Son is Throwing a Ft Because we Won't pay for his College Education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Curious. Now that you make 300k, are you paying your parents back?

Do you have kids? I want my kids to do the best they can. I would be ecstatic if they were making 300k a year. I would not accept money if they tried to pay me back for college or taking care of them when they were a child.

Doctor PP again. I'm not the above poster but I agree. My parents have the exact same attitude that you have. They'd be horrified if I was like, "Hey, here's a check for all the tuition you paid." The only way I could insult them further is if I offered to pay interest.

[Anonymous]

People, OP isn't real. Its a high school kid.

[Anonymous]

People like OP should!'t have children to begin with, not mentioning three.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately OP sounds like my dad who unfortunately isn't a troll. He had EVERYTHING paid for by his parents but was too selfish to help out his own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think it is a good thing that you have a child managing a fast food joint? I don't even know where to start.

That said, why don't you at least talk to him about going to community college first and then the guaranteed admissions programs to state universities after that. If you live in VA, in particular, it is an excellent option, but MD is good too.

Please, stop telling him that he is not prepared to go to college.

I honestly do not understand why people like you have three children. Selfishly, I would love that, but I am not having three children because I cannot afford three children. I would never have three children with the plan from the outset that I would not contribute to college. I just really don't get it.

OP here:

Do I think it's a good thing? He is self sufficient and not sitting in my basement playing videogames like too many people nowadays. Do I wish he was making $100k a year? Yeah, but that's his choice.

I don't think he is ready for any college. If he wants to go to community college, he can on his own dime. At that point, he will not be my responsibility.

He has a 3.0 GPA, he IS NOT ready for further schooling.

OP, if you can't afford to cover their college costs but you otherwise support them and you would be willing to help document their financial emancipation in the SFAS form package, that's one thing. But it sounds like you could afford to do something, you choose not to, and you simply enjoy being mean to your children. That's awful. Driving your son into working a low-wage job and then criticizing him for it is simply mean-spirited. The day will come when you might wish you had a kindly word from them, and you don't seem to be inviting that now.

[Anonymous]

Troll people. Let this thread die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
.

OP here: Me and DH could have paid for all three of our kids to go to college, but that would not have been the right choice.

We are not bad parents, I think we are good parents, we hold them to higher standards then most modern parents who seem to be fine with Bs and smoking weed in the backyard ("As long as we don't see it."). We also refuse to hurt our own chances of retirement because we are financially bogged down with three twenty-somethings who are still our dependents in all but name (like so many 20-somethings are nowadays). It is getting more and more expensive to have a retirement, let alone actually do something with it. You might call us 'bad parents' for wanting to travel the world, and spend our golden years (that we worked our asses off for) in an enjoyable manner. In 20-30 years when we are dead, our kids will have their inheritance- if they want to pay for schooling with it, or buy a house, or buy a couple million ballpoint pens for all I care, they have every right.

Nowadays everyone seems to think of their kids as babies that need to be coddled. We are talking about an older teen, old enough to hold a job on the weekends, make financial decisions, and live on his own. I love all my kids dearly (and yes, I have a GREAT relationship with both older kids) and they know it. But part of that love is shown by striving to see them as adults, not some kid who needs minding.

As for all the swipes at me, that I was just out of touch with the price pf college hurt me the most. I work as a professor, and I worked my ass off to get here. I wholeheartedly believe that college is the best root, for those who can handle it. I have also seen all of your kids sitting in my class thinking that their 2.0 GPA is good enough, and talking about how they have a nice bed back at home already set up for after graduation.

And I also know from experience what kids are like who are coddled. My parents paid for my education, all the way up to my doctorate (in a useless discipline, nowadays!) and it took me a few years to ween myself off my parent's financial teat, so I could be a self-sufficient, reasonable human being.

I know a lot of people who think this way and to some degree I do as well. I come from a family who did not help with college costs but who instilled an incredible work ethic. We all knew we would be on our own after high school and we all have been. Some of us have had nicer lives than others, but some of us worked harder at investing in education and saving than others and have reaped the reward of that.

