Financial Infidelity - just caught DH hiding frivolous purchase

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he took a gift card from work and bought something he really wanted. He hid it from you because you would obviously be upset as evidenced by your thread.

The Trojan sword is a weird splurge but it could have been anything. I sometimes hide shopping bags in my closet. I spend way more than $400. I don't consider this financial infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he took a gift card from work and bought something he really wanted. He hid it from you because you would obviously be upset as evidenced by your thread.

The Trojan sword is a weird splurge but it could have been anything. I sometimes hide shopping bags in my closet. I spend way more than $400. I don't consider this financial infidelity.

Just wanted to add that I am a SAHM and DH knows I shop often. He pays ALL the bills.

[Anonymous]

So it's not even an authentic Trojan sword? Dang.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still can't get over the fact that he's splurging on a fake Trojan sword.

Also, for those of you who think 400.00 is no big deal, I'd like to point you to the following article, which really opened my eyes. I no longer consider myself middle class. We live what used to be considered a middle class life, but I"m realizing now that we are very privileged to have the financial stability we do (and I also realize that it could be wiped away with a job loss or parent in long term care).

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/05/my-secret-shame/476415/

If you want to discuss this totally ridiculous article, wherein the author makes a number of incredibly bad decisions several orders of magnitude larger than a $400 sword, you should do it in the thread that is dedicated to it, instead of derailing this thread.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/550807.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. If your Dh has gone to these great lengths to hide the Trojan sword purchase from you, why would he have it delivered to YOUR house? What the heck will he do with it when he receives it? Hang it on the wall? Please let us know what happens when the UPS man arrives..

Right...and if he is stealing from work as OP suggests, why would he get his co-worker involved in the scheme? The math does not add up. Either OP's DH is the dumbest culprit alive or OP is leaping to some big conclusions. I guess the DH is wrong for hiding the purchase but automatically assuming that he stole from his job does exactly make OP "wife of the year." Two peas in a pod if you ask me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or maybe he just saved his lunch money so as to escape the tyranny of your unbearably controlling behavior.

It's controlling to be surprised your husband stole money from work and bought a f'ng trojan sword? Um, okay.

Who said her husband stole money? That was just hypothetical spewing.

Well, considering the OP said there was nothing on any bank statement, it is possible.

Of course, he could have filled out a form at work, got it to accounts payable, had them pay the vendor for gift cards, and kept one for himself. That would be another way of stealing.

I am sure he gets cash out to spend. Just stash a bit away and there you go. But a gift card with the savings, off and running. After all, isn't this EXACTLY what the women on this board advise other women to do?

Football pool.

Side bet.

Whatever.

Leaping to theft and embezzlement on this basis is pathetic.

My money is on him having won the NCAA tournament office pool.

[Anonymous]

And, maybe he has some kinky plans for you he isn’t ready to share yet - you know, the Trojan sword and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. If your Dh has gone to these great lengths to hide the Trojan sword purchase from you, why would he have it delivered to YOUR house? What the heck will he do with it when he receives it? Hang it on the wall? Please let us know what happens when the UPS man arrives..

Be on the lookout, as it will probably be wrapped in a big, wooden horse. I wouldn't let the damned thing in my house.

Maybe the UPS driver would get confused by the Greek lettering on the package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And, maybe he has some kinky plans for you he isn’t ready to share yet - you know, the Trojan sword and all.

I like half-naked hoplites, and I'm a guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Okay, but rather than buy it, he had a coworker buy it in order to conceal it. Why hide if it was just innocent savings of mad money?

Maybe he has a financially controlling spouse. Maybe that spouse is fine with him having $5 or $10 to occasionally goof around with, but if he had accumulated $400, would want that to go to other household expenses or outstanding debt rather than something "frivolous."

Wouldn't that be a fair request though? I mean, who thinks it's a good idea to buy a sword when you're in debt as OP stated? That's financially irresponsible, and if the wife didn't agree with that purchase, rightfully so.

It might be a fair request, but "no" would also be a fair answer. When my spouse and I go into austerity mode, we generally have some amount of money allocated to "general needs" for both of us. That might be $10/week if that's all we have. I might spend my $10/week on eating out one day a week, or I might save it up for a few weeks to get a new pair of shoes. If I save it up because the pair of shoes I really want is $400, should my spouse be able to try and pull it back now? I turned the $10/week into a "real" sum of money, so now it's fair game?

Sounds like OP would be all over it once it turned into real money. That's one reason to hide even an innocent savings of mad money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still can't get over the fact that he's splurging on a fake Trojan sword.

Also, for those of you who think 400.00 is no big deal, I'd like to point you to the following article, which really opened my eyes. I no longer consider myself middle class. We live what used to be considered a middle class life, but I"m realizing now that we are very privileged to have the financial stability we do (and I also realize that it could be wiped away with a job loss or parent in long term care).

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/05/my-secret-shame/476415/

FYI, I looked the guys public property record up. He lives in a $1.4M house that has a $10,000 a year tax bill. Take what he says with a grain of salt.

[Anonymous]

As a DH, I'll tell you exactly how I do this if I want to. I just withdraw a little extra every week. After a few weeks I'll have a few grand at my disposal. It's not hard.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's going to sell the sword for a profit. He stole the money but plans to replace it once the sword is sold.

Could happen.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. This is weird and I really hope you get to the bottom of this. If this is the beginning (or middle or even climax) of a pattern, be very careful to trust his word. If this is the secret you know about after some light snooping, then be prepared to find out some whoppers should you snoop again. I think you should, because you deserve to know what else he's secretly spending money on (or secretly embezzling or secretly paying for hookers or who knows what).

It took me some hard snooping to find out my DH was cheating. He hid it well for a while. Also found out that my money (as the higher earner) was going toward his secret porn habit.

[Anonymous]

My vote is that he won the gift card, or the office pool or whatever and wanted the sword. He knew you would never ok the purchase so he hid it. Poor guy.