I caught her on a date with another guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What? You mean women aren't expected to be mind readers, but men always are?

Listen he didn't say his gf was stupid. She had to know that dating other guys wasn't acceptable or she would have TOLD him she was going to date around. Only a woman would attempt to justify that behavior, which basically was cheating behind his back, but she got caught. If she didn't know it was wrong she would have told him so and broke up with him, not beg for forgiveness and exclusivity.

You can have all the conversations about exclusivity you want but when it comes right down to it if a woman wants to step out on you she will find a way to rationalize it. A woman decides whether or not the relationship is exclusive in her mind, the man better be a mind reader and understand what she s thinking, or it's his fault.

How the fuck hard was it for this bitch to pick up the phone and tell OP she was still seeing other men-if not simply telling him in person?

It's obvious she wanted OP to think they were exclusive. If not why was she ashamed when he caught her cheating ?

That's now how it works. One announces exclusivity when one wants it to happen, and the other party needs to accept. No one is supposed to announce that one is seeing other people. Non-exclusively is the default unless exclusivity has been brought up and accepted by both parties. If a man isn't exclusive with me, I certainly don't expect him to pick up the phone and tell me he's seeing others. That would be weird. And has never actually happened. And yes, if one wants an exclusive relationship (man or woman), but hasn't negotiated one, that person has no right to be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What? You mean women aren't expected to be mind readers, but men always are?

Listen he didn't say his gf was stupid. She had to know that dating other guys wasn't acceptable or she would have TOLD him she was going to date around. Only a woman would attempt to justify that behavior, which basically was cheating behind his back, but she got caught. If she didn't know it was wrong she would have told him so and broke up with him, not beg for forgiveness and exclusivity.

You can have all the conversations about exclusivity you want but when it comes right down to it if a woman wants to step out on you she will find a way to rationalize it. A woman decides whether or not the relationship is exclusive in her mind, the man better be a mind reader and understand what she s thinking, or it's his fault.

How the fuck hard was it for this bitch to pick up the phone and tell OP she was still seeing other men-if not simply telling him in person?

It's obvious she wanted OP to think they were exclusive. If not why was she ashamed when he caught her cheating ?

That's now how it works. One announces exclusivity when one wants it to happen, and the other party needs to accept. No one is supposed to announce that one is seeing other people. Non-exclusively is the default unless exclusivity has been brought up and accepted by both parties. If a man isn't exclusive with me, I certainly don't expect him to pick up the phone and tell me he's seeing others. That would be weird. And has never actually happened. And yes, if one wants an exclusive relationship (man or woman), but hasn't negotiated one, that person has no right to be upset.

So all these thread about men cheating are just non exclusive relationships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What? You mean women aren't expected to be mind readers, but men always are?

Listen he didn't say his gf was stupid. She had to know that dating other guys wasn't acceptable or she would have TOLD him she was going to date around. Only a woman would attempt to justify that behavior, which basically was cheating behind his back, but she got caught. If she didn't know it was wrong she would have told him so and broke up with him, not beg for forgiveness and exclusivity.

You can have all the conversations about exclusivity you want but when it comes right down to it if a woman wants to step out on you she will find a way to rationalize it. A woman decides whether or not the relationship is exclusive in her mind, the man better be a mind reader and understand what she s thinking, or it's his fault.

How the fuck hard was it for this bitch to pick up the phone and tell OP she was still seeing other men-if not simply telling him in person?

It's obvious she wanted OP to think they were exclusive. If not why was she ashamed when he caught her cheating ?

That's now how it works. One announces exclusivity when one wants it to happen, and the other party needs to accept. No one is supposed to announce that one is seeing other people. Non-exclusively is the default unless exclusivity has been brought up and accepted by both parties. If a man isn't exclusive with me, I certainly don't expect him to pick up the phone and tell me he's seeing others. That would be weird. And has never actually happened. And yes, if one wants an exclusive relationship (man or woman), but hasn't negotiated one, that person has no right to be upset.

This can't be correct since OP's gf didn't announce exclusivity, yet only after caught in public with another man, did she claim she had wanted it, but put the burden on OP to read her mind and somehow "know" that she wanted it, without her saying anything. But that's exactly what Op did. He correctly assumed she wanted to be exclusive. Except her actions were not consistent with what she claimed to have wanted- after she was caught.

In effect what you all are saying is that if a man doesn't read her mind correctly to figure out what she really wants without her saying it, she will punish him by fucking other men.

