Is it really that hard for women in their 30's to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Individual women may do okay, but as a whole - yes, much harder in your 30s. There are lots of stats backing this up. I cringe to refer to this book, as the title is awful, but the content is very interesting and much less offensive than the title. It should be required reading for any woman between 25 - 35 (but especially 25 - 30) who want marriage and possibly a family. Time does not increase your options, and the stuff you rule men out for in your 20's will be things you'd happily take in your 30's... but now your options are usually worse.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/306651/

http://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/045123216X

People take their careers, their educations, their fitness, their finances very seriously and make plans for them. And then we leave our life partners up to "fate" and "hope" and "you'll meet him when you least expect it." BS. While I don't advocate for settling with someone you're not happy with, I'm a huge advocate for opening your mind and making your search for a mate purposeful. There's an exercise in the book about determining your few must-haves, and then being open-minded on other things. I read this book just a few months before I met my DH, and I can guarantee you I would have ruled him out if I hadn't read this book. As it was, I almost did brush him off anyway. Been married 4 years now and very glad I didn't wait until further into my 30s to get serious about finding a spouse. The number of good mates in the pool and my ability to attract one of them wasn't going up.

This, a 1000 times over. I'm surprised you haven't gotten flamed for posting this yet. It's exactly true!

I read this book a year ago at 31 and found it to be right on time. It's easier when you're younger to take for granted that single, eligible guys will always be available. The book is pretty funny also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent my 20s just being single had a very short relationship in my very early 30s, and have been single again for over a year.
So I've given up. I will not find a guy, and I'm ok with being alone. (No, I do not have any cats!)
I went back to school and envision myself living in hawaii as a nurse, sipping Mai Tai's and enjoying my lonesome life. Doesn't sound terrible in my head.

So for me, dating is hard no matter what age I am.

Not that there is anything wrong with being single, but I don't see why you are "giving up" in your early 30s.

Because outside of a 4 months "relationship" I've been single for close to 9 years. I just don't think it's in the cards for me.

Then there are a few things that may be going on:

You pick unavailable men or men out of your league and waste time getting to know men who won't "date"
You're unavailable yourself
You don't date. You aren't dating online or even meeting eligible men

I promise any idiot can fall in love and get married. It's a numbers game and also realizing you need to date relationship minded men.

[Anonymous]

I didn't find it difficult. There's plenty of attention from guys, and I found the love of my life a few years ago. The friends who sabotage relationships because he doesn't precisely fit some preconceived idea of Prince Charming are still single. I wanted someone I can enjoy being with. He's an equal who I simply want to be next to for the rest of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best husband-y guys I know were all married in their mid to late 20s.

Yep. I myself am a fantastic guy, but I got married at 26. Sorry ladies.

[Anonymous]

I imagine it would be because if you're dating in your 30s it's for two reasons:

1. You previously were married and are now divorced, possibly with kids, and back on the market. Your cachet has gone down now that you are a divorcee with children in the picture, so your pool of men who are willing to date you is pretty shallow, and many of them will also be divorced with kids, which complicates things.

2. You have never been married, but are reaching the age at which you want to be and are thinking seriously about your fertility and long-range planning. This means you no longer have the freedom to just date a guy for awhile and then end it if it doesn't suit you anymore. You're now dating for a PURPOSE and can't waste your time on dude bros because they're at least fun or cute or good in bed- you really don't have the time to waste anymore. So you become more focused, more picky, and maybe more intense as a result- you're no longer the fun girl who's just down to hang. You are actively seeking a partner. Which can be intimidating for men.

Add to that that men in their mid-late 30s and are single/childless usually are in that predicament because they have Peter Pan Syndrome and don't particularly want to settle down and have kids or they're just total duds nobody else wanted, and there you have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I broke up with the baby daddy and then dated and married in my early 30's. No problem.

But, I had to be willing to date someone divorced, with kids.

I'm guessing you make it your job/business to keep yourself in a man. Not everyone does that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I broke up with the baby daddy and then dated and married in my early 30's. No problem.

But, I had to be willing to date someone divorced, with kids.

I'm guessing you make it your job/business to keep yourself in a man. Not everyone does that.