My siblings didn't/don't pay for their kids college, but my in laws did pay for their kids. But, like our parents, all of the next generation knew/knows they need to move out when they finish school and all who reached that point have gotten their own houses, which they purchased on their own.

We are somewhere in the middle. We have savings sufficient for some community college and some state school years for our kids. But, we aren't putting retirement savings on hold to pay for college and we have had significant expenses raising our kids due to special needs. We have one who, despite passing grades (not quite a 3.0), is definitely not college material and don't intend to waste our money sending him. For him, we are working with him to figure out what other options he has to get him to an independent and comfortable life. This doesn't mean we don't love our kids. For us, it's important to teach our kids to be self sufficient and not to rely on us to give them what we can't and/or what they can do themselves by working at it. There are many people in this area who believe you should pay for your kids' education, but I just don't see anything wrong with the decisions made by OP, my parents, my siblings, and others who believe it is better for their children to figure it out on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
.

OP here: Me and DH could have paid for all three of our kids to go to college, but that would not have been the right choice.

We are not bad parents, I think we are good parents, we hold them to higher standards then most modern parents who seem to be fine with Bs and smoking weed in the backyard ("As long as we don't see it."). We also refuse to hurt our own chances of retirement because we are financially bogged down with three twenty-somethings who are still our dependents in all but name (like so many 20-somethings are nowadays). It is getting more and more expensive to have a retirement, let alone actually do something with it. You might call us 'bad parents' for wanting to travel the world, and spend our golden years (that we worked our asses off for) in an enjoyable manner. In 20-30 years when we are dead, our kids will have their inheritance- if they want to pay for schooling with it, or buy a house, or buy a couple million ballpoint pens for all I care, they have every right.

Nowadays everyone seems to think of their kids as babies that need to be coddled. We are talking about an older teen, old enough to hold a job on the weekends, make financial decisions, and live on his own. I love all my kids dearly (and yes, I have a GREAT relationship with both older kids) and they know it. But part of that love is shown by striving to see them as adults, not some kid who needs minding.

As for all the swipes at me, that I was just out of touch with the price pf college hurt me the most. I work as a professor, and I worked my ass off to get here. I wholeheartedly believe that college is the best root, for those who can handle it. I have also seen all of your kids sitting in my class thinking that their 2.0 GPA is good enough, and talking about how they have a nice bed back at home already set up for after graduation.

And I also know from experience what kids are like who are coddled. My parents paid for my education, all the way up to my doctorate (in a useless discipline, nowadays!) and it took me a few years to ween myself off my parent's financial teat, so I could be a self-sufficient, reasonable human being.

I know a lot of people who think this way and to some degree I do as well. I come from a family who did not help with college costs but who instilled an incredible work ethic. We all knew we would be on our own after high school and we all have been. Some of us have had nicer lives than others, but some of us worked harder at investing in education and saving than others and have reaped the reward of that.

My siblings didn't/don't pay for their kids college, but my in laws did pay for their kids. But, like our parents, all of the next generation knew/knows they need to move out when they finish school and all who reached that point have gotten their own houses, which they purchased on their own.

We are somewhere in the middle. We have savings sufficient for some community college and some state school years for our kids. But, we aren't putting retirement savings on hold to pay for college and we have had significant expenses raising our kids due to special needs. We have one who, despite passing grades (not quite a 3.0), is definitely not college material and don't intend to waste our money sending him. For him, we are working with him to figure out what other options he has to get him to an independent and comfortable life. This doesn't mean we don't love our kids. For us, it's important to teach our kids to be self sufficient and not to rely on us to give them what we can't and/or what they can do themselves by working at it. There are many people in this area who believe you should pay for your kids' education, but I just don't see anything wrong with the decisions made by OP, my parents, my siblings, and others who believe it is better for their children to figure it out on their own.

