Son is Throwing a Ft Because we Won't pay for his College Education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I'm curious: If you can afford to pay for college, some or all, why would you not? Like others, I don't understand why there isn't, if the funds are there, a middle ground. I made so many financial and career sacrifices for my child, who is now in college. That's my approach. Good luck with yours.

OP here: Me and DH could have paid for all three of our kids to go to college, but that would not have been the right choice.

We are not bad parents, I think we are good parents, we hold them to higher standards then most modern parents who seem to be fine with Bs and smoking weed in the backyard ("As long as we don't see it."). We also refuse to hurt our own chances of retirement because we are financially bogged down with three twenty-somethings who are still our dependents in all but name (like so many 20-somethings are nowadays). It is getting more and more expensive to have a retirement, let alone actually do something with it. You might call us 'bad parents' for wanting to travel the world, and spend our golden years (that we worked our asses off for) in an enjoyable manner. In 20-30 years when we are dead, our kids will have their inheritance- if they want to pay for schooling with it, or buy a house, or buy a couple million ballpoint pens for all I care, they have every right.

Nowadays everyone seems to think of their kids as babies that need to be coddled. We are talking about an older teen, old enough to hold a job on the weekends, make financial decisions, and live on his own. I love all my kids dearly (and yes, I have a GREAT relationship with both older kids) and they know it. But part of that love is shown by striving to see them as adults, not some kid who needs minding.

As for all the swipes at me, that I was just out of touch with the price pf college hurt me the most. I work as a professor, and I worked my ass off to get here. I wholeheartedly believe that college is the best root, for those who can handle it. I have also seen all of your kids sitting in my class thinking that their 2.0 GPA is good enough, and talking about how they have a nice bed back at home already set up for after graduation.

And I also know from experience what kids are like who are coddled. My parents paid for my education, all the way up to my doctorate (in a useless discipline, nowadays!) and it took me a few years to ween myself off my parent's financial teat, so I could be a self-sufficient, reasonable human being.

So which is it? Did you "work your asses off" or did your parents pay for your education all the way up to your doctorate? I'm all for not coddling kids, but you're basically telling us you had your education handed to you, but won't pay for your kids' education so you can travel the world.

[Anonymous]

So, now that I am convinced OP is a troll (there are more errors than we've pointed out; the logic is inconsistent; etc., etc.), I have a genuine question, one I should probably use as a 's/o'.

What motivates people to 'troll' on a question like this? What does the OP get out of it? In this instance, there was no prurience, no voyeurism, not really a situation in which other posters turned on each other: instead, there was a great deal of consternation and discussion about roles of parents, colleges, children, etc.,.

I tend to believe the best in everyone and can be naive, so a LOT of the time, when others are calling 'troll,' I'll be telling myself 'it could be real…..". I've never, in other words, understood why people troll generally, but in this instance, I'm really flummoxed: what gives?

PS OP, if you are indeed 'real' and not a troll and you are indeed a professor (and btw, please don't slam adjuncts by associating this OP with them), then please learn basic grammar, mechanics, stylistic choices, etc.,. Even if you are posting on an anonymous internet forum, your rhetorical style and choices combined with your writing skills suggest a profound challenge communicating. College students need good role models in all ways….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I'm curious: If you can afford to pay for college, some or all, why would you not? Like others, I don't understand why there isn't, if the funds are there, a middle ground. I made so many financial and career sacrifices for my child, who is now in college. That's my approach. Good luck with yours.

OP here: Me and DH could have paid for all three of our kids to go to college, but that would not have been the right choice.

We are not bad parents, I think we are good parents, we hold them to higher standards then most modern parents who seem to be fine with Bs and smoking weed in the backyard ("As long as we don't see it."). We also refuse to hurt our own chances of retirement because we are financially bogged down with three twenty-somethings who are still our dependents in all but name (like so many 20-somethings are nowadays). It is getting more and more expensive to have a retirement, let alone actually do something with it. You might call us 'bad parents' for wanting to travel the world, and spend our golden years (that we worked our asses off for) in an enjoyable manner. In 20-30 years when we are dead, our kids will have their inheritance- if they want to pay for schooling with it, or buy a house, or buy a couple million ballpoint pens for all I care, they have every right.

Nowadays everyone seems to think of their kids as babies that need to be coddled. We are talking about an older teen, old enough to hold a job on the weekends, make financial decisions, and live on his own. I love all my kids dearly (and yes, I have a GREAT relationship with both older kids) and they know it. But part of that love is shown by striving to see them as adults, not some kid who needs minding.

