no, husband, i'm not being a "control freak" for wanting you to have a passport

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's less about international travel and more about how he won't do what she tells him.

Just another reason to never get married.

You know, if you said that opposite, you would get slammed. "It's less about X, and more about how she won't do what he tells her."

Husbands are no more required to be obedient and not question commands from their wives than wives are required to be obedient and not question commands from their husbands.

Especially in this case where she is demanding that he do something that she wants, but that isn't necessary at all.

[Anonymous]

I'm with OP on this. I would be highly annoyed in her situation too, but rather than drag him to CVS to get photos taken, I would have started planning a trip. Tell him he has X amount of time to renew his passport if he wants to go. Why let someone prevent YOU from travelling if you want to?

My aunt loves to travel but my uncle doesn't. So she goes on trips by herself mor with girl friends, and he stays home. Why can't you do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

LOL, if this is OP, now you are trying to micromanage everyone on DCUM's passport renewals!? My dear, you don't need to know downsides and upsides for every hypothetical situation encountered by every poster who reads this thread. You are in the wrong here. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I haven't allowed my passport to expire since I first got one -- I've had to have new pages sewn in at consulates overseas I travel so much (with my DH, who is more into travel than me). I'd never try to force DH or another adult to renew his passport without having an international trip planned. That reeks of controlling behavior to me. Your DH isn't going to be up for a last-minute jaunt to Europe no matter if you find great airfares at the last minute or not -- that is NOT THE TYPE OF MAN YOU MARRIED. You are trying to change your DH's and your life through this one facet, thinking having a passport in-hand will mean exciting travel for you. It won't -- you need to communicate with your DH, plan for the travel you are craving, and then make the passport (and other necessary prep) happen.

And yeah, just renewed DD's passport and had it expedited -- it took 1.5 weeks door-to-door, and that was with the standard USPS expedite (not going to the passport authority). You're really off base on this one, OP.

I'm really not trying to micromanage anyone. I don't care if anyone else has a passport. I'm just asking why you wouldn't have one. It seems like a pretty inexpensive, potentially extremely useful tool to have.

I guess the lesson here is that a whole lot of people on DCUM don't feel like having a valid passport is important. I appreciate that my feelings may not be the norm. I don't think that makes me unreasonable. (And, really, I cannot emphasize enough: the husband and I each have our particularities. We are both pretty good at accommodating them in each other. This isn't some nutty one-sided marriage where a henpecked husband is forced to compromise on everything, while his shrewish wife is just sitting around being a nag. Though I know it's fun to imagine it that way.)

I have literally always had a passport. My DH is from a foreign country and we go there once a year. My children got their passports as soon as their birth certificates came in the mail (their first passports have their cherubic 6-week-old faces in them) and actually have two passports thanks to dual citizenship. And I still think YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS. IT IS NOT THAT PEOPLE ON DCUM DON'T THINK HAVING A PASSPORT IS IMPORTANT. It is that having a passport is NOT IMPORTANT unless you are going to travel internationally.

Which, GASP, you have not done in YEARS. You are NOT a world traveler, and being a shrew to your DH doesn't make you one.

Either book some international travel and then harp on about passport renewal for your DH, or STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

we can't plan a trip without passports. i have no idea how long it takes for them to get renewed now.

Yes you can.

My DH and I have valid passports. Our childrens' are expired. We are not racing out to get theirs renewed because we don't have a trip on the books. As soon as we start contemplating one, we will get that done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with OP on this. I would be highly annoyed in her situation too, but rather than drag him to CVS to get photos taken, I would have started planning a trip. Tell him he has X amount of time to renew his passport if he wants to go. Why let someone prevent YOU from travelling if you want to?

My aunt loves to travel but my uncle doesn't. So she goes on trips by herself mor with girl friends, and he stays home. Why can't you do that?

OP again - or, as I now refer to myself, little miss insufferable who is the case study for why no one should get married: I could do that. I just like traveling with my husband. He and I have a good time together, and I'd like to share all that stuff with him. But certainly, when we're in a position that we have enough $ and vacation time that we can do more traveling alone and not have that mean less time together, then that'll be a great option.

[Anonymous]

Also, you guys who have gotten very angry with me about this - honestly, truly, there's no reason to become so enraged.

This is something that my husband and I had a little blowout over this morning. I vented a bit. It's over.

You guys are angrier with me than he us - so I expect your divorce papers any second now, ok? Just send them to me via DCUM and I will be sure to sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with OP on this. I would be highly annoyed in her situation too, but rather than drag him to CVS to get photos taken, I would have started planning a trip. Tell him he has X amount of time to renew his passport if he wants to go. Why let someone prevent YOU from travelling if you want to?

My aunt loves to travel but my uncle doesn't. So she goes on trips by herself mor with girl friends, and he stays home. Why can't you do that?

