Is it really that hard for women in their 30's to date?

[Anonymous]

My divorced friends (with children) appear to be in a relationship if they want to be in a relationship. Most have done online dating though there are a few that have met the new husband the old fashioned way i.e. at work or through friends. I remember someone I met on the plane had her 20 plus year marriage end (she was in her late 40's ) and connected wth a guy she knew in high school and they started dating.

I don't know though if there is a difference between dating in 30's when you have never been married/don't have kids versus dating when you are divorced and/or have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:21:37 - I don't know about "stupidest life strategy" but if that poster is serious about having a kid on her own, she will effectively be choosing a kid over a partner, at least for a few years.

Most of the women I know who chose to have a child on their own are still single and rarely date. Because there is only so much time in a day/week, and if you're spending a lot of it being both mother and father to a child, it doesn't leave much time for finding a guy or keeping a relationship going. If you're doing all the wake-ups and bedtimes, all the drop-offs and pickups, all the activities and homework and housework and still trying to stay in shape and see your friends once in awhile, you're collapsing into bed at the end of the day, exhausted, most of the time.

I pretty much put dating on the back-burner when I had my child, because the kind of parent I want to be (very active) does not really mesh with being out there all the time, trying to meet guys. I do have friends who have prioritized dating over their kids, and it makes me sad for the kids.

It's her last chance to have a child, so it's actually very smart. I will tell you once you're over 40 you see most of your friends divorced, but they thankful they have their families. The women I know who don't have kids regret it. You always have time to find a guy, but finite time to have your family. She'll also have grand-kids, that's for life and men have a shelf life due to divorce or death. I was pregnant and was dating, then got married and had another child with him. I was in my 30's so time was out, best decision I made. Waiting too long would be her worst mistake.

Women who can date while pregnant are an exception. Most quality guys will prefer an unencumbered woman.

Lol at "quality guys."

If someone is ready to have a child, and prioritize it over dating, then good for them for doing what they want instead of waiting for a dude to turn up and fix everything. Sure, having a kid forecloses some activities, probably forecloses some partners. I'm going to guess that the woman who chooses pregnancy understands this?

I support a woman's right to procreate, although I don't think doing it alone is better than while being a part of a couple. It's just better than nothing. I just have to laugh at someone who thinks getting pregnant will "take the pressure off" with regard to finding the right guy because then she could just take her time to get to know him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many people in their 30s are tired of all the BS dating really is. They are old enough to see through the facade, and it's demoralizing LOL

Yep. That's why I call when I want to have sex and when I'm done, you go back to your place and I go back to men.

Both of us win!

LOL!

[Anonymous]

No it's not difficult to date in your thirties. If you want to find a marrigeable man, though, you have to be purposeful about dating and be ready to quickly lose men who aren't marriage minded. I started to date with the purpose to marry at 33. Met my DH at 34 and we married when I was 36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No it's not difficult to date in your thirties. If you want to find a marrigeable man, though, you have to be purposeful about dating and be ready to quickly lose men who aren't marriage minded. I started to date with the purpose to marry at 33. Met my DH at 34 and we married when I was 36.

What 30-year-old is "marriage-minded" until after, say, a good year of showering together? The Prince of Wales had to produce an heir; no one else on the planet has that problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No it's not difficult to date in your thirties. If you want to find a marrigeable man, though, you have to be purposeful about dating and be ready to quickly lose men who aren't marriage minded. I started to date with the purpose to marry at 33. Met my DH at 34 and we married when I was 36.

+1. Bingo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent my 20s just being single had a very short relationship in my very early 30s, and have been single again for over a year.
So I've given up. I will not find a guy, and I'm ok with being alone. (No, I do not have any cats!)
I went back to school and envision myself living in hawaii as a nurse, sipping Mai Tai's and enjoying my lonesome life. Doesn't sound terrible in my head.

So for me, dating is hard no matter what age I am.

Not that there is anything wrong with being single, but I don't see why you are "giving up" in your early 30s.

Because outside of a 4 months "relationship" I've been single for close to 9 years. I just don't think it's in the cards for me.

