Son is Throwing a Ft Because we Won't pay for his College Education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I'm curious: If you can afford to pay for college, some or all, why would you not? Like others, I don't understand why there isn't, if the funds are there, a middle ground. I made so many financial and career sacrifices for my child, who is now in college. That's my approach. Good luck with yours.

OP here: Me and DH could have paid for all three of our kids to go to college, but that would not have been the right choice.

We are not bad parents, I think we are good parents, we hold them to higher standards then most modern parents who seem to be fine with Bs and smoking weed in the backyard ("As long as we don't see it."). We also refuse to hurt our own chances of retirement because we are financially bogged down with three twenty-somethings who are still our dependents in all but name (like so many 20-somethings are nowadays). It is getting more and more expensive to have a retirement, let alone actually do something with it. You might call us 'bad parents' for wanting to travel the world, and spend our golden years (that we worked our asses off for) in an enjoyable manner. In 20-30 years when we are dead, our kids will have their inheritance- if they want to pay for schooling with it, or buy a house, or buy a couple million ballpoint pens for all I care, they have every right.

Nowadays everyone seems to think of their kids as babies that need to be coddled. We are talking about an older teen, old enough to hold a job on the weekends, make financial decisions, and live on his own. I love all my kids dearly (and yes, I have a GREAT relationship with both older kids) and they know it. But part of that love is shown by striving to see them as adults, not some kid who needs minding.

As for all the swipes at me, that I was just out of touch with the price pf college hurt me the most. I work as a professor, and I worked my ass off to get here. I wholeheartedly believe that college is the best root, for those who can handle it. I have also seen all of your kids sitting in my class thinking that their 2.0 GPA is good enough, and talking about how they have a nice bed back at home already set up for after graduation.

And I also know from experience what kids are like who are coddled. My parents paid for my education, all the way up to my doctorate (in a useless discipline, nowadays!) and it took me a few years to ween myself off my parent's financial teat, so I could be a self-sufficient, reasonable human being.

If you work as a professor, your kids can get tuition remission at most institutions. Are you a full tenure track professor? I'm guessing not if you can't use that to help your kids go to school. Plus, it sounds like you are punishing your kids for your youthful self. I'm sorry for your kids and think you deserve all the swipes you are getting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What country do you live in that you think an 18 year old, who can never make much more than minimum wage, will be ready to live on his own with only a couple of years of part-time work under his belt? AND afford college, which is tens of thousands a year? You sound so wedded to tough, no-support parenting that you are willfully blind to the realities of American living and education.

+1

OP claims to be a professor. I think OP is lying about that and is a BIG FAT TROLL now that I think about it, because no one who works in higher ed (or you know, pays attention to the world) would think like OP does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately for OP's son, financial aid is for people in need, not people who have asshats for parents. The son will need to cut all ties from fis parents to get qualified for aid.

We don't know if OP has any money or not.

I'm guessing OP's claim that s/he could have paid for college for three kids is another of his/her many lies on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately for OP's son, financial aid is for people in need, not people who have asshats for parents. The son will need to cut all ties from fis parents to get qualified for aid.

We don't know if OP has any money or not.

I'm guessing OP's claim that s/he could have paid for college for three kids is another of his/her many lies on this thread.

OP is poor and uneducated and making phony excuses for not supporting her kids in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I'm curious: If you can afford to pay for college, some or all, why would you not? Like others, I don't understand why there isn't, if the funds are there, a middle ground. I made so many financial and career sacrifices for my child, who is now in college. That's my approach. Good luck with yours.

OP here: Me and DH could have paid for all three of our kids to go to college, but that would not have been the right choice.

We are not bad parents, I think we are good parents, we hold them to higher standards then most modern parents who seem to be fine with Bs and smoking weed in the backyard ("As long as we don't see it."). We also refuse to hurt our own chances of retirement because we are financially bogged down with three twenty-somethings who are still our dependents in all but name (like so many 20-somethings are nowadays). It is getting more and more expensive to have a retirement, let alone actually do something with it. You might call us 'bad parents' for wanting to travel the world, and spend our golden years (that we worked our asses off for) in an enjoyable manner. In 20-30 years when we are dead, our kids will have their inheritance- if they want to pay for schooling with it, or buy a house, or buy a couple million ballpoint pens for all I care, they have every right.