What a bizarre comment to leave on a thread that is specifically about dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm 38 and took my 10yr old son out of school to go to the Spy museum today. I forgot to wear my ring. I got hit on right in front of my son at lunch by a business man, who was probably in his early 40s. .

Doubtless he forgot to mention that he was married too.

[Anonymous]

I know some people who were single in their thirties who obviously were not ready for commitment or marriage. Super career focused type men and women who have wanderlust and prioritize interesting and exotic experiences over the mundane-ness of every day marriage.

I also know some thirtysomethings who were single in their thirties but they just took longer to find someone because they were preoccupied with work of studies. One woman I know is a fancy policy analyst in town and she met her equally fancy diplomat/policy wonk husband at 31, married at 34 and they seem very happy and very well suited for each other. They are a DC "power couple."

I know a few very attractive thirtysomething women who are single but it is because they are very attractive and as such are known to be divas and extremely demanding. One of them who is an absolute babe, married at 30 and then divorced 2 years later and now complains about how marriage is a trap and men suck. She was always extremely glamorous and high maintenance. I think she had very high expectations that just could not be met. Another woman who is now 35 is also very attractive but had perpetually single. She is similarly demanding and high maintenance and wiating for her Prince Charming.

Normal, homely looking nice 30something women who want to get married, DO and often to really great guys. I knew this late thirties newly wed couple. The woman was this lovely Russian immigrant whose american husband was an absolute fox! Not only was he very handsome but he was charming and had a well paid career. Last I heard they had their first baby 2 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Single 39 year old here.

I've been looking to get married since I was 25. I am decent looking, thin, in ok shape, etc. Its not because I am too picky or becasue I don't want to get married to becasue I focused on my career. It's just really really hard to meet guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single 39 year old here.

I've been looking to get married since I was 25. I am decent looking, thin, in ok shape, etc. Its not because I am too picky or becasue I don't want to get married to becasue I focused on my career. It's just really really hard to meet guys.

Are you doing online dating?? When was your last relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single 39 year old here.

I've been looking to get married since I was 25. I am decent looking, thin, in ok shape, etc. Its not because I am too picky or becasue I don't want to get married to becasue I focused on my career. It's just really really hard to meet guys.

are you shy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm 38 and took my 10yr old son out of school to go to the Spy museum today. I forgot to wear my ring. I got hit on right in front of my son at lunch by a business man, who was probably in his early 40s. .

Doubtless he forgot to mention that he was married too.

I would suspect divorced because he did bring up his kids. He didn't have a ring on and it's not like we were at a bar. He was by himself at legal sea foods going over some paperwork sprawled about the table. He didn't come on agressive, but was clearly angling towards my child to get at me.

If he was married that's a strange game.

[Anonymous]

It works both ways.

In theory, people who are "still single" when they are pushing 40 are "damaged goods."

But, if you reach this age, and are healthy, attractive, sane, and have some plausible reason for still being single at your age, you will probably be a hot commodity to people in your age group, because most people in your position have issues. Of course, those are the unicorns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's only difficult for women who have unrealistic expectations of what they "deserve" in a potential spouse (looks, job, money, emotional stability, etc.)

If they are holding out for an A+ guy, they better be bringing an A+ package to the table.

This.

Very true. And unrealistically high standards may be the reason they're still single in their 30s in the first place.

I have several friends in their 30s/40s who are still single. They talk about how they will someday meet someone who is everything that they are looking for/throw out seriously crazy prerequisites. I think they would rather turn down every potential mate due to their lack of ability to meet their crazy standards, vs take the chance at getting hurt.

They must not like sex.

Being single does not equal being celibate.

To the rest, I'm on the tail end of my 30s and am currently pursuing having a child on my own, while dating. It takes the pressure off the guy to be all things and we can just enjoy getting to know each other.

This has to be the stupidest life strategy I've ever encountered. You've clearly never been around children if you think you can "enjoy getting to know" someone while pregnant or with a very young child. If you are pursuing having a child on your own, you should be comfortable with being out of the dating pool for at least two years because a pregnant woman or a mother of a very young child is at the very bottom of the dating market - not to mention too busy for dating, in all likelihood.