I am scared I lost the love of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did write that I was there for her. I left work and we spent the entire day and night on Thursday together. We cried, I comforted, and we did speak. We did discuss some stuff but not everything. I told her I loved her and that this didn't change that. Then we both worked Friday. She was suppose to go to her sisters and I out for a friends birthday.
I went out and had too much to drink, which I normally drink every 1-2 months.

I'm every close with my sister. We lost our parents when I was a teen and she practically raised me. I didn't have permission but she is the one I go to. I didn't tell anyone but her.

Now, I love my girlfriend. We have gone through death, surgeries, and illness during our time together. We have worked through everything. I will support her to the end and she knows it. We have come out stronger. She is a beautiful person that I feel so lucky to have in my life. I am not ready to give it up. This was intended as a " what to do" situation. This is more of how do I get her back?

* not intended. I know getting drunk a day later was bad, but how would many of you react and grieve to news like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did write that I was there for her. I left work and we spent the entire day and night on Thursday together. We cried, I comforted, and we did speak. We did discuss some stuff but not everything. I told her I loved her and that this didn't change that. Then we both worked Friday. She was suppose to go to her sisters and I out for a friends birthday.
I went out and had too much to drink, which I normally drink every 1-2 months.

I'm every close with my sister. We lost our parents when I was a teen and she practically raised me. I didn't have permission but she is the one I go to. I didn't tell anyone but her.

Now, I love my girlfriend. We have gone through death, surgeries, and illness during our time together. We have worked through everything. I will support her to the end and she knows it. We have come out stronger. She is a beautiful person that I feel so lucky to have in my life. I am not ready to give it up. This was intended as a " what to do" situation. This is more of how do I get her back?

* not intended. I know getting drunk a day later was bad, but how would many of you react and grieve to news like this?

Problem solve. Find another solution. Donor egg or adoption. Research what she needs to do to deal with what seems to be BRCA gene in her family. You react like that to infertility. What are you going to do if/when she gets cancer? What are you going to do if she does preventive surgery?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did write that I was there for her. I left work and we spent the entire day and night on Thursday together. We cried, I comforted, and we did speak. We did discuss some stuff but not everything. I told her I loved her and that this didn't change that. Then we both worked Friday. She was suppose to go to her sisters and I out for a friends birthday.
I went out and had too much to drink, which I normally drink every 1-2 months.

I'm every close with my sister. We lost our parents when I was a teen and she practically raised me. I didn't have permission but she is the one I go to. I didn't tell anyone but her.

Now, I love my girlfriend. We have gone through death, surgeries, and illness during our time together. We have worked through everything. I will support her to the end and she knows it. We have come out stronger. She is a beautiful person that I feel so lucky to have in my life. I am not ready to give it up. This was intended as a " what to do" situation. This is more of how do I get her back?

It's still really uncool that you didn't ask your girlfriend first if it was okay to share with your sister. Some things in a relationship are private to the relationship, and it's a betrayal of your partner to share the information outside of the relationship. Depending on how your girlfriend feels about this news and your sister, this might have been one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did write that I was there for her. I left work and we spent the entire day and night on Thursday together. We cried, I comforted, and we did speak. We did discuss some stuff but not everything. I told her I loved her and that this didn't change that. Then we both worked Friday. She was suppose to go to her sisters and I out for a friends birthday.
I went out and had too much to drink, which I normally drink every 1-2 months.

I'm every close with my sister. We lost our parents when I was a teen and she practically raised me. I didn't have permission but she is the one I go to. I didn't tell anyone but her.

Now, I love my girlfriend. We have gone through death, surgeries, and illness during our time together. We have worked through everything. I will support her to the end and she knows it. We have come out stronger. She is a beautiful person that I feel so lucky to have in my life. I am not ready to give it up. This was intended as a " what to do" situation. This is more of how do I get her back?

It's still really uncool that you didn't ask your girlfriend first if it was okay to share with your sister. Some things in a relationship are private to the relationship, and it's a betrayal of your partner to share the information outside of the relationship. Depending on how your girlfriend feels about this news and your sister, this might have been one of them.

I disagree. I know where you are coming from. But if he's overwhelmed with the news, sharing it with his sister, who "basically raised him," is natural. He needs a healthy outlet. Much healthier than getting stupid drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did write that I was there for her. I left work and we spent the entire day and night on Thursday together. We cried, I comforted, and we did speak. We did discuss some stuff but not everything. I told her I loved her and that this didn't change that. Then we both worked Friday. She was suppose to go to her sisters and I out for a friends birthday.
I went out and had too much to drink, which I normally drink every 1-2 months.

