Worried About DH's Ultimatum

[Anonymous]

OP, your husband is a human being who is entitled to his preferences. You are not a disabled child or a pet he signed up to be responsible for for the rest of his life. Whether you choose to stay or leave is up to you, but you will need to get back into the workforce either way. Not working with one (!) child in school (!) was a bad decision, given the fact you are not wealthy. Now you get to take the responsibility for that decision.

A lesson to all women who didn't marry rich.

[Anonymous]

In all honesty for your husband to give you such an extreme ultimatum after so many years of matrimony is just outrageous to me!!

You have raised a wonderful child for goodness sake! Does that not count to him.....??!

What a pompous ass! Tell him if he decides to leave you, to not let the door hit him in the butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all honesty for your husband to give you such an extreme ultimatum after so many years of matrimony is just outrageous to me!!

You have raised a wonderful child for goodness sake! Does that not count to him.....??!

What a pompous ass! Tell him if he decides to leave you, to not let the door hit him in the butt.

So if he quite his job to own, after solely providing for the family for 20 years, does that not count to her?

[Anonymous]

OP, my parents marriage imploded in a similar manner. During my junior year, my dad basically threw in the towel. That said, I don't think their marriage was that great. My mother was a SAHM who HATED it. She had a ton of resentment about her lot in life, viewed her 3 children as the demise of her dreams and blamed my father for everything that was wrong in her life.

Growing up, my sisters and I all sort of slowly came to see what was what. It was hurtful and yes, damaging, to be viewed as a mistake and then be stuck with a person who didn't want to be a parent but wouldn't leave because the social stigma of leaving would have been too much for her to bear. She also made it clear that we were pawns if he ever left, she would do everything in her power to make certain he didn't raise us, including alleging abuse. So, he didn't leave. He just worked, and sort of raised us around her wall of negativity.

From a financial standpoint, the divorce was pretty fair. My father basically handed over half of his 401k, gave my mother the house and paid 5 years of alimony. He basically started life over at 52. Moved into a condo, kept working and slowly rebuilt his life and relationship with all of us as adults. They separated ten years ago. My mother sold the house, moved to New Mexico and is finally the artist she dreamed of being. We all have a very distant relationship with her. She hasn't even met my baby (who is 7 months old) and is a fairly checked out grandmother. My father on the other hand is incredibly close to all three of us. My mother was sort of a mess at our weddings. Like seriously strange (like being bored during rehearsal dinners and leaving the receptions very quickly). I've had tons of therapy to work through my issues with my mother. We have a strange peace now, but the distance helps.

So, OP, I guess the lesson here is that divorces happen late in life. Don't bank on lifetime alimony and even with the windfall you are going to need to figure out your life and your relationship with your children.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I was a junior in college (and the youngest)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's an ass. Remind him you het half the assets and will go for alimony and child support and find a man who really loves you. Slowly start stashing money in your name.

That's actually illegal, and a forensic audit (not uncommon in a divorce) will uncover it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my parents marriage imploded in a similar manner. During my junior year, my dad basically threw in the towel. That said, I don't think their marriage was that great. My mother was a SAHM who HATED it. She had a ton of resentment about her lot in life, viewed her 3 children as the demise of her dreams and blamed my father for everything that was wrong in her life.

Growing up, my sisters and I all sort of slowly came to see what was what. It was hurtful and yes, damaging, to be viewed as a mistake and then be stuck with a person who didn't want to be a parent but wouldn't leave because the social stigma of leaving would have been too much for her to bear. She also made it clear that we were pawns if he ever left, she would do everything in her power to make certain he didn't raise us, including alleging abuse. So, he didn't leave. He just worked, and sort of raised us around her wall of negativity.

