Is it really that hard for women in their 30's to date?

[Anonymous]

Thank god this is an anonymous forum.

I'm very grateful I got married at 28. The last time I was single - in my mid-twenties (I'm 30 now, so can't imagine too much has changed) - I was blown away by the dearth of truly good guys out there. If a guy was attractive and nice, he had a crappy/dead end job. If a man was successful, he had some sort of personality disorder. Regardless of who the guy was, sex was expected very early on - first or second date. It's terrible out there!

I have a good girlfriend in her late 30s who just got out of a LTR. She's beautiful, fit, successful, cool, smart, and funny, and ends up going out on dates with losers. It makes me so sad for her, as she wants children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hot women in their 30s do fine. Average looking women, who got lots of attention in their 20s, struggle. If women who are in their early and mid-20s stopped giving men in their 30s attention this would change. But, as it is, men in their 30s who "have their shit together" can date women age 24-38 no problem.

Wait, so some women are supposed to not date whomever they want in order to help other women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank god this is an anonymous forum.

I'm very grateful I got married at 28. The last time I was single - in my mid-twenties (I'm 30 now, so can't imagine too much has changed) - I was blown away by the dearth of truly good guys out there. If a guy was attractive and nice, he had a crappy/dead end job. If a man was successful, he had some sort of personality disorder. Regardless of who the guy was, sex was expected very early on - first or second date. It's terrible out there!

I have a good girlfriend in her late 30s who just got out of a LTR. She's beautiful, fit, successful, cool, smart, and funny, and ends up going out on dates with losers. It makes me so sad for her, as she wants children.

It's terrible out there people! She meets a decent guy, employed, but he's ... never going to be a millionaire! He'll never be able to buy her that BMW 5-series she deserves. Oh the horror.

[Anonymous]

You think that's bad how about being a twice divorced 46 yo with four kids from two different men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank god this is an anonymous forum.

I'm very grateful I got married at 28. The last time I was single - in my mid-twenties (I'm 30 now, so can't imagine too much has changed) - I was blown away by the dearth of truly good guys out there. If a guy was attractive and nice, he had a crappy/dead end job. If a man was successful, he had some sort of personality disorder. Regardless of who the guy was, sex was expected very early on - first or second date. It's terrible out there!

I have a good girlfriend in her late 30s who just got out of a LTR. She's beautiful, fit, successful, cool, smart, and funny, and ends up going out on dates with losers. It makes me so sad for her, as she wants children.

It's terrible out there people! She meets a decent guy, employed, but he's ... never going to be a millionaire! He'll never be able to buy her that BMW 5-series she deserves. Oh the horror.

+1

Yeah, I have to wonder what the definition of "good men" is for this crowd. I'm sure there are plenty of good (in the moral sense) men out there, in their 30s and 40s, who would be interested. Everyone has baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think that's bad how about being a twice divorced 46 yo with four kids from two different men.

I think the hardest age for women is in their 30s and early 40s.

At that age, men who do not have children, but want them, begin factoring women's ages into their dating strategy. Childless men generally don't want to get serious with women who already have kids. By the time men are pushing 50, they either already have kids, or will probably never have kids. So these considerations become less important.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I spent my 20s just being single had a very short relationship in my very early 30s, and have been single again for over a year.
So I've given up. I will not find a guy, and I'm ok with being alone. (No, I do not have any cats!)
I went back to school and envision myself living in hawaii as a nurse, sipping Mai Tai's and enjoying my lonesome life. Doesn't sound terrible in my head.

So for me, dating is hard no matter what age I am.

Not that there is anything wrong with being single, but I don't see why you are "giving up" in your early 30s.

Because outside of a 4 months "relationship" I've been single for close to 9 years. I just don't think it's in the cards for me.

Then there are a few things that may be going on:

You pick unavailable men or men out of your league and waste time getting to know men who won't "date"
You're unavailable yourself
You don't date. You aren't dating online or even meeting eligible men

I promise any idiot can fall in love and get married. It's a numbers game and also realizing you need to date relationship minded men.

