I am scared I lost the love of my life.

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I got some bad news last week. I didn't take it well at all and acted horribly. Friday I went out and got drunk ( rarely drink), trying to drown my sorrows or forget for one night. I came back home and was very drunk. I threw up and she got up to help clean up. It was embarrassing. I woke up to a long note saying that she is disappointed by my behavior and needs some time to herself. I called with no response.

It will be 1.5 years next month, and our relationship has been great. I love her very much and will be proposing soon ( or so I planned). I am nervous and scared. She is the the love of my life and I don't want to lose her. I am giving her space but this killing me.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if she will walk over that one episode (though we don't know the details), I question how devoted she is or would be.

That's small potatoes compared to what real life will dish out over the course of time.

[Anonymous]

Who did the bad news affect? Usually it's bad news for one person, and the other is there in a supportive role. Which are you in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Tell her what you told DCUM!

(As long as you don't get drunk on a regular basis, which would be a separate problem, but I'm going on the supposition that this is a one time thing.)

If you tell her what you told us, she'd probably forgive you and want to start a life with you. Of course, there is the remote chance that she won't because she wants it to be over or holds grudges, but after being together so long, it's a risk worth taking.

Who knows? Maybe true love will rule that day!

Take the risk of rejection and you may find true happiness.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if she will walk over that one episode (though we don't know the details), I question how devoted she is or would be.

That's small potatoes compared to what real life will dish out over the course of time.

Exactly my thoughts!!!!!

[Anonymous]

I'd be concerned if someone tried to drown their sorrows in booze, too. I'd want a man who had healthier and more mature coping skills.

And since you are here asking for support, I think coping skills are a real issue for you. I'm not trying to beat you down here, but help open your eyes to an area where you may need some improvement.

Think about this a little, and whether coping skills were lacking or inappropriate in other situations during your relationship. IF they were, then make a plan moving forward to shore them up. Therapy, self-help book, etc., and then let her know you understand the issue is bigger than one night drunk, and you intend to fix it.

At the very least, it will give you something to ruminate about other than her needing space right now.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't think me getting dunk was the issue. Without going into too much detail I will provide the bad news. Last week she found her chance of fertility is 10%. She has dealt with pcos and ovarian cysts. 5 out of 8 women in her family have had endometriosis and ovarian or cervical cancer.

We both really want children. This was and is devestating news. We had a discussion and I told her I was unsure if I can see a future without children. She said she loves me but understands if this is a deal breaker. She doesn't want me to give up or ruin my dream of having a family.

I wasn't as supportive as I should of been. I told she I needed time to digest things. I forgot my iPad is synced to my phone and she read emails between my sister and I. I said that I didn't I could live life w.o have a bio child and I want a wife that can give me that. I was very emotional and did not mean I would end anything with her.

She ( girlfriend) wrote that she was disappointed by me choosing to go out and get drunk, rather than be there for her. Also telling my sister upset her. This is why she said she needed a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think me getting dunk was the issue. Without going into too much detail I will provide the bad news. Last week she found her chance of fertility is 10%. She has dealt with pcos and ovarian cysts. 5 out of 8 women in her family have had endometriosis and ovarian or cervical cancer.

We both really want children. This was and is devestating news. We had a discussion and I told her I was unsure if I can see a future without children. She said she loves me but understands if this is a deal breaker. She doesn't want me to give up or ruin my dream of having a family.

I wasn't as supportive as I should of been. I told she I needed time to digest things. I forgot my iPad is synced to my phone and she read emails between my sister and I. I said that I didn't I could live life w.o have a bio child and I want a wife that can give me that. I was very emotional and did not mean I would end anything with her.

She ( girlfriend) wrote that she was disappointed by me choosing to go out and get drunk, rather than be there for her. Also telling my sister upset her. This is why she said she needed a break.

Yes, you should have been there for her. That's kind of shitty to leave her like that. She needs support, too.

She should understand your needing to share shocking news with your sister and seek support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think me getting dunk was the issue. Without going into too much detail I will provide the bad news. Last week she found her chance of fertility is 10%. She has dealt with pcos and ovarian cysts. 5 out of 8 women in her family have had endometriosis and ovarian or cervical cancer.

