Financial Infidelity - just caught DH hiding frivolous purchase

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he is having an affair with an SPQR-type.

No, the affair is definitely with a LARPer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My vote is that he won the gift card, or the office pool or whatever and wanted the sword. He knew you would never ok the purchase so he hid it. Poor guy.

This was my first instinct. He got the gift card at work legitimately somehow, was embarrassed as an adult man that he wanted to buy a fake sword, so did it on the downlow. When I was in my late 20s, I once spent $150 on a Lego model of Hogwarts for myself, and you can bet your ass I didn't advertise it, because I was fully aware that it was a stupid impulse purchase of an overpriced child's toy and that spending several weekday nights putting together Lego Hogwarts meant I was possibly deranged.

The sneaking is a problem, but the much more significant issue, IMO, is that you apparently think so little of your husband that your first instinct is to snoop around his phone and immediately assume he is embezzling from work. There are dozens of equally likely if not more likely scenarios to explain how he bought the sword and yet that is the one you jump to. That is a big problem, and it isn't all on him.

+1 best analysis yet

You do come across as rather suspicious and judgemental, OP.

OP even if y'all living paycheck to paycheck DH should not have to sneak around to make a personal purchase. I can't believe to jumped to the conclusion that your DH is embezzling from his job. That says a lot about what you think of him and it's not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My vote is that he won the gift card, or the office pool or whatever and wanted the sword. He knew you would never ok the purchase so he hid it. Poor guy.

This was my first instinct. He got the gift card at work legitimately somehow, was embarrassed as an adult man that he wanted to buy a fake sword, so did it on the downlow. When I was in my late 20s, I once spent $150 on a Lego model of Hogwarts for myself, and you can bet your ass I didn't advertise it, because I was fully aware that it was a stupid impulse purchase of an overpriced child's toy and that spending several weekday nights putting together Lego Hogwarts meant I was possibly deranged.

The sneaking is a problem, but the much more significant issue, IMO, is that you apparently think so little of your husband that your first instinct is to snoop around his phone and immediately assume he is embezzling from work. There are dozens of equally likely if not more likely scenarios to explain how he bought the sword and yet that is the one you jump to. That is a big problem, and it isn't all on him.

+1. Exactly. That you could jump to him embezzling from work is serious. This is what you think of your husband?

[Anonymous]

OP, could it be that the $400 sword is for a work contest or something similar, hence DH asking his coworker to help him purchase it, it being purchased via a gift card, etc.? I am a marketing person by trade, and am starting to imagine a sales content involving a spartan theme. Or a sales meeting where the CEO comes in dressed like a roman warrior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you. This is weird and I really hope you get to the bottom of this. If this is the beginning (or middle or even climax) of a pattern, be very careful to trust his word. If this is the secret you know about after some light snooping, then be prepared to find out some whoppers should you snoop again. I think you should, because you deserve to know what else he's secretly spending money on (or secretly embezzling or secretly paying for hookers or who knows what).

It took me some hard snooping to find out my DH was cheating. He hid it well for a while. Also found out that my money (as the higher earner) was going toward his secret porn habit.

Who pays for porn?!

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's for your birthday OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you. This is weird and I really hope you get to the bottom of this. If this is the beginning (or middle or even climax) of a pattern, be very careful to trust his word. If this is the secret you know about after some light snooping, then be prepared to find out some whoppers should you snoop again. I think you should, because you deserve to know what else he's secretly spending money on (or secretly embezzling or secretly paying for hookers or who knows what).

It took me some hard snooping to find out my DH was cheating. He hid it well for a while. Also found out that my money (as the higher earner) was going toward his secret porn habit.

Who pays for porn?!

Porn addicts. And the computer equipment to store porn on adds up--the dedicated ones have a special laptop they can take everywhere, and hundreds to thousands of dollars worth of memory sticks for use in phone and computers.

[Anonymous]

I think a Lego Hogwarta castle sounds amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, why do several posters now think the sword is fake? For $400, he better be getting a real sword.

Real sword but a reproduction, not an antique

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My vote is that he won the gift card, or the office pool or whatever and wanted the sword. He knew you would never ok the purchase so he hid it. Poor guy.

This was my first instinct. He got the gift card at work legitimately somehow, was embarrassed as an adult man that he wanted to buy a fake sword, so did it on the downlow. When I was in my late 20s, I once spent $150 on a Lego model of Hogwarts for myself, and you can bet your ass I didn't advertise it, because I was fully aware that it was a stupid impulse purchase of an overpriced child's toy and that spending several weekday nights putting together Lego Hogwarts meant I was possibly deranged.

The sneaking is a problem, but the much more significant issue, IMO, is that you apparently think so little of your husband that your first instinct is to snoop around his phone and immediately assume he is embezzling from work. There are dozens of equally likely if not more likely scenarios to explain how he bought the sword and yet that is the one you jump to. That is a big problem, and it isn't all on him.

+1 best analysis yet

You do come across as rather suspicious and judgemental, OP.

OP even if y'all living paycheck to paycheck DH should not have to sneak around to make a personal purchase. I can't believe to jumped to the conclusion that your DH is embezzling from his job. That says a lot about what you think of him and it's not good.

. This x 1000! You really have a lot of contempt for your Dh. Why are you married to someone that you respect so little?

[Anonymous]

I'm curious about what this sword looks like, but I am afraid to search for "Trojan Swords" from Work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's for your birthday OP

lol

[Anonymous]

Throw the sword away. When he gets upset, say oh I thought it was a free gift?

[Anonymous]

Sleep with one eye open, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you. This is weird and I really hope you get to the bottom of this. If this is the beginning (or middle or even climax) of a pattern, be very careful to trust his word. If this is the secret you know about after some light snooping, then be prepared to find out some whoppers should you snoop again. I think you should, because you deserve to know what else he's secretly spending money on (or secretly embezzling or secretly paying for hookers or who knows what).

It took me some hard snooping to find out my DH was cheating. He hid it well for a while. Also found out that my money (as the higher earner) was going toward his secret porn habit.

Who pays for porn?!

Porn addicts. And the computer equipment to store porn on adds up--the dedicated ones have a special laptop they can take everywhere, and [b]hundreds to thousands of dollars worth of memory sticks[b] for use in phone and computers.

WTF? No. If you watched porn 24/7 365 days a year from the moment you were born until the moment you died, lived an average life expectancy, and never re-watched the same porn clip, and never saves over your porn stash, you'd still need only about $40,000 in storage media.

If your husband actually spent hundreds of thousands of dollars of your money, you have still not figured out what he actually spent it on.