Worried About DH's Ultimatum

[Anonymous]

Mid 50s, married 25 years. One child who will be graduating from HS this year. I was a SAHM and in the last few years earned about $16K as a teaching assistant. I never finished my degree. DH told me that with our child graduating, he is "done" with me earning what I earn. He said that enough is enough with carrying the financial load and if I do not move to something that pays more, he is selling the house and leaving.

Not sure if he can legally do that but I am worried. I knew he was frustrated, especially as his career has not gone as well as he had dreamed, but not to the point of logistically thinking of leaving. But what in the world can I do that is going to pay more? Not crazy about spending more time in the workplace but if I do not do something, I am going to have to anyway.

[Anonymous]

What is your background? Why don't you go back to school, not necessarily college, but maybe a training course?

[Anonymous]

He's an ass. Remind him you het half the assets and will go for alimony and child support and find a man who really loves you. Slowly start stashing money in your name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your background? Why don't you go back to school, not necessarily college, but maybe a training course?

OP, started as an art major, dropped out due to money issues and then on and off went back and took business courses. Worked in lower level marketing jobs until the baby came along and then teaching opened up as a way to earn some money but get home when our child was done with the school day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's an ass. Remind him you het half the assets and will go for alimony and child support and find a man who really loves you. Slowly start stashing money in your name.

+1. If he's so callous and ready to move out, wouldn't you both be happier if he did? You won't have to work if you can live on the cheap with his alimony (although he will cry poverty to minimize the alimony.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's an ass. Remind him you het half the assets and will go for alimony and child support and find a man who really loves you. Slowly start stashing money in your name.

+1. If he's so callous and ready to move out, wouldn't you both be happier if he did? You won't have to work if you can live on the cheap with his alimony (although he will cry poverty to minimize the alimony.)

Would they really award alimony these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's an ass. Remind him you het half the assets and will go for alimony and child support and find a man who really loves you. Slowly start stashing money in your name.

+1. If he's so callous and ready to move out, wouldn't you both be happier if he did? You won't have to work if you can live on the cheap with his alimony (although he will cry poverty to minimize the alimony.)

Would they really award alimony these days?

Yes, particularly if the wife hasn't really worked in the past 10 yrs.

[Anonymous]

Firstly, he can move out, but he cannot sell the house out from under you (assuming that you are on the deed, but even if you're not, it would still be considered marital property). If he moves out and wants to divorce, he will have to split all assets with you, either 50/50 or in some other way that you agree to. In some cases, this can include any pension he has built up at his job.

It sounds to me like he is frustrated and stressed out by his role as main breadwinner, and if you would like to repair your marriage and help him to be less frustrated and stressed out, you will need to work on getting a job that pays more. You'd need to do this if you divorced as well.

So my advice would be to finish your degree somehow, since that's pretty much going to be required for any job you find. If your relationship with him is otherwise good, I would actually try to talk to him about it. "DH, I thought about what you said about finding a job that pays better after Jonas goes to college, and I would really like to do that. I am most interested in X, but I need to Y (finish Q number of credits, get Z certification) before I can do that. Can we sit down and create a plan for how I will accomplish this?"

[Anonymous]

She has worked. She's employable since she is currently working. She won't get alimony or child support once the kid hits 18 unless DH agrees to it.

He's an ass, but OP doesn't sound like she's equipped to support herself...yet. She should focus on that.

[Anonymous]

Do you like working in a school? If you finished your degree and became a teacher your salary would be a lot better. There is a teacher shortage, especially in some areas, also more flexible options for degrees such as online, intensive summer programs, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you take up tutoring? I am paying tutor between $25-80/ hour here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's an ass. Remind him you get half the assets and will go for alimony and child support and find a man who really loves you. Slowly start stashing money in your name.

Not necessarily on half the assets, it varies by state, and the OP said the kid is graduating HS, so no child support would be awarded.

[Anonymous]

OP, what field is your DH in? Any chance he will be able to earn more as well? How tight are things?

[Anonymous]

Is this something new he is just bringing up now? Or has it been a recurring theme in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

How much money does he want to you to make? I think that it wouldn't be hard to make over $16,000 a year. My cousin worked at radioshack making more than that. I think there must be more to the story.