Financial Infidelity - just caught DH hiding frivolous purchase

[Anonymous]

Really enjoying the fact that the OP is simultaneously convinced he is wasting the family's budget and embezzling from the company. OP, your zany theories are mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

$100 says that as soon as he opens the shipping container, he stabs OP in the heel with the sword.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he bought the sword from a shady vendor and didn't want to use his real credit card in case it isn't a secure website or vendor. I know several people who only use prepaid credit cards for online purchases, whether it's for eBay, or whatever. maybe he borrowed the money from someone to get the prepaid card, or someone owed him money, etc. there are just so many possibilities,you'll drive yourself crazy speculating odd scenarios when the truth is often pretty simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still can't get over the fact that he's splurging on a fake Trojan sword.

Also, for those of you who think 400.00 is no big deal, I'd like to point you to the following article, which really opened my eyes. I no longer consider myself middle class. We live what used to be considered a middle class life, but I"m realizing now that we are very privileged to have the financial stability we do (and I also realize that it could be wiped away with a job loss or parent in long term care).

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/05/my-secret-shame/476415/

You have more perspective than a lot of folks living in DC. The average household income in the USA is around $50,000. It's mind-blowing to read about the financial struggles of people who have 5-10 times that HHI.

I know the cost of living here is high, but the lifestyle expectations are much higher here than in other parts of the country as well. People just expect a lot of things beyond what most people in other parts of the country expect.

[Anonymous]

By the way, don't use terms like "financial infidelity" over a $400 purchase if you want anyone to take you seriously. I can understand having questions about DH buying a sword, but don't overdo it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a DH, I'll tell you exactly how I do this if I want to. I just withdraw a little extra every week. After a few weeks I'll have a few grand at my disposal. It's not hard.

That's exactly how my husband's aunt left her abusive, controlling husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My vote is that he won the gift card, or the office pool or whatever and wanted the sword. He knew you would never ok the purchase so he hid it. Poor guy.

This was my first instinct. He got the gift card at work legitimately somehow, was embarrassed as an adult man that he wanted to buy a fake sword, so did it on the downlow. When I was in my late 20s, I once spent $150 on a Lego model of Hogwarts for myself, and you can bet your ass I didn't advertise it, because I was fully aware that it was a stupid impulse purchase of an overpriced child's toy and that spending several weekday nights putting together Lego Hogwarts meant I was possibly deranged.

The sneaking is a problem, but the much more significant issue, IMO, is that you apparently think so little of your husband that your first instinct is to snoop around his phone and immediately assume he is embezzling from work. There are dozens of equally likely if not more likely scenarios to explain how he bought the sword and yet that is the one you jump to. That is a big problem, and it isn't all on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My vote is that he won the gift card, or the office pool or whatever and wanted the sword. He knew you would never ok the purchase so he hid it. Poor guy.

This was my first instinct. He got the gift card at work legitimately somehow, was embarrassed as an adult man that he wanted to buy a fake sword, so did it on the downlow. When I was in my late 20s, I once spent $150 on a Lego model of Hogwarts for myself, and you can bet your ass I didn't advertise it, because I was fully aware that it was a stupid impulse purchase of an overpriced child's toy and that spending several weekday nights putting together Lego Hogwarts meant I was possibly deranged.

The sneaking is a problem, but the much more significant issue, IMO, is that you apparently think so little of your husband that your first instinct is to snoop around his phone and immediately assume he is embezzling from work. There are dozens of equally likely if not more likely scenarios to explain how he bought the sword and yet that is the one you jump to. That is a big problem, and it isn't all on him.

+1 best analysis yet

You do come across as rather suspicious and judgemental, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, be honest. If he won a gift card and told you that he was thinking of buying a sword, how would you have reacted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you. This is weird and I really hope you get to the bottom of this. If this is the beginning (or middle or even climax) of a pattern, be very careful to trust his word. If this is the secret you know about after some light snooping, then be prepared to find out some whoppers should you snoop again. I think you should, because you deserve to know what else he's secretly spending money on (or secretly embezzling or secretly paying for hookers or who knows what).

It took me some hard snooping to find out my DH was cheating. He hid it well for a while. Also found out that my money (as the higher earner) was going toward his secret porn habit.

I didn't do any snooping, but mine was doing the same thing--holding back money before moving it into the family account. We were struggling, in debt, living paycheck to paycheck. The kids and I went without basic things while he secretly spent money on his porn addiction and other activities. Cheating, lying, being dishonest about finances (especially when every penny counts)---all the same animal. He confessed to a slew of things one day. I still don't know what he left out, and shudder to think. Just a warning--it may be serious, or it may be one little thing where your husband wanted to treat himself to something frivolous and felt guilty about it. Hopefully it's not part of a bigger set of behaviors. I get that you feel he betrayed your trust by hiding this. Financial transparency is especially important when you're struggling to get by. I would keep quiet and see what he ends up saying, or if you ever even see this sword.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you decided how you plan to discuss it with him? Sorry, we are counting every penny in our house and a secret 400 anything would really impact our ability to pay bills. It seems the average DCUM poster will exclaim they are broke with 15k a month so don't take the harpies too seriously here. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

WTF, a fake sword.... I'm with you OP.

Absurd.

[Anonymous]

Wait, why do several posters now think the sword is fake? For $400, he better be getting a real sword.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really enjoying the fact that the OP is simultaneously convinced he is wasting the family's budget and embezzling from the company. OP, your zany theories are mutually exclusive.

Yes, WTF. OP would like him to steal from work to PAY THE BILLS, DAMMIT!!

[Anonymous]

Maybe he is having an affair with an SPQR-type.