Financial Infidelity - just caught DH hiding frivolous purchase

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that people are okay with my DH stealing from his company and/or employees to buy a sword, but alright.

I didn't make some edict that we couldn't spend money, we've been married almost a decade and we both have been putting our incomes to the debt. No eating out, no vacations, shoes at Target vs Stride Rite, no school pictures for the kids, no birthday parties, and no expensive gifts for them - certainly not $400 worth - and that was his decision, I want to spend more on them.

Sorry, but I think it's pretty selfish to deny your kids a birthday party and then secretly buy yourself a sword. I have taken on board the comments posted, but I think DCUM and I will have to agree to disagree on this one.

Other than not knowing where the money came from you have said absolutely nothing to lend credence to the idea that he is stealing from his company and employees.

That is some serious austerity. I think PP that said he probably just went crazy on something after keeping the purse strings tight for a long time. Seems like you need to honestly discuss it and reevaluate your budget.

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you jumping to the conclusion thT your DH is stealing from work? Are there past behaviors that make you believe your husband is likely to do this?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that you are going through this stress and hope you and your husband can come to an agreeable solution, but I do think secret Trojan sword is a little bit hilarious. I'm trying to think what the equivalent secret wife purchase would be-Victorian bustle? Regency tatting basket? At any rate-good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you jumping to the conclusion thT your DH is stealing from work? Are there past behaviors that make you believe your husband is likely to do this?

The prepaid card is what makes me think it. I know with absolute certainty that the money didn't come from our accounts nor was it accrued over time with cash withdrawals as someone suggested. Knowing that these cards are the bogies he gives his staff, but he is not entitled to receive them as a manger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry that you are going through this stress and hope you and your husband can come to an agreeable solution, but I do think secret Trojan sword is a little bit hilarious. I'm trying to think what the equivalent secret wife purchase would be-Victorian bustle? Regency tatting basket? At any rate-good luck!

I can see the humor, but the ridiculousness of it upsets me. I mean, now is the time of our lives that you need to start collecting swords? It just feels so juvenile to me and irresponsible. Maybe other pp's are right that I'm controlling. But I haven't even got a filling that I need to have done because of money. I thought we were in this together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. If your Dh has gone to these great lengths to hide the Trojan sword purchase from you, why would he have it delivered to YOUR house? What the heck will he do with it when he receives it? Hang it on the wall? Please let us know what happens when the UPS man arrives..

Be on the lookout, as it will probably be wrapped in a big, wooden horse. I wouldn't let the damned thing in my house.

[Anonymous]

Well, we are in a similar situation. Just out of curiosity, I checked my dh's email and found out some pretty high bills gone for his expensive hobby. I don't have an expensive hobby and rather spend that money for a family vacation or go for a concert etc...how do you balance personal spending limits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that people are okay with my DH stealing from his company and/or employees to buy a sword, but alright.

I didn't make some edict that we couldn't spend money, we've been married almost a decade and we both have been putting our incomes to the debt. No eating out, no vacations, shoes at Target vs Stride Rite, no school pictures for the kids, no birthday parties, and no expensive gifts for them - certainly not $400 worth - and that was his decision, I want to spend more on them.

Sorry, but I think it's pretty selfish to deny your kids a birthday party and then secretly buy yourself a sword. I have taken on board the comments posted, but I think DCUM and I will have to agree to disagree on this one.

I agree and would be upset if my husband spent $400 on what I think is silly, after decreeing that we weren't spending money. The bigger issue is how you snuck around and spied on him instead of asking why he was on the phone, and assume he is stealing from his employer. I think your marriage is in big trouble--he can't talk to you about what he's doing and you don't trust him. Good luck--think you may need it.

[Anonymous]

Such a distrust in your DH. Just ask him instead of going behind his back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Such a distrust in your DH. Just ask him instead of going behind his back.

I did ask him, multiple times. Every time I've asked him why he's been on his phone so much he says he's checking emails. His browser history shows he's been looking for swords. Yes, this is better than the affair I thought he may be having, but still weird.

[Anonymous]

Lol WTF?

[Anonymous]

I still can't get over the fact that he's splurging on a fake Trojan sword.

Also, for those of you who think 400.00 is no big deal, I'd like to point you to the following article, which really opened my eyes. I no longer consider myself middle class. We live what used to be considered a middle class life, but I"m realizing now that we are very privileged to have the financial stability we do (and I also realize that it could be wiped away with a job loss or parent in long term care).

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/05/my-secret-shame/476415/

[Anonymous]

Why do you assume the sword will be delivered to your home. Anything I order I have sent to the office. That way I don't have to worry about it being stolen off the front porch. What if he is having it delivered to the office and plans to keep it there (display it as a office decoration--assuming it doesn't get him fired to have a weapon displayed as art, that is)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everything on DCUM an affair. After emotional affairs we now have financial affairs. I'm expecting animal affairs next: I think DH is spending more time with the neighbor's dog (his soulmate?) than with DD (Dear Dog).

The divorce rate is high in the United States. That's one reason.

[Anonymous]

I feel another DCUM classic is in the making here, folks!