He went out to lunch with another woman and lied about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP from 10:37. Just wanted to add that I don't think it's nuts that you noticed he had a new friend. I've noticed this last week with my own boyfriend--the reason I noticed is because this girl has already slept with two guys my boyfriend knows that are cops (my boyfriend is also a cop). This girl now friended my BF (she's no longer sleeping with his friends) and I really believe she's just a badge bunny. My boyfriend is really good looking (not to toot my own horn...lol...but he's better looking than the two she's already gone after). The only reason I noticed is because I know who she is from her "relationships" with his friends, and now all of a sudden she's on my BF's page liking all of his posts and pictures...that don't have me in them! I trust my boyfriend 100% and I know he wouldn't do anything, but I have a feeling she has her eyes on my man. The difference is trusting him to do the right thing, which I do. They don't have a business relationship like your situation. If he did, I'd be upset if he went out to lunch with her just based on HER conduct with his friends and on FB. Don't let everybody else in this thread make you feel crazy for looking the girl up on FB and I don't necessarily think it makes you super possessive to want to keep an eye on a female that seems interested in your man.

+100
I applaud OP for not burying her head in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My red flag is that youve been dating an entire year and havent met each others kids yet. Thats insane. My 4 year old DD meets everybody. I cannot get my fingers around that concept. Its like you two each have a foot out the door like you are not taking the relationship seriously. And how old is this guy that he is on FB liking stuff all day, with kids. Seems odd too.

Well, I don't want my kids exposed to a "revolving door" of boyfriends, and he feels the same about his kids. Since both of us feel "kids come first" we are typically busy with our kids most evenings/weekends and we see each other when the kids are with the other parent.

Why would you waste 1 entire year of time dating a man who you feel likely will just go out thru your revolving door of men? If it wasnt looking serious in a few months, I would move on. You just know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been dating about a year--not living together. Relatively serious (exclusive, we've said "I love you" on a regular basis, etc.) but no talk of future marriage or anything. We both have kids from previous marriage and neither of us have met each other's kids yet. Just putting all that out there to give context to the relationship.

So about a month ago I noticed he had a new "friend" on facebook (yeah, I know...) He is one of those people that has about 1000 friends on facebook, every person he's ever met and many that he hasn't... so new friends on facebook are nothing new....but something just made me notice this one. She lives local. A few years younger than me (he is 2.5 years older than me) She is attractive in a "lots of make up, always dresses nice and accessorizes" kind of way. From her facebook profile it was apparent they knew each other in a business networking context.

Over the last couple weeks I just kind of paid attention to their interactions on facebook. She posts A LOT. Several times a day and mostly in attention seeking ways "Today the man at the coffee shop told me how beautiful I am!" "Someone thought I was 27, not 37, in yoga class today!" kind of stuff.
I noticed that she commented on posts he has made on his page, but he has commented or "liked" several of her posts on her own wall. Sometimes slightly flirtatious but nothing overt.
Still, I was nervous---red flags were waving.

I brought it up to him a little over a week ago and he told me there was nothing to worry about-his comments were just attempts at being funny. He had only spoken to her once at a business thing.
A few days later (this past Sunday) it came up again. He said there was nothing to worry about romantically with her. They had only texted a couple times.


I mentioned that a few days prior he had said he only talked to her once. He got all huffy and sarcastic about it saying "I officially apologize for not keeping track of every text, email, phone call, etc that I have with every potential business contact"
We fought that night for a long time.

My birthday was the other day. He took wine tasting and then for a picnic with a bottle of the favorite wine from the tasting. The subject came up again...and I asked to see he texts on the phone. He let me see his phone.
But I had drank a fair amount of wine by that point..so I was a bit buzzed...and skimming the texts quickly...

The first several texts seemed like mix of buisness talk and a bit of flirtatious banter (On his part--I was skimming so quick/so buzzed I honestly didn't notice/recall her responses)
Then he said outloud "Yeah, we did go to lunch"

I guess I must have scrolled to a part of the texts where they were discussing that. I hadn't actually seen it yet.

Then I looked down at the texts and saw them discussing which restaurant to meet at.

He told me it was JUST work at the restaurant. Promised.
I asked him when they went, and he said Friday. So BEFORE our big fight Sunday when he told me that he had only texted with her a few times. He lied BIG TIME and made it seem like I was being ridiculous with his comment about "I apologize for not tracking every phone call, text, email,etc"

He deleted the texts. (I wish he hadn't--now that I have a clearer head I would like to go back and see what I missed.)

I asked him to delete her from his facebook contacts and he did, right then and there. He also, without me even asking or mentioning, deleted her contact info from his phone right there.

He has tried to make up for it.
Yesterday he was supposed to go to an event that she would likely be at, and he didn't go. He spent time with me instead.

I think I do believe it was just a business lunch, but I am bothered by the lies, the deceit, and most of all his making me feel like *I* was his ridiculous with his grandiose fake apology about not "tracking" all his interactions....

I am a fool to trust him again, right?

