no, husband, i'm not being a "control freak" for wanting you to have a passport

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. The PPs are missing the point. If there is something relatively unimportant for you that matters greatly to your spouse, suck it up and do it. This was a really silly issue for him to dig his heels in about. I wouldn't plan a trip and pay for tickets unless current passports were already in possession. Again, I've seen men have to cancel flights because they hadn't factored in processing time. Clearly, OP wants to travel overseas with her hubby.

+1

You married a homebody, OP. He is controlling your ability as a couple to travel internationally by refusing to renew his passport. No international travel in 7 years when you have a spouse who loves it? Selfish. I understand your frustration. Are you afraid that if you schedule the trip, he might drag his heels up to the last minute or worse, not do it at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is just a vent, no advice needed: my husband's passport has been expired for a year. i've been asking him, for a year, to get it renewed.

this weekend, i finally dragged him to cvs to get his passport photos taken. today, i asked him to please fill out the passport renewal form so that i could bring it to the post office and send it off. so that we have passports. his response is that i am being a "control freak" and why can't he do this on his own timeline.

because that means that it WILL NEVER HAPPEN is why.

just, background: i spent most of my 20s and 30s living overseas. husband has been overseas basically once, when his parents took him to europe. he almost lived in canada once with an ex but that fell through. obviously, travel and being able to travel is clearly more important to me - and it's something we haven't done at all in the 7 years we've been together. we've traveled a lot in the US, never overseas - except to canada, once.

so, yes, this is extremely frustrating to me. it's frustrating that my husband doesn't have the same wanderlust - but i made peace with that, before i married him. but refusing to get his passport renewed - and making out as if i am the bad guy, as if i am unreasonable, for wanting him to do it - just makes me feel so sad and frustrated.

no, we're not getting a divorce. yes, he has other redeeming qualities. i don't need advice. just annoyed AF.

Plan a vacation for the two of you. But know that he might not get to go. Go and enjoy yourself. See how long it takes for him to get his passport.

He filled out the paperwork about an hour ago. I plan to bring it to the post office today. So hopefully we'll be going on a trip together.

You don't need to bring anything anywhere. It's call renewal by mail. It's really convenient. You should try it.

[Anonymous]

called

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why in the hell do you not get a colonoscopy RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!! WHY, WHY, WHY? What is the downside to having a colonoscopy RIGHT NOW????

Yes, definitely, getting a passport renewed and having an unnecessary colonoscopy are comparable. Great analogy.

It took me three hours to get my passport renewed waiting on line at the post office.

I'm not sure what point you're making. Our post office is very fast and we don't currently need colonoscopies, though since my husband has a history of prostate cancer in his family, if he doesn't also get his yearlies once he's old enough, I'm sure I will nag him about that, too.

The point I'm making is that you have a priority: getting a passport. You ask -- what is the downside to getting a passport as if one should look at your priority in a vacuum and then you can reduce all arguments against the passport to absurdity. Get a passport! No downside! He's put it off for a year! Of course there is no downside to getting a passport, but it is YOUR priority. And what are the other priorities over the course of the year?

This is the OP. It's not an ideological battle. We have the $$ and time to get our passports renewed. It's really just a matter of spending the hour or whatever doing it.

We don't need counseling. We don't need colonoscopies. We don't even *need* passports for the next couple of months.

This is just something that matters to me, for whatever reason. Yes, partly, for identity - I think of myself as someone with a passport. Partly for spontaneity - if we have passports, we can go somewhere pretty spontaneously. Partly because I know we won't make overseas plans until we actually have our passports in hand.

And mostly because I really do believe it's good to have a valid passport. I don't need you guys all to agree with me. I really don't! This is how I feel, and I am happy that my husband and I can put this stupid thing behind us now.

You're weird. Do you know that certain countries require their citizens to have passports? You should move there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe people think the OP is wrong in this. 1 year is plenty of time, I would have given him one month if I were in the woman's shoes, but that's me. This isn't a control thing, it is called getting ahead of the game.

I bet some of y'all are the same ones that don't bother with DMV till the last minute either, even though you get the renewal notice 3 months in advance for a license.

What game are getting ahead of? You think the passport office will close abruptly? Or you think they run out of blank passports?

Normal people act when they get a notice. This is what the notice is for. Normal people don't run to the DMV a year before their license expires to be ahead of the game.

Did you think of the possibility that someone may win a trip to a foreign country? Another scenario, what if one has family overseas and someone dies? What then?

