He went out to lunch with another woman and lied about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know where I connect with business contacts? Linked In. Not saying we would never connect on FB but it's definitely not my first thought or move if I'm thinking of a person in a business context.

OP here.
No, they met at a business event. They became facebook friends.

Right that's what I'm saying- I'd be more likely to connect with someone I met at a business event on Linked In than on Facebook.

Hmmm good point. I'm not sure if they connected on Linked In.

I bet you're figuring it out right now though

As she should.

Yeah because a great way for a woman to spend her time is cross referencing FB acquaintances with LinkedIn contacts and gauging whether she's ever heard of some of them and if so, what the story about their contact is

Once you put your stuff on the internet it's one click, it's not private so stop blaming the people who look it up. It's the dummies that have it up there. Recently we had a situation that has been since resolved. Let's just say my ins. adjuster and lawyer looked on the internet to find out about the idiots we were investigating. It ended in our favor. The worst thing is to use your real name, the search engines easily put all that together.

What the fucking fuck does this little tale have to do with this subject

What's with the F F, a little OCD going on?

All these people that put their life up there give out a LOT of info. OP put it together pretty quickly.

OP he may be shopping.

[Anonymous]

She's on his FB, that other woman is. There's no snooping for Pete's sake. She asked to look at his texts, caught him off guard. If nothing to hide you wouldn't erase them before she could read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What's with the F F, a little OCD going on?

All these people that put their life up there give out a LOT of info. OP put it together pretty quickly.

OP he may be shopping.

Thanks....yes, that is what I am starting to think...he was a little flirty, seeing if she bantered back (like I said, I was a little buzzed and just skimming fast when I read the texts--I honestly didn't see if she did or not) and then invited her to lunch.

At lunch either she didn't seem interested, or he decided he wasn't...it was a bust, so that's why it was no loss to him to delete her contact info.

Because why else would he lie about the lunch? Saying he had only "texted her a few times"...and got huffy when I called him out on the fact that he said previously he only talked to her once .

Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
For pete's sake. Anyone who is spending hours and hours perusing their boyfriend's facebook friends to see what posts he liked and the "tone" of his interactions is deeply insecure. Sad for a 40+ year old mother, sorry.

OP here. I'm not perusing all his friends. For some reason this one just seemed "different." I don't look up his other "friends."

Oh, please. You noticed that he had a new FB friend (among 1000+!), then checked her out to see what she looked like and how she knew him, then monitored her posts for a while to see what kind of stuff she posted and what she liked on your BFs page and whether he liked any of her stuff. Then you brought it up to him, he gave you an explanation, then "it came up again" and he started lying and you started with the gotcha.

This is not normal behavior for a healthy relationship for people in their 40s. You were deeply insecure about this relationship BEFORE she ever became his FB friend.

Why won't you answer any questions about how your marriages ended? You obviously are monitoring this thread closely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
For pete's sake. Anyone who is spending hours and hours perusing their boyfriend's facebook friends to see what posts he liked and the "tone" of his interactions is deeply insecure. Sad for a 40+ year old mother, sorry.

OP here. I'm not perusing all his friends. For some reason this one just seemed "different." I don't look up his other "friends."

Oh, please. You noticed that he had a new FB friend (among 1000+!), then checked her out to see what she looked like and how she knew him, then monitored her posts for a while to see what kind of stuff she posted and what she liked on your BFs page and whether he liked any of her stuff. Then you brought it up to him, he gave you an explanation, then "it came up again" and he started lying and you started with the gotcha.

This is not normal behavior for a healthy relationship for people in their 40s. You were deeply insecure about this relationship BEFORE she ever became his FB friend.

Why won't you answer any questions about how your marriages ended? You obviously are monitoring this thread closely.

My marriage ended due to constant verbal abuse and put downs by my ex.
He has said his marriage ended because they weren't communicating well and were both miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What's with the F F, a little OCD going on?

All these people that put their life up there give out a LOT of info. OP put it together pretty quickly.

OP he may be shopping.

