I am scared I lost the love of my life.

[Anonymous]

Or maybe the follow up post isn't from OP at all. There's a thought.

[Anonymous]

OP, End the relationship -- STAT. Marriage involves too many inherent sacrifices without you having to make one of this magnitude. Let her find someone who truly loves her. She cannot ask you to give this up. Your loyalty needs to be to you until you that ring is locked in place. She'll make a person who doesn't care about having bio kids or who already has some very happy. One of my friends and her husband chose adoption out of moral conviction, not fertility problems. Their family is thriving. You both deserve to be appreciated by someone who accepts you as you are.

[Anonymous]

Have you had your sperm tested? You might be shooting blanks and not even know. How would you feel if your GF asked you to do a sperm test before the wedding, on the condition that she'd dump you if you didn't pass?

My DH and I have experienced infertility. We were unexplained, which meant no cause could be found. We eventually were able to have a daughter, after many years and many tears. We knew that not matter what, we would have a child, somehow, some way. Adoption, surrogacy, IVF, we would have figured it out. But that was because we were 100% a TEAM. We were in this together and together we'd find a way to get the life with children we'd always imagined. This isn't to say these paths to children aren't difficult. But if you love your gf, the rest is details.

If my DH and I weren't able to have a biological child, we both would have been sad. We would have grieved. But we would have done it TOGETHER. The biggest red flag I saw in your post is that you all went your separate ways to deal with this news. That's not a good sign.

Before you all move forward, I'd get into couples counseling so you can work through this with a professional.

[Anonymous]

Omg, what a bunch of jerks on this thread. He had one really emotional outburst in reaction to devastating news and everyone has decided OP is a horrible person. Dear lord, we all screw up at some point in time. He didn't handle it well but that doesn't mean he can't man up now and make it right. This is a big, emotional issue. Cut him a little slack!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, a piece of advice for when you talk to your girlfriend -- don't rewrite history. Don't pretend you didn't have doubts about the relationship when you heard the news. She knows you did, she saw your emails with your sister. If you try to claim now that you never had second thoughts about marrying her, she'll know you're full of it and just trying not to lose her *right now*, which offers her no assurances about the future. You're better off owning up to your confusion, telling her you've been thinking a lot, and know you want to be with her no matter how you go about creating your family. At least then she'll has some reassurance that you're not just having a knee-jerk reaction to her leaving, and aren't just trying to maintain the status quo at her expense while you figure out your own feelings.

Because you're not, right? This isn't just about keeping her around while you figure out if you still want to marry her? You're in this 100%, even if it means no biological children?

OP here. I emailed my sister saying I crushed that I may not have a child of my own DNA. My parents passed away young and my sister and I are the only ones to keep our blood like going. Despite how it may have sounded, I did not say I was questioning ending my relationship. That thought never crossed my mind. We were dealt a massive but infertility does not change that I'm still going to marry her.


I think there is some confusion. I was with her during the time. I only went out to a pre-planned event because we were both suppose to be out. She never let me know she was not going to her sisters that night. I did not get drunk to the point of vomit. I was just loud and knocked a few things over. That woke her up and she fixed the stuffed I knocked over and we went to sleep. I was surprised she was there still.


She called last night and said she wants to talk over dinner. I'm nervous as hell. I'm also worried too. For a woman who rarely drinks ( same as me), she got drunk both Saturday and last night. I know she is hurting and I wish I can take that pain away.

OP, I want to like you but your original post said this:

"I threw up and she got up to help clean up."

At first I thought you were just clarifying details in your later posts but you are definitely changing your story. I know you love your girlfriend very much and want to marry her but it's a huge red flag if you can't even stick to one story on an anonymous board like this. I wonder if you're really accepting your responsibility for your part in this story or just shifting things around in an effort to get us to like you.

OP here. I don't really care if you like me. I didn't word things correctly. I did throw up but that was after we went to bed. She was already sleep and did not help with that part.

I don't really care about this board. I came here to ask questions and 90% are saying I'm a horrible person or talking badly about her. We are bitter great people that have been through a lot together. I feel bad I got drunk but we did not go seperately after this. I left work and we spent all day and night crying and talking. Everyone has handle a situation wrong, so don't act like you haven't. Thank you for the posters that were actually helpful. We will get through this together. I'm not going anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, a piece of advice for when you talk to your girlfriend -- don't rewrite history. Don't pretend you didn't have doubts about the relationship when you heard the news. She knows you did, she saw your emails with your sister. If you try to claim now that you never had second thoughts about marrying her, she'll know you're full of it and just trying not to lose her *right now*, which offers her no assurances about the future. You're better off owning up to your confusion, telling her you've been thinking a lot, and know you want to be with her no matter how you go about creating your family. At least then she'll has some reassurance that you're not just having a knee-jerk reaction to her leaving, and aren't just trying to maintain the status quo at her expense while you figure out your own feelings.

Because you're not, right? This isn't just about keeping her around while you figure out if you still want to marry her? You're in this 100%, even if it means no biological children?

OP here. I emailed my sister saying I crushed that I may not have a child of my own DNA. My parents passed away young and my sister and I are the only ones to keep our blood like going. Despite how it may have sounded, I did not say I was questioning ending my relationship. That thought never crossed my mind. We were dealt a massive but infertility does not change that I'm still going to marry her.


I think there is some confusion. I was with her during the time. I only went out to a pre-planned event because we were both suppose to be out. She never let me know she was not going to her sisters that night. I did not get drunk to the point of vomit. I was just loud and knocked a few things over. That woke her up and she fixed the stuffed I knocked over and we went to sleep. I was surprised she was there still.


She called last night and said she wants to talk over dinner. I'm nervous as hell. I'm also worried too. For a woman who rarely drinks ( same as me), she got drunk both Saturday and last night. I know she is hurting and I wish I can take that pain away.