Nowadays everyone seems to think of their kids as babies that need to be coddled. We are talking about an older teen, old enough to hold a job on the weekends, make financial decisions, and live on his own. I love all my kids dearly (and yes, I have a GREAT relationship with both older kids) and they know it. But part of that love is shown by striving to see them as adults, not some kid who needs minding.

As for all the swipes at me, that I was just out of touch with the price pf college hurt me the most. I work as a professor, and I worked my ass off to get here. I wholeheartedly believe that college is the best root, for those who can handle it. I have also seen all of your kids sitting in my class thinking that their 2.0 GPA is good enough, and talking about how they have a nice bed back at home already set up for after graduation.

And I also know from experience what kids are like who are coddled. My parents paid for my education, all the way up to my doctorate (in a useless discipline, nowadays!) and it took me a few years to ween myself off my parent's financial teat, so I could be a self-sufficient, reasonable human being.

I hope you don't teach writing! Now I really think it's a troll.

Oops I made a few errors on a Internet forum!!! Let's just attack me!

Defensive much, Trolly McTrollerson?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, now that I am convinced OP is a troll (there are more errors than we've pointed out; the logic is inconsistent; etc., etc.), I have a genuine question, one I should probably use as a 's/o'.

What motivates people to 'troll' on a question like this? What does the OP get out of it? In this instance, there was no prurience, no voyeurism, not really a situation in which other posters turned on each other: instead, there was a great deal of consternation and discussion about roles of parents, colleges, children, etc.,.

I tend to believe the best in everyone and can be naive, so a LOT of the time, when others are calling 'troll,' I'll be telling myself 'it could be real…..". I've never, in other words, understood why people troll generally, but in this instance, I'm really flummoxed: what gives?

PS OP, if you are indeed 'real' and not a troll and you are indeed a professor (and btw, please don't slam adjuncts by associating this OP with them), then please learn basic grammar, mechanics, stylistic choices, etc.,. Even if you are posting on an anonymous internet forum, your rhetorical style and choices combined with your writing skills suggest a profound challenge communicating. College students need good role models in all ways….

If OP is real and a professor s/he also needs to brush up on basic logic, not just grammar and language mechanics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately for OP's son, financial aid is for people in need, not people who have asshats for parents. The son will need to cut all ties from fis parents to get qualified for aid.

We don't know if OP has any money or not.

I'm guessing OP's claim that s/he could have paid for college for three kids is another of his/her many lies on this thread.

OP is poor and uneducated and making phony excuses for not supporting her kids in any way.

Totally agree that sounds more feasible than OP's phony story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents did not pay for my college education. Granted, I did not attend an Ivy, but I went to a very good university on my own dime and paid off my student loans by the time I was 23 and bought by first condo - by myself - without the help of my parents or anyone else, shortly thereafter.

I seriously don't see what is so wrong with the OP's post and why there is so much coddling going on with parents and their kids these days.

To the PP's that made the snarky comments about old age care - think about it. Your self centered kids who have everything handed to them are REALLY not going to be the best care givers and it frightens me that when I am old and decrepit that a bunch of millenials will be in charge of me!

So! I am glad my parents threw me to the wolves and made me self-sufficient because I shudder to think that I will have to rely on any of your self-important kiddos when I am in my glory days. Hopefully I will keep my good health and not ever have to be at the mercy of a younger generation taking care of me.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP,

Is it a financial issue for you that you do not want to bankroll him? If you have not saved for your retirement then I can understand your stance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did not pay for my college education. Granted, I did not attend an Ivy, but I went to a very good university on my own dime and paid off my student loans by the time I was 23 and bought by first condo - by myself - without the help of my parents or anyone else, shortly thereafter.

