Am i wrong for being angry DH wants to change careers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed at the number of SAH shrews who are trying to shoot down this guy for having a responsible plan to both maintain his income in the present, increase it in the future and also be happy with his life/career choices. He made his sacrifices over the years to allow the OP to SAH and she's spent all of his money happily for years, and now wants to suck up his happiness too?

I've known quite a number of folks who have done what OP's husband is proposing. You get a night degree in either a related field or an additional degree in an advanced area of your field and then transition to a tangential position. For example, I've known a lot of people who have gotten various IT degrees and then moved into IT around their field making more money. Like several nurses when I worked at a major hospital who got IT degrees and then went into programming or project management in the IT department supporting the hospital where their nursing background enabled them to design applications and program applications that matched the needs of the hospital staff. Or accountants who got an MBA and transitioned into business management. One guy in one of the companies I used to work for was an accountant, got an MBA and transitioned first into payroll management and ultimately into a medium size company CFO. And on and on. It's still possible in his 50's. If he works hard, he can get an appropriate degree in 2-4 years. Even if he only moves into a low-level management position, he can probably still increase his earning potential especially if he's ambitious and talented enough to move to a mid-level management position in another 5 years or so. There have been thousands of people who have done something similar to this and it's quite feasible.

As for missing out on his kid's last 1.5 years of HS, frankly, how much interaction do you all have on a nightly basis. I've rarely heard of someone taking night school classes for more than 3 nights a week. Do you really interact daily with your teenager that 1-3 nights a week for school is going to significant alter your relationship with your teen?

I am always surprised by the amount of bitter and angry men who resent their wives for staying home to RAISE THEIR CHILDREN. Thats right- not drink mojitos by the pool, but doing the arduous and very demanding task of guiding children, cleaning throw up out of their hair, not interacting with a single adult all day while they slowly feel like they are losing their minds due to the constant sound of crying. And yet you losers like to act like she spent the whole time on her ass doing nothing.

GROW THE FUCK UP.

Oh, please. You had choices. You picked this one. You grow the fuck up.

I'm not the OP dumbass...

I didn't say you were. But that diatribe you posted about the pains and isolation of SAH is laughable.

+1 laughable almost to the point of parody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^what is isolayed? Some kind of new chemical?

x2. Would like to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^what is isolayed? Some kind of new chemical?

x2. Would like to know.

For goodness sake. Remember your Greek and Latin.

Iso = alone
Layed = laid

I think it's pretty obvious.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, you are wrong. Get a real job (what exactly do you do that brings in 10% of an accountant's salary? Sell Tupperware?) and let your DH live his life before he decides to live it without you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^what is isolayed? Some kind of new chemical?

x2. Would like to know.

For goodness sake. Remember your Greek and Latin.

Iso = alone
Layed = laid

I think it's pretty obvious.

Of course. And I know the PP is clearly intelligent enough to know Latin fluently (comes off in his insane diatribe) so I'm sure he was just coming up with his own word... only logical explanation...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^what is isolayed? Some kind of new chemical?

x2. Would like to know.

For goodness sake. Remember your Greek and Latin.

Iso = alone
Layed = laid

I think it's pretty obvious.

Of course. And I know the PP is clearly intelligent enough to know Latin fluently (comes off in his insane diatribe) so I'm sure he was just coming up with his own word... only logical explanation...

if there was more isolaying, I think this whole thread would be a lot more chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^what is isolayed? Some kind of new chemical?

x2. Would like to know.

For goodness sake. Remember your Greek and Latin.

Iso = alone
Layed = laid

I think it's pretty obvious.

Of course. And I know the PP is clearly intelligent enough to know Latin fluently (comes off in his insane diatribe) so I'm sure he was just coming up with his own word... only logical explanation...

wait which diatribe, they are sprouting like mushrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^what is isolayed? Some kind of new chemical?

x2. Would like to know.

For goodness sake. Remember your Greek and Latin.

Iso = alone
Layed = laid

I think it's pretty obvious.

Of course. And I know the PP is clearly intelligent enough to know Latin fluently (comes off in his insane diatribe) so I'm sure he was just coming up with his own word... only logical explanation...

if there was more isolaying, I think this whole thread would be a lot more chill.

