Our 35yr old divorced friend is dating a 25yr old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha - another old insecure bitch. Your husband will sneak glances at the pretty young thing and think about her the next time you have sex.

And when he rubs one out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35 isn't really an "older man" to a 25 year old. At that age range, they could be siblings. If she was 19, or he was 50, I'd understand the cynicism, but 25-35? Give me a break.

I am the poster in my 20s who has the friends totally obsessed with dating older men. The men in their mid-30s may not be much older, true, but they are old enough to have finished their graduate educations, launched their careers, paid off their student loans, bought their big house (or at least they can afford to), dress in fine clothes, drive the luxury cars, and take amazing vacations.

It's the difference, in my profession, between dating a clueless, first-year associate with absolutely no status, and dating a powerful partner whom everyone respects. The age difference may only be little more than a decade, but the power, wealth, and status difference is a much bigger gulf. I detest this sort of wealth-and-status seeking among the women my age.

Listen, it is not the age difference, it the power gulf that exists between the 25-year old and the 35-year old, established, wealthy man a decade senior. You don't believe that this is an issue. Google the case of Ellie Clougherty and Joe Lonsdale, I believe that she was 22 and he was 29 when those events took place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The young woman is only dating your friend for a fast ticket to the more affluent life she desires.

A lot of young women my age, including a number of close friends, hate the thought of marrying guys our own age because they don't want to wait another 10-15 years to pay off their student loans, be able to afford having children, buy the big house, drive the fancy car, and dress in designer clothe, shoes, and handbags.

Instead, they prefer to date men in their late 30s or into their 40s, who can already afford all those things -- even, by the way, if they are married. I have explained to them that the first wife typically married the guy when he was young, and has been with him the 10-15 years it took to acquire all those things. It is all so crass and depressing and materialistic.

My point is, yes, OP I would distrust the motives of someone my own age who preferred an older man, it probably is for his money, and she will probably look laterally his older guy friends for a better option for herself, or her friends.

And, by the way, I am particularly sensitive to this type of situation. My parents are both college professors, and my mom is the type of open, accepting, non-judgmental woman the previous poster describe - she believes in inviting younger people into your social group and expanding your viewpoints. She frequently invites her students for book groups at her house, or for Sunday dinners.

When I was a high school sophomore, one of her graduate students - a young woman in her early 20s - came over sometimes for parties or dinner. My mom introduced her to my dad because she thought that he could better advise her. Yes, they began an affair - my dad was in his late 40s at the time - it was devastating to my mother, she was blindsided, and it broke up my family, as my dad (and his girlfriend) decamped to another university because of the awkwardness of it all.

Twelve years later my dad's academic career has never regained the traction or momentum he had before, and his girlfriend left him for another, successful academic.

This is not remotely the same situation. Your father was in his late 40s, married and she was in her early 20s. That's an entire generation, almost 30 years. That's QUITE different than a 25 year old dating a 35 year old.

Yes, please reference the power difference detailed in the Clougherty-Lonsdale relationship, where both were in their 20s, with only a 7 or 8 year age difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35 isn't really an "older man" to a 25 year old. At that age range, they could be siblings. If she was 19, or he was 50, I'd understand the cynicism, but 25-35? Give me a break.

I am the poster in my 20s who has the friends totally obsessed with dating older men. The men in their mid-30s may not be much older, true, but they are old enough to have finished their graduate educations, launched their careers, paid off their student loans, bought their big house (or at least they can afford to), dress in fine clothes, drive the luxury cars, and take amazing vacations.

It's the difference, in my profession, between dating a clueless, first-year associate with absolutely no status, and dating a powerful partner whom everyone respects. The age difference may only be little more than a decade, but the power, wealth, and status difference is a much bigger gulf. I detest this sort of wealth-and-status seeking among the women my age.

What an absurdly materialist outlook you have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35 isn't really an "older man" to a 25 year old. At that age range, they could be siblings. If she was 19, or he was 50, I'd understand the cynicism, but 25-35? Give me a break.

I am the poster in my 20s who has the friends totally obsessed with dating older men. The men in their mid-30s may not be much older, true, but they are old enough to have finished their graduate educations, launched their careers, paid off their student loans, bought their big house (or at least they can afford to), dress in fine clothes, drive the luxury cars, and take amazing vacations.

It's the difference, in my profession, between dating a clueless, first-year associate with absolutely no status, and dating a powerful partner whom everyone respects. The age difference may only be little more than a decade, but the power, wealth, and status difference is a much bigger gulf. I detest this sort of wealth-and-status seeking among the women my age.

Why does it bother you? Are you not got or interesting enough to date up? Are you a man in your 20's who can't find a date?

