I caught her on a date with another guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the women who posted earlier that you can't assume exclusivity.

Personally, I prefer to date exclusively. I never sleep with anyone until exclusivity has been established. But I always wait for the guy to bring up exclusivity. I don't sleep with him until he does.

I am in my thirties and want to get married. If a guy hasn't brought up exclusivity, and a guy I might like asks me out, I almost feel like I need to say yes, even if I'd rather not and just focus on the other guy. Why? Because guy number one hasn't brought up exclusivity yet, and he might be dating others, and I don't want to waste time focusing on one guy who may not even be committed to me.

If you want a girl to date you exclusively, step up to the plate and ask her about it. If a girl has gone on five or more dates with you, or maybe even less, she's probably hoping and waiting for you to bring it up, but doesn't want to rock the boat and scare you away by bringing it up herself.

I was like this. But if I wanted to talk about exclusivity, I did. I wouldn't wait for a man to do it.

Maybe that's better. I'm just afraid it will scare the guy off. I think though that this one guy I recently dated may have lost interest bc I wasn't sleeping with him, so I probably would have been better off bringing up exclusivity.

[Anonymous]

So women who want to be exclusive with men demonstrate that by going out with other men? That's what OPs girlfriend did.

Doesn't make a but of sense. I can understand a woman being angry with a man who doesn't share her desire to be exclusive. But how does being angry translate to "I will fuck other men to punish him" rather than "I will tell him how I really feel about him"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So women who want to be exclusive with men demonstrate that by going out with other men? That's what OPs girlfriend did.

Doesn't make a but of sense. I can understand a woman being angry with a man who doesn't share her desire to be exclusive. But how does being angry translate to "I will fuck other men to punish him" rather than "I will tell him how I really feel about him"?

You are making a lot of assumptions.

The biggest, though, is that she's doing anything to "punish" him. Why is it about him? And not her? If a guy doesn't mention being exclusive, there's nothing wrong with continuing to meet and date others. And maybe she wasn't really ready to be exclusive. Perhaps being seen on a date finally crystallized it for her that OP is who she wanted. They've barely dated long. Most people don't seriously commit that soon.

[Anonymous]

So she didn't want to be exclusive which is fine and she's having fun dating other guys which is also fine. How fickle do you think this woman must be if she switches from non exclusive to exclusive when she got caught?

She never wanted to be exclusive or she would have told him that before getting caught.

I guess maybe you think he's delusional and they really weren't as serious as he thought. But if that's true, why was she embarrassed to be seen with another man and why would she ask to be exclusive?

Listen it's very simple-they were pretty serious, there was an unspoken understanding that they were exclusive, and when she got caught cheating, she came up with the lame excuse that she hadn't actually PROMISED to be exclusive.

Well I bet OP never promised not to piss on her shoes if he caught her with another guy. Does that make t OK to piss on bed shoes?

A lot of posters are going to have a lot of relationship problems if they actually believe they can do anything they want as long as their partner didn't get a specific promise not to from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So women who want to be exclusive with men demonstrate that by going out with other men? That's what OPs girlfriend did.

Doesn't make a but of sense. I can understand a woman being angry with a man who doesn't share her desire to be exclusive. But how does being angry translate to "I will fuck other men to punish him" rather than "I will tell him how I really feel about him"?

You are making a lot of assumptions.

The biggest, though, is that she's doing anything to "punish" him. Why is it about him? And not her? If a guy doesn't mention being exclusive, there's nothing wrong with continuing to meet and date others. And maybe she wasn't really ready to be exclusive. Perhaps being seen on a date finally crystallized it for her that OP is who she wanted. They've barely dated long. Most people don't seriously commit that soon.

Sure I could not imagine you or any other poster saying this if the genders were reversed.

[Anonymous]

If she's having sex with other guys as much as with op then this chick must pretty much be a cup cesspool.

I guess you could say it has nothing to do with him, but most men seem to care about it if the girl they want to be serious with is getting poked by other guys.

OP sometimes you can like someone a lot but there's just a deal breaker and if you have to move on. A lot of women as expressed here seem to have the attitude that anything they can get away with is fine as long as you didn't get a specific promise not to from them. That means unless you actually marry her she will fuck anyone she wants. And if her promise is no good, marriage won't matter.

You can judge a person's character by how they behave when they don't think anyone knows what they are doing. Do you not steal office supplies only when the boss is around? Or is it OK to do so if the boss is out that day and you don't think he will find out?

[Anonymous]

Costanza: "I'm sorry, you mean that having sex with the cleaning lady on my desk at work is against the rules? No one ever told me that. I'm shocked. If someone had told me that...."

Costanza's boss: "You're fired."


OP, is your girlfriend named Costanza? Maybe George has a sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, PPs, why are you on this board if you hate women so much and think we're all just disgusting, cheating liars?

Wow not the pp but you are way out of line.