We both really want children. This was and is devestating news. We had a discussion and I told her I was unsure if I can see a future without children. She said she loves me but understands if this is a deal breaker. She doesn't want me to give up or ruin my dream of having a family.

I wasn't as supportive as I should of been. I told she I needed time to digest things. I forgot my iPad is synced to my phone and she read emails between my sister and I. I said that I didn't I could live life w.o have a bio child and I want a wife that can give me that. I was very emotional and did not mean I would end anything with her.

She ( girlfriend) wrote that she was disappointed by me choosing to go out and get drunk, rather than be there for her. Also telling my sister upset her. This is why she said she needed a break.

OP here again. This is the only woman I've dated that I have pictured a future with. I admit I didn't take it well, but how are you suppose to take something like this? I think she is very upset over me going to my friends and sister before really talking to her about my feelings and emotions.

[Anonymous]

There are no guaruntees in life. If having a bio child is more important to you than being with this woman, then let her go. You handled this poorly, but there's a bigger issue here. I don't see how she could marry you with this looming overhead. Fertility issues are hard enough without knowing your spouse wants a child more than he wants you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are no guaruntees in life. If having a bio child is more important to you than being with this woman, then let her go. You handled this poorly, but there's a bigger issue here. I don't see how she could marry you with this looming overhead. Fertility issues are hard enough without knowing your spouse wants a child more than he wants you.

Me, either. I'd always wonder....

[Anonymous]

So she found out she may not be able to have kids, you reacted like she was broken goods, you went out and got rip-roaring drunk because you felt sorry for yourself (because your dream of having kids with this woman may have been dashed)? Without any respect for what SHE is going through with this news? I think this issue may be unrepairable.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP, I can see why you're girlfriend wanted a break. Sounds like this news was devastating for her, too, but you focused on how bad it was for you -- and the fact that you went out and did a self-destructive thing like getting massively drunk. Gee, I have to say that that really doesn't make you look like a good bet as a husband who's going to stick in there through thick and thin. I'm sorry to say this to you, because I know how much you're hurting but I can see why your girlfriend has doubts about you.

Question - do you really think you can only have a child if it's your biological child? If you can't see it any other way, maybe you should let her go. She deserves to find someone who is willing and able to consider alternative ways of parenting. Maybe you're just incompatible right now.

[Anonymous]

I'd be pissed at you too considering you were not the one diagnosed with infertility. Also it really was a dick move to tell your sister when you weren't even there for your girlfriend while she is going through this (at least that's what is sounded like from what you posted). TBH it doesn't sound like you were supportive in any way. Sorry if that is a bit harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think me getting dunk was the issue. Without going into too much detail I will provide the bad news. Last week she found her chance of fertility is 10%. She has dealt with pcos and ovarian cysts. 5 out of 8 women in her family have had endometriosis and ovarian or cervical cancer.

We both really want children. This was and is devestating news. We had a discussion and I told her I was unsure if I can see a future without children. She said she loves me but understands if this is a deal breaker. She doesn't want me to give up or ruin my dream of having a family.

I wasn't as supportive as I should of been. I told she I needed time to digest things. I forgot my iPad is synced to my phone and she read emails between my sister and I. I said that I didn't I could live life w.o have a bio child and I want a wife that can give me that. I was very emotional and did not mean I would end anything with her.

She ( girlfriend) wrote that she was disappointed by me choosing to go out and get drunk, rather than be there for her. Also telling my sister upset her. This is why she said she needed a break.

Oh, OP. This all sucks. First, I'm sorry for the bad news, I can understand why that would be devastating. But yeah, your reaction was terrible, and I can understand why she was hurt and is questioning the relationship. No matter how you feel about her today and no matter what you say to her, she has no assurance that you won't feel differently after you've been married a few years, aren't able to have biological children together, and won't decide to leave her to find someone who can give you that. I'm glad you're respecting her need for space right now, as painful as it is.

You should be taking some space of your own right now too, though. You may have been very emotional when you wrote that email to your sister, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't your real feelings you were expressing. Do your best not to play out the scenario in my prior paragraph. If not having a biological child would be a dealbreaker for you, it's so much better for both of you to be honest about this now than carry it into marriage. Yes, it would be painful to end the relationship, but it would be that much more painful later.