The key difference between you and the OP is that you are willing to help your kids figure all of this out. The OP is throwing her kid under the bus of low-paying wages while she plans her retirement, which was provided due to her parents' generosity. Very big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
.

OP here: Me and DH could have paid for all three of our kids to go to college, but that would not have been the right choice.

We are not bad parents, I think we are good parents, we hold them to higher standards then most modern parents who seem to be fine with Bs and smoking weed in the backyard ("As long as we don't see it."). We also refuse to hurt our own chances of retirement because we are financially bogged down with three twenty-somethings who are still our dependents in all but name (like so many 20-somethings are nowadays). It is getting more and more expensive to have a retirement, let alone actually do something with it. You might call us 'bad parents' for wanting to travel the world, and spend our golden years (that we worked our asses off for) in an enjoyable manner. In 20-30 years when we are dead, our kids will have their inheritance- if they want to pay for schooling with it, or buy a house, or buy a couple million ballpoint pens for all I care, they have every right.

Nowadays everyone seems to think of their kids as babies that need to be coddled. We are talking about an older teen, old enough to hold a job on the weekends, make financial decisions, and live on his own. I love all my kids dearly (and yes, I have a GREAT relationship with both older kids) and they know it. But part of that love is shown by striving to see them as adults, not some kid who needs minding.

As for all the swipes at me, that I was just out of touch with the price pf college hurt me the most. I work as a professor, and I worked my ass off to get here. I wholeheartedly believe that college is the best root, for those who can handle it. I have also seen all of your kids sitting in my class thinking that their 2.0 GPA is good enough, and talking about how they have a nice bed back at home already set up for after graduation.

And I also know from experience what kids are like who are coddled. My parents paid for my education, all the way up to my doctorate (in a useless discipline, nowadays!) and it took me a few years to ween myself off my parent's financial teat, so I could be a self-sufficient, reasonable human being.

I know a lot of people who think this way and to some degree I do as well. I come from a family who did not help with college costs but who instilled an incredible work ethic. We all knew we would be on our own after high school and we all have been. Some of us have had nicer lives than others, but some of us worked harder at investing in education and saving than others and have reaped the reward of that.

My siblings didn't/don't pay for their kids college, but my in laws did pay for their kids. But, like our parents, all of the next generation knew/knows they need to move out when they finish school and all who reached that point have gotten their own houses, which they purchased on their own.

We are somewhere in the middle. We have savings sufficient for some community college and some state school years for our kids. But, we aren't putting retirement savings on hold to pay for college and we have had significant expenses raising our kids due to special needs. We have one who, despite passing grades (not quite a 3.0), is definitely not college material and don't intend to waste our money sending him. For him, we are working with him to figure out what other options he has to get him to an independent and comfortable life. This doesn't mean we don't love our kids. For us, it's important to teach our kids to be self sufficient and not to rely on us to give them what we can't and/or what they can do themselves by working at it. There are many people in this area who believe you should pay for your kids' education, but I just don't see anything wrong with the decisions made by OP, my parents, my siblings, and others who believe it is better for their children to figure it out on their own.

OP here:

If you think you can pay for part of their education, and then let them be at it, you are deluded.

Once you start, they will expect you to pay for all of it. And yeah, sure we could pay for 4 years of college today, out of pocket and savings, but what about when they are on year 8 and till have a few years to go because they are morons? I doubt anyone can afford that, and then they will whine about fairness and bullshit. I guarantee you, if you start to pay for college, you will VERY SOON be losing money for your own future.

And yes, my and DH's needs and desires are more Importent then DS'.

[Anonymous]

Needs and desires!!

Snort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
.

OP here: Me and DH could have paid for all three of our kids to go to college, but that would not have been the right choice.

We are not bad parents, I think we are good parents, we hold them to higher standards then most modern parents who seem to be fine with Bs and smoking weed in the backyard ("As long as we don't see it."). We also refuse to hurt our own chances of retirement because we are financially bogged down with three twenty-somethings who are still our dependents in all but name (like so many 20-somethings are nowadays). It is getting more and more expensive to have a retirement, let alone actually do something with it. You might call us 'bad parents' for wanting to travel the world, and spend our golden years (that we worked our asses off for) in an enjoyable manner. In 20-30 years when we are dead, our kids will have their inheritance- if they want to pay for schooling with it, or buy a house, or buy a couple million ballpoint pens for all I care, they have every right.

