I caught her on a date with another guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute, you just assumed she knew you were exclusive??WTF. I hope she is seeing someone else, and gets away from you, since you seem insecure and immature.

In this day and age, why didnt you the talk about being exclusive, if for nothing else, for the sexual part.

$20 says he didn't WANT to have the exclusivity talk because he wanted to keep his options open but is pissed that she took the opportunity to go see what is out there as well.

Interesting point. Op are you seeing anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Huh. I'm on the side of everybody saying Have the goddamn talk already, everybody does it. DH and I never had the talk. I think we did everything wrong. I was holding out for a better offer and he was too scared to bring up exclusivity. 17 years, two kids and 3 dogs later ....

[Anonymous]

Op don't listen to these clowns. If you had started this thread with out revealing your gender, everyone would be on your side and tell you to ditch. They would think you are a woman. Start thinking back, how many other times did she ditch you for this guy or another one you don't know about. Run away from her.

[Anonymous]

Don't call her...just ghost. This is the number one reason people ghost. Try to pull yourself together and salvage what pride you have left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

No no no. Honey - unspoken silence instead of communicating? That's awful and doesn't bode well for a long term relationship. You have got to learn to communicate to have good relationships. You shouldn't need couples therapy after 3 months (way too much effort to be worth it) but from your description you need it which is sad.

In contrast she sounds like a smart woman. If you haven't agreed to be exclusive she should be dating others. And frankly you are a little bit old for her - speak now or forever, you know, hold your peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute, you just assumed she knew you were exclusive??WTF. I hope she is seeing someone else, and gets away from you, since you seem insecure and immature.

In this day and age, why didnt you the talk about being exclusive, if for nothing else, for the sexual part.

$20 says he didn't WANT to have the exclusivity talk because he wanted to keep his options open but is pissed that she took the opportunity to go see what is out there as well.

Interesting point. Op are you seeing anyone else?

Yeah - she sounds like a smart lady. Good for her.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

1. I called her and we are going to dinner tomorrow night. She said she wants to speak then.
2. It was definitely a date. She was cuddled up in booth with him.
3. I wrote that I stopped seeing anyone a week after I met her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

1. I called her and we are going to dinner tomorrow night. She said she wants to speak then.
2. It was definitely a date. She was cuddled up in booth with him.
3. I wrote that I stopped seeing anyone a week after I met her.

Kudos for calling. Who suggested dinner? Good luck. Please update if you feel so inclined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

No no no. Honey - unspoken silence instead of communicating? That's awful and doesn't bode well for a long term relationship. You have got to learn to communicate to have good relationships. You shouldn't need couples therapy after 3 months (way too much effort to be worth it) but from your description you need it which is sad.

In contrast she sounds like a smart woman. If you haven't agreed to be exclusive she should be dating others. And frankly you are a little bit old for her - speak now or forever, you know, hold your peace.

I'm 31 so right between OP and his girlfriend and EVERYONE I know in this age bracket has the exclusivity talk if they want/expect exclusivity. OP is either deeply mistaken or being dishonest when he says "most... don't have the exclusivity talk." Either way, lesson learned for him, if you don't say it, you can't expect it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

1. I called her and we are going to dinner tomorrow night. She said she wants to speak then.
2. It was definitely a date. She was cuddled up in booth with him.
3. I wrote that I stopped seeing anyone a week after I met her.

does she know this?

[Anonymous]

There's definitely a mismatch in terms of dating value. I am 99.9% certain OP could not get quality dates/sex anywhere as easy as the girl he's seeing can get with the opposite gender. OP's girl knows this also.

OP - give us more info. Are you in biglaw or in another highly remunerative field/position? How was your dating life in high school, college, and in your 20's?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you be angry if (1) you don't know anything about the circumstances and (2) you never told her you wanted to be exclusive? What if this was a cousin, a friend, a contact from work?

It was definitely work. She was cuddled up next to him I'm a booth.


She doesn't sleep around. She's not that type of woman and I won let you insinuate that she is.

Of course she is. She slept with you without being exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you be angry if (1) you don't know anything about the circumstances and (2) you never told her you wanted to be exclusive? What if this was a cousin, a friend, a contact from work?

It was definitely work. She was cuddled up next to him I'm a booth.


She doesn't sleep around. She's not that type of woman and I won let you insinuate that she is.

Of course she is. She slept with you without being exclusive.

I am 100% certain she's fucked more people than OP.

[Anonymous]

If she was actually cuddling the guy at dinner then it wasn't a first date. He could be an ex or FWB she sees from time to time, or he could be a guy she's simultaneously dating.

Have you guys had sex, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

No no no. Honey - unspoken silence instead of communicating? That's awful and doesn't bode well for a long term relationship. You have got to learn to communicate to have good relationships. You shouldn't need couples therapy after 3 months (way too much effort to be worth it) but from your description you need it which is sad.

In contrast she sounds like a smart woman. If you haven't agreed to be exclusive she should be dating others. And frankly you are a little bit old for her - speak now or forever, you know, hold your peace.

I'm 31 so right between OP and his girlfriend and EVERYONE I know in this age bracket has the exclusivity talk if they want/expect exclusivity. OP is either deeply mistaken or being dishonest when he says "most... don't have the exclusivity talk." Either way, lesson learned for him, if you don't say it, you can't expect it.

I'm 34 and I polled my married friends at lunch today because we honestly look at the Tinder world and scratch our heads. Vast majority never had an exclusivity talk (do people still call it a DTR?). Then again, we're mostly from the South and cultural expectations might be different. As one guy pointed out, before the real proliferation of online dating, you had to invest time in getting to know someone before you could move on to the next option as easily so perhaps behaviors and expectations were different?

Maybe I'm a dinosaur, but I don't find it at all odd or questionable that OP would stop seeing other women a week after seeing the woman in question. Which isn't to say that he should not have had the exclusivity talk.