Reply to I caught her on a date with another guy.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.  [/quote]

No no no. Honey - unspoken silence instead of communicating? That's awful and doesn't bode well for a long term relationship. You have got to learn to communicate to have good relationships. You shouldn't need couples therapy after 3 months (way too much effort to be worth it) but from your description you need it which is sad.

In contrast she sounds like a smart woman. If you haven't agreed to be exclusive she should be dating others. And frankly you are a little bit old for her - speak now or forever, you know, hold your peace.[/quote]

I'm 31 so right between OP and his girlfriend and EVERYONE I know in this age bracket has the exclusivity talk if they want/expect exclusivity.  OP is either deeply mistaken or being dishonest when he says "most... don't have the exclusivity talk."  Either way, lesson learned for him, if you don't say it, you can't expect it.  [/quote]

I'm 34 and I polled my married friends at lunch today because we honestly look at the Tinder world and scratch our heads.  Vast majority never had an exclusivity talk (do people still call it a DTR?). Then again, we're mostly from the South and cultural expectations might be different.   As one guy pointed out, before the real proliferation of online dating, you had to invest time in getting to know someone before you could move on to the next option as easily so perhaps behaviors and expectations were different?

Maybe I'm a dinosaur, but I don't find it at all odd or questionable that OP would stop seeing other women a week after seeing the woman in question. Which isn't to say that he should not have had the exclusivity talk. [/quote]

Well, my experience is only in the NYC and DC dating scene (with a little Chicago thrown in) where no one in my friend group settled down until late 20s early 30s and online dating is the norm.  Everyone I know expects that there will be an exclusivity conversation before exclusivity is expected.  That's not to say many of us didn't fall into exclusivity quickly in our relationships (DH and I had the conversation at day 5) but it still requires a conversation and agreement to be exclusive.  It wasn't/isn't the default assumption.  [/quote]

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