If a woman wants to be exclusive, according to you, she will say so. Ops gf didn't say so so that means her actions of fucking other guys was consistent. So in both word and deed.she didn't want to be exclusive. What has changed other than her being caught with another man? NOW she says she wants exclusivity but that's only because it's a deal breaker for OP if she sees other men.

But by both her words and actions she's basically told him she's not an exclusive kind of woman.

They were not one and done. They had sex several times, met the parents. Only an imbecile, liar, or very narcissistic person would not tell their bf they were going to multi date after all that-IF that is they placed any value on the other person's feelings.

All these women saying default is multi-fucking *UNLESS some sort of formal conversation occurs are plumb nuts. If you don't want to fuck other men, then you don't. It's not something that emotionally healthy people use as a loophole to cheat. Because let's face it, she only decided exusivity was important after being caught.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, PPs, why are you on this board if you hate women so much and think we're all just disgusting, cheating liars?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What? You mean women aren't expected to be mind readers, but men always are?

Listen he didn't say his gf was stupid. She had to know that dating other guys wasn't acceptable or she would have TOLD him she was going to date around. Only a woman would attempt to justify that behavior, which basically was cheating behind his back, but she got caught. If she didn't know it was wrong she would have told him so and broke up with him, not beg for forgiveness and exclusivity.

You can have all the conversations about exclusivity you want but when it comes right down to it if a woman wants to step out on you she will find a way to rationalize it. A woman decides whether or not the relationship is exclusive in her mind, the man better be a mind reader and understand what she s thinking, or it's his fault.

How the fuck hard was it for this bitch to pick up the phone and tell OP she was still seeing other men-if not simply telling him in person?

It's obvious she wanted OP to think they were exclusive. If not why was she ashamed when he caught her cheating ?

That's now how it works. One announces exclusivity when one wants it to happen, and the other party needs to accept. No one is supposed to announce that one is seeing other people. Non-exclusively is the default unless exclusivity has been brought up and accepted by both parties. If a man isn't exclusive with me, I certainly don't expect him to pick up the phone and tell me he's seeing others. That would be weird. And has never actually happened. And yes, if one wants an exclusive relationship (man or woman), but hasn't negotiated one, that person has no right to be upset.

So all these thread about men cheating are just non exclusive relationships?

No it's different.

If you're a woman you get to play it both ways. She was the one who never asked for exclusivity; she's the one seeing other men; she even got caught. Yet somehow it's all still the man's fault because he assumed that her wishes and actions when not with him would be consistent with her actions and image she presented when with him.

Apparently a woman has no obligation to clarify that she'll be fucking multiple men at the same time because we are supposed to assume the default for women is unrestrained promiscuity and if men don't assume that of any woman they've been having sex with over a few months and serious enough to meet the folks, they deserve to be cuckolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, PPs, why are you on this board if you hate women so much and think we're all just disgusting, cheating liars?

No, just the ones who are cheating liars. Unless you're a cheating liar yourself, you should agree.

I didn't read anywhere any of the defenders of this woman ever questioned her failure to announce her supposed desire for exclusivity until AFTER she got caught. Do you not see the irony?

Why did she wait until AFTER she got caught cheating to tell him she wanted to be exclusive? According to you, the person who wants to be exclusive is supposed to "announce" it.

It just means she's telling him what he wants to hear, which is what cheaters do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I didn't corner her into anything. You seem like the clingy type. Not everyone sees each other everyday. Sine people earn a living. I didn't force her to do anything and I don't appreciate you saying that I have.

OP, a different PP here. I had posted that you two seemed to be missing that spark since you weren't actually that focused on seeing each other. But it sounds now as if you have mutually decided to really invest time and effort in this, so maybe it was just a slow simmer. That can happen, too - like when friends decide they want to be together. So good luck!

This

Agree. OP, glad it seems to be working out. Best of luck to the both of you!

Just continue to work on communicating with your gal for a happy life.

WHILE she communicates and dates men behind your back! LOL.

He didn't SAY he wanted to be exclusive. If someone wants that they have to TALK about that. You have to open your mouth and share that thought - speaking to the other persons ears and then waiting for a response.
Why is this so hard to understand?!

I'm going to guess you have a small member.

Some of you guys are beastly weird and seem to think that you 'own' a woman because you went out in a few dates.
That's not how it works.
She can say she doesn't want to be 'exclusive' with you and then it's your choice what you want to do .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What? You mean women aren't expected to be mind readers, but men always are?

Listen he didn't say his gf was stupid. She had to know that dating other guys wasn't acceptable or she would have TOLD him she was going to date around. Only a woman would attempt to justify that behavior, which basically was cheating behind his back, but she got caught. If she didn't know it was wrong she would have told him so and broke up with him, not beg for forgiveness and exclusivity.