Sometimes, it is just easier to take care of things as they come in, than wait and wait and wait.

OP's husband doesn't have family overseas. He doesn't even want to go overseas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe people think the OP is wrong in this. 1 year is plenty of time, I would have given him one month if I were in the woman's shoes, but that's me. This isn't a control thing, it is called getting ahead of the game.

I bet some of y'all are the same ones that don't bother with DMV till the last minute either, even though you get the renewal notice 3 months in advance for a license.

What game are getting ahead of? You think the passport office will close abruptly? Or you think they run out of blank passports?

Normal people act when they get a notice. This is what the notice is for. Normal people don't run to the DMV a year before their license expires to be ahead of the game.

Did you think of the possibility that someone may win a trip to a foreign country? Another scenario, what if one has family overseas and someone dies? What then?

Sometimes, it is just easier to take care of things as they come in, than wait and wait and wait.

OP's husband doesn't have family overseas. He doesn't even want to go overseas.

Yes, but you are responding to a person who thinks it makes sense to prepare for the possibility of winning a trip to a foreign country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

I tend to resist anything being aggressively pushed by my harpy wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe people think the OP is wrong in this. 1 year is plenty of time, I would have given him one month if I were in the woman's shoes, but that's me. This isn't a control thing, it is called getting ahead of the game.

I bet some of y'all are the same ones that don't bother with DMV till the last minute either, even though you get the renewal notice 3 months in advance for a license.

What game are getting ahead of? You think the passport office will close abruptly? Or you think they run out of blank passports?

Normal people act when they get a notice. This is what the notice is for. Normal people don't run to the DMV a year before their license expires to be ahead of the game.

Did you think of the possibility that someone may win a trip to a foreign country? Another scenario, what if one has family overseas and someone dies? What then?

Sometimes, it is just easier to take care of things as they come in, than wait and wait and wait.

OP's husband doesn't have family overseas. He doesn't even want to go overseas.

Yes, but you are responding to a person who thinks it makes sense to prepare for the possibility of winning a trip to a foreign country.

I know, I know. I have family overseas. If someone dies, I won't make it to the funeral either way for a number of reasons. There is not point in renewing the passport you're not planning to use for another 7 years. If there is a less time-sensitive emergency, there is same day service. Works for winners of trips just as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

I tend to resist anything being aggressively pushed by my harpy wife

LOL I love DH dearly, but when he gets like this, I say "Stop pushing." He knows the code

[Anonymous]

OP should definitely have an affair with a neighbor.

But first, find out if he has a passport -- if he does, he is her soul mate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP should definitely have an affair with a neighbor.

But first, find out if he has a passport -- if he does, he is her soul mate!

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't get it either. My husband is rushing to get his passport renewed because I booked a trip to Europe this summer with some friends. I told him I would be happy to pay for him to come along if he gets himself a passport. $110 every 10 years is totally worth it to me so I don't have to think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

I tend to resist anything being aggressively pushed by my harpy wife

OP here - my husband and I really do adore each other. This was something frustrating to me and to him, but not the manifestation of all sorts of bad things in our relationship. I'm sorry you describe your wife in those terms - hopefully that's just you venting, the way that my original post really was just a vent, and not a cry into the darkness for help.

In any case, I again appreciate your all's continued interest in whether my husband and I an go to Iceland or wherever some time in the next few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't get it either. My husband is rushing to get his passport renewed because I booked a trip to Europe this summer with some friends. I told him I would be happy to pay for him to come along if he gets himself a passport. $110 every 10 years is totally worth it to me so I don't have to think about it.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for recognizing that $110 and the effort of taking a photo and filling out a form is a minimal sort of exertion.

And enjoy your trip!

[Anonymous]

I don't want to address the issue of the controlling spouse, but more the questions about why to get a passport. First, for all the state that don't meet the Real ID act, your drivers licenses won't be good for domestic air travel in a couple years (lucky there was an extension given by DHS). Some military bases aren't accepting those drivers licenses so a passport is another form of ID.

Also, please search for the press releases by the Department of State regarding the huge spike in passports that will occur in the next two years- they are specifically asking people to renew early. The wait and delays to possibly get your passport will be long. Do people not remember in 2007 and 2008 when people missed their trips because they didn't give enough time to get their passport there were tons of articles around that time. Here is the latest warning https://travel.state.gov/content/passports/en/news/apply-now-to-avoid-delays.html