I'm every close with my sister. We lost our parents when I was a teen and she practically raised me. I didn't have permission but she is the one I go to. I didn't tell anyone but her.

Now, I love my girlfriend. We have gone through death, surgeries, and illness during our time together. We have worked through everything. I will support her to the end and she knows it. We have come out stronger. She is a beautiful person that I feel so lucky to have in my life. I am not ready to give it up. This was intended as a " what to do" situation. This is more of how do I get her back?

It's still really uncool that you didn't ask your girlfriend first if it was okay to share with your sister. Some things in a relationship are private to the relationship, and it's a betrayal of your partner to share the information outside of the relationship. Depending on how your girlfriend feels about this news and your sister, this might have been one of them.

I disagree. I know where you are coming from. But if he's overwhelmed with the news, sharing it with his sister, who "basically raised him," is natural. He needs a healthy outlet. Much healthier than getting stupid drunk.

I'm not saying that sharing with his sister isn't a healthy outlet, I'm saying he should have asked his girlfriend if she was okay with him sharing, or at least let her know. It's her private information, she has a right to know how far it's being spread. If she wasn't comfortable with him telling his sister, perhaps there's another friend she would be more comfortable with, or perhaps he could have a few sessions with a counselor to talk through his feelings. She has a right to privacy, which OP violated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think me getting dunk was the issue. Without going into too much detail I will provide the bad news. Last week she found her chance of fertility is 10%. She has dealt with pcos and ovarian cysts. 5 out of 8 women in her family have had endometriosis and ovarian or cervical cancer.

We both really want children. This was and is devestating news. We had a discussion and I told her I was unsure if I can see a future without children. She said she loves me but understands if this is a deal breaker. She doesn't want me to give up or ruin my dream of having a family.

I wasn't as supportive as I should of been. I told she I needed time to digest things. I forgot my iPad is synced to my phone and she read emails between my sister and I. I said that I didn't I could live life w.o have a bio child and I want a wife that can give me that. I was very emotional and did not mean I would end anything with her.

She ( girlfriend) wrote that she was disappointed by me choosing to go out and get drunk, rather than be there for her. Also telling my sister upset her. This is why she said she needed a break.

So you're an asshat. Okay. Lots of people are.

When you truly love someone, you can't imagine living without them. Period. You obviously don't love this woman, and she deserves better.

Ever heard of adoption? Surrogacy? There are options. And you can still have your "biological" child using your sperm (dumbass...don't you understand that?).

How old are you?

Leaving the woman you proclaim to love alone so you can go out and get wasted says a lot about the kind of "man" you are. I hope she walks.

PS - I have friends who successfully carried babies despite having pcos. I hope she has beautiful babies with another man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did write that I was there for her. I left work and we spent the entire day and night on Thursday together. We cried, I comforted, and we did speak. We did discuss some stuff but not everything. I told her I loved her and that this didn't change that. Then we both worked Friday. She was suppose to go to her sisters and I out for a friends birthday.
I went out and had too much to drink, which I normally drink every 1-2 months.

I'm every close with my sister. We lost our parents when I was a teen and she practically raised me. I didn't have permission but she is the one I go to. I didn't tell anyone but her.

Now, I love my girlfriend. We have gone through death, surgeries, and illness during our time together. We have worked through everything. I will support her to the end and she knows it. We have come out stronger. She is a beautiful person that I feel so lucky to have in my life. I am not ready to give it up. This was intended as a " what to do" situation. This is more of how do I get her back?

I'm really pulling for you OP. As to how to what to do now, I have to say that the PP that posted about feeling being raw and her husband's infertility being her infertility just got to me. Assuming you feel that way, does the girlfriend know that? I can't put it any better than 16:58, but if your girlfriend knew that you felt like that and in your grief you made mistakes would she be able to forgive you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if she will walk over that one episode (though we don't know the details), I question how devoted she is or would be.

That's small potatoes compared to what real life will dish out over the course of time.

After hearing more details...


Yes, you handled that badly, I don't put that reaction on her. You went missing when she needed some support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think me getting drunk was the issue. Without going into too much detail I will provide the bad news. Last week she found her chance of fertility is 10%. She has dealt with pcos and ovarian cysts. 5 out of 8 women in her family have had endometriosis and ovarian or cervical cancer.

We both really want children. This was and is devastating news. We had a discussion and I told her I was unsure if I can see a future without children. She said she loves me but understands if this is a deal breaker. She doesn't want me to give up or ruin my dream of having a family.

I wasn't as supportive as I should of been. I told she I needed time to digest things. I forgot my iPad is synced to my phone and she read emails between my sister and I. I said that I didn't I could live life w.o have a bio child and I want a wife that can give me that. I was very emotional and did not mean I would end anything with her.