You can have all the conversations about exclusivity you want but when it comes right down to it if a woman wants to step out on you she will find a way to rationalize it. A woman decides whether or not the relationship is exclusive in her mind, the man better be a mind reader and understand what she s thinking, or it's his fault.

How the fuck hard was it for this bitch to pick up the phone and tell OP she was still seeing other men-if not simply telling him in person?

It's obvious she wanted OP to think they were exclusive. If not why was she ashamed when he caught her cheating ?

That's now how it works. One announces exclusivity when one wants it to happen, and the other party needs to accept. No one is supposed to announce that one is seeing other people. Non-exclusively is the default unless exclusivity has been brought up and accepted by both parties. If a man isn't exclusive with me, I certainly don't expect him to pick up the phone and tell me he's seeing others. That would be weird. And has never actually happened. And yes, if one wants an exclusive relationship (man or woman), but hasn't negotiated one, that person has no right to be upset.

So all these thread about men cheating are just non exclusive relationships?

No it's different.

If you're a woman you get to play it both ways. She was the one who never asked for exclusivity; she's the one seeing other men; she even got caught. Yet somehow it's all still the man's fault because he assumed that her wishes and actions when not with him would be consistent with her actions and image she presented when with him.

Apparently a woman has no obligation to clarify that she'll be fucking multiple men at the same time because we are supposed to assume the default for women is unrestrained promiscuity and if men don't assume that of any woman they've been having sex with over a few months and serious enough to meet the folks, they deserve to be cuckolded.

Now you're getting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I didn't corner her into anything. You seem like the clingy type. Not everyone sees each other everyday. Sine people earn a living. I didn't force her to do anything and I don't appreciate you saying that I have.

OP, a different PP here. I had posted that you two seemed to be missing that spark since you weren't actually that focused on seeing each other. But it sounds now as if you have mutually decided to really invest time and effort in this, so maybe it was just a slow simmer. That can happen, too - like when friends decide they want to be together. So good luck!

This

Agree. OP, glad it seems to be working out. Best of luck to the both of you!

Just continue to work on communicating with your gal for a happy life.

WHILE she communicates and dates men behind your back! LOL.

He didn't SAY he wanted to be exclusive. If someone wants that they have to TALK about that. You have to open your mouth and share that thought - speaking to the other persons ears and then waiting for a response.
Why is this so hard to understand?!

I'm going to guess you have a small member.

Some of you guys are beastly weird and seem to think that you 'own' a woman because you went out in a few dates.
That's not how it works.
She can say she doesn't want to be 'exclusive' with you and then it's your choice what you want to do .

Absolutely true. But in this case, the woman never said she didn't want to be exclusive. She waited until after she got caught cheating to say she wanted to be exclusive. Why would she be dating other men and probably having sex with them if what she really wanted was exclusivity with OP? Isn't a person who wants exclusivity obligated to tell the other person that? If she wanted exclusivity with him, she should have told him that BEFORE screwing another man. When you want something, you ask for it, right? You don't passively aggressively engage in behavior which has a very good chance of ruining the exclusive relationship you claim to want, if you get caught doing it. She was fine with being non exclusive as long as he continued to think otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I didn't corner her into anything. You seem like the clingy type. Not everyone sees each other everyday. Sine people earn a living. I didn't force her to do anything and I don't appreciate you saying that I have.

OP, a different PP here. I had posted that you two seemed to be missing that spark since you weren't actually that focused on seeing each other. But it sounds now as if you have mutually decided to really invest time and effort in this, so maybe it was just a slow simmer. That can happen, too - like when friends decide they want to be together. So good luck!

This

Agree. OP, glad it seems to be working out. Best of luck to the both of you!

Just continue to work on communicating with your gal for a happy life.

WHILE she communicates and dates men behind your back! LOL.

He didn't SAY he wanted to be exclusive. If someone wants that they have to TALK about that. You have to open your mouth and share that thought - speaking to the other persons ears and then waiting for a response.
Why is this so hard to understand?!

I'm going to guess you have a small member.

Some of you guys are beastly weird and seem to think that you 'own' a woman because you went out in a few dates.
That's not how it works.
She can say she doesn't want to be 'exclusive' with you and then it's your choice what you want to do .

Absolutely true. But in this case, the woman never said she didn't want to be exclusive. She waited until after she got caught cheating to say she wanted to be exclusive. Why would she be dating other men and probably having sex with them if what she really wanted was exclusivity with OP? Isn't a person who wants exclusivity obligated to tell the other person that? If she wanted exclusivity with him, she should have told him that BEFORE screwing another man. When you want something, you ask for it, right? You don't passively aggressively engage in behavior which has a very good chance of ruining the exclusive relationship you claim to want, if you get caught doing it. She was fine with being non exclusive as long as he continued to think otherwise.

