no, husband, i'm not being a "control freak" for wanting you to have a passport

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Many people do not feel that it is necessary if they are not planning to travel internationally in the near future. Your husband is clearly one of those people, but you said yourself that international travel isn't something that you have done together in your marriage. You have either made peace with his non-interest in international travel or you haven't. If you have, you can just let this go. If you haven't, then maybe try talking to him about it like an adult, come up with somewhere fun that you can go together abroad, and have the passport conversation in that context.

Either way, your annoyance about his symbolic refusal to renew his passport is weird.

It's less about international travel and more about how he won't do what she tells him.

Just another reason to never get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why in the hell do you not get a colonoscopy RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!! WHY, WHY, WHY? What is the downside to having a colonoscopy RIGHT NOW????

Yes, definitely, getting a passport renewed and having an unnecessary colonoscopy are comparable. Great analogy.

It took me three hours to get my passport renewed waiting on line at the post office.

I'm not sure what point you're making. Our post office is very fast and we don't currently need colonoscopies, though since my husband has a history of prostate cancer in his family, if he doesn't also get his yearlies once he's old enough, I'm sure I will nag him about that, too.

The point I'm making is that you have a priority: getting a passport. You ask -- what is the downside to getting a passport as if one should look at your priority in a vacuum and then you can reduce all arguments against the passport to absurdity. Get a passport! No downside! He's put it off for a year! Of course there is no downside to getting a passport, but it is YOUR priority. And what are the other priorities over the course of the year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need to get a passport if you're not going anywhere? Do you expect to have to flee the country with no notice?

Sorry, OP, I'm with your DH on this one.

well good thing we're not married.

i cannot imagine why someone would willingly choose not to have a passport, unless they didn't have the $110 it costs to renew. what possible reason could there be for not just taking care of it - especially if it was a priority for your spouse.

I know for sure that my son will not need a passport unless I win the lottery so he doesn't have one. What is the point of having a passport if you won't use it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

I see no upside to it. I left the country once - for a sibling's destination wedding in Mexico. I have no idea when a passport expires but it's been over five years since the wedding, so ... probably? Why would I renew it? In 40 years I've left the country once. I have no other siblings, so nobody else is getting married out of the country and if they do I probably wouldn't go. I have neither the money nor the wanderlust to travel. I barely leave my little 10 mile radius. I haven't been on an airplane in over two years.

You're lying when you say you've made peace with his lack of wanderlust.

this all makes me sad. wow.

You get sad pretty easily. In no way did pp imply that s/he was unhappy. Maybe this is a person so incredibly content with their lives they have no need or desire to travel elsewhere. Be happy for them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why in the hell do you not get a colonoscopy RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!! WHY, WHY, WHY? What is the downside to having a colonoscopy RIGHT NOW????

Yes, definitely, getting a passport renewed and having an unnecessary colonoscopy are comparable. Great analogy.

It took me three hours to get my passport renewed waiting on line at the post office.

I'm not sure what point you're making. Our post office is very fast and we don't currently need colonoscopies, though since my husband has a history of prostate cancer in his family, if he doesn't also get his yearlies once he's old enough, I'm sure I will nag him about that, too.

The point I'm making is that you have a priority: getting a passport. You ask -- what is the downside to getting a passport as if one should look at your priority in a vacuum and then you can reduce all arguments against the passport to absurdity. Get a passport! No downside! He's put it off for a year! Of course there is no downside to getting a passport, but it is YOUR priority. And what are the other priorities over the course of the year?

This is the OP. It's not an ideological battle. We have the $$ and time to get our passports renewed. It's really just a matter of spending the hour or whatever doing it.

We don't need counseling. We don't need colonoscopies. We don't even *need* passports for the next couple of months.

This is just something that matters to me, for whatever reason. Yes, partly, for identity - I think of myself as someone with a passport. Partly for spontaneity - if we have passports, we can go somewhere pretty spontaneously. Partly because I know we won't make overseas plans until we actually have our passports in hand.

And mostly because I really do believe it's good to have a valid passport. I don't need you guys all to agree with me. I really don't! This is how I feel, and I am happy that my husband and I can put this stupid thing behind us now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is the OP. It's not an ideological battle. We have the $$ and time to get our passports renewed. It's really just a matter of spending the hour or whatever doing it.

We don't need counseling. We don't need colonoscopies. We don't even *need* passports for the next couple of months.

This is just something that matters to me, for whatever reason. Yes, partly, for identity - I think of myself as someone with a passport. Partly for spontaneity - if we have passports, we can go somewhere pretty spontaneously. Partly because I know we won't make overseas plans until we actually have our passports in hand.

And mostly because I really do believe it's good to have a valid passport. I don't need you guys all to agree with me. I really don't! This is how I feel, and I am happy that my husband and I can put this stupid thing behind us now.

You are insufferable. I can only imagine the horror stories your husband could share about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is the OP. It's not an ideological battle. We have the $$ and time to get our passports renewed. It's really just a matter of spending the hour or whatever doing it.

We don't need counseling. We don't need colonoscopies. We don't even *need* passports for the next couple of months.

This is just something that matters to me, for whatever reason. Yes, partly, for identity - I think of myself as someone with a passport. Partly for spontaneity - if we have passports, we can go somewhere pretty spontaneously. Partly because I know we won't make overseas plans until we actually have our passports in hand.

And mostly because I really do believe it's good to have a valid passport. I don't need you guys all to agree with me. I really don't! This is how I feel, and I am happy that my husband and I can put this stupid thing behind us now.

You are insufferable. I can only imagine the horror stories your husband could share about you.