Nowadays everyone seems to think of their kids as babies that need to be coddled. We are talking about an older teen, old enough to hold a job on the weekends, make financial decisions, and live on his own. I love all my kids dearly (and yes, I have a GREAT relationship with both older kids) and they know it. But part of that love is shown by striving to see them as adults, not some kid who needs minding.

As for all the swipes at me, that I was just out of touch with the price pf college hurt me the most. I work as a professor, and I worked my ass off to get here. I wholeheartedly believe that college is the best root, for those who can handle it. I have also seen all of your kids sitting in my class thinking that their 2.0 GPA is good enough, and talking about how they have a nice bed back at home already set up for after graduation.

And I also know from experience what kids are like who are coddled. My parents paid for my education, all the way up to my doctorate (in a useless discipline, nowadays!) and it took me a few years to ween myself off my parent's financial teat, so I could be a self-sufficient, reasonable human being.

I know a lot of people who think this way and to some degree I do as well. I come from a family who did not help with college costs but who instilled an incredible work ethic. We all knew we would be on our own after high school and we all have been. Some of us have had nicer lives than others, but some of us worked harder at investing in education and saving than others and have reaped the reward of that.

My siblings didn't/don't pay for their kids college, but my in laws did pay for their kids. But, like our parents, all of the next generation knew/knows they need to move out when they finish school and all who reached that point have gotten their own houses, which they purchased on their own.

We are somewhere in the middle. We have savings sufficient for some community college and some state school years for our kids. But, we aren't putting retirement savings on hold to pay for college and we have had significant expenses raising our kids due to special needs. We have one who, despite passing grades (not quite a 3.0), is definitely not college material and don't intend to waste our money sending him. For him, we are working with him to figure out what other options he has to get him to an independent and comfortable life. This doesn't mean we don't love our kids. For us, it's important to teach our kids to be self sufficient and not to rely on us to give them what we can't and/or what they can do themselves by working at it. There are many people in this area who believe you should pay for your kids' education, but I just don't see anything wrong with the decisions made by OP, my parents, my siblings, and others who believe it is better for their children to figure it out on their own.

OP here:

If you think you can pay for part of their education, and then let them be at it, you are deluded.

Once you start, they will expect you to pay for all of it. And yeah, sure we could pay for 4 years of college today, out of pocket and savings, but what about when they are on year 8 and till have a few years to go because they are morons? I doubt anyone can afford that, and then they will whine about fairness and bullshit. I guarantee you, if you start to pay for college, you will VERY SOON be losing money for your own future.

And yes, my and DH's needs and desires are more Importent then DS'.

You really are a piece of shit, OP. You clearly have enormous and deep-seeded resentment of your children, your place in life and, quite possibly, everything/everyone around you. You reap what you sow…and it seems to me that if you believe your children are lazy, good-for-nothings (which is obvious from your posts) then it's because of your parenting - it's really not rocket science. You brought these kids into the world and raised them. If they aren't living up to your standards by 13, 14, 15, 16 years old then you only have yourself to blame.

My advice to you is to use the money you are saving from not paying for your children's education and get some therapy. You'll need it when you're elderly and alone, wondering where your kids are and why they aren't visiting or checking in on you. You left them to fend for themselves so they will leave you….good luck with that

[Anonymous]

You are a selfish piece of shit OP. Your kid is a junior and you're already giving up on him, and he has done absolutely nothing to deserve this treatment from you and your useless spouse. There are schools he can attend that will give him a full or partial scholarship with that gpa that you are sneering at. My son was offered a full academic scholarship a university because he had AT LEAST a 3.0, the only thing he would have needed to pay for was his room and board. He declined, but the point is, the opportunities are still out there.

