Is it really that hard for women in their 30's to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hot women in their 30s do fine. Average looking women, who got lots of attention in their 20s, struggle. If women who are in their early and mid-20s stopped giving men in their 30s attention this would change. But, as it is, men in their 30s who "have their shit together" can date women age 24-38 no problem.

Why would that ever happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only difficult for women who have unrealistic expectations of what they "deserve" in a potential spouse (looks, job, money, emotional stability, etc.)

If they are holding out for an A+ guy, they better be bringing an A+ package to the table.

This.

Very true. And unrealistically high standards may be the reason they're still single in their 30s in the first place.

I have several friends in their 30s/40s who are still single. They talk about how they will someday meet someone who is everything that they are looking for/throw out seriously crazy prerequisites. I think they would rather turn down every potential mate due to their lack of ability to meet their crazy standards, vs take the chance at getting hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only difficult for women who have unrealistic expectations of what they "deserve" in a potential spouse (looks, job, money, emotional stability, etc.)

If they are holding out for an A+ guy, they better be bringing an A+ package to the table.

This.

Very true. And unrealistically high standards may be the reason they're still single in their 30s in the first place.

I have several friends in their 30s/40s who are still single. They talk about how they will someday meet someone who is everything that they are looking for/throw out seriously crazy prerequisites. I think they would rather turn down every potential mate due to their lack of ability to meet their crazy standards, vs take the chance at getting hurt.

They must not like sex.

[Anonymous]

I think it matters which end of "30s" you're on. Early thirties? No real difference from 20s. Late 30s? Too many women get desperate to find someone so they can have kids.

[Anonymous]

The best husband-y guys I know were all married in their mid to late 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only difficult for women who have unrealistic expectations of what they "deserve" in a potential spouse (looks, job, money, emotional stability, etc.)

If they are holding out for an A+ guy, they better be bringing an A+ package to the table.

This.

Very true. And unrealistically high standards may be the reason they're still single in their 30s in the first place.

I have several friends in their 30s/40s who are still single. They talk about how they will someday meet someone who is everything that they are looking for/throw out seriously crazy prerequisites. I think they would rather turn down every potential mate due to their lack of ability to meet their crazy standards, vs take the chance at getting hurt.

They must not like sex.

Being single does not equal being celibate.

To the rest, I'm on the tail end of my 30s and am currently pursuing having a child on my own, while dating. It takes the pressure off the guy to be all things and we can just enjoy getting to know each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best husband-y guys I know were all married in their mid to late 20s.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can be tough because a lot of women get very single-minded in their dating so they can get married and have kids before they get too old. I've seen a lot of my friends get kind of anxious as they approach 35, and my guy friends have remarked on it. It can come off as desperation, which is not the greatest asset in dating.

The friends of mine who've had the most luck have been open to online dating and recognized that it can be a numbers game - sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a good frog.

Desperation carries the stench of 1,000 rotting fish. Single, successful men in their 30s can smell it miles away.

And I totally agree, online dating is a numbers game. You go on 8 to 10 bad dates before finding someone who clicks with you. If you can't stomach that fact, then you're too lazy to find that special person.

As a guy, the good thing about online dating is that is gets the basic physical attractiveness question out of the way. 99 out of 100 guys won't meet someone from online dating if there is no initial attraction. At that point, I'm looking to see if our personalities are a match and if there's chemistry.

But men shouldn't stay single too long. After 35, women think it's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only difficult for women who have unrealistic expectations of what they "deserve" in a potential spouse (looks, job, money, emotional stability, etc.)

If they are holding out for an A+ guy, they better be bringing an A+ package to the table.

This.

Very true. And unrealistically high standards may be the reason they're still single in their 30s in the first place.

I have several friends in their 30s/40s who are still single. They talk about how they will someday meet someone who is everything that they are looking for/throw out seriously crazy prerequisites. I think they would rather turn down every potential mate due to their lack of ability to meet their crazy standards, vs take the chance at getting hurt.

They must not like sex.

Being single does not equal being celibate.

To the rest, I'm on the tail end of my 30s and am currently pursuing having a child on my own, while dating. It takes the pressure off the guy to be all things and we can just enjoy getting to know each other.

I don't follow.

[Anonymous]

No, it's not really that hard. As with every age group, if you are attractive, have a good personality, and don't have unrealistic requirements for a mate then you will find one. If you have a bad personality, are unattractive, or have major mental or emotional issues, then it will be hard. I think the group of women still single in their 30s probably has more of the latter than the group of women who are single in their 20s (simply because a lot of the dateable women get married in their 20s), so that may contribute to the idea that being in your 30s makes it hard to date.