I'm sure many. We're both pains in the ass. Luckily he and I are very happy together.

[Anonymous]

That's what you claim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why in the hell do you not get a colonoscopy RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!! WHY, WHY, WHY? What is the downside to having a colonoscopy RIGHT NOW????

Yes, definitely, getting a passport renewed and having an unnecessary colonoscopy are comparable. Great analogy.

It took me three hours to get my passport renewed waiting on line at the post office.

I'm not sure what point you're making. Our post office is very fast and we don't currently need colonoscopies, though since my husband has a history of prostate cancer in his family, if he doesn't also get his yearlies once he's old enough, I'm sure I will nag him about that, too.

The point I'm making is that you have a priority: getting a passport. You ask -- what is the downside to getting a passport as if one should look at your priority in a vacuum and then you can reduce all arguments against the passport to absurdity. Get a passport! No downside! He's put it off for a year! Of course there is no downside to getting a passport, but it is YOUR priority. And what are the other priorities over the course of the year?

This is the OP. It's not an ideological battle. We have the $$ and time to get our passports renewed. It's really just a matter of spending the hour or whatever doing it.

We don't need counseling. We don't need colonoscopies. We don't even *need* passports for the next couple of months.

This is just something that matters to me, for whatever reason. Yes, partly, for identity - I think of myself as someone with a passport. Partly for spontaneity - if we have passports, we can go somewhere pretty spontaneously. Partly because I know we won't make overseas plans until we actually have our passports in hand.

And mostly because I really do believe it's good to have a valid passport. I don't need you guys all to agree with me. I really don't! This is how I feel, and I am happy that my husband and I can put this stupid thing behind us now.

you sound like a pain, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is the OP. It's not an ideological battle. We have the $$ and time to get our passports renewed. It's really just a matter of spending the hour or whatever doing it.

We don't need counseling. We don't need colonoscopies. We don't even *need* passports for the next couple of months.

This is just something that matters to me, for whatever reason. Yes, partly, for identity - I think of myself as someone with a passport. Partly for spontaneity - if we have passports, we can go somewhere pretty spontaneously. Partly because I know we won't make overseas plans until we actually have our passports in hand.

And mostly because I really do believe it's good to have a valid passport. I don't need you guys all to agree with me. I really don't! This is how I feel, and I am happy that my husband and I can put this stupid thing behind us now.

You are insufferable. I can only imagine the horror stories your husband could share about you.

I'm sure many. We're both pains in the ass. Luckily he and I are very happy together.

Except you aren't happy to be married to a non-passport holder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe people think the OP is wrong in this. 1 year is plenty of time, I would have given him one month if I were in the woman's shoes, but that's me. This isn't a control thing, it is called getting ahead of the game.

I bet some of y'all are the same ones that don't bother with DMV till the last minute either, even though you get the renewal notice 3 months in advance for a license.

What game are getting ahead of? You think the passport office will close abruptly? Or you think they run out of blank passports?

Normal people act when they get a notice. This is what the notice is for. Normal people don't run to the DMV a year before their license expires to be ahead of the game.

Did you think of the possibility that someone may win a trip to a foreign country? Another scenario, what if one has family overseas and someone dies? What then?

Sometimes, it is just easier to take care of things as they come in, than wait and wait and wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so you guys who are on husband's side - why wouldn't you get your passport renewed? what downside is there to having a valid passport?

I see no upside to it. I left the country once - for a sibling's destination wedding in Mexico. I have no idea when a passport expires but it's been over five years since the wedding, so ... probably? Why would I renew it? In 40 years I've left the country once. I have no other siblings, so nobody else is getting married out of the country and if they do I probably wouldn't go. I have neither the money nor the wanderlust to travel. I barely leave my little 10 mile radius. I haven't been on an airplane in over two years.

You're lying when you say you've made peace with his lack of wanderlust.

this all makes me sad. wow.

You get sad pretty easily. In no way did pp imply that s/he was unhappy. Maybe this is a person so incredibly content with their lives they have no need or desire to travel elsewhere. Be happy for them!

Yes. I found a place to live that I love. I have gone into the city to see a show, about once a year I go to a museum, etc. But I'm happy going to work, going to the library, and going for a neighborhood walk. If I get bored of my neighborhood I go to the neighborhood one over or something. If a friend invites me over and I can get there by mass transit, I go (don't have a car). I don't find traveling exhilarating, but exhausting.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you. He had a year to renew it. It's hard and frustrating renewing one when you suddenly need one.
You can't be even planning a vacation without worrying if he can get himself together to get his passport on time.
Could be worse- my EX didn't even renew his drivers license but kept driving and using it otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is just something that matters to me, for whatever reason.

Oh it is abundantly clear that it is ALL ABOUT YOU and that you want everyone on DCUM to chime in and say "yes, you are right, you should get everything you want no matter how trivial".

I pity your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is the OP. It's not an ideological battle. We have the $$ and time to get our passports renewed. It's really just a matter of spending the hour or whatever doing it.

We don't need counseling. We don't need colonoscopies. We don't even *need* passports for the next couple of months.

This is just something that matters to me, for whatever reason. Yes, partly, for identity - I think of myself as someone with a passport. Partly for spontaneity - if we have passports, we can go somewhere pretty spontaneously. Partly because I know we won't make overseas plans until we actually have our passports in hand.

And mostly because I really do believe it's good to have a valid passport. I don't need you guys all to agree with me. I really don't! This is how I feel, and I am happy that my husband and I can put this stupid thing behind us now.

I don't care whether you or he has a valid passport or not. But can we at least agree that your insistence on him getting one without a need = controlling?