Financial Infidelity - just caught DH hiding frivolous purchase

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if he did give the gift card to someone but the recipient insisted on a Trojan sword instead? Seems reasonable...

Unfortunately, no. From the email chain it was apparent the sword was for himself. He's been randomly talking about how he'd like to collect ancient items. I just can't believe the lengths he would go to, to do so.

An actual ancient Trojan sword would cost a lot more than $400. Add a couple of zeroes.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a real peach, OP. I bet being married to you is super fun.

Lighten up.

[Anonymous]

The fact that he went to great lengths to conceal this purchase shows that he knows he was doing something he wasn't supposed to be. That's of greater concern than the $$$.

The only time I try to "hide" purchases are when I don't want my DH to know I bought them. And that could be something $10 or $500. It's not the cost, as much as it's whether or not it was something ridiculous for me to buy in the first place. And I know when I buy something stupid and if my DH calls me on it, I fess up, and he just shakes his head and goes on his way.

I don't see this as controlling, as much as sensible spending habits. It's not like I have to go back to the store and return it.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any credit cards that offer gift cards for reward points? That's how I get my pre-paid Visa cards.

[Anonymous]

Are you worried that his spending is cutting into your canned tuna and coconut oil budget?

[Anonymous]

I would love to be snarky about this, as many other PPs have been (and more than a few snarky responses have crossed my mind), but if the family is in serious debt, and $400 is a good deal of money for them, then this DH's odd purchase is a real problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to be snarky about this, as many other PPs have been (and more than a few snarky responses have crossed my mind), but if the family is in serious debt, and $400 is a good deal of money for them, then this DH's odd purchase is a real problem.

Thank you. Yes, $400 is a lot of money for us right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any credit cards that offer gift cards for reward points? That's how I get my pre-paid Visa cards.

Yes, but that's not what he did, I already looked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to be snarky about this, as many other PPs have been (and more than a few snarky responses have crossed my mind), but if the family is in serious debt, and $400 is a good deal of money for them, then this DH's odd purchase is a real problem.

Thank you. Yes, $400 is a lot of money for us right now.

Ah, OP returns when someone is finally on her side again. OP I'll reiterate my question from upthread. How are you suffering and going without. Is this buying clothes at target instead of anthropologie or no one in the family getting anything new and living desperately paycheck to paycheck?

Do you have a smartphone? Do you have a tablet/laptop? What is the real description of the austerity you all are living? Because that makes a big difference.

Honestly you sound like the kind of person watching the credit card bill so when your DH buys a snickers at 7/11 you're asking him about it when he walks in the door at 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to be snarky about this, as many other PPs have been (and more than a few snarky responses have crossed my mind), but if the family is in serious debt, and $400 is a good deal of money for them, then this DH's odd purchase is a real problem.

Thank you. Yes, $400 is a lot of money for us right now.

Ah, OP returns when someone is finally on her side again. OP I'll reiterate my question from upthread. How are you suffering and going without. Is this buying clothes at target instead of anthropologie or no one in the family getting anything new and living desperately paycheck to paycheck?

Do you have a smartphone? Do you have a tablet/laptop? What is the real description of the austerity you all are living? Because that makes a big difference.

Honestly you sound like the kind of person watching the credit card bill so when your DH buys a snickers at 7/11 you're asking him about it when he walks in the door at 5.

OH and my other question. Is this a pattern of behavior or a one time event?

[Anonymous]

Is this a pattern of behaviour for him? Has he made a lot of purchases like this in the past?

Either he's got a serious spending problem, and this is just one more time it's happening, or you guys have locked down spending so tight that he feels he has zero wiggle room and went nuts this one time, or its something in between.

Either way, I think the high road would be to have a sit-down about what is happening and why he did it, and see if there's some solution. Maybe a line item in the budget for some small amount of "blow money" that he can use and feel control over.

[Anonymous]

Why is everything on DCUM an affair. After emotional affairs we now have financial affairs. I'm expecting animal affairs next: I think DH is spending more time with the neighbor's dog (his soulmate?) than with DD (Dear Dog).

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised that people are okay with my DH stealing from his company and/or employees to buy a sword, but alright.

I didn't make some edict that we couldn't spend money, we've been married almost a decade and we both have been putting our incomes to the debt. No eating out, no vacations, shoes at Target vs Stride Rite, no school pictures for the kids, no birthday parties, and no expensive gifts for them - certainly not $400 worth - and that was his decision, I want to spend more on them.

Sorry, but I think it's pretty selfish to deny your kids a birthday party and then secretly buy yourself a sword. I have taken on board the comments posted, but I think DCUM and I will have to agree to disagree on this one.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. If your Dh has gone to these great lengths to hide the Trojan sword purchase from you, why would he have it delivered to YOUR house? What the heck will he do with it when he receives it? Hang it on the wall? Please let us know what happens when the UPS man arrives..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. If your Dh has gone to these great lengths to hide the Trojan sword purchase from you, why would he have it delivered to YOUR house? What the heck will he do with it when he receives it? Hang it on the wall? Please let us know what happens when the UPS man arrives..

That's what I'm waiting to see. I suspect he will lie to me about the cost, or say it was a gift from an employee or something like that.