Am i wrong for being angry DH wants to change careers?

[Anonymous]

I wonder if OP's DH ever the nerve to join a gym.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed at the number of SAH shrews who are trying to shoot down this guy for having a responsible plan to both maintain his income in the present, increase it in the future and also be happy with his life/career choices. He made his sacrifices over the years to allow the OP to SAH and she's spent all of his money happily for years, and now wants to suck up his happiness too?

I've known quite a number of folks who have done what OP's husband is proposing. You get a night degree in either a related field or an additional degree in an advanced area of your field and then transition to a tangential position. For example, I've known a lot of people who have gotten various IT degrees and then moved into IT around their field making more money. Like several nurses when I worked at a major hospital who got IT degrees and then went into programming or project management in the IT department supporting the hospital where their nursing background enabled them to design applications and program applications that matched the needs of the hospital staff. Or accountants who got an MBA and transitioned into business management. One guy in one of the companies I used to work for was an accountant, got an MBA and transitioned first into payroll management and ultimately into a medium size company CFO. And on and on. It's still possible in his 50's. If he works hard, he can get an appropriate degree in 2-4 years. Even if he only moves into a low-level management position, he can probably still increase his earning potential especially if he's ambitious and talented enough to move to a mid-level management position in another 5 years or so. There have been thousands of people who have done something similar to this and it's quite feasible.

As for missing out on his kid's last 1.5 years of HS, frankly, how much interaction do you all have on a nightly basis. I've rarely heard of someone taking night school classes for more than 3 nights a week. Do you really interact daily with your teenager that 1-3 nights a week for school is going to significant alter your relationship with your teen?

I am always surprised by the amount of bitter and angry men who resent their wives for staying home to RAISE THEIR CHILDREN. Thats right- not drink mojitos by the pool, but doing the arduous and very demanding task of guiding children, cleaning throw up out of their hair, not interacting with a single adult all day while they slowly feel like they are losing their minds due to the constant sound of crying. And yet you losers like to act like she spent the whole time on her ass doing nothing.

GROW THE FUCK UP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sense your are fearful about your family's financial stability if DH does this. I think you need to verbalize your objections and fears to DHA then have a sit down with your teen to get their input. As parents, you are modeling values, work ethic and importance of education for your child. I would support and encourage DH to 'make it happen'. Men want to feel appreciated and respected by their wives. Be sure to thank your husband for how hard he works for your family and how much you appreciate the life he has provided. If your are contributing 10% or so, then consider getting a different job that pays more to increase your contribution. Your kid(s) won't remember the exact minutes you do or don't spend with them, just the quality of time spent. Remove your fear from the situation and support your DH. He will appreciate you for this and you will feel good after DH reaches his goals and is more fulfilled. Good luck!

OP, I think this is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed at the number of SAH shrews who are trying to shoot down this guy for having a responsible plan to both maintain his income in the present, increase it in the future and also be happy with his life/career choices. He made his sacrifices over the years to allow the OP to SAH and she's spent all of his money happily for years, and now wants to suck up his happiness too?

I've known quite a number of folks who have done what OP's husband is proposing. You get a night degree in either a related field or an additional degree in an advanced area of your field and then transition to a tangential position. For example, I've known a lot of people who have gotten various IT degrees and then moved into IT around their field making more money. Like several nurses when I worked at a major hospital who got IT degrees and then went into programming or project management in the IT department supporting the hospital where their nursing background enabled them to design applications and program applications that matched the needs of the hospital staff. Or accountants who got an MBA and transitioned into business management. One guy in one of the companies I used to work for was an accountant, got an MBA and transitioned first into payroll management and ultimately into a medium size company CFO. And on and on. It's still possible in his 50's. If he works hard, he can get an appropriate degree in 2-4 years. Even if he only moves into a low-level management position, he can probably still increase his earning potential especially if he's ambitious and talented enough to move to a mid-level management position in another 5 years or so. There have been thousands of people who have done something similar to this and it's quite feasible.

As for missing out on his kid's last 1.5 years of HS, frankly, how much interaction do you all have on a nightly basis. I've rarely heard of someone taking night school classes for more than 3 nights a week. Do you really interact daily with your teenager that 1-3 nights a week for school is going to significant alter your relationship with your teen?

I am always surprised by the amount of bitter and angry men who resent their wives for staying home to RAISE THEIR CHILDREN. Thats right- not drink mojitos by the pool, but doing the arduous and very demanding task of guiding children, cleaning throw up out of their hair, not interacting with a single adult all day while they slowly feel like they are losing their minds due to the constant sound of crying. And yet you losers like to act like she spent the whole time on her ass doing nothing.

GROW THE FUCK UP.

How long did your kids cry? I think by HS, the crying has mostly stopped, along with puke hair. Although I did puke on my clothes one New Years in high school. That was a great night. I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sense your are fearful about your family's financial stability if DH does this. I think you need to verbalize your objections and fears to DHA then have a sit down with your teen to get their input. As parents, you are modeling values, work ethic and importance of education for your child. I would support and encourage DH to 'make it happen'. Men want to feel appreciated and respected by their wives. Be sure to thank your husband for how hard he works for your family and how much you appreciate the life he has provided. If your are contributing 10% or so, then consider getting a different job that pays more to increase your contribution. Your kid(s) won't remember the exact minutes you do or don't spend with them, just the quality of time spent. Remove your fear from the situation and support your DH. He will appreciate you for this and you will feel good after DH reaches his goals and is more fulfilled. Good luck!