She's wasn't cheating she was just dating!
Are people posting here from India? Pakistan maybe? The 1870's?

[Anonymous]

no one thinks they own someone. but when in a new relationship if you are really excited about someone, you don't WANT to be with anyone else. you don't go to some bar and squeeze into a booth together, plus the reaction he describes, it is clear she was feeling something different than him and became embarrassed.

face it OP, you were handed a gift. You really cared for this women but she just did not feel the same way. You were spared much pain. She will never change to feel the same way you do, it just doesn't work that way. Chalk it up to experience and more knowledge and keep looking. When you find the right person there will be no need for a discussion on exclusivity. It will just feel good to be around each other and you will never want to be with someone else.

at least in the early stages after that it is plain hard work.

[Anonymous]

I am one of the women who posted earlier that you can't assume exclusivity.

Personally, I prefer to date exclusively. I never sleep with anyone until exclusivity has been established. But I always wait for the guy to bring up exclusivity. I don't sleep with him until he does.

I am in my thirties and want to get married. If a guy hasn't brought up exclusivity, and a guy I might like asks me out, I almost feel like I need to say yes, even if I'd rather not and just focus on the other guy. Why? Because guy number one hasn't brought up exclusivity yet, and he might be dating others, and I don't want to waste time focusing on one guy who may not even be committed to me.

If you want a girl to date you exclusively, step up to the plate and ask her about it. If a girl has gone on five or more dates with you, or maybe even less, she's probably hoping and waiting for you to bring it up, but doesn't want to rock the boat and scare you away by bringing it up herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I didn't corner her into anything. You seem like the clingy type. Not everyone sees each other everyday. Sine people earn a living. I didn't force her to do anything and I don't appreciate you saying that I have.

OP, a different PP here. I had posted that you two seemed to be missing that spark since you weren't actually that focused on seeing each other. But it sounds now as if you have mutually decided to really invest time and effort in this, so maybe it was just a slow simmer. That can happen, too - like when friends decide they want to be together. So good luck!

This

Agree. OP, glad it seems to be working out. Best of luck to the both of you!

Just continue to work on communicating with your gal for a happy life.

WHILE she communicates and dates men behind your back! LOL.

He didn't SAY he wanted to be exclusive. If someone wants that they have to TALK about that. You have to open your mouth and share that thought - speaking to the other persons ears and then waiting for a response.
Why is this so hard to understand?!

I'm going to guess you have a small member.

Some of you guys are beastly weird and seem to think that you 'own' a woman because you went out in a few dates.
That's not how it works.
She can say she doesn't want to be 'exclusive' with you and then it's your choice what you want to do .

Absolutely true. But in this case, the woman never said she didn't want to be exclusive. She waited until after she got caught cheating to say she wanted to be exclusive. Why would she be dating other men and probably having sex with them if what she really wanted was exclusivity with OP? Isn't a person who wants exclusivity obligated to tell the other person that? If she wanted exclusivity with him, she should have told him that BEFORE screwing another man. When you want something, you ask for it, right? You don't passively aggressively engage in behavior which has a very good chance of ruining the exclusive relationship you claim to want, if you get caught doing it. She was fine with being non exclusive as long as he continued to think otherwise.

She's wasn't cheating she was just dating!
Are people posting here from India? Pakistan maybe? The 1870's?

+1. There was no relationship to cheat on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the women who posted earlier that you can't assume exclusivity.

Personally, I prefer to date exclusively. I never sleep with anyone until exclusivity has been established. But I always wait for the guy to bring up exclusivity. I don't sleep with him until he does.

I am in my thirties and want to get married. If a guy hasn't brought up exclusivity, and a guy I might like asks me out, I almost feel like I need to say yes, even if I'd rather not and just focus on the other guy. Why? Because guy number one hasn't brought up exclusivity yet, and he might be dating others, and I don't want to waste time focusing on one guy who may not even be committed to me.

If you want a girl to date you exclusively, step up to the plate and ask her about it. If a girl has gone on five or more dates with you, or maybe even less, she's probably hoping and waiting for you to bring it up, but doesn't want to rock the boat and scare you away by bringing it up herself.

I was like this. But if I wanted to talk about exclusivity, I did. I wouldn't wait for a man to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, PPs, why are you on this board if you hate women so much and think we're all just disgusting, cheating liars?

Wow not the pp but you are way out of line.