I seriously don't see what is so wrong with the OP's post and why there is so much coddling going on with parents and their kids these days.

To the PP's that made the snarky comments about old age care - think about it. Your self centered kids who have everything handed to them are REALLY not going to be the best care givers and it frightens me that when I am old and decrepit that a bunch of millenials will be in charge of me!

So! I am glad my parents threw me to the wolves and made me self-sufficient because I shudder to think that I will have to rely on any of your self-important kiddos when I am in my glory days. Hopefully I will keep my good health and not ever have to be at the mercy of a younger generation taking care of me.

+1

-1 The difference is someone gave youth skills on how to apply for school and supported you in getting to where you are. OP is not even willing to provide any level of support. No one supported my husband. He did not get his college degree till he as 40 and really struggled till he got his degree. As parents, you want your kids to do better. As parents, you need to give them that support and the tools. If kids are "spoiled" it is due to parenting and what they are seeing growing up. OP is about her, material things and her wealth. Of course, her kids are going to see that and copy that behavior. Sad

[Anonymous]

OP if you are for real you sound like a total loser. Most people treat their dogs better than you treat your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now...back to the topic at hand.

Let's continue to ignore paranoids who see 'trolls' everywhere they look.

Let's not give them the satisfaction of derailing this fine thread.

Says OP

Says a LOT of us. It is so boring.

THANK YOU! And it gets old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did not pay for my college education. Granted, I did not attend an Ivy, but I went to a very good university on my own dime and paid off my student loans by the time I was 23 and bought by first condo - by myself - without the help of my parents or anyone else, shortly thereafter.

I seriously don't see what is so wrong with the OP's post and why there is so much coddling going on with parents and their kids these days.

To the PP's that made the snarky comments about old age care - think about it. Your self centered kids who have everything handed to them are REALLY not going to be the best care givers and it frightens me that when I am old and decrepit that a bunch of millenials will be in charge of me!

So! I am glad my parents threw me to the wolves and made me self-sufficient because I shudder to think that I will have to rely on any of your self-important kiddos when I am in my glory days. Hopefully I will keep my good health and not ever have to be at the mercy of a younger generation taking care of me.

+1

-1 The difference is someone gave youth skills on how to apply for school and supported you in getting to where you are. OP is not even willing to provide any level of support. No one supported my husband. He did not get his college degree till he as 40 and really struggled till he got his degree. As parents, you want your kids to do better. As parents, you need to give them that support and the tools. If kids are "spoiled" it is due to parenting and what they are seeing growing up. OP is about her, material things and her wealth. Of course, her kids are going to see that and copy that behavior. Sad

This is all so sad, especially when you have a child who WANTS to go to college and is actually taking the initiative to look into visits.

1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now...back to the topic at hand.

Let's continue to ignore paranoids who see 'trolls' everywhere they look.

Let's not give them the satisfaction of derailing this fine thread.

Says OP

Says a LOT of us. It is so boring.

THANK YOU! And it gets old.

Respectfully, I just can't figure out why you are still here if you are so bothered by people calling troll.. Just wondering.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did not pay for my college education. Granted, I did not attend an Ivy, but I went to a very good university on my own dime and paid off my student loans by the time I was 23 and bought by first condo - by myself - without the help of my parents or anyone else, shortly thereafter.

I seriously don't see what is so wrong with the OP's post and why there is so much coddling going on with parents and their kids these days.

To the PP's that made the snarky comments about old age care - think about it. Your self centered kids who have everything handed to them are REALLY not going to be the best care givers and it frightens me that when I am old and decrepit that a bunch of millenials will be in charge of me!

So! I am glad my parents threw me to the wolves and made me self-sufficient because I shudder to think that I will have to rely on any of your self-important kiddos when I am in my glory days. Hopefully I will keep my good health and not ever have to be at the mercy of a younger generation taking care of me.

+1

I don't care if OP pays or doesn't pay for college. I do think that OP is a jerk for not walking this kid through his options and helping him figure it out. OP is throwing a tantrum as much as the kid is. Parenting is hard work. OP should try it.