I caught her on a date with another guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you be angry if (1) you don't know anything about the circumstances and (2) you never told her you wanted to be exclusive? What if this was a cousin, a friend, a contact from work?

It was definitely work. She was cuddled up next to him I'm a booth.


She doesn't sleep around. She's not that type of woman and I won let you insinuate that she is.

Of course she is. She slept with you without being exclusive.

But that doesn't mean she slept with the other guy too.

She may just be keeping open other options until op steps up to the plate and commits, which is wise.

I don't date multiple people at once (maybe I will go on first or second dates etc). And I wish exclusivity was more expected without talking about it. But sadly u can't assume that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you be angry if (1) you don't know anything about the circumstances and (2) you never told her you wanted to be exclusive? What if this was a cousin, a friend, a contact from work?

It was definitely work. She was cuddled up next to him I'm a booth.


She doesn't sleep around. She's not that type of woman and I won let you insinuate that she is.

Of course she is. She slept with you without being exclusive.

But that doesn't mean she slept with the other guy too.

She may just be keeping open other options until op steps up to the plate and commits, which is wise.

I don't date multiple people at once (maybe I will go on first or second dates etc). And I wish exclusivity was more expected without talking about it. But sadly u can't assume that

So what? She did it once, why wouldn't she do it again? If not with this new guy she was cuddling with in public, then probably the one from before him, the next one, or the one after that...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

No no no. Honey - unspoken silence instead of communicating? That's awful and doesn't bode well for a long term relationship. You have got to learn to communicate to have good relationships. You shouldn't need couples therapy after 3 months (way too much effort to be worth it) but from your description you need it which is sad.

In contrast she sounds like a smart woman. If you haven't agreed to be exclusive she should be dating others. And frankly you are a little bit old for her - speak now or forever, you know, hold your peace.

I'm 31 so right between OP and his girlfriend and EVERYONE I know in this age bracket has the exclusivity talk if they want/expect exclusivity. OP is either deeply mistaken or being dishonest when he says "most... don't have the exclusivity talk." Either way, lesson learned for him, if you don't say it, you can't expect it.

I'm 34 and I polled my married friends at lunch today because we honestly look at the Tinder world and scratch our heads. Vast majority never had an exclusivity talk (do people still call it a DTR?). Then again, we're mostly from the South and cultural expectations might be different. As one guy pointed out, before the real proliferation of online dating, you had to invest time in getting to know someone before you could move on to the next option as easily so perhaps behaviors and expectations were different?

Maybe I'm a dinosaur, but I don't find it at all odd or questionable that OP would stop seeing other women a week after seeing the woman in question. Which isn't to say that he should not have had the exclusivity talk.

Well, my experience is only in the NYC and DC dating scene (with a little Chicago thrown in) where no one in my friend group settled down until late 20s early 30s and online dating is the norm. Everyone I know expects that there will be an exclusivity conversation before exclusivity is expected. That's not to say many of us didn't fall into exclusivity quickly in our relationships (DH and I had the conversation at day 5) but it still requires a conversation and agreement to be exclusive. It wasn't/isn't the default assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

1. I called her and we are going to dinner tomorrow night. She said she wants to speak then.
2. It was definitely a date. She was cuddled up in booth with him.
3. I wrote that I stopped seeing anyone a week after I met her.

Who is paying? I hope it's not you.

[Anonymous]

Okay what questions should op ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay what questions should op ask?

"I want to be exclusive. What do you think?"

[Anonymous]

Questions? I don't think I would waste a lot of time with this one. She likes the other guy. I would ask if she could pick up the check. LOL She would be soooo pissed...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Questions? I don't think I would waste a lot of time with this one. She likes the other guy. I would ask if she could pick up the check. LOL She would be soooo pissed...

OP should dine and dash and leave her holding the bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Questions? I don't think I would waste a lot of time with this one. She likes the other guy. I would ask if she could pick up the check. LOL She would be soooo pissed...

OP should dine and dash and leave her holding the bag.