[Anonymous]

35! Wait until your clique is in their mid-40's and some divorcees are dating gals in their 20's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35 isn't really an "older man" to a 25 year old. At that age range, they could be siblings. If she was 19, or he was 50, I'd understand the cynicism, but 25-35? Give me a break.

I am the poster in my 20s who has the friends totally obsessed with dating older men. The men in their mid-30s may not be much older, true, but they are old enough to have finished their graduate educations, launched their careers, paid off their student loans, bought their big house (or at least they can afford to), dress in fine clothes, drive the luxury cars, and take amazing vacations.

It's the difference, in my profession, between dating a clueless, first-year associate with absolutely no status, and dating a powerful partner whom everyone respects. The age difference may only be little more than a decade, but the power, wealth, and status difference is a much bigger gulf. I detest this sort of wealth-and-status seeking among the women my age.

What an absurdly materialist outlook you have

It is my friends who have the absurdly materialistic outlook, money-grubbing after (in some cases already married) men in their late 30s and 40s just for the lifestyle that older man can buy them.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds bitter. Sounds like this guy dating the 25 year old dodged a bullet if they refuse to hang out with him. With friends like this who needs enemies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35 isn't really an "older man" to a 25 year old. At that age range, they could be siblings. If she was 19, or he was 50, I'd understand the cynicism, but 25-35? Give me a break.

I am the poster in my 20s who has the friends totally obsessed with dating older men. The men in their mid-30s may not be much older, true, but they are old enough to have finished their graduate educations, launched their careers, paid off their student loans, bought their big house (or at least they can afford to), dress in fine clothes, drive the luxury cars, and take amazing vacations.

It's the difference, in my profession, between dating a clueless, first-year associate with absolutely no status, and dating a powerful partner whom everyone respects. The age difference may only be little more than a decade, but the power, wealth, and status difference is a much bigger gulf. I detest this sort of wealth-and-status seeking among the women my age.

Why does it bother you? Are you not got or interesting enough to date up? Are you a man in your 20's who can't find a date?

Actually, I am newly-married to a man in my own age cohort, whom I met in grad school. We will grow, develop, make our wealth, climb the career latter, earn our success, oay off our loans, eventually have our children, buy our big house, drive our luxury cars, afford our wonderful travels, by working towards those goals TOGETHER. You know, the old-fashioned way; and not via the materialistic short-cuts to instant gratification by compromising with an older guy you hook up with not for love, but for money.

[Anonymous]

The NYT article on the Clougherty and Lonsdale case is an interesting read on power dynamics that may exist even in a relationship with not that big an age difference.

[Anonymous]

I am a hot 25 year old and I would like to personally request that no old pervs "rub one out" with me. Trust me, your old, saggy body does not turn me on. If you have managed to trick someone my age into dating you, trust me when I say, she is probably thinking of one of her exes, her own age, while you are having sex with her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a hot 25 year old and I would like to personally request that no old pervs "rub one out" with me. Trust me, your old, saggy body does not turn me on. If you have managed to trick someone my age into dating you, trust me when I say, she is probably thinking of one of her exes, her own age, while you are having sex with her!

This sounds like a troll, as someone that is 23.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a hot 25 year old and I would like to personally request that no old pervs "rub one out" with me. Trust me, your old, saggy body does not turn me on. If you have managed to trick someone my age into dating you, trust me when I say, she is probably thinking of one of her exes, her own age, while you are having sex with her!

Yeah, everybody, PP doesn't want your old, saggy 35-year-old body! And she is DEFINITELY a hot 25-year-old, and not a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I HAVE met her. I just felt that for his sake and for hers we might want to not have them tag along to us to 2Amys. She probably watches Empire and bought he Taylor Swift CD while we all watch MSNBC and listen to 90s pop. Lol.

You are awful. I am way older than you. I downloaded Taylor Swift's album the day it came out, and plan on binge-watching Empire (haven't had time yet. I am a lib, but the noise on MSNBC gives me a headache. Granted nothing like Fox. Whatever. I also have friends (real friends), family, and colleagues younger than you, and don't struggle to connect to them. That is because I try. I want to know what different people are interested in. I'm fascinated by the millennial sense of entrepreneurship and confidence. They seem so unbound by expectations of rigid pathways that people like me approaching 50 were expected to tread. I'd be interested to get to know someone who a close friend obviously cares about. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a hot 25 year old and I would like to personally request that no old pervs "rub one out" with me. Trust me, your old, saggy body does not turn me on. If you have managed to trick someone my age into dating you, trust me when I say, she is probably thinking of one of her exes, her own age, while you are having sex with her!

27 year old here and I agree.