own thread to address this. Just copy and paste into a new thread. Then you don't hijack this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here - before any of the haters start to flame me, I am very appreciative and grateful, DS was not taking longer than any other pre-schooler, and these examples were just two of THOUSANDS of times that he has barked, growled or screamed disrespectful and hateful things 2 inches from our faces. Whatever you think of me (meaning whatever misogyny you project onto OP and other posters like myself - no child deserves to be treated that way.

BTW, while I'm still able to work, I make more money than him and I drag my breaking body to work every day to help support our family. Just not enough to afford full-time caregivers. And if you call me a martyr because I can't walk away - literally - because I want to protect my child, then you clearly don't understand what it means to be a parent. Or a human.

As for OP, you are completely deficient in communication skills and credibility. If you have had discussions with H, he obviously never believed you. Or worse, you never had the guts to risk his disapproval by putting your needs on the table. Please use this singlehood time to grow some intestinal fortitude to speak your needs in a believable manner. This will go far to make sure that when you meet Mr Right again, it works.

As for PP, same advice. He believes you are weak and has lost respect for you such that he can even get in your face. Regain your voice too. Start saying, even if only in your head, who the h*'ll do you think you are speaking to in that manner?

Same advice to men with loud wives, take your turn to communicate your needs to. Sounds like a thread of people who, for the most part, don't express themselves well to those who matter, even goes for the women who cheer. No more triangulation!! Express to those only who are the source of tour frustration.

[Anonymous]

You are awesome. I am so happy you are not taking his shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to change your phone number. Just block him.

+1 you can block his whole family why make your life more difficult by having to give all your contacts a new number. And yes, GOOD FOR YOU! No way I'd put with being humiliated like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have many 'this relationship is over'/'I cannot stand another day of this relationship'/'we are never going to make it' moments. Same type of thing, psychological/mental/emotional abuse constantly over several years. It has worn me down into a shell of who I once was. However in my case there is a child involved so I cannot just get up and walk out as often and as much as I want to. I'm envious of OP.

Hand in there OP - Perhaps you wait until high school graduation. YOu only live once. DO you want to live it trapped in a bad marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have many 'this relationship is over'/'I cannot stand another day of this relationship'/'we are never going to make it' moments. Same type of thing, psychological/mental/emotional abuse constantly over several years. It has worn me down into a shell of who I once was. However in my case there is a child involved so I cannot just get up and walk out as often and as much as I want to. I'm envious of OP.

Hand in there OP - Perhaps you wait until high school graduation. YOu only live once. DO you want to live it trapped in a bad marriage?

I'm the PP you quoted. I have a long way to high school graduation, our child is young. But believe me I think this same thought every day -- or more like, how can I live my one life trapped like this? The answer is right now I can't stand the thought of being away from my DC half the time. Right now, that sounds worse than what I live with. But I know this could change. It has to at some point, right? I keep telling myself that. It's how I stay alive. If you wonder why I envy OP, read the thread "When dying feels easier than leaving."