[Anonymous]

Individual women may do okay, but as a whole - yes, much harder in your 30s. There are lots of stats backing this up. I cringe to refer to this book, as the title is awful, but the content is very interesting and much less offensive than the title. It should be required reading for any woman between 25 - 35 (but especially 25 - 30) who want marriage and possibly a family. Time does not increase your options, and the stuff you rule men out for in your 20's will be things you'd happily take in your 30's... but now your options are usually worse.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/306651/

http://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/045123216X

People take their careers, their educations, their fitness, their finances very seriously and make plans for them. And then we leave our life partners up to "fate" and "hope" and "you'll meet him when you least expect it." BS. While I don't advocate for settling with someone you're not happy with, I'm a huge advocate for opening your mind and making your search for a mate purposeful. There's an exercise in the book about determining your few must-haves, and then being open-minded on other things. I read this book just a few months before I met my DH, and I can guarantee you I would have ruled him out if I hadn't read this book. As it was, I almost did brush him off anyway. Been married 4 years now and very glad I didn't wait until further into my 30s to get serious about finding a spouse. The number of good mates in the pool and my ability to attract one of them wasn't going up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can be tough because a lot of women get very single-minded in their dating so they can get married and have kids before they get too old. I've seen a lot of my friends get kind of anxious as they approach 35, and my guy friends have remarked on it. It can come off as desperation, which is not the greatest asset in dating.

The friends of mine who've had the most luck have been open to online dating and recognized that it can be a numbers game - sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a good frog.

Desperation carries the stench of 1,000 rotting fish. Single, successful men in their 30s can smell it miles away.

And I totally agree, online dating is a numbers game. You go on 8 to 10 bad dates before finding someone who clicks with you. If you can't stomach that fact, then you're too lazy to find that special person.

As a guy, the good thing about online dating is that is gets the basic physical attractiveness question out of the way. 99 out of 100 guys won't meet someone from online dating if there is no initial attraction. At that point, I'm looking to see if our personalities are a match and if there's chemistry.

But men shouldn't stay single too long. After 35, women think it's weird.

If they are trying to date 22 year olds, sure. But most men over 35 are going to be dating women nearly the same age, or just a bit younger. So the the women they are dating are "weird" too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I enjoyed dating in my 30s. I got married when I was 34. I spent my 20s partying/learning who I am and had a lot of casual hookups along the way... I had to figure out who I was and what i wanted before i was ready for a serious relationship.

I found the quality of men that I met in my 20s and 30s to be just the same, to be honest. Some awesome, some terrible, some dogs. Some with good jobs, some with no career prospects whatsoever.

I met quite a few successful men via online dating when I was in my 30s. Men who spent their 20s getting an education and building up their careers.

Keep in mind that life is long (usually) and people can many ups and downs, at different periods of their life.

I know that sounds obvious, but I often see a lot of focus on "successful by x age." Don't forget that the average lifespan is nearly 80 years. What someone is like, and how "successful" they are at age 20-40, may be quite different than age 50-70+. It's common for people to have a lot of early success and then just go sideways for many years, until they are laid off, or run into health issues, and never fully recover. A LOT of successful men (and women) burn out, or simply have a change of perspective and no longer are interested in maintaining their status and lifestyle.

Always focus more on the person, and their habits, rather than just their current situation, which can be the result of a lot of things, and can change over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can be tough because a lot of women get very single-minded in their dating so they can get married and have kids before they get too old. I've seen a lot of my friends get kind of anxious as they approach 35, and my guy friends have remarked on it. It can come off as desperation, which is not the greatest asset in dating.

The friends of mine who've had the most luck have been open to online dating and recognized that it can be a numbers game - sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a good frog.

Desperation carries the stench of 1,000 rotting fish. Single, successful men in their 30s can smell it miles away.

And I totally agree, online dating is a numbers game. You go on 8 to 10 bad dates before finding someone who clicks with you. If you can't stomach that fact, then you're too lazy to find that special person.

As a guy, the good thing about online dating is that is gets the basic physical attractiveness question out of the way. 99 out of 100 guys won't meet someone from online dating if there is no initial attraction. At that point, I'm looking to see if our personalities are a match and if there's chemistry.

But men shouldn't stay single too long. After 35, women think it's weird.

Men feel the same way with single women over 35...it's weird or other issues.

[Anonymous]

With men, i think it's more like "over 40."

And again, it's all relative. It's no surprise if an unmarried 38 year old is deemed "weird" when he is hitting on early 20s women.

But a woman who is pushing 35 is in a similar position herself. So the "weird" factor cancels out, as long as you are dating someone "age-appropriate."