He went out to lunch with another woman and lied about it.

[Anonymous]

The lying would bother me a lot.

[Anonymous]

I'm torn on this one.

On the one hand, I'm suspicious that you are in fact, the jealous type because this just "kept coming up" on repeated conversations. On the other, if you have in fact gotten him to admit to lying, it appears your suspicions may have been founded. Question is though, what are you going to about it?

You seem as though you were quite intent on sleuthing out the extent of the truth of this matter, but now you're saying you're content with the explanation that it was purely business. To me, that doesn't jive.

[Anonymous]

Trust your instincts. Your instincts are telling you that he will do this again.

[Anonymous]

Op is plain dumb to stay with this liar, plain and simple.
But hell, she WANTS to!!!! So she'll stay!

[Anonymous]

You guys are so nuts. Everyone lies so yes YOUR PERFECT HUSBANDS have all lied to you at some point. About a work lunch, maybe not but definitely about something. It's not a relationship ender to hide a work lunch from your insanely jealous girlfriend who was going to blow it up because the work contact was attractive. That's what happened and of course when she did find out, she blew it up. If anything, OP's controlling jealousy is why she doesn't have a relationship, not a tiny lie her boyfriend told to avoid drama.

[Anonymous]

OP seems insecure, perhaps due to her past marriage and the verbal abuse she mentioned. But, as they say, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're out to get you. He may be up to something (and I don't think deleting her contact on his phone is a big deal - he could just reach out to her again on FB and get her info), or he may not, but he was lying to her. I think it's probably a combination of him feeling guilty and wanting to avoid OP's potential overreaction. But none of this is mature or healthy.

OP, my advice is to consider whether you want to be in a relationship with this dynamic. I also suggest you do some deep thinking about your past relationship to see if you truly are over that pain, and try to assess who you want to be (yourself) in a relationship. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP seems insecure, perhaps due to her past marriage and the verbal abuse she mentioned. But, as they say, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're out to get you. He may be up to something (and I don't think deleting her contact on his phone is a big deal - he could just reach out to her again on FB and get her info), or he may not, but he was lying to her. I think it's probably a combination of him feeling guilty and wanting to avoid OP's potential overreaction. But none of this is mature or healthy.

OP, my advice is to consider whether you want to be in a relationship with this dynamic. I also suggest you do some deep thinking about your past relationship to see if you truly are over that pain, and try to assess who you want to be (yourself) in a relationship. Good luck.

Oops - just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like things are going nowhere with this guy, that he's shopping around. Things have stalled with you, but no one wants to say anything. He's going to keep enjoying whatever you have on offer while he continues shopping for someone else. Your gut is telling you that. He has problems with communication and inertia, according to what he said about his failed marriage. It sounds like he's going down that path with you. You have issues that let you accept less-than-okay treatment from others. Here's a point where you can say, hey, lying to me and shopping around without being honest about the state of things between us is not respectful or acceptable treatment of me.

Maybe there's a reason you've been together a year and still haven't met each others' kids. And you both know it. You're not progressing in a relationship, and are better off openly acknowledging that things will never be more than what they are. And if that doesn't work with you, if you are looking for more, then split up already. If you want to keep hanging out, accept that it's casual and nonexclusive, enjoy it for what it is, and both of you shop around.

[Anonymous]

You sound controlling and obsessive. As a pp said, one of you needs to leave this relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like things are going nowhere with this guy, that he's shopping around. Things have stalled with you, but no one wants to say anything. He's going to keep enjoying whatever you have on offer while he continues shopping for someone else. Your gut is telling you that. He has problems with communication and inertia, according to what he said about his failed marriage. It sounds like he's going down that path with you. You have issues that let you accept less-than-okay treatment from others. Here's a point where you can say, hey, lying to me and shopping around without being honest about the state of things between us is not respectful or acceptable treatment of me.

Maybe there's a reason you've been together a year and still haven't met each others' kids. And you both know it. You're not progressing in a relationship, and are better off openly acknowledging that things will never be more than what they are. And if that doesn't work with you, if you are looking for more, then split up already. If you want to keep hanging out, accept that it's casual and nonexclusive, enjoy it for what it is, and both of you shop around.

This.

[Anonymous]

He needs to be history.

[Anonymous]

I don't have time to write but please get rid of him. I have dealt with this while married to my husband. He lies. If this man is lying about something like this he will lie again.