Then there are a few things that may be going on:

You pick unavailable men or men out of your league and waste time getting to know men who won't "date"
You're unavailable yourself
You don't date. You aren't dating online or even meeting eligible men

I promise any idiot can fall in love and get married. It's a numbers game and also realizing you need to date relationship minded men.

I do online dating but it's hard. I meet guys.
But 99% of guys I meet and show interested are either already in relationships and want me as a side piece, just got out of a relationship and don't want to date but wouldn't mind hooking up or are generally looking for more than sex. I only met two guys in the last few years that were truly interested in dating and one I just wasn't attracted to, the other I did date but the relationship was bad, he wasn't treated me right and was disrespectful so I ended it after 4 months.

I know my league. I am not hot or perfect, I have a attractive face but I'm overweight and dress for my body type. I get compliments from guys on the street. I have a wide variety of interests and love my job and school so I'm not bitter. Just kinda the girl next door.
I've just always been a buddy and friend but guys never seemed to see dating potential in me.
At this point I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just attract guys with the wrong intentions and the ones with good ones just want to be friends.

Now, literally all my friends are married so there is a lot less possibility for me to go out and meet guys in real life unless I go out by myself.

So I guess I'm the idiot that's never been in love, won't fall in love and won't get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No it's not difficult to date in your thirties. If you want to find a marrigeable man, though, you have to be purposeful about dating and be ready to quickly lose men who aren't marriage minded. I started to date with the purpose to marry at 33. Met my DH at 34 and we married when I was 36.

Threading a narrow window, of course, between when you're ready and when you're ovaries aren't!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent my 20s just being single had a very short relationship in my very early 30s, and have been single again for over a year.
So I've given up. I will not find a guy, and I'm ok with being alone. (No, I do not have any cats!)
I went back to school and envision myself living in hawaii as a nurse, sipping Mai Tai's and enjoying my lonesome life. Doesn't sound terrible in my head.

So for me, dating is hard no matter what age I am.

Not that there is anything wrong with being single, but I don't see why you are "giving up" in your early 30s.

Because outside of a 4 months "relationship" I've been single for close to 9 years. I just don't think it's in the cards for me.

Then there are a few things that may be going on:

You pick unavailable men or men out of your league and waste time getting to know men who won't "date"
You're unavailable yourself
You don't date. You aren't dating online or even meeting eligible men

I promise any idiot can fall in love and get married. It's a numbers game and also realizing you need to date relationship minded men.

I do online dating but it's hard. I meet guys.
But 99% of guys I meet and show interested are either already in relationships and want me as a side piece, just got out of a relationship and don't want to date but wouldn't mind hooking up or are generally looking for more than sex. I only met two guys in the last few years that were truly interested in dating and one I just wasn't attracted to, the other I did date but the relationship was bad, he wasn't treated me right and was disrespectful so I ended it after 4 months.

I know my league. I am not hot or perfect, I have a attractive face but I'm overweight and dress for my body type. I get compliments from guys on the street. I have a wide variety of interests and love my job and school so I'm not bitter. Just kinda the girl next door.
I've just always been a buddy and friend but guys never seemed to see dating potential in me.
At this point I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just attract guys with the wrong intentions and the ones with good ones just want to be friends.

Now, literally all my friends are married so there is a lot less possibility for me to go out and meet guys in real life unless I go out by myself.

So I guess I'm the idiot that's never been in love, won't fall in love and won't get married.

You're doing something wrong. Not sure what it is. You should talk to a matchmaker or go see a therapist. I'm sorry you're having such bad luck. I did too until I met my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent my 20s just being single had a very short relationship in my very early 30s, and have been single again for over a year.
So I've given up. I will not find a guy, and I'm ok with being alone. (No, I do not have any cats!)
I went back to school and envision myself living in hawaii as a nurse, sipping Mai Tai's and enjoying my lonesome life. Doesn't sound terrible in my head.

So for me, dating is hard no matter what age I am.

Not that there is anything wrong with being single, but I don't see why you are "giving up" in your early 30s.