Of course he didn't tell you about the lunch, you had already asked him several times about this woman. He knew if he told you you would go postal so he lied about it. You put him in a position where he was forced to lie to keep the peace. Your a bit of the jealous type from the sound of it. Are you suspect of every female he has contact with? So what if he may have had a little crush on her and he might have been able to get some business out of it too. Calm the hell down. If you have to work this hard to keep him maybe you should just give him up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP aka typical DCUM woman: "She is attractive in a "lots of make up, always dresses nice and accessorizes" kind of way."

Normal person observing the situation objectively: "She't hot"

LOL! I mean, she has nice hair and ok enough skin. Her eyes are ok if you like those kinds of things. And an ok body if you like someone who works out. But who likes those things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My red flag is that youve been dating an entire year and havent met each others kids yet. Thats insane. My 4 year old DD meets everybody. I cannot get my fingers around that concept. Its like you two each have a foot out the door like you are not taking the relationship seriously. And how old is this guy that he is on FB liking stuff all day, with kids. Seems odd too.

Well, I don't want my kids exposed to a "revolving door" of boyfriends, and he feels the same about his kids. Since both of us feel "kids come first" we are typically busy with our kids most evenings/weekends and we see each other when the kids are with the other parent.

OP not after a year. Sorry but this should have been going forward and yes you should have met each other's kids if it's serious. I'm wondering if he is only dating you until something better comes along. Don't waste anymore time, commitment or move on to someone who does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP aka typical DCUM woman: "She is attractive in a "lots of make up, always dresses nice and accessorizes" kind of way."

Normal person observing the situation objectively: "She't hot"

LOL! I mean, she has nice hair and ok enough skin. Her eyes are ok if you like those kinds of things. And an ok body if you like someone who works out. But who likes those things?

Too funny, but reality is those things don't make or carry a relationship. Not for the long term, and we know enough about her personality from her crazy posts. OP she's a hoot. I sometimes check on 2 profiles of friends of friends for pure entertainment. Their FB is a shrine to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP from 10:37. Just wanted to add that I don't think it's nuts that you noticed he had a new friend. I've noticed this last week with my own boyfriend--the reason I noticed is because this girl has already slept with two guys my boyfriend knows that are cops (my boyfriend is also a cop). This girl now friended my BF (she's no longer sleeping with his friends) and I really believe she's just a badge bunny. My boyfriend is really good looking (not to toot my own horn...lol...but he's better looking than the two she's already gone after). The only reason I noticed is because I know who she is from her "relationships" with his friends, and now all of a sudden she's on my BF's page liking all of his posts and pictures...that don't have me in them! I trust my boyfriend 100% and I know he wouldn't do anything, but I have a feeling she has her eyes on my man. The difference is trusting him to do the right thing, which I do. They don't have a business relationship like your situation. If he did, I'd be upset if he went out to lunch with her just based on HER conduct with his friends and on FB. Don't let everybody else in this thread make you feel crazy for looking the girl up on FB and I don't necessarily think it makes you super possessive to want to keep an eye on a female that seems interested in your man.

+100
I applaud OP for not burying her head in the sand.

Yes and she caught him. Like most liars he tried to reverse it onto her. Liars and cheaters defense mechanism, they will also turn it around labeling the other one as "jealous". OP it may be time to find someone who is wanting a future. Honestly after 6 mo you should both know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My red flag is that youve been dating an entire year and havent met each others kids yet. Thats insane. My 4 year old DD meets everybody. I cannot get my fingers around that concept. Its like you two each have a foot out the door like you are not taking the relationship seriously. And how old is this guy that he is on FB liking stuff all day, with kids. Seems odd too.

Well, I don't want my kids exposed to a "revolving door" of boyfriends, and he feels the same about his kids. Since both of us feel "kids come first" we are typically busy with our kids most evenings/weekends and we see each other when the kids are with the other parent.

Why would you waste 1 entire year of time dating a man who you feel likely will just go out thru your revolving door of men? If it wasnt looking serious in a few months, I would move on. You just know.

Let me put it another way - if it is not that serious after 1 year, move on. You've got warm body syndrome.

[Anonymous]

OP, probably nothing is going on. Men and women do have lunch for business reasons all the time. My own husband does it. He has female coworkers he texts from time to time. It doesn't bother me because this is totally normal behavior.

You, on the other hand, pore over his FB to the extent you notice someone new, and just because she's a woman, go stalk her page and make up your mind that she's pretty and wants your man. They meet for a business lunch, he doesn't tell you because he knows that you're a jealous nut, and you find out because OF COURSE you have to go into his phone and read his texts ON YOUR BIRTHDAY and he knows he's found out. And you blow up over a work lunch and she probably doesn't want your dude anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP's behavior, like demanding to see texts, may have been a bit over the top but so what? Now she has valuable information about her boyfriend. He isn't to be trusted. He's a grown man not a little boy- if he thought she was too jealous or possessive he could use his words and tell her or he could leave. Grown ups leave relationships before they let themselves be turned into liars, unless that's just what they are comfortable with. They aren't married, have no kids, separating would be logistically simple- why the hell is he lying?