Why? Because she didn't read OPs mind and realize he wanted to be exclusive even though he said nothing to that effect? Sure, go ahead and dine and dash on her, OP. Seal your fate as an epic f*ckboy.

Can you little cotton candy ass man children please go back to your red pill forums where you belong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's definitely a mismatch in terms of dating value. I am 99.9% certain OP could not get quality dates/sex anywhere as easy as the girl he's seeing can get with the opposite gender. OP's girl knows this also.

OP - give us more info. Are you in biglaw or in another highly remunerative field/position? How was your dating life in high school, college, and in your 20's?

Op here. I am established - work at a finance company ( make around300k/net). I own my own home, cars, etc.

I am more of a monogamous person, but I had my share of misguided deeds. I had 6 serious partners, and dated a few others for a few months. I've had about 3 one night stands. In total, I've slept with 12 women. I do have some women chase me just for the lifestyle I can provide them with.

I've had sex with this current women 5-6 times. Used a condom every time. I've never said she was mine and I'm not being possessive. I was just hurt. I agree I should of had the ta lk before now. It was my mistake, and potentially my loss.

[Anonymous]

OP quit being such a sickening pussy.

If she doesn't want exclusivity - HER mistake, HER loss, not yours.

Next her and move on. You'll regret it if you don't.

[Anonymous]

Since you and she had sex, OP, I think it was wrong of her to go on a date with someone else. If nothing else, what guy would want to go on a date with a woman who was already sleeping with someone else? It was unfair to both him and you. Given that you were sleeping together and had met each other's families, I can see why you'd assume you were exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Questions? I don't think I would waste a lot of time with this one. She likes the other guy. I would ask if she could pick up the check. LOL She would be soooo pissed...

OP should dine and dash and leave her holding the bag.

+100 that would be epic...op order the most expensive thing on the menu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's definitely a mismatch in terms of dating value. I am 99.9% certain OP could not get quality dates/sex anywhere as easy as the girl he's seeing can get with the opposite gender. OP's girl knows this also.

OP - give us more info. Are you in biglaw or in another highly remunerative field/position? How was your dating life in high school, college, and in your 20's?

Op here. I am established - work at a finance company ( make around300k/net). I own my own home, cars, etc.

I am more of a monogamous person, but I had my share of misguided deeds. I had 6 serious partners, and dated a few others for a few months. I've had about 3 one night stands. In total, I've slept with 12 women. I do have some women chase me just for the lifestyle I can provide them with.

I've had sex with this current women 5-6 times. Used a condom every time. I've never said she was mine and I'm not being possessive. I was just hurt. I agree I should of had the ta lk before now. It was my mistake, and potentially my loss.

'your' girl definitely likes this part and will not want to let it go. Given the rest of what you've written, it's pretty surprising that you are hung up over this. Cut your losses and move on. It's her loss that she didn't bring up exclusivity. Pick up the dinner check only if you plan to tell her you do not want to see her again and are moving on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's definitely a mismatch in terms of dating value. I am 99.9% certain OP could not get quality dates/sex anywhere as easy as the girl he's seeing can get with the opposite gender. OP's girl knows this also.

OP - give us more info. Are you in biglaw or in another highly remunerative field/position? How was your dating life in high school, college, and in your 20's?

Op here. I am established - work at a finance company ( make around300k/net). I own my own home, cars, etc.

I am more of a monogamous person, but I had my share of misguided deeds. I had 6 serious partners, and dated a few others for a few months. I've had about 3 one night stands. In total, I've slept with 12 women. I do have some women chase me just for the lifestyle I can provide them with.

I've had sex with this current women 5-6 times. Used a condom every time. I've never said she was mine and I'm not being possessive. I was just hurt. I agree I should of had the ta lk before now. It was my mistake, and potentially my loss.

You seem kind and thoughtful and have your shit together. Whatever happens you are a prize. You are not a pussy, you are a guy who is falling in love with a woman and took a punch to the gut. I hope this was a misunderstanding on her part. I hope you work it out.