From a financial standpoint, the divorce was pretty fair. My father basically handed over half of his 401k, gave my mother the house and paid 5 years of alimony. He basically started life over at 52. Moved into a condo, kept working and slowly rebuilt his life and relationship with all of us as adults. They separated ten years ago. My mother sold the house, moved to New Mexico and is finally the artist she dreamed of being. We all have a very distant relationship with her. She hasn't even met my baby (who is 7 months old) and is a fairly checked out grandmother. My father on the other hand is incredibly close to all three of us. My mother was sort of a mess at our weddings. Like seriously strange (like being bored during rehearsal dinners and leaving the receptions very quickly). I've had tons of therapy to work through my issues with my mother. We have a strange peace now, but the distance helps.

So, OP, I guess the lesson here is that divorces happen late in life. Don't bank on lifetime alimony and even with the windfall you are going to need to figure out your life and your relationship with your children.

How has your Dad fared relationship wise? Not OP, just a curious poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys this is a troll post, don't you think??

Yes, this has been the theme of several threads in recent weeks. I think there was a nearly identical one yesterday or the day before (the big girl pants thread).

+1. Bored troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your husband is a human being who is entitled to his preferences. You are not a disabled child or a pet he signed up to be responsible for for the rest of his life. Whether you choose to stay or leave is up to you, but you will need to get back into the workforce either way. Not working with one (!) child in school (!) was a bad decision, given the fact you are not wealthy. Now you get to take the responsibility for that decision.

A lesson to all women who didn't marry rich.

Thank God I married rich!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my parents marriage imploded in a similar manner. During my junior year, my dad basically threw in the towel. That said, I don't think their marriage was that great. My mother was a SAHM who HATED it. She had a ton of resentment about her lot in life, viewed her 3 children as the demise of her dreams and blamed my father for everything that was wrong in her life.

Growing up, my sisters and I all sort of slowly came to see what was what. It was hurtful and yes, damaging, to be viewed as a mistake and then be stuck with a person who didn't want to be a parent but wouldn't leave because the social stigma of leaving would have been too much for her to bear. She also made it clear that we were pawns if he ever left, she would do everything in her power to make certain he didn't raise us, including alleging abuse. So, he didn't leave. He just worked, and sort of raised us around her wall of negativity.

From a financial standpoint, the divorce was pretty fair. My father basically handed over half of his 401k, gave my mother the house and paid 5 years of alimony. He basically started life over at 52. Moved into a condo, kept working and slowly rebuilt his life and relationship with all of us as adults. They separated ten years ago. My mother sold the house, moved to New Mexico and is finally the artist she dreamed of being. We all have a very distant relationship with her. She hasn't even met my baby (who is 7 months old) and is a fairly checked out grandmother. My father on the other hand is incredibly close to all three of us. My mother was sort of a mess at our weddings. Like seriously strange (like being bored during rehearsal dinners and leaving the receptions very quickly). I've had tons of therapy to work through my issues with my mother. We have a strange peace now, but the distance helps.

So, OP, I guess the lesson here is that divorces happen late in life. Don't bank on lifetime alimony and even with the windfall you are going to need to figure out your life and your relationship with your children.

How has your Dad fared relationship wise? Not OP, just a curious poster.

Pp here. He didn't date for years. He honestly sort of went through this strange period when all he did was work and exercise and call me and my sisters. He has a "friend" who is a nice woman. They have been together for two years. But they don't live together. It's a romantic type companion and yes they travel and stuff but they are both staunchly independent. They sort of seem tentative due to the horrible marriages.

[Anonymous]

Stop asking on an anonymous chat room. See a divorce attorney and make sure you are a damn good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking on an anonymous chat room. See a divorce attorney and make sure you are a damn good one.

+1. That is the logical first step. Then you should get your teaching credential. Pp's advice on specializing in a marketable area like special needs is a good one if you have the patience and desire to serve that population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thank God I married rich!

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol -that someone listed "kin-keeping".

Show me the DH who remembers his own parents' anniversary or gets a birthday present for his sister and you can laugh. It is a shit ton to keep track of, and essential for a happy family.

Huh? We have a family calendar via Google and he doesn't remember anything, he gets email reminders.

Isn't that how everyone operates in the 21st century or is your technology experience circa 1999?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thank God I married rich!

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut.

Even a monkey can take a selfie.