As for all the swipes at me, that I was just out of touch with the price pf college hurt me the most. I work as a professor, and I worked my ass off to get here. I wholeheartedly believe that college is the best root, for those who can handle it. I have also seen all of your kids sitting in my class thinking that their 2.0 GPA is good enough, and talking about how they have a nice bed back at home already set up for after graduation.

And I also know from experience what kids are like who are coddled. My parents paid for my education, all the way up to my doctorate (in a useless discipline, nowadays!) and it took me a few years to ween myself off my parent's financial teat, so I could be a self-sufficient, reasonable human being.

So which is it? Did you "work your asses off" or did your parents pay for your education all the way up to your doctorate? I'm all for not coddling kids, but you're basically telling us you had your education handed to you, but won't pay for your kids' education so you can travel the world.

Hey "Professor" while you were working your ass off on that free doctorate, I guess you didn't learn basic grammar, sentence construction or spelling.

[Anonymous]

OP - your antagonistic view of college students is clearly on display here and may be the reason why you hold your own children back. Your over simplification and generalization about students is telling about your state of mind. Are you really going to say that in the (supposed) years that you have taught that you've only met spoiled, rich kids who only go back to live at home after graduation and not get a job? There is a definite uptick in the number of kids having trouble getting a job and moving home with their parents, but it's not all students and to say so is disingenuous at best.

I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt until you said your parents bankrolled you all the way through your doctorate. What kind of person gets their own life handed to them on a platter and then doesn't offer at least a helping hand in securing funds, scholarships, etc for college?

I know people who insisted that their kids pay for college and I do believe it is a family's decision/choice. However, the people I know who did it also helped their kids understand the process of securing loans and/or scholarships. In fact, one family helped them in every way possible to have great extra-curriculars and incredible grades. It was unbelievably hard work for the whole family, but the kids both got full-ride scholarships to great schools.

In other words, these families set their kids up for success. The family worked together to help the KIDS (because that is what they are…) get to the place they needed to be.

And OP - you're hurt by these responses because they are hitting a nerve. Your posts are full of bravado and hubris, but behind them is an insecure and selfish brat who took from her own mommy and daddy yet won't help the kids she brought into this world. You're pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I'm curious: If you can afford to pay for college, some or all, why would you not? Like others, I don't understand why there isn't, if the funds are there, a middle ground. I made so many financial and career sacrifices for my child, who is now in college. That's my approach. Good luck with yours.

OP here: Me and DH could have paid for all three of our kids to go to college, but that would not have been the right choice.

We are not bad parents, I think we are good parents, we hold them to higher standards then most modern parents who seem to be fine with Bs and smoking weed in the backyard ("As long as we don't see it."). We also refuse to hurt our own chances of retirement because we are financially bogged down with three twenty-somethings who are still our dependents in all but name (like so many 20-somethings are nowadays). It is getting more and more expensive to have a retirement, let alone actually do something with it. You might call us 'bad parents' for wanting to travel the world, and spend our golden years (that we worked our asses off for) in an enjoyable manner. In 20-30 years when we are dead, our kids will have their inheritance- if they want to pay for schooling with it, or buy a house, or buy a couple million ballpoint pens for all I care, they have every right.

Nowadays everyone seems to think of their kids as babies that need to be coddled. We are talking about an older teen, old enough to hold a job on the weekends, make financial decisions, and live on his own. I love all my kids dearly (and yes, I have a GREAT relationship with both older kids) and they know it. But part of that love is shown by striving to see them as adults, not some kid who needs minding.

As for all the swipes at me, that I was just out of touch with the price pf college hurt me the most. I work as a professor, and I worked my ass off to get here. I wholeheartedly believe that college is the best root, for those who can handle it. I have also seen all of your kids sitting in my class thinking that their 2.0 GPA is good enough, and talking about how they have a nice bed back at home already set up for after graduation.

And I also know from experience what kids are like who are coddled. My parents paid for my education, all the way up to my doctorate (in a useless discipline, nowadays!) and it took me a few years to ween myself off my parent's financial teat, so I could be a self-sufficient, reasonable human being.

So which is it? Did you "work your asses off" or did your parents pay for your education all the way up to your doctorate? I'm all for not coddling kids, but you're basically telling us you had your education handed to you, but won't pay for your kids' education so you can travel the world.

+1. Some people are just takers, not givers.

[Anonymous]

To those who think OP is a troll: STOP RESPONDING!!!! Move on to what you deem is a real posts.

The 'troll spotters' are always more annoying than actual trolls. You/they sound like idiots spewing 'troll!' Whenever a situation doesn't fit into their view of reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those who think OP is a troll: STOP RESPONDING!!!! Move on to what you deem is a real posts.