OP, I want to like you but your original post said this:

"I threw up and she got up to help clean up."

At first I thought you were just clarifying details in your later posts but you are definitely changing your story. I know you love your girlfriend very much and want to marry her but it's a huge red flag if you can't even stick to one story on an anonymous board like this. I wonder if you're really accepting your responsibility for your part in this story or just shifting things around in an effort to get us to like you.

OP here. I don't really care if you like me. I didn't word things correctly. I did throw up but that was after we went to bed. She was already sleep and did not help with that part.

I don't really care about this board. I came here to ask questions and 90% are saying I'm a horrible person or talking badly about her. We are bitter great people that have been through a lot together. I feel bad I got drunk but we did not go seperately after this. I left work and we spent all day and night crying and talking. Everyone has handle a situation wrong, so don't act like you haven't. Thank you for the posters that were actually helpful. We will get through this together. I'm not going anywhere.

OP, it sounds like you think you did absolutely nothing wrong, so I'm curious to know what your understanding is of why your girlfriend is upset with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg, what a bunch of jerks on this thread. He had one really emotional outburst in reaction to devastating news and everyone has decided OP is a horrible person. Dear lord, we all screw up at some point in time. He didn't handle it well but that doesn't mean he can't man up now and make it right. This is a big, emotional issue. Cut him a little slack!

He is a jerk because he made he horrible news about HIS GIRLFRIENDS fertility about him. He is selfish, full stop.

[Anonymous]

OP, even if you stay together, expect some fallout in the future whenever the issue of having kids comes up. Believe me, this will always be in the back of her mind. You have some serious making up to do for a long time, so just be prepared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg, what a bunch of jerks on this thread. He had one really emotional outburst in reaction to devastating news and everyone has decided OP is a horrible person. Dear lord, we all screw up at some point in time. He didn't handle it well but that doesn't mean he can't man up now and make it right. This is a big, emotional issue. Cut him a little slack!

He is a jerk because he made he horrible news about HIS GIRLFRIENDS fertility about him. He is selfish, full stop.

HE KNOWS HE MADE A MISTAKE!! So you're perfect and never reacted badly to anything? Ever? Someone who is truly a jerk would still be making it about themselves and not see that they did anything wrong. Holy crap what a bunch of perfect bitches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg, what a bunch of jerks on this thread. He had one really emotional outburst in reaction to devastating news and everyone has decided OP is a horrible person. Dear lord, we all screw up at some point in time. He didn't handle it well but that doesn't mean he can't man up now and make it right. This is a big, emotional issue. Cut him a little slack!

He is a jerk because he made he horrible news about HIS GIRLFRIENDS fertility about him. He is selfish, full stop.

HE KNOWS HE MADE A MISTAKE!! So you're perfect and never reacted badly to anything? Ever? Someone who is truly a jerk would still be making it about themselves and not see that they did anything wrong. Holy crap what a bunch of perfect bitches.

No kidding, this is truly bizarre to me. First of all, he did look at it as THEIR fertility. He has every right to have an opinion about that and freak out. And second, why the hell is no one outraged that she read his email? She gets a pass on that? They both behaved badly in the wake of terrible news that affects both of them.

[Anonymous]

They both sound young. But it can work. Stay open and honest with each other OP. I wish you both the best whatever path you choose.

BTW, DCUM is not the most optimistic place to go when you are hurting. But I do want to remind you: 10% doesn't mean 0%. There are miracles that happen every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg, what a bunch of jerks on this thread. He had one really emotional outburst in reaction to devastating news and everyone has decided OP is a horrible person. Dear lord, we all screw up at some point in time. He didn't handle it well but that doesn't mean he can't man up now and make it right. This is a big, emotional issue. Cut him a little slack!

He is a jerk because he made he horrible news about HIS GIRLFRIENDS fertility about him. He is selfish, full stop.

Bingo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg, what a bunch of jerks on this thread. He had one really emotional outburst in reaction to devastating news and everyone has decided OP is a horrible person. Dear lord, we all screw up at some point in time. He didn't handle it well but that doesn't mean he can't man up now and make it right. This is a big, emotional issue. Cut him a little slack!

He is a jerk because he made he horrible news about HIS GIRLFRIENDS fertility about him. He is selfish, full stop.

I disagree. This is THEIR fertility. We would feel more sympathy for a woman who discovered her husband can't have children, or someone whose spouse is diagnosed with a lengthy, debilitating disease. It changes his life plan, too. He reacted badly, and essentially made her feel like broken merchandise, but if she wanted any indication that this is a guy who really does want a family, this is it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They both sound young. But it can work. Stay open and honest with each other OP. I wish you both the best whatever path you choose.

BTW, DCUM is not the most optimistic place to go when you are hurting. But I do want to remind you: 10% doesn't mean 0%. There are miracles that happen every day.

Have 10x more sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg, what a bunch of jerks on this thread. He had one really emotional outburst in reaction to devastating news and everyone has decided OP is a horrible person. Dear lord, we all screw up at some point in time. He didn't handle it well but that doesn't mean he can't man up now and make it right. This is a big, emotional issue. Cut him a little slack!

He is a jerk because he made he horrible news about HIS GIRLFRIENDS fertility about him. He is selfish, full stop.

I disagree. This is THEIR fertility. We would feel more sympathy for a woman who discovered her husband can't have children, or someone whose spouse is diagnosed with a lengthy, debilitating disease. It changes his life plan, too. He reacted badly, and essentially made her feel like broken merchandise, but if she wanted any indication that this is a guy who really does want a family, this is it.

No it's not. He can have kids with others, or even get an egg donor and have kids that way. His girlfriend is the one who is infertile, NOT HIM.