Worried About DH's Ultimatum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry that your husband won't allow you to sit on your ass for another decade while he does all the work!

No shit.

[Anonymous]

Get your teaching cert. in something marketable like special needs. You can finish that in 2 years if you're halfway through a BA. While you're doing that, keep the teaching asst. job for experience, and work part-time at night waiting tables--you'll make way more than 16k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had he never told you how stressed he was being the bread winner? Or had you ignored him for years and now you are shocked he's reaChed his limit?

I wonder this too. It is incredibly stressful to be the only adult in the family with a job when you have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 50s, married 25 years. One child who will be graduating from HS this year. I was a SAHM and in the last few years earned about $16K as a teaching assistant. I never finished my degree. DH told me that with our child graduating, he is "done" with me earning what I earn. He said that enough is enough with carrying the financial load and if I do not move to something that pays more, he is selling the house and leaving.

Not sure if he can legally do that but I am worried. I knew he was frustrated, especially as his career has not gone as well as he had dreamed, but not to the point of logistically thinking of leaving. But what in the world can I do that is going to pay more? Not crazy about spending more time in the workplace but if I do not do something, I am going to have to anyway.

Me either!

FT WOHM

[Anonymous]

How long has he been telling you that you need to earn more?
Restaurant manager don't need much training. Start out as a server or a hostess.

[Anonymous]

"Not crazy about spending more time in the workplace". Really? Seems like you just got in and eve that part time. Why don't you get a job and half (you already have the half) and see what he says then.
For night time and weekend work try restaurants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guys this is a troll post, don't you think??

Yes, this has been the theme of several threads in recent weeks. I think there was a nearly identical one yesterday or the day before (the big girl pants thread).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he probably figured he'd try to stick it out until the child was out of high school, and whatever his real reasons are, this is the reason he's giving you. He may be having an affair. He may be sick of you--maybe lack of sex? Or not in love with you anymore for whatever reason.

Seems to me that whether you split up or stay together, you're going to have to find some full-time work. It's not going to be easy.

Wow!! Don't cushion the blow or anything. Beat her when she's down why don't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 50s, married 25 years. One child who will be graduating from HS this year. I was a SAHM and in the last few years earned about $16K as a teaching assistant. I never finished my degree. DH told me that with our child graduating, he is "done" with me earning what I earn. He said that enough is enough with carrying the financial load and if I do not move to something that pays more, he is selling the house and leaving.

Not sure if he can legally do that but I am worried. I knew he was frustrated, especially as his career has not gone as well as he had dreamed, but not to the point of logistically thinking of leaving. But what in the world can I do that is going to pay more? Not crazy about spending more time in the workplace but if I do not do something, I am going to have to anyway.

I don't understand SAHMs after the kids are no longer small, aside from special needs situations.

I don't blame OP for not wanting to get a real job. It sounds like she's enjoyed a rather cushy existence for the last couple of decades and she knows that the gig is up.

She can let her husband dicorce her and probably get lifetime alimony. Then she will be able to retire, even though she never really worked, while her husband works until he drops dead. It must be nice.

[Anonymous]

Wow, either this whole thread is made-up or OP is suffering from the cooped-up and frustrated idiots in this area.

OP, I'm sorry that your husband is being so cruel. First contact a lawyer. Put money regularly into your own account.

It can never hurt to find a better paying job. I know it's hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Wow, either this whole thread is made-up or OP is suffering from the cooped-up and frustrated idiots in this area.

OP, I'm sorry that your husband is being so cruel. First contact a lawyer. Put money regularly into your own account.

It can never hurt to find a better paying job. I know it's hard!
[/quote

Nothing cruel about it. The gravy train is over.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry your DH doesn't appreciate the value you've given to your child by not working 60 hours a week and being a TA instead.
I certainly hope you'd get alimony.

[Anonymous]

What a bunch of haters. You guys are bitter a$$holes. You loathe (but secretly envy) every woman who isn't grinding it 60 hours a week like you. Man.

Good luck, OP - I agree it sounds like it's time for you to take on a FT position. Women's Center is a good start, as is a frank talk with your husband about your future together and what he's willing to invest in retraining for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys this is a troll post, don't you think??

Yes, this has been the theme of several threads in recent weeks. I think there was a nearly identical one yesterday or the day before (the big girl pants thread).

Yeah. The big girl pants thread became obvious with the comment about traditional values and thinking less of the husband because he wants her to give him money.

This one is obvious because of the line about not knowing how to find a job paying more than 16k.

The question I wonder is what is up with this troll? Is it a husband who's pissed at his SAHM wife because she SAHMs and wants some fuel to add to his fire? Why can't he talk to his wife about it, or openly discuss it here - as in "I want my wife to work, please help me discuss it with her."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Wow, either this whole thread is made-up or OP is suffering from the cooped-up and frustrated idiots in this area.

OP, I'm sorry that your husband is being so cruel. First contact a lawyer. Put money regularly into your own account.

It can never hurt to find a better paying job. I know it's hard!

Nothing cruel about it. The gravy train is over.

Oh so taking care of everything at home - from cooking and cleaning, shopping for groceries, driving their daughter around, not to mention all of the kin-keeping tasks like buying gifts, sending birthday cards, calling his parents on their anniversary, then liaising with teachers and administrators for their daughter, keeping track of what's running low in the house, paying the bills and taxes and balancing the check books... that's a gravy train? Really? No. If this were a real post she'd be entitled to alimony because all the work she did behind the scenes allowed him to excel at his office.