The 'troll spotters' are always more annoying than actual trolls. You/they sound like idiots spewing 'troll!' Whenever a situation doesn't fit into their view of reality.

Oh, please. If it bothers you that much, then it's YOU who needs to move on. Everyone has a right to voice their opinion. Get your own DCUM then you can dictate who can post and what they can say.

You are more annoying than ANYONE who has called troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who think OP is a troll: STOP RESPONDING!!!! Move on to what you deem is a real posts.

The 'troll spotters' are always more annoying than actual trolls. You/they sound like idiots spewing 'troll!' Whenever a situation doesn't fit into their view of reality.

Oh, please. If it bothers you that much, then it's YOU who needs to move on. Everyone has a right to voice their opinion. Get your own DCUM then you can dictate who can post and what they can say.

You are more annoying than ANYONE who has called troll.

Why would the person actually responding on topic need to move on?????? Idiot!

Wouldn't it make more sense for the person who thinks it's all fake to do so??? Leave the actual discussion to those who are actually well discussing the topic. Duh!

Go find a thread you think is real. Why try to derail a post or undermine the poster? You make no sense at all!

Until you have YOUR own DCUM, maybe you should stop trying to censor and shut down threads.

[Anonymous]

Now...back to the topic at hand.

Let's continue to ignore paranoids who see 'trolls' everywhere they look.

Let's not give them the satisfaction of derailing this fine thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now...back to the topic at hand.

Let's continue to ignore paranoids who see 'trolls' everywhere they look.

Let's not give them the satisfaction of derailing this fine thread.

Says OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now...back to the topic at hand.

Let's continue to ignore paranoids who see 'trolls' everywhere they look.

Let's not give them the satisfaction of derailing this fine thread.

Says OP

Says a LOT of us. It is so boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I'm curious: If you can afford to pay for college, some or all, why would you not? Like others, I don't understand why there isn't, if the funds are there, a middle ground. I made so many financial and career sacrifices for my child, who is now in college. That's my approach. Good luck with yours.

OP here: Me and DH could have paid for all three of our kids to go to college, but that would not have been the right choice.

We are not bad parents, I think we are good parents, we hold them to higher standards then most modern parents who seem to be fine with Bs and smoking weed in the backyard ("As long as we don't see it."). We also refuse to hurt our own chances of retirement because we are financially bogged down with three twenty-somethings who are still our dependents in all but name (like so many 20-somethings are nowadays). It is getting more and more expensive to have a retirement, let alone actually do something with it. You might call us 'bad parents' for wanting to travel the world, and spend our golden years (that we worked our asses off for) in an enjoyable manner. In 20-30 years when we are dead, our kids will have their inheritance- if they want to pay for schooling with it, or buy a house, or buy a couple million ballpoint pens for all I care, they have every right.

Nowadays everyone seems to think of their kids as babies that need to be coddled. We are talking about an older teen, old enough to hold a job on the weekends, make financial decisions, and live on his own. I love all my kids dearly (and yes, I have a GREAT relationship with both older kids) and they know it. But part of that love is shown by striving to see them as adults, not some kid who needs minding.

As for all the swipes at me, that I was just out of touch with the price pf college hurt me the most. I work as a professor, and I worked my ass off to get here. I wholeheartedly believe that college is the best root, for those who can handle it. I have also seen all of your kids sitting in my class thinking that their 2.0 GPA is good enough, and talking about how they have a nice bed back at home already set up for after graduation.

And I also know from experience what kids are like who are coddled. My parents paid for my education, all the way up to my doctorate (in a useless discipline, nowadays!) and it took me a few years to ween myself off my parent's financial teat, so I could be a self-sufficient, reasonable human being.

So which is it? Did you "work your asses off" or did your parents pay for your education all the way up to your doctorate? I'm all for not coddling kids, but you're basically telling us you had your education handed to you, but won't pay for your kids' education so you can travel the world.

+1. Some people are just takers, not givers.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those who think OP is a troll: STOP RESPONDING!!!! Move on to what you deem is a real posts.

The 'troll spotters' are always more annoying than actual trolls. You/they sound like idiots spewing 'troll!' Whenever a situation doesn't fit into their view of reality.

But did you read OP's posts? A "professor" who was "out of touch with the price of college"? Too many inconsistencies.

I don't call troll when I don't agree with someone. Only when it sounds like BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now...back to the topic at hand.

Let's continue to ignore paranoids who see 'trolls' everywhere they look.

Let's not give them the satisfaction of derailing this fine thread.

LOL. So anyone who thinks you are BSing is paranoid. Okey dokey!