I do online dating but it's hard. I meet guys.
But 99% of guys I meet and show interested are either already in relationships and want me as a side piece, just got out of a relationship and don't want to date but wouldn't mind hooking up or are generally looking for more than sex. I only met two guys in the last few years that were truly interested in dating and one I just wasn't attracted to, the other I did date but the relationship was bad, he wasn't treated me right and was disrespectful so I ended it after 4 months.

I know my league. I am not hot or perfect, I have a attractive face but I'm overweight and dress for my body type. I get compliments from guys on the street. I have a wide variety of interests and love my job and school so I'm not bitter. Just kinda the girl next door.
I've just always been a buddy and friend but guys never seemed to see dating potential in me.
At this point I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just attract guys with the wrong intentions and the ones with good ones just want to be friends.

Now, literally all my friends are married so there is a lot less possibility for me to go out and meet guys in real life unless I go out by myself.

So I guess I'm the idiot that's never been in love, won't fall in love and won't get married.

Join a Gym and get in shape. If you are overweight, it is an obstacle. Of course some men will overlook it, but realistically, many will not. Working out will also improve your attitude and give you more confidence. You may even meet a man at the gym. That is where I met my wife and we have been married for 15 years now. Good luck.

I tried that before and will try again. But right now with school and such, a gym membership just isn't doable. I generally think I have a good attitude. I also don't look at date guys with perfect bodies. I don't mind guys who are also overweight. Like I said, I know my league.
I know some guys were turned off after a few dates because I don't think I want kids, so I know that is a problem. I did meet a great guy last summer but we weren't sexually compatible.
I was always bad at dating so I'm not surprised to be single in my 30s.

Are you sure that you know your "league"?

Men are shallow when it comes to physical fitness. I say that as a man.

But, they are much more easy going when it comes to a potential wife's career/wealth, etc.

A schlubby-looking guy, with a good job, might see himself as more of a "catch" than a slightly overweight women with a similar job, due to the difference between how men and women evaluate each other.

As you have noticed, some guys will only be open to you as a "side chick." You might try pushing for exclusivity earlier on to avoid them.

If you don't want kids, it's going to be an issue for a man in his thirties. Even men are feeling pressure by that age. It's good that you are up-front about it, but realize that it's going to limit your pool.

"I did meet a great guy last summer but we weren't sexually compatible." What does this mean?

I would utilize online dating services as much as possible to filter for men who don't want kids.

By sexually incompatible I mean, he couldn't get/stay hard and I was bad at faking having a good time with him. I enjoyed him and foreplay but during sex, there was just nothing since he just wasn't hard. He said I wasn't into it (him) and ghosted me. But other than that, he was a great guy.

I'm in school so I don't have a career yet ("wasted" my 20s with immigration stuff instead of school) so that plus the kids thing, dating in my 30s is pretty much impossible.
I tried dating guys who have kids already but with their visitation schedule and my work and school schedule, it is really hard to coordinate.

Like I said, marriage or a relationship might not be in the card for me and I'm working on being ok with that and refocusing my life towards other things.

[Anonymous]

That's cool.

Find a creative hobby. Express yourself some other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met DH when I was 25 and have been married for 10 years. My friends who were high in demand in their 20's are having much difficulty dating in their 30's. All the good guys in their 30's seem to be married with kids or already in a relationship. The few good ones are high in demand and don't seem to want to settle down with my gfs.

You hit the nail on the head. Life is unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met DH when I was 25 and have been married for 10 years. My friends who were high in demand in their 20's are having much difficulty dating in their 30's. All the good guys in their 30's seem to be married with kids or already in a relationship. The few good ones are high in demand and don't seem to want to settle down with my gfs.

You hit the nail on the head. Life is unfair.

No, it's not. Sounds like those "high demand" women in their 20s were simply too picky. The cruelty of high expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think that's bad how about being a twice divorced 46 yo with four kids from two different men.

I think the hardest age for women is in their 30s and early 40s.

At that age, men who do not have children, but want them, begin factoring women's ages into their dating strategy. Childless men generally don't want to get serious with women who already have kids. By the time men are pushing 50, they either already have kids, or will probably never have kids. So these considerations become less important.

Yep, the tables turn. Women have it so easy in their early and mid 20s. Now it time for men to have it easy.