Worried About DH's Ultimatum

[Anonymous]

While he phrased it as an ass - assuming you have only the one kid and you've been working not at all / recently part time....i can see why he wants it to be clear that with the kid out of the house you don't get to "retire"/ take it easy if he has to feel going full force for another decade or two. when kids are out of the house its time to revisit divisions of labor

[Anonymous]

Is there any chance he's having an affair and/or wants a divorce anyway? My first thought is that he's trying to get you working now to minimize future alimony 'cause every 50yo married man knows she owns half.

This may be a good opportunity to go back to school. Some school systems may have tuition remission or programs for an assistant to become a teacher. But teachers, particularly art teachers, are on their feet a lot; think long and hard if you think this is a good career option for you in your 50s and 60s.

Your other option is to look for ft employment. Is it possible to talk to the principal to see if they anticipate any secretarial positions coming up in the school?

[Anonymous]

A base admin assistant job is $30k/year.

I think OP must be working extremely part time, it's not difficult for someone even minimally educate (some college and work experience) to earn way more than that

[Anonymous]

So sorry that your husband won't allow you to sit on your ass for another decade while he does all the work!

You are capable and able-bodied- I would work on getting a job rather than trying to fuck over your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 50s, married 25 years. One child who will be graduating from HS this year. I was a SAHM and in the last few years earned about $16K as a teaching assistant. I never finished my degree. DH told me that with our child graduating, he is "done" with me earning what I earn. He said that enough is enough with carrying the financial load and if I do not move to something that pays more, he is selling the house and leaving.

Not sure if he can legally do that but I am worried. I knew he was frustrated, especially as his career has not gone as well as he had dreamed, but not to the point of logistically thinking of leaving. But what in the world can I do that is going to pay more? Not crazy about spending more time in the workplace but if I do not do something, I am going to have to anyway.

Anything. Literally any job will pay more than $16k.

[Anonymous]

If they have been married for 25 years, she will get half of his retirement accounts (which may be significant), half the equity in the house, and half of any other shared assets. She is also likely to get a little alimony, though that probably won't last for more than five years.

OP, let him know that you are looking forward to receiving this large payout if he decides to leave! It will be nice to have all those assets to start your new life.

[Anonymous]

This is the reason that a woman should always be a WOHM.

Not many men can earn enough to afford a wife who can be a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Guys this is a troll post, don't you think??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A base admin assistant job is $30k/year.

I think OP must be working extremely part time, it's not difficult for someone even minimally educate (some college and work experience) to earn way more than that

Agreed. My sister doesn't have a degree, and she earns $38K/year as an admin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A base admin assistant job is $30k/year.

I think OP must be working extremely part time, it's not difficult for someone even minimally educate (some college and work experience) to earn way more than that

But the reality is that she is in her '50s and was out of work for many years. There are very few jobs out there for SAHMs re-entering the work force, and there are very few companies that happily hire people in their 50s. Two strikes.

[Anonymous]

OP, he probably figured he'd try to stick it out until the child was out of high school, and whatever his real reasons are, this is the reason he's giving you. He may be having an affair. He may be sick of you--maybe lack of sex? Or not in love with you anymore for whatever reason.

Seems to me that whether you split up or stay together, you're going to have to find some full-time work. It's not going to be easy.

[Anonymous]

Had he never told you how stressed he was being the bread winner? Or had you ignored him for years and now you are shocked he's reaChed his limit?

[Anonymous]

Start with the women's center, OP. Most have programs for "Displaced Homemakers"meaning SAHW who are newly divorced or widowed. You aren't even separated yet, but they can point you in the right direction.

It is hard to start over in your 50s, but there are many options that earn more than $16k and don't involve a 4 year degree or manual labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 50s, married 25 years. One child who will be graduating from HS this year. I was a SAHM and in the last few years earned about $16K as a teaching assistant. I never finished my degree. DH told me that with our child graduating, he is "done" with me earning what I earn. He said that enough is enough with carrying the financial load and if I do not move to something that pays more, he is selling the house and leaving.

Not sure if he can legally do that but I am worried. I knew he was frustrated, especially as his career has not gone as well as he had dreamed, but not to the point of logistically thinking of leaving. But what in the world can I do that is going to pay more? Not crazy about spending more time in the workplace but if I do not do something, I am going to have to anyway.

Full time retail for $10 an hour. If he divorces you, you are going to have to do it anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 50s, married 25 years. One child who will be graduating from HS this year. I was a SAHM and in the last few years earned about $16K as a teaching assistant. I never finished my degree. DH told me that with our child graduating, he is "done" with me earning what I earn. He said that enough is enough with carrying the financial load and if I do not move to something that pays more, he is selling the house and leaving.

Not sure if he can legally do that but I am worried. I knew he was frustrated, especially as his career has not gone as well as he had dreamed, but not to the point of logistically thinking of leaving. But what in the world can I do that is going to pay more? Not crazy about spending more time in the workplace but if I do not do something, I am going to have to anyway.

Get a real job, perhaps go back to school.