OP, I think this is spot on.

I agree with all of the above, except the bolded portion. I don't see how this is relevant at all.

[Anonymous]

"I'm amazed at the number of SAH shrews who are trying to shoot down this guy for having a responsible plan to both maintain his income in the present, increase it in the future and also be happy with his life/career choices. He made his sacrifices over the years to allow the OP to SAH and she's spent all of his money happily for years, and now wants to suck up his happiness too? "

Nothing amazing here. Classic DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I think you should support him as long as he doesn't need to take out huge loans to pay for this education. If he can do this at a school with reasonable tuition, something you can afford without debt, you should support him. (and as for the normal bitter old man who always insults all women who post in this category: why can't you just go away? Your hatred of women is really sick)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed at the number of SAH shrews who are trying to shoot down this guy for having a responsible plan to both maintain his income in the present, increase it in the future and also be happy with his life/career choices. He made his sacrifices over the years to allow the OP to SAH and she's spent all of his money happily for years, and now wants to suck up his happiness too?

I've known quite a number of folks who have done what OP's husband is proposing. You get a night degree in either a related field or an additional degree in an advanced area of your field and then transition to a tangential position. For example, I've known a lot of people who have gotten various IT degrees and then moved into IT around their field making more money. Like several nurses when I worked at a major hospital who got IT degrees and then went into programming or project management in the IT department supporting the hospital where their nursing background enabled them to design applications and program applications that matched the needs of the hospital staff. Or accountants who got an MBA and transitioned into business management. One guy in one of the companies I used to work for was an accountant, got an MBA and transitioned first into payroll management and ultimately into a medium size company CFO. And on and on. It's still possible in his 50's. If he works hard, he can get an appropriate degree in 2-4 years. Even if he only moves into a low-level management position, he can probably still increase his earning potential especially if he's ambitious and talented enough to move to a mid-level management position in another 5 years or so. There have been thousands of people who have done something similar to this and it's quite feasible.

As for missing out on his kid's last 1.5 years of HS, frankly, how much interaction do you all have on a nightly basis. I've rarely heard of someone taking night school classes for more than 3 nights a week. Do you really interact daily with your teenager that 1-3 nights a week for school is going to significant alter your relationship with your teen?

I am always surprised by the amount of bitter and angry men who resent their wives for staying home to RAISE THEIR CHILDREN. Thats right- not drink mojitos by the pool, but doing the arduous and very demanding task of guiding children, cleaning throw up out of their hair, not interacting with a single adult all day while they slowly feel like they are losing their minds due to the constant sound of crying. And yet you losers like to act like she spent the whole time on her ass doing nothing.

GROW THE FUCK UP.

x2

[Anonymous]

Why do so many people feel they know enough to give OP advice here. Unless I missed it, this is what we do/don't know: 1) money -- we don't now if they have a college fund or not, or how much DH's schooling will cost and how he will pay for it; 2) DW job -- we know DW was a SAHM several years, but I don't recall seeing whether she works now, or not; 3) We don't know how many days per week DH will go to school ; 4) Does the HS child have any special needs; 5) does DW have any mental health issues -- depression, anxiety -- troubling dealing with their child alone, etc? All this would be relevant.

[Anonymous]

You are wrong. You need to support his decision. Your kid is in high school.

[Anonymous]

Why do so many people feel they know enough to give OP advice here. Unless I missed it, this is what we do/don't know: 1) money -- we don't now if they have a college fund or not, or how much DH's schooling will cost and how he will pay for it; 2) DW job -- we know DW was a SAHM several years, but I don't recall seeing whether she works now, or not; 3) We don't know how many days per week DH will go to school ; 4) Does the HS child have any special needs; 5) does DW have any mental health issues -- depression, anxiety -- troubling dealing with their child alone, etc? All this would be relevant.

If the information was relevant, then she should have posted when she ASKED for advice. You make it sound like people are offering unsolicited opinions, when the entire point of OP's post was to seek opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many people feel they know enough to give OP advice here. Unless I missed it, this is what we do/don't know: 1) money -- we don't now if they have a college fund or not, or how much DH's schooling will cost and how he will pay for it; 2) DW job -- we know DW was a SAHM several years, but I don't recall seeing whether she works now, or not; 3) We don't know how many days per week DH will go to school ; 4) Does the HS child have any special needs; 5) does DW have any mental health issues -- depression, anxiety -- troubling dealing with their child alone, etc? All this would be relevant.

The kid is in high school. If husband were planning on raiding the college fun she clearly would've mentioned that. And who has trouble dealing with a High Schooler alone? You're reaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lean to the 'you have to be supportive' side, unless you really think if he guts it out for another 5-6 years you'll have enough money to retire the way you want to, in which case he should suck it up. But really, people work into their 70s these days, esp if they like what they do, and also esp. if they cant afford to retire well - meaning travel or golf or go to the theater on weeknights or whatever you'd want to do when retired that costs $$. he actually has a long horizon and being miserable at work is no way to live.

+100

[Anonymous]

Your DH needs to cut back on work to start studying for a new career. The DW needs to start working full time. Then are some point, the DH can change careers and work at a salary that has been decreased significantly so the finances are back to 50 / 50 for each spouse. Do that for a year, and then DH will file to get a divorce and then DH can walk away and start a new career with no alimony holding him down by the old dried up DW.

[Anonymous]

My mom went to law school at 51. You should support him, OP. That's what spouses do.