Because outside of a 4 months "relationship" I've been single for close to 9 years. I just don't think it's in the cards for me.

Then there are a few things that may be going on:

You pick unavailable men or men out of your league and waste time getting to know men who won't "date"
You're unavailable yourself
You don't date. You aren't dating online or even meeting eligible men

I promise any idiot can fall in love and get married. It's a numbers game and also realizing you need to date relationship minded men.

I do online dating but it's hard. I meet guys.
But 99% of guys I meet and show interested are either already in relationships and want me as a side piece, just got out of a relationship and don't want to date but wouldn't mind hooking up or are generally looking for more than sex. I only met two guys in the last few years that were truly interested in dating and one I just wasn't attracted to, the other I did date but the relationship was bad, he wasn't treated me right and was disrespectful so I ended it after 4 months.

I know my league. I am not hot or perfect, I have a attractive face but I'm overweight and dress for my body type. I get compliments from guys on the street. I have a wide variety of interests and love my job and school so I'm not bitter. Just kinda the girl next door.
I've just always been a buddy and friend but guys never seemed to see dating potential in me.
At this point I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just attract guys with the wrong intentions and the ones with good ones just want to be friends.

Now, literally all my friends are married so there is a lot less possibility for me to go out and meet guys in real life unless I go out by myself.

So I guess I'm the idiot that's never been in love, won't fall in love and won't get married.

Join a Gym and get in shape. If you are overweight, it is an obstacle. Of course some men will overlook it, but realistically, many will not. Working out will also improve your attitude and give you more confidence. You may even meet a man at the gym. That is where I met my wife and we have been married for 15 years now. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Whether you are a man or a woman, young or old, of course some can find a date easier than others. But to find someone and fall in love and have them love you back - now that's difficult for any person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent my 20s just being single had a very short relationship in my very early 30s, and have been single again for over a year.
So I've given up. I will not find a guy, and I'm ok with being alone. (No, I do not have any cats!)
I went back to school and envision myself living in hawaii as a nurse, sipping Mai Tai's and enjoying my lonesome life. Doesn't sound terrible in my head.

So for me, dating is hard no matter what age I am.

Not that there is anything wrong with being single, but I don't see why you are "giving up" in your early 30s.

Because outside of a 4 months "relationship" I've been single for close to 9 years. I just don't think it's in the cards for me.

Then there are a few things that may be going on:

You pick unavailable men or men out of your league and waste time getting to know men who won't "date"
You're unavailable yourself
You don't date. You aren't dating online or even meeting eligible men

I promise any idiot can fall in love and get married. It's a numbers game and also realizing you need to date relationship minded men.

I do online dating but it's hard. I meet guys.
But 99% of guys I meet and show interested are either already in relationships and want me as a side piece, just got out of a relationship and don't want to date but wouldn't mind hooking up or are generally looking for more than sex. I only met two guys in the last few years that were truly interested in dating and one I just wasn't attracted to, the other I did date but the relationship was bad, he wasn't treated me right and was disrespectful so I ended it after 4 months.

I know my league. I am not hot or perfect, I have a attractive face but I'm overweight and dress for my body type. I get compliments from guys on the street. I have a wide variety of interests and love my job and school so I'm not bitter. Just kinda the girl next door.
I've just always been a buddy and friend but guys never seemed to see dating potential in me.
At this point I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just attract guys with the wrong intentions and the ones with good ones just want to be friends.

Now, literally all my friends are married so there is a lot less possibility for me to go out and meet guys in real life unless I go out by myself.

So I guess I'm the idiot that's never been in love, won't fall in love and won't get married.

Join a Gym and get in shape. If you are overweight, it is an obstacle. Of course some men will overlook it, but realistically, many will not. Working out will also improve your attitude and give you more confidence. You may even meet a man at the gym. That is where I met my wife and we have been married for 15 years now. Good luck.

I tried that before and will try again. But right now with school and such, a gym membership just isn't doable. I generally think I have a good attitude. I also don't look at date guys with perfect bodies. I don't mind guys who are also overweight. Like I said, I know my league.
I know some guys were turned off after a few dates because I don't think I want kids, so I know that is a problem. I did meet a great guy last summer but we weren't sexually compatible.
I was always bad at dating so I'm not surprised to be single in my 30s.

