Reply to Worried About DH's Ultimatum

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, my parents marriage imploded in a similar manner. During my junior year, my dad basically threw in the towel. That said, I don't think their marriage was that great. My mother was a SAHM who HATED it. She had a ton of resentment about her lot in life, viewed her 3 children as the demise of her dreams and blamed my father for everything that was wrong in her life.

Growing up, my sisters and I all sort of slowly came to see what was what. It was hurtful and yes, damaging, to be viewed as a mistake and then be stuck with a person who didn't want to be a parent but wouldn't leave because the social stigma of leaving would have been too much for her to bear. She also made it clear that we were pawns if he ever left, she would do everything in her power to make certain he didn't raise us, including alleging abuse.  So, he didn't leave. He just worked, and sort of raised us around her wall of negativity.

From a financial standpoint, the divorce was pretty fair. My father basically handed over half of his 401k, gave my mother the house and paid 5 years of alimony. He basically started life over at 52. Moved into a condo, kept working and slowly rebuilt his life and relationship with all of us as adults. They separated ten years ago. My mother sold the house, moved to New Mexico and is finally the artist she dreamed of being. We all have a very distant relationship with her. She hasn't even met my baby (who is 7 months old) and is a fairly checked out grandmother.  My father on the other hand is incredibly close to all three of us. My mother was sort of a mess at our weddings. Like seriously strange (like being bored during rehearsal dinners and leaving the receptions very quickly). I've had tons of therapy to work through my issues with my mother. We have a strange peace now, but the distance helps.

So, OP, I guess the lesson here is that divorces happen late in life. Don't bank on lifetime alimony and even with the windfall you are going to need to figure out your life and your relationship with your children.[/quote]
How has your Dad fared relationship wise? Not OP, just a curious poster.[/quote]

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