I caught her on a date with another guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

Yes, they do. You just didn't, and you paid the price. Own it.

Yes. Quit trying to pin it on how things are done today. You're wrong. If you liked this girl and didn't want her dating around you should have said so by now. And don't ruin it by getting whiny and possessive about the sex stuff. Grow up. You're 34. And I think the fact that you're ignoring her now and making her wait to even talk you're risking it. If it were me I'd feel like you're trying to punish me and I'd start thinking that maybe you aren't someone I want to be exclusive with. Heartbroken? Geeze.

[Anonymous]

So this happened Saturday and you haven't reached out to her since? And she reached it to you but you ignored her? She's probably getting increasingly annoyed at this point. If you hope to actually keep dating her, exclusively this time, you should reach out to her asap and just say that you'd really love to see her and talk tonight. Get a move on. Maybe cozy booth guy is starting to look better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I would try to have this convo in person. Ask her out for dinner and then try to go back to one of your places so you can talk. Be sweet about it, not angry.

I can do that. Do you think she doesn't care about me given that I said. It worries me she doesn't feel the same about me as I do about her.

I think she definitely does care. She called you right away to discuss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you be angry if (1) you don't know anything about the circumstances and (2) you never told her you wanted to be exclusive? What if this was a cousin, a friend, a contact from work?

It was definitely work. She was cuddled up next to him I'm a booth.


She doesn't sleep around. She's not that type of woman and I won let you insinuate that she is.

Slow your roll, cowboy! You're the one wringing your hands over whether or not she's sleeping with other men.

[Anonymous]

What did you do when you saw her "cuddled up"? Did you talk to her at all? Did she say anything? Did you both stay there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I would try to have this convo in person. Ask her out for dinner and then try to go back to one of your places so you can talk. Be sweet about it, not angry.

I can do that. Do you think she doesn't care about me given that I said. It worries me she doesn't feel the same about me as I do about her.

I think she definitely does care. She called you right away to discuss it.

I agree with this. Your hand has been forced here. You need to be confident enough to put your heart on the line now, and tell her you like her enough that you want to be exclusive. She may say yes, she may say no, but it is a conversation you need to have if you want to have a shot at a continued relationship.

If it's meant to be, it's going to be fine. Truly. This is nothing but a little hiccup at the beginning of a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Im going to ca her back and be candid about my feelings for her. What worries me is if she is having sex with others. I know I don't have any claim but it upsets me to think of her fucking another guy.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Op, you seem like you care about her, but your thread title how you "caught" her, is in fact over the top possessive, under the circumstances.

Do you admit that?
Are there issues with possessiveness?

[Anonymous]

Are you a troll? If not, then you are a guy whose alleged girlfriend -- or dating partner, or whatever -- is just not that into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

Sounds like an immaturity thing, on your part. An "unspoken silence" is the exact opposite way to go about things when your heart is involved. You have unfair expectations of her based on your assumption that she can read your mind. 14 dates with her in 2 and a half months is not much!!!!! (do your math...it's not 2-3 times a week!)

You are out of line to have any expectation of exclusivity at that point, unless you've discussed it.

[Anonymous]

bro - don't bring up exclusivity. she should. You should be dating other women until she broaches the subject

[Anonymous]

i've been the girl before. I date multiple men at the same time when there's no exclusivity. I've run into guys I'm dating while on dates with others, and the guy makes it so needlessly awkward. I don't sleep with anyone until there's exclusivity but they have crushed expressions all the same. Communicate to actualize your desires people!

[Anonymous]

Relationships are about communication. You need to tell her what you want out loud. Its called DTR....or being a grown up.

[Anonymous]

Have a threesome!

[Anonymous]

Wow Saturday night? Saturday is a serious date night. Cut your losses. These women would be giving you totally different advice if you were a woman. She has to be hooking up with lots of guys. Get yourself tested....that's if you have had sex with her? Have you had sex with her?