Thanks....yes, that is what I am starting to think...he was a little flirty, seeing if she bantered back (like I said, I was a little buzzed and just skimming fast when I read the texts--I honestly didn't see if she did or not) and then invited her to lunch.

At lunch either she didn't seem interested, or he decided he wasn't...it was a bust, so that's why it was no loss to him to delete her contact info.

Because why else would he lie about the lunch? Saying he had only "texted her a few times"...and got huffy when I called him out on the fact that he said previously he only talked to her once .

Right?

OP, the relationship you have with this man is now over. You have too much distrust in him.

I also don't understand how you can say "I love you" to a person who hasn't met your kids and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I value my sanity too much to resort to espionage tactics to get a handle on what's going on with my significant other. If you gotta do all this spying and snooping and prying OP then you may as well break it off now cause its not gonna get any better regardless of whether you find anything or not.

Yes that's really espionage to check out some twits FB who has diarrhea of the key board, or looking at phone texts, lol. Not even. She's looking into all this so she can make a decision about this guy. Best to have proof before making a big decision.

What big decision - its not like they don't have a relationship anymore. If she's going thru all his shit and freaking out about (GASP!!) lunch with someone then I don't know what the hell they have but its not healthy whatever the hell it is. No BIG decision here move the F on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What's with the F F, a little OCD going on?

All these people that put their life up there give out a LOT of info. OP put it together pretty quickly.

OP he may be shopping.

Thanks....yes, that is what I am starting to think...he was a little flirty, seeing if she bantered back (like I said, I was a little buzzed and just skimming fast when I read the texts--I honestly didn't see if she did or not) and then invited her to lunch.

At lunch either she didn't seem interested, or he decided he wasn't...it was a bust, so that's why it was no loss to him to delete her contact info.

Because why else would he lie about the lunch? Saying he had only "texted her a few times"...and got huffy when I called him out on the fact that he said previously he only talked to her once .

Right?

Right. There is really no good reason for him to have lied to you about this at any point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I value my sanity too much to resort to espionage tactics to get a handle on what's going on with my significant other. If you gotta do all this spying and snooping and prying OP then you may as well break it off now cause its not gonna get any better regardless of whether you find anything or not.

Yes that's really espionage to check out some twits FB who has diarrhea of the key board, or looking at phone texts, lol. Not even. She's looking into all this so she can make a decision about this guy. Best to have proof before making a big decision.

What big decision - its not like they don't have a relationship anymore. If she's going thru all his shit and freaking out about (GASP!!) lunch with someone then I don't know what the hell they have but its not healthy whatever the hell it is. No BIG decision here move the F on.

What shit of his did she go through? She asked to see his texts and he handed her the phone, she didn't sneak and do it. His FB is online. Some of you act like she was wearing all black and trailing his car!
She had a gut instinct and she followed it. This has risen to the level of a story because, presumably, OP doesn't feel this way or act this way all of the time. She was right to trust her gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I value my sanity too much to resort to espionage tactics to get a handle on what's going on with my significant other. If you gotta do all this spying and snooping and prying OP then you may as well break it off now cause its not gonna get any better regardless of whether you find anything or not.

Yes that's really espionage to check out some twits FB who has diarrhea of the key board, or looking at phone texts, lol. Not even. She's looking into all this so she can make a decision about this guy. Best to have proof before making a big decision.

What big decision - its not like they don't have a relationship anymore. If she's going thru all his shit and freaking out about (GASP!!) lunch with someone then I don't know what the hell they have but its not healthy whatever the hell it is. No BIG decision here move the F on.

What shit of his did she go through? She asked to see his texts and he handed her the phone, she didn't sneak and do it. His FB is online. Some of you act like she was wearing all black and trailing his car!
She had a gut instinct and she followed it. This has risen to the level of a story because, presumably, OP doesn't feel this way or act this way all of the time. She was right to trust her gut.

Then her gut should tell her to pack it up and move on cause I don't recall suspicion and surveillance being listed among the top ten habits of healthy couples.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks. Fwiw, he has had business lunches with other women before and it was never anything I worried about--which is why his lying about this one makes it that much more suspect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks. Fwiw, he has had business lunches with other women before and it was never anything I worried about--which is why his lying about this one makes it that much more suspect.