She (girlfriend) wrote that she was disappointed by me choosing to go out and get drunk, rather than be there for her. Also telling my sister upset her. This is why she said she needed a break.

So you're an asshat. Okay. Lots of people are.

When you truly love someone, you can't imagine living without them. Period. You obviously don't love this woman, and she deserves better.

Ever heard of adoption? Surrogacy? There are options. And you can still have your "biological" child using your sperm (dumbass...don't you understand that?).

How old are you?

Leaving the woman you proclaim to love alone so you can go out and get wasted says a lot about the kind of "man" you are. I hope she walks.

PS - I have friends who successfully carried babies despite having pcos. I hope she has beautiful babies with another man.

Read the entire thing, that question was answered.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't have told anyone yet. If you're thinking about marriage you have to understand that your partner comes before anyone else and sometimes that means keeping painful things to yourself until you've both processed the issues together. I understand her reaction completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did write that I was there for her. I left work and we spent the entire day and night on Thursday together. We cried, I comforted, and we did speak. We did discuss some stuff but not everything. I told her I loved her and that this didn't change that. Then we both worked Friday. She was suppose to go to her sisters and I out for a friends birthday.
I went out and had too much to drink, which I normally drink every 1-2 months.

I'm every close with my sister. We lost our parents when I was a teen and she practically raised me. I didn't have permission but she is the one I go to. I didn't tell anyone but her.

Now, I love my girlfriend. We have gone through death, surgeries, and illness during our time together. We have worked through everything. I will support her to the end and she knows it. We have come out stronger. She is a beautiful person that I feel so lucky to have in my life. I am not ready to give it up. This was intended as a " what to do" situation. This is more of how do I get her back?

I'm really pulling for you OP. As to how to what to do now, I have to say that the PP that posted about feeling being raw and her husband's infertility being her infertility just got to me. Assuming you feel that way, does the girlfriend know that? I can't put it any better than 16:58, but if your girlfriend knew that you felt like that and in your grief you made mistakes would she be able to forgive you?

OP here. Now I'm starting to get pissed. Haven't any of you ever made mistakes in relationships and life? Handled a situation poorly? Half of you are acting like you're saints.

I explained further I spent the whole day with her when she found out. I told her I love her and this doesn't change anything for me. I do view this as my infertility too. For those saying I don't love her, you're wrong. When she had ovarian cyst surgery, I took off 3 weeks for nearly 24 hour care while she was on bedrest. When her dad died, I blew off an important meeting ( almost got fired) to fly there to be with her. When she lost her job, I paid her rent for 2 ninja and then asked her to move in. I love her and I'm very committed to her and our relationship. I want a family but we can adopt or go an alternative route. I didn't handle it well but I taking ownership and willing to do whatever it takes.

[Anonymous]

OP:

If she's infertile and you want natural born kids with your future wife, you know you have to dump her, and she knows it, too.

That's why you got drunk and she distanced herself.

You both know it's over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP:

If she's infertile and you want natural born kids with your future wife, you know you have to dump her, and she knows it, too.

That's why you got drunk and she distanced herself.

You both know it's over.

Clearly you haven't read a damn thing. I've written multiple posts adressing everything. Don't comment if you can't read everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I didn't just leave her. We spent the night crying, sharing our feelings, and me comforting her. Yes, I acted like an ass the next night and there isn't any excuse for it. I would love a bio child but that doesn't mean we can't adopt. It hit me hard at first, but this news doesn't change my feelings of love or that I want to marry her. I don't blame her for needing a break. More importantly, I know she may end it because she doesn't want me to deal with this. She is a very living and giving person. She puts others first all the time.


To the one poster -- I have felt like I wanted to marry other women but not in this way. Some things were never there but I know my current girlfriend is the one for me. I tesircy fully disagree that she overreacted.


Other poster - She just turned 29 and I'll be 32 in November.

OP:

The problem is you're the man so you're supposed to think rationally. Face up to the fact that you want to have natural born kids of your own with whoever you marry, so this woman isn't it. She should marry some guy who doesn't care whether or not he has children, because she probably won't be able to. That's her burden and you never signed up for that, did you?

[Anonymous]

OP again. Out relationship had endured a lot of both good and bad times. I've never questioned leaving. OUR infertility will make a big impact on our lives. People grieve in different ways. She knows who I am. I am loyal, always here for her, and absolutely not a drunk by any means.

She gets home tomorrow ( I'm hoping) and I will tell her all this then. I want to do it in person rather than by phone or email.