But you won't even help your kid research those opportunities, and you have completely failed him just like you failed the rest of your kids. Selfish, selfish twat.

[Anonymous]

Wow, DCUM at its finest. You do realize that most parents in this country have no hope of ever being able to pay for their kids' higher education? I guess they shouldn't have had their kids. Is that the best solution you can come up with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
.

OP here: Me and DH could have paid for all three of our kids to go to college, but that would not have been the right choice.

We are not bad parents, I think we are good parents, we hold them to higher standards then most modern parents who seem to be fine with Bs and smoking weed in the backyard ("As long as we don't see it."). We also refuse to hurt our own chances of retirement because we are financially bogged down with three twenty-somethings who are still our dependents in all but name (like so many 20-somethings are nowadays). It is getting more and more expensive to have a retirement, let alone actually do something with it. You might call us 'bad parents' for wanting to travel the world, and spend our golden years (that we worked our asses off for) in an enjoyable manner. In 20-30 years when we are dead, our kids will have their inheritance- if they want to pay for schooling with it, or buy a house, or buy a couple million ballpoint pens for all I care, they have every right.

Nowadays everyone seems to think of their kids as babies that need to be coddled. We are talking about an older teen, old enough to hold a job on the weekends, make financial decisions, and live on his own. I love all my kids dearly (and yes, I have a GREAT relationship with both older kids) and they know it. But part of that love is shown by striving to see them as adults, not some kid who needs minding.

As for all the swipes at me, that I was just out of touch with the price pf college hurt me the most. I work as a professor, and I worked my ass off to get here. I wholeheartedly believe that college is the best root, for those who can handle it. I have also seen all of your kids sitting in my class thinking that their 2.0 GPA is good enough, and talking about how they have a nice bed back at home already set up for after graduation.

And I also know from experience what kids are like who are coddled. My parents paid for my education, all the way up to my doctorate (in a useless discipline, nowadays!) and it took me a few years to ween myself off my parent's financial teat, so I could be a self-sufficient, reasonable human being.

I know a lot of people who think this way and to some degree I do as well. I come from a family who did not help with college costs but who instilled an incredible work ethic. We all knew we would be on our own after high school and we all have been. Some of us have had nicer lives than others, but some of us worked harder at investing in education and saving than others and have reaped the reward of that.

My siblings didn't/don't pay for their kids college, but my in laws did pay for their kids. But, like our parents, all of the next generation knew/knows they need to move out when they finish school and all who reached that point have gotten their own houses, which they purchased on their own.

We are somewhere in the middle. We have savings sufficient for some community college and some state school years for our kids. But, we aren't putting retirement savings on hold to pay for college and we have had significant expenses raising our kids due to special needs. We have one who, despite passing grades (not quite a 3.0), is definitely not college material and don't intend to waste our money sending him. For him, we are working with him to figure out what other options he has to get him to an independent and comfortable life. This doesn't mean we don't love our kids. For us, it's important to teach our kids to be self sufficient and not to rely on us to give them what we can't and/or what they can do themselves by working at it. There are many people in this area who believe you should pay for your kids' education, but I just don't see anything wrong with the decisions made by OP, my parents, my siblings, and others who believe it is better for their children to figure it out on their own.

OP here:

If you think you can pay for part of their education, and then let them be at it, you are deluded.

Once you start, they will expect you to pay for all of it. And yeah, sure we could pay for 4 years of college today, out of pocket and savings, but what about when they are on year 8 and till have a few years to go because they are morons? I doubt anyone can afford that, and then they will whine about fairness and bullshit. I guarantee you, if you start to pay for college, you will VERY SOON be losing money for your own future.

And yes, my and DH's needs and desires are more Importent then DS'.

To be perfectly honest, you don't write like a professor. Neither your concept of higher education nor your wording is consistent with those of most professors.

[Anonymous]

OP is a troll. There are many reasons to recognize that. He or she is just trying to get a rise out of people, and is succeeding. Walk away.