How the fuck is this out of line? And who are you to deem it so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, PPs, why are you on this board if you hate women so much and think we're all just disgusting, cheating liars?

Wow not the pp but you are way out of line.

How the fuck is this out of line? And who are you to deem it so?

It's not out of.line in the sense of being ethically inappropriate. Just that it was a totally irrational statement so out of line in the sense of being nonsensical.

The conclusion that a man is a misogynist if he dares to hold a woman accountable for her actions is nonsensical.

Of course then if that's how OPs gf feels too-then why would she then agree to be exclusive for its him? Unless she digs going out with a misogynist high is her choice not yours.

[Anonymous]

Back when I first started dating as a young man in the mid-70's there was an assumption of exclusivity after dating as a couple. With most women I dated they let you know after a few dates if they were dating others. I think it was assumed that most men were not exclusive though most were in fact. After months of dating, visiting with friends and family the relationship morphed to exclusivity unspoken.

Today being older I think we all have more of an assumption of non-exclusivity.

Nusk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

Doesn't matter what the signs were that you were exclusive - you have to tell her what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So women who want to be exclusive with men demonstrate that by going out with other men? That's what OPs girlfriend did.

Doesn't make a but of sense. I can understand a woman being angry with a man who doesn't share her desire to be exclusive. But how does being angry translate to "I will fuck other men to punish him" rather than "I will tell him how I really feel about him"?

The OP has long since ridden off in the sunset after having the exclusive talk. Anyway, I will say first of all, I learned in dating to take nothing for granted. It could have been the caliber of guys I dated in my youth, but I explicitly ask about marital status, kids, havung a girlfriend etc, because the first thing the guy will say is "but you didn't ask" when you get burned.

When I was dating now DH, I did go out on dates with other guys. I wasn't sleeping with the other guys or my DH at the time. I think I did say something about one of my dates and that was how the exclusive talk came up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, PPs, why are you on this board if you hate women so much and think we're all just disgusting, cheating liars?

Wow not the pp but you are way out of line.

How the fuck is this out of line? And who are you to deem it so?

It's not out of.line in the sense of being ethically inappropriate. Just that it was a totally irrational statement so out of line in the sense of being nonsensical.

The conclusion that a man is a misogynist if he dares to hold a woman accountable for her actions is nonsensical.

Of course then if that's how OPs gf feels too-then why would she then agree to be exclusive for its him? Unless she digs going out with a misogynist high is her choice not yours.

Holding a woman accountable for her actions? The woman we are talking about is not married. She is free to date and her actions are whatever she chooses them to be. She has not committed a crime.
Is the Islamic state running things here? You know this is the US, right? This isn't Iran or Saudi Arabia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, PPs, why are you on this board if you hate women so much and think we're all just disgusting, cheating liars?

Wow not the pp but you are way out of line.

How the fuck is this out of line? And who are you to deem it so?

It's not out of.line in the sense of being ethically inappropriate. Just that it was a totally irrational statement so out of line in the sense of being nonsensical.

The conclusion that a man is a misogynist if he dares to hold a woman accountable for her actions is nonsensical.

Of course then if that's how OPs gf feels too-then why would she then agree to be exclusive for its him? Unless she digs going out with a misogynist high is her choice not yours.

Holding a woman accountable for her actions? The woman we are talking about is not married. She is free to date and her actions are whatever she chooses them to be. She has not committed a crime.
Is the Islamic state running things here? You know this is the US, right? This isn't Iran or Saudi Arabia?

Yes if you think a male who cheats should be accountable for his actions, a woman should be held to the same standard. This is not misogyny. It call equality. So the Op feels he has been cheated on, he is not hating women to move on from this woman. It's easy in life to alway blame others. You would feel right at home in the Islamic state leading the stone throwers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, PPs, why are you on this board if you hate women so much and think we're all just disgusting, cheating liars?

Wow not the pp but you are way out of line.

How the fuck is this out of line? And who are you to deem it so?

It's not out of.line in the sense of being ethically inappropriate. Just that it was a totally irrational statement so out of line in the sense of being nonsensical.

The conclusion that a man is a misogynist if he dares to hold a woman accountable for her actions is nonsensical.

Of course then if that's how OPs gf feels too-then why would she then agree to be exclusive for its him? Unless she digs going out with a misogynist high is her choice not yours.

Holding a woman accountable for her actions? The woman we are talking about is not married. She is free to date and her actions are whatever she chooses them to be. She has not committed a crime.
Is the Islamic state running things here? You know this is the US, right? This isn't Iran or Saudi Arabia?

Yes if you think a male who cheats should be accountable for his actions, a woman should be held to the same standard. This is not misogyny. It call equality. So the Op feels he has been cheated on, he is not hating women to move on from this woman. It's easy in life to alway blame others. You would feel right at home in the Islamic state leading the stone throwers.

Omg a lot of dateless angry strange men on here