[Anonymous]

It is just much more easier dating in your 20's vs. your 30's.

But not impossible.

However in your 30's, you may need to take more initiative in your search for a partner.

And realistically the older you get, the tougher the search gets.

Again not impossible, just harder.

Such is life.

[Anonymous]

Plus I think in our twenties we tend to date people we know will not make great life partners. We tend to put up w/more BS from people because we know we have plenty of time later on to get serious & settle down.
In your twenties you just want to have fun + not worry too much about marriage and family responsibilities.

In your thirties there is so much more at stake.
The pressure to settle down + start a family are all around you. And for women, their biological clock starts ticking much louder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent my 20s just being single had a very short relationship in my very early 30s, and have been single again for over a year.
So I've given up. I will not find a guy, and I'm ok with being alone. (No, I do not have any cats!)
I went back to school and envision myself living in hawaii as a nurse, sipping Mai Tai's and enjoying my lonesome life. Doesn't sound terrible in my head.

So for me, dating is hard no matter what age I am.

Not that there is anything wrong with being single, but I don't see why you are "giving up" in your early 30s.

Because outside of a 4 months "relationship" I've been single for close to 9 years. I just don't think it's in the cards for me.

Then there are a few things that may be going on:

You pick unavailable men or men out of your league and waste time getting to know men who won't "date"
You're unavailable yourself
You don't date. You aren't dating online or even meeting eligible men

I promise any idiot can fall in love and get married. It's a numbers game and also realizing you need to date relationship minded men.

I do online dating but it's hard. I meet guys.
But 99% of guys I meet and show interested are either already in relationships and want me as a side piece, just got out of a relationship and don't want to date but wouldn't mind hooking up or are generally looking for more than sex. I only met two guys in the last few years that were truly interested in dating and one I just wasn't attracted to, the other I did date but the relationship was bad, he wasn't treated me right and was disrespectful so I ended it after 4 months.

I know my league. I am not hot or perfect, I have a attractive face but I'm overweight and dress for my body type. I get compliments from guys on the street. I have a wide variety of interests and love my job and school so I'm not bitter. Just kinda the girl next door.
I've just always been a buddy and friend but guys never seemed to see dating potential in me.
At this point I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just attract guys with the wrong intentions and the ones with good ones just want to be friends.

Now, literally all my friends are married so there is a lot less possibility for me to go out and meet guys in real life unless I go out by myself.

So I guess I'm the idiot that's never been in love, won't fall in love and won't get married.

Join a Gym and get in shape. If you are overweight, it is an obstacle. Of course some men will overlook it, but realistically, many will not. Working out will also improve your attitude and give you more confidence. You may even meet a man at the gym. That is where I met my wife and we have been married for 15 years now. Good luck.

I tried that before and will try again. But right now with school and such, a gym membership just isn't doable. I generally think I have a good attitude. I also don't look at date guys with perfect bodies. I don't mind guys who are also overweight. Like I said, I know my league.
I know some guys were turned off after a few dates because I don't think I want kids, so I know that is a problem. I did meet a great guy last summer but we weren't sexually compatible.
I was always bad at dating so I'm not surprised to be single in my 30s.

Are you sure that you know your "league"?

Men are shallow when it comes to physical fitness. I say that as a man.

But, they are much more easy going when it comes to a potential wife's career/wealth, etc.

A schlubby-looking guy, with a good job, might see himself as more of a "catch" than a slightly overweight women with a similar job, due to the difference between how men and women evaluate each other.

As you have noticed, some guys will only be open to you as a "side chick." You might try pushing for exclusivity earlier on to avoid them.

If you don't want kids, it's going to be an issue for a man in his thirties. Even men are feeling pressure by that age. It's good that you are up-front about it, but realize that it's going to limit your pool.

"I did meet a great guy last summer but we weren't sexually compatible." What does this mean?

I would utilize online dating services as much as possible to filter for men who don't want kids.