OP the big thing now will be making sure you do what you know you have to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP from 10:37. Just wanted to add that I don't think it's nuts that you noticed he had a new friend. I've noticed this last week with my own boyfriend--the reason I noticed is because this girl has already slept with two guys my boyfriend knows that are cops (my boyfriend is also a cop). This girl now friended my BF (she's no longer sleeping with his friends) and I really believe she's just a badge bunny. My boyfriend is really good looking (not to toot my own horn...lol...but he's better looking than the two she's already gone after). The only reason I noticed is because I know who she is from her "relationships" with his friends, and now all of a sudden she's on my BF's page liking all of his posts and pictures...that don't have me in them! I trust my boyfriend 100% and I know he wouldn't do anything, but I have a feeling she has her eyes on my man. The difference is trusting him to do the right thing, which I do. They don't have a business relationship like your situation. If he did, I'd be upset if he went out to lunch with her just based on HER conduct with his friends and on FB. Don't let everybody else in this thread make you feel crazy for looking the girl up on FB and I don't necessarily think it makes you super possessive to want to keep an eye on a female that seems interested in your man.

+100
I applaud OP for not burying her head in the sand.

Yes and she caught him. Like most liars he tried to reverse it onto her. Liars and cheaters defense mechanism, they will also turn it around labeling the other one as "jealous". OP it may be time to find someone who is wanting a future. Honestly after 6 mo you should both know.

Actually, she didn't catch him. He let her read the texts and even then had to point out to her that he did in fact have lunch with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, probably nothing is going on. Men and women do have lunch for business reasons all the time. My own husband does it. He has female coworkers he texts from time to time. It doesn't bother me because this is totally normal behavior.

You, on the other hand, pore over his FB to the extent you notice someone new, and just because she's a woman, go stalk her page and make up your mind that she's pretty and wants your man. They meet for a business lunch, he doesn't tell you because he knows that you're a jealous nut, and you find out because OF COURSE you have to go into his phone and read his texts ON YOUR BIRTHDAY and he knows he's found out. And you blow up over a work lunch and she probably doesn't want your dude anyway.

fyi When you post things publicly it's not stalking lol. From hardly knowing the woman to finding texts they went out isn't innocent. Then he goes to the lengths to delete them is just ignoring the warning signs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP from 10:37. Just wanted to add that I don't think it's nuts that you noticed he had a new friend. I've noticed this last week with my own boyfriend--the reason I noticed is because this girl has already slept with two guys my boyfriend knows that are cops (my boyfriend is also a cop). This girl now friended my BF (she's no longer sleeping with his friends) and I really believe she's just a badge bunny. My boyfriend is really good looking (not to toot my own horn...lol...but he's better looking than the two she's already gone after). The only reason I noticed is because I know who she is from her "relationships" with his friends, and now all of a sudden she's on my BF's page liking all of his posts and pictures...that don't have me in them! I trust my boyfriend 100% and I know he wouldn't do anything, but I have a feeling she has her eyes on my man. The difference is trusting him to do the right thing, which I do. They don't have a business relationship like your situation. If he did, I'd be upset if he went out to lunch with her just based on HER conduct with his friends and on FB. Don't let everybody else in this thread make you feel crazy for looking the girl up on FB and I don't necessarily think it makes you super possessive to want to keep an eye on a female that seems interested in your man.

+100
I applaud OP for not burying her head in the sand.

Yes and she caught him. Like most liars he tried to reverse it onto her. Liars and cheaters defense mechanism, they will also turn it around labeling the other one as "jealous". OP it may be time to find someone who is wanting a future. Honestly after 6 mo you should both know.

Actually, she didn't catch him. He let her read the texts and even then had to point out to her that he did in fact have lunch with her.

Actually because she was going to read it and he was caught. Just before that he LIED.

OP at both your age why are you guys wasting time? Is this a guy you wanted a future with? How does he feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, probably nothing is going on. Men and women do have lunch for business reasons all the time. My own husband does it. He has female coworkers he texts from time to time. It doesn't bother me because this is totally normal behavior.

You, on the other hand, pore over his FB to the extent you notice someone new, and just because she's a woman, go stalk her page and make up your mind that she's pretty and wants your man. They meet for a business lunch, he doesn't tell you because he knows that you're a jealous nut, and you find out because OF COURSE you have to go into his phone and read his texts ON YOUR BIRTHDAY and he knows he's found out. And you blow up over a work lunch and she probably doesn't want your dude anyway.

fyi When you post things publicly it's not stalking lol. From hardly knowing the woman to finding texts they went out isn't innocent. Then he goes to the lengths to delete them is just ignoring the warning signs.

Ok if you want to quibble with the word "stalking" that's fine. But she doesn't know that woman and yet she still pored over her FB profile and her pictures and statuses because she... tangentially knows OP's boyfriend. Meanwhile, she probably wants nothing to do with this guy who has kids with an ex and a girlfriend. Seriously. Now OP blew up her relationship over a girl who probably gives 0% thought to OP's boyfriend outside of their rare work interactions.

[Anonymous]

You know it wasn't a business lunch. He wouldn't have lied about it if it was.

You know that you should not trust him.

Stay with him if you want, but don't live in denial.