Truer words were never spoken. Me thinks a lot of this bitterness surrounding women and SAHM comes from certain dudes bitter about not getting iso-laid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, you are wrong. Get a real job (what exactly do you do that brings in 10% of an accountant's salary? Sell Tupperware?) and let your DH live his life before he decides to live it without you.

+1. OP doesn't get to control his work decisions because she lives off of HIS money. If she is so concerned with financial stability, she can make her own damn money.

[Anonymous]

Maybe op will die so her DJ can finally live his life without this albatross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: he would be absolutely miserable with a full retirement and says that he doesn't want to be one of those people who retire and then worry for years about running out of money. My concern is how viable a late 50's career change is. He tells me that it is taking his existing skills to a new direction, but he spent years building an education and experience for this? it worries me because he earns 90% of the household income. Our child at home worships him and I don't want to see the last 1 1/2 years at home ruined by a father who is too busy.

Oh come the fuck on OP!! How many kids that age want to be up under their parent all the time? Your husband is not just up and quitting his job, he's trying to set himself up for a successful post- retirement career. Doesn't matter if YOU think a late 50's career change is viable or not- he gets to try. I can't believe you are going to try to piss all over this man's retirement. You must've been a nightmare all of these years. I know one change your husband should definitely make in his retirement. And it's not career related...

Agreed with the post except the last statement. I've been working since I was 14 and I sometimes think that I would like the experience being my own boss at some point in life before I die. Of course, I put aside those dreams and make sure financially we can afford the things DH and I agreed on (I.e. Small house close-in versus less expensive house with a further commute) and we both have jobs with flexibility so kids can participate in activities and one of us can make events during the school day. I imagine if I were in my early 50's and had been working almost 35+ years, with 25 of those where work decisions were not just my own and finally want to do something that makes me happy, doesn't uproot anyone and we can still support financial committments like mortgage, food etc, I would be upset if my spouse was not supportive. Even more upset if my spouse made a career decision like staying at home or going back to grad school that I supported, and when I went to do the same at 50 with a high schooler (1-2 years left) , oh no, you need to be the work horse and keep going in this path till you retire or die. IMHO, you are wrong for being angry that DH wants to change careers. Would it have better if he did this when your kids were young so it was more "viable"? He tried to do the right thing and keep things stable for years at the expense of what he may have wanted and now you will say he is too old to try to do it. BTW, just had a conversation with DH about people that have successfully started companies in their early 50's after retirement from 30 years in a stable job but with the type of connections to branch out.

At work, we learned about LCS, stating likes, concerns, and suggestions so you don't come off as being unsupportive and always shooting down ideas for change because you are fearful of XYZ. What do you like about DH's plan, that it's well thought out, that he is taking steps to be happy in career. Concerns are income, can you meet bills, do you need to cut back certain places , would it help if you brought in more income and could you still do so with someone being around for the high schooler? If he is busier maybe it isn't dinner every night with the family but maybe he can commit to 3 nights a week. How does it impact retirement and college for high schooler? If your concerns could be issues, I.e. Dip in anility to save for retirement, is there a solution like you put away more in retirement and/or increase hours? Focus on how to make it work knowing it may mean changes for you instead of why it won't work or he is foolish for trying this.

[Anonymous]

Wow. What a ridiculous 1st world problem. I call troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:interesting thread. 50% say the DH should do this and 50% say he is a too old geyser.

A geyser is "a spring characterized by intermittent discharge of water ejected turbulently and accompanied by steam." A GEEZER is an old person.

[Anonymous]

My husband switched careers at 51. A related but different field. He is so much happier, and makes 50% more. And we have younger children at home. Barring poor health, he plans to work until 70.

OP, let him start it. If it is truly not feasible, he will figure it out on his own. Support him. Be a loving partner. Discuss together how he can continue to contribute to family life (can he cut back hours at work) and how you can contribute to his career. But it can work. Both your DH and your kid can do homework together on the weekends, etc.

[Anonymous]

So what do I do?

OP, this is not a choice for you to make. This is a choice, a direction for him to make.

Your crystal ball isn't any better than his. And it is his life.

He might go down this road and think better of it. He might go down this road and succeed in a way
that neither of you can imagine at this time.

I get it, you want security. I think in the overall picture, he has provided adequate security as a partner,
and you need to step back and give him space.