Worried About DH's Ultimatum
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Anonymous
Look, SAHMs. Once the kids are in school, you really don't need to be a full-time SAHM anymore. You can work part-time at least. I understand that cooking and driving kids around is time-consuming, but that other stuff is just fluff that can be done quickly. My bills are auto-drafted every month. Balancing checkbooks? This is has been automatically available on every bank website since Bill Clinton was in office. I don't even think about it. Sending birthday cards? "Keeping track of what's low in the house"? Calling relatives? Are you serious? The fact that you would even use these things as examples of "work" just undermines your attempt at sounding busy. You're not fooling anyone. And none of this would be a problem except that these long-term SAHMs always feel entitled to having another human being pay them alimony for the rest of their lives. It's absolutely wrong. If anything, you should be paying THEM back for subsidizing you for all of these years. |
Anonymous
No, she hasn't been "out of work for many years": she works as a teaching assistant now. She is already in the work force (but clearly part-time and not very industrious or motivated) |
Anonymous
If so, it would likely be rehabilitative alimony for maybe 2 years while the wife gets trained for employment. But then the alimony stops. Permanent alimony is exceedingly rare in the current century. |
Anonymous
Yes, it is a gravy train because you are over-estimating the importance and/or required time commitment for these mundane tasks to justify your lack of real work. If you REALLY think that "buying gifts and sending birthday cards" takes much thought/time, you might have some kind of learning disability that is the true reason you would struggle to do this while holding down a full-time job. How hard is it to point and click on a website to have a gift delivered to your door? How hard is it to buy a pack of cards and then fill out one as needed? Do you REALLY think that "calling his parents on their anniversary" and "liaising" with teachers is not something that you can easily do in a few moments during a lunch break from a real job? Why are you still using "check books"? Don't you use online banking? Paying bills is NOT time consuming unless you suffer from ADHD: do you? Why can't you share cooking/cleaning tasks with another primary breadwinner? If you want to sah and can afford it, great. But don't pretend that being a sahm is anywhere near as demanding as a full time job: you only make yourself look foolish. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Tell that to my uncle paying $60k to the woman who put him thru grad school until he retires. |
Anonymous
I'd agree with that if the kid is under 5 years old. But not a high school senior. The balance of work and responsibility here is really off-kilter. Most working moms do all that plus their 40 hour work week. |
Anonymous
Doesn't mean it's not rare. Because it is. Your uncle was either a real drain on his ex while married, or he had a shitty lawyer. |
Anonymous
| Why are so many sure this is a troll? There are some really clueless people here in DCUM world that truly think like OP. Sad but true. |
Anonymous
Envy this woman? Ha! I don't want to be her which is exactly why I work my 40hrs a week. And self respect too. Women like the OP end up sad statistics. Dream on. |
Anonymous
DH here. I do all these things as well. It's part of being married with a family. It's not rocket science. And who balances checkbooks these days? Lady, you are stuck in a time warp. Not only do men now do all that you describe, women now work and are independent, not wanting to be at the mercy of their husbands financial support. |
Anonymous
This is a good idea. I had my kid take private art lessons with a teacher after school for $50 an hour. You aren't a teacher and apparently no degree, but I think you could market your strong points. There are a lot of parents in the area who want Mopsy and Flynn to have art lessons from a good teacher. |
Anonymous
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If your one kid is out of the house in college why on earth WOULDN'T you be working? You're just going to sit around the house all day doing... what? Your husband is right. If SAHM was your contribution, and the kid is gone, you need to make a new contribution to the household. He might like to retire one day, you know.
My oldest is in K and I will be back to work in the next 2 years when my youngest can go. Nobody needs a SAHM who has nothing to do for 7-8 hours a day. |
Anonymous
I was also wondering if this was the same poster of "dh told me to put my big girl pants on" poster too. If so, we already heard from you. |
Anonymous
| You just need a job. It doesn't have to be high paying, just steady and something you can live with. It would be healthy for you. |