Okay, now your relationship is over. I don't think you will ever trust him again. What happens now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks. Fwiw, he has had business lunches with other women before and it was never anything I worried about--which is why his lying about this one makes it that much more suspect.

You're worried about this one because she's 37 and hot. Just be honest about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been dating about a year--not living together. Relatively serious (exclusive, we've said "I love you" on a regular basis, etc.) but no talk of future marriage or anything. We both have kids from previous marriage and neither of us have met each other's kids yet. Just putting all that out there to give context to the relationship.

So about a month ago I noticed he had a new "friend" on facebook (yeah, I know...) He is one of those people that has about 1000 friends on facebook, every person he's ever met and many that he hasn't... so new friends on facebook are nothing new....but something just made me notice this one. She lives local. A few years younger than me (he is 2.5 years older than me) She is attractive in a "lots of make up, always dresses nice and accessorizes" kind of way. From her facebook profile it was apparent they knew each other in a business networking context.

Over the last couple weeks I just kind of paid attention to their interactions on facebook. She posts A LOT. Several times a day and mostly in attention seeking ways "Today the man at the coffee shop told me how beautiful I am!" "Someone thought I was 27, not 37, in yoga class today!" kind of stuff.
I noticed that she commented on posts he has made on his page, but he has commented or "liked" several of her posts on her own wall. Sometimes slightly flirtatious but nothing overt.
Still, I was nervous---red flags were waving.

I brought it up to him a little over a week ago and he told me there was nothing to worry about-his comments were just attempts at being funny. He had only spoken to her once at a business thing.
A few days later (this past Sunday) it came up again. He said there was nothing to worry about romantically with her. They had only texted a couple times.


I mentioned that a few days prior he had said he only talked to her once. He got all huffy and sarcastic about it saying "I officially apologize for not keeping track of every text, email, phone call, etc that I have with every potential business contact"
We fought that night for a long time.

My birthday was the other day. He took wine tasting and then for a picnic with a bottle of the favorite wine from the tasting. The subject came up again...and I asked to see he texts on the phone. He let me see his phone.
But I had drank a fair amount of wine by that point..so I was a bit buzzed...and skimming the texts quickly...

The first several texts seemed like mix of buisness talk and a bit of flirtatious banter (On his part--I was skimming so quick/so buzzed I honestly didn't notice/recall her responses)
Then he said outloud "Yeah, we did go to lunch"

I guess I must have scrolled to a part of the texts where they were discussing that. I hadn't actually seen it yet.

Then I looked down at the texts and saw them discussing which restaurant to meet at.

He told me it was JUST work at the restaurant. Promised.
I asked him when they went, and he said Friday. So BEFORE our big fight Sunday when he told me that he had only texted with her a few times. He lied BIG TIME and made it seem like I was being ridiculous with his comment about "I apologize for not tracking every phone call, text, email,etc"

He deleted the texts. (I wish he hadn't--now that I have a clearer head I would like to go back and see what I missed.)

I asked him to delete her from his facebook contacts and he did, right then and there. He also, without me even asking or mentioning, deleted her contact info from his phone right there.

He has tried to make up for it.
Yesterday he was supposed to go to an event that she would likely be at, and he didn't go. He spent time with me instead.

I think I do believe it was just a business lunch, but I am bothered by the lies, the deceit, and most of all his making me feel like *I* was his ridiculous with his grandiose fake apology about not "tracking" all his interactions....

I am a fool to trust him again, right?

Are you a novelist? A soap opera producer, sounding out new ideas?

[Anonymous]

You know what OP??

A lie is a lie.
It does not matter the context or the size, this man is a common liar & if you stay exclusive w/him, you will only be subjecting yourself to a relationship where the foundation which is trust....isn't even there at all.

Integrity is the building block to trust and nothing erodes trust like a good (or bad!) lie.

So basically you have nothing w/this guy now.
No relationship. Nothing.

You deserve much much better.