OP again - or, as I now refer to myself, little miss insufferable who is the case study for why no one should get married: I could do that. I just like traveling with my husband. He and I have a good time together, and I'd like to share all that stuff with him. But certainly, when we're in a position that we have enough $ and vacation time that we can do more traveling alone and not have that mean less time together, then that'll be a great option.

you are getting defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with OP on this. I would be highly annoyed in her situation too, but rather than drag him to CVS to get photos taken, I would have started planning a trip. Tell him he has X amount of time to renew his passport if he wants to go. Why let someone prevent YOU from travelling if you want to?

My aunt loves to travel but my uncle doesn't. So she goes on trips by herself mor with girl friends, and he stays home. Why can't you do that?

OP again - or, as I now refer to myself, little miss insufferable who is the case study for why no one should get married: I could do that. I just like traveling with my husband. He and I have a good time together, and I'd like to share all that stuff with him. But certainly, when we're in a position that we have enough $ and vacation time that we can do more traveling alone and not have that mean less time together, then that'll be a great option.

you are getting defensive.

fed up, i think is more like it.

anyway, off to file the passport papers now. thanks, all, for your time and consideration.

[Anonymous]

OP, you did the right thing. My friends who haven't taken the lead on passports have ended up on travel alone. One guy missed the birth of his child. The guys would wait until the week of to make something happen.

[Anonymous]

Is your husband like this in other personal administrative matters? My brother is late on renewing his license, car registration, waits to deposit checks, and is generally last-minute on scheduling most things. It is a reaction to having a controlling father. His passport expired too, even though I told him what a hassle it was to get one once the renewal period has passed. If not, I think it might be his way of putting off international travel with you, since it is an effective barrier to doing so. There is a bigger issue here and you are right to question his refusal.

[Anonymous]

PP here. The PPs are missing the point. If there is something relatively unimportant for you that matters greatly to your spouse, suck it up and do it. This was a really silly issue for him to dig his heels in about. I wouldn't plan a trip and pay for tickets unless current passports were already in possession. Again, I've seen men have to cancel flights because they hadn't factored in processing time. Clearly, OP wants to travel overseas with her hubby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

There is no downside to having one but that isn't the issue. There isn't any need for DW to drag DH to do it. Right. This. Very. Second. If they plan a trip then okay, he needs one and he will probably figure out or ask DW to help him.

+1. I am a big international traveler but when my PP expires I wait until I have another trip to renew it. Otherwise you're just spending money for no reason.

Unless you're trying to do spontaneous trips or something. I can't imagine the benefit of having one if you aren't planning on using it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. The PPs are missing the point. If there is something relatively unimportant for you that matters greatly to your spouse, suck it up and do it. This was a really silly issue for him to dig his heels in about. I wouldn't plan a trip and pay for tickets unless current passports were already in possession. Again, I've seen men have to cancel flights because they hadn't factored in processing time. Clearly, OP wants to travel overseas with her hubby.

When that thing costs money and is completely pointless? This isn't like...like what benefit does DW get if he has it? They aren't going anywhere?

If you want it to happen OP book a trip. This is like, one of the stupidest things I've ever read on here in terms of fighting.

This isn't like, 'clean the bathroom because its important to me even if its not important to you.' This is like, 'go online and take a class to be certified as an ordained priest just because I want you to.' Like there is no benefit, its just paperwork and needless spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's less about international travel and more about how he won't do what she tells him.

Just another reason to never get married.

You know, if you said that opposite, you would get slammed. "It's less about X, and more about how she won't do what he tells her."

Husbands are no more required to be obedient and not question commands from their wives than wives are required to be obedient and not question commands from their husbands.

Especially in this case where she is demanding that he do something that she wants, but that isn't necessary at all.

I don't remember commanding my wife. It was more "no, that violates the laws of physics". Occasionally federal law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's less about international travel and more about how he won't do what she tells him.

Just another reason to never get married.

You know, if you said that opposite, you would get slammed. "It's less about X, and more about how she won't do what he tells her."

Husbands are no more required to be obedient and not question commands from their wives than wives are required to be obedient and not question commands from their husbands.

Especially in this case where she is demanding that he do something that she wants, but that isn't necessary at all.

I don't remember commanding my wife. It was more "no, that violates the laws of physics". Occasionally federal law.

That makes no sense. Are you saying that OP's husband not getting a passport that he has no need for is violating federal law? Or worse, violating the laws of physics? The point is that she's getting upset with him not doing something completely optional that she wants but he doesn't. One of them needs to decide to pick their battles and glcompromise on this issue for the sake of the marriage. It looks like her husband did this time. Hopefully this won't be the thorn in his paw that causes other problems later because this point irritated him so much. It seemed such a ridiculous issue for OP to get so worked up and insistent over, but they'